neurotic Iraqi wife

Oh my God, how much I missed blogging!!!!There are sooooooooooo many things I wanna talk about, but no time. Some are happy thoughts, and umm, some arent. At times HUBBY can be wonderful and at others, he can drive me nuts.

I will definitely post more after our trip to Thailand. We are leaving tonight.I have HUBBY's suitcase to pack, GRRRRRRRR. Why do men always rely on their wives to do things I have no clue....

I wanna thank all of you for your comments, and andrea, I have finally come up to breathe man was that good or what,lol....

Well, as promised HUBBY will be posting something about the situation in Iraq. From what he tells me, things arent great, but he still is adamant to stay there!!!!!!!Which just pisses me off. Sorry for the short post, but I didnt have time to post anything before, and now I have to pack for our trip. My bag is filled with shoes, shoes, and more shoes, I mean cmon one week in Thailand I sure need 2 different pairs each day, one for morning and one for evening, dont you think. Thank God HUBBY hasnt seen my bag, or else he would freak out, hehe. I guess thats it for now....Better get going

So Thailand here we come....

HUBBY is hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!I stole a few seconds, without him knowing. He is too busy talking about Iraq and the situation with my family. So I decided to come and tell everyone HUBBY is HEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....LOL

You cant believe the nervousness I was feeling when I was waiting for him at the airport, it felt like we just got married and Im seeing him for the first time. I loved the feeling. He too was nervous, whats up with that???

Oooops gotta go, HUBBY is calling me, better run. I will give you the nitty gritty later on. And make sure to bring some popcorn with you, cuz I sure will give you a detailed description, if you know what I mean,hehe......

For now, Im Floating on Cloud 9.....

Dunno really whats up with my commenting service. I tried to reply to all of you who left comments but once I click sign in,the page just seems to download forever. I have no clue why, Hmmm. Well I guess I better say it here.

Each time I read your comments or emails, I get a smile that over stretches to my ears. I have been thorugh alot for the past 3 months, and I cant believe it already passed. I cant say it passed so fast cuz for me it didnt, but I can say that many of you supported me during this time of need, which eased my pain and sorrows. The words THANK YOU, doesnt do you guys justice, but these are the only words available in the English dictionary. So really from the bottom of my heart I say it, Thank You, Thank You for accompanying me on this journey, Thank You for advising me, Thank You for cheering me up, and last but not least Thank You for being there when I needed someone to talk to. Thank You for being you....

But dont despair, for Neurotic Iraqi Wife aint goin anywhere, YET.... Though HUBBY is arriving today, we wont be leaving for Thailand until a few more days, therefore Im glad to say, That I will definitely be able to post maybe one or 2 posts before we go. And because many of you wanted to know everything from the horse's mouth, I will make sure that HUBBY would relay everything to you about Iraq and about the going on's over there.

As you know HUBBY has spent the last 6 months in Iraq with a 10 day vacation in between. But I havent heard how desperate he was to get out of there until last night. He said that he cant believe how "Free" he feels now. And was wandering how can prisoners withstand such long terms in prison without going loony. For him, the Green Zone was a prison. They werent allowed to go anywhere nor do anything, except ofcourse going to meetings outside Baghdad and that only happened 3 or 4 times during his whole stay. He said finally he can have hot showers whenever he likes to, can sleep like human beings on a proper bed, can wander around streets without having to wear a protective helmet and vest. Cant believe that finally his ears are mortar sound free. Can have his own privacy and last but not least can eat some yummy Arabic food. Lol....Poor thing.

As for me, I'm ready for him now, everything is going as planned. Did my nails finally and surprisingly enough, they dont look too bad. I opted for the "red" just the way he likes it but addded some special effects as you see in the picture. Oh and I forgot to mention that my face is having a party, yeeeeeha. And what a party it is. Mr ZIT decided to pay a visit and sat right there on the chin, how lovely to see him. He hasnt visited me for such a long time, but hey I guess the excitment of HUBBY coming over was too much for him to miss. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Then comes the 2 spinsters, miss Right eye bag, and miss left eye bag. Well helloooooo there, arent you a fine bunch, are you here to find husbands or what???But let me tell you, what perfect timing.......UGHHHHHHHH.

On a much happier note, I received this email from a friend of mine, enjoy and dont forget to smile cuz at last I have a huge naughty grin on my face welcoming all visitors today. For Today is Party Timeeeeeeeeeee........


1.Men are like .......Laxatives ...... They irritate the shit out of you.
2.Men are like ........ Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3.Men are like ........ Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them..
4.Men are like ........ Blenders ..... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5.Men are like ....... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, &they usually head right for your hips.
6.Men are like ...... Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.
7.Men are like ........ Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8.Men are like ........ Government Bonds ..... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9.Men are like ....... Mascara ...... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10.Men are like ....... Popcorn . ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11.Men are like . ... Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming,how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12.Men are like ........ Lava Lamps ..... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13.Men are like ........ Parking Spots ....... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

PS: Isnt it just so true, God, MEN......

Red with a bit of spice...Hope HUBBY likes it 

Darn Im so disappointed. I called HUBBY and he said that he cant make it tomorrow. I was so pissed of, my excitement just went down the drains. I know theres only 2 more days, but he's in Kuwait, when he could be here, WITH MEEEEEEEE.... GRRRRRRR. I swear men are so thoughtless sometimes. When I asked him why couldnt he make it, he answered me in his usual way "I just cant". Talk about selfishness. Talk about horrible, cold, callous, unemotional, heartless $^%&^&**&&*&. I cant describe my anger and my sadness. Im soooooo UGHHHHHHHHH, I can kill someone!!!!

Oh well, if you fell for that then all I can say is GOTCHA. Hehe. HUBBY IS, HUBBY IS, HUBBY IS COMING TOMORROWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!Did you guys hear that or shall I shout LOUDER???? HUBBY IS COMING TOMORROWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! Im sure now you heard it wherever you are!!!!

Im so happy, no Im delirious, no, Im exstatic, no no no Im over the moooooooooooooooon!!!! Finally, finally in less than 24 hours, my eyes are gonna pop out, my eyes are gonna see HUBBY. THUD THUD THUD THUD, can you hear my heart??? Can you hear the thudding, its excited as well, and overjoyed. Im typing this and Im in disbelief. So the groomin had to go underway FAST.....

Therefore I had to go and do waxing, and MY GOD, was that painful or what. I had taken 2 painkillers before I went, even the darn pills didnt work. You know when you wanna scream but have to keep it inside, well I tried that at first, but my pain was so excruciating that I screamed my head off. Thank God the place was empty. Or else they would have thought I was being tortured. Infact it was torture, ouch... And where did the damn ingrown hairs come from I have no idea. It took the lady 1 bloody hour to do everything. Well not everything really, cuz, as she got to the ahem, bikini area, I let out a screech that probably deafened the poor woman's ear drums. I couldnt take anymore, and told her to stop halfway. So HUBBY is gonna see a new design, one done and another undone, hehe. Serves him right for leaving me!!!!Then I went and did my hair, and voila I look like a new bride again. Everything is in place, except for the Umm, no silly, not that, tsk tsk tsk, I meant the nail varnish. Will do that tomorrow...

I have to confess that I had a brilliant day. Cuz Guess what also, they found my money!!!!!!!!Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. And me being me, I started crying from the shock. The man said your money is good (halal). Thats why God returned it to you. I couldnt talk for 5 minutes. Even the "Thank you" came out jibberish mixed with sobs and disbelief. Till now my eyes tear when I remember that moment, the moment the man handed me the envelope and told me its good money. People began to stare but who cares. God loves me, and for me it was the most powerful message that I have received from my God. I thanked him a hundred times, thanked him for showing me a sign, a sign that I almost lost hope in getting..... Again my joy wasnt about the money, no, cuz I had lost hope, its about realising the power of a miracle, and for me this is a miracle. It was 10 days since I lost it, the place was swarming with people. I had called the next day and the man said there was no such thing found. So for me this is a miracle, a miracle from God.....And here I am with you counting the last 24 hours......YAYYYYYYYY

This is it, THE FINAL COUNTDOWN........

Hmm, quite many things happened today and its only the morning. I was woken up at 730 am by an incoming call. I looked at the number display and it was a Thuraya phone. A Thuraya phone???HUBBY doesnt have one, shit. My heart sank, I immediately thought something happened to HUBBY. I answered it and there was a strange voice, asking to talk to some weird name. Umm sorry there's no one by that name, who are you? Then he said oh sorry wrong number. Shit that guy nearly gave me a heart attack.Geez.

Then a while later I called HUBBY to see how he is, apparantely he was in the airport, safe and sound, and is on his way to Kuwait. Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I was pissed off that he never called me to tell me that he made it to the airport, cuz the plan was for him to leave tomorrow, but Im relieved that he made it safely along the "road of death". I suggested to him if he wanna come here tomorrow instead of Thursday, why waste a day when he can be here with me. He said he will see if he can do that, I aint sure if he will be able to , but hey you never know....OMG, ITS WAXING TIMEEEEEEEEE....Shit shit shit, how about my hair????OMG and my nails, OMG need to go and buy that darn "red" nail varnish.....OH MY DEAR GOD....

Then I get another call from that busy travel agent where I think I lost my 2000 dirhams in. The guy asked me if I had found my money. I said no I havent. He asked me if I can remember the denomination of the notes. Hmm, Im the type of person who would just pull out the cash and put it immediately in my wallet. So Im afraid I have no clue what denomination it was. But I did keep the receipt as a memory, I always do that, keep receipts that signify something. He then asked me to write a letter stating the time and date that I have lost my money and to bring a passport copy. I sat there shocked, could they have found it???? No Freakin Way....I asked if they did, he said they found part of it, and didnt give me any more information. Hmmm, it doesnt feel right, I mean what if some other poor guy lost his money there too. I dont think I will take it back, I just wouldnt feel comfortable. Besides I have long forgotten about it, so it wont really make a difference, or would it now. What would you guys do???. But its pretty impressive that the agent remembered me and gave me a call, how sweet of him.

I guess I will give you an update later in the evening about whether HUBBY will be here tomorrow or not. I also will include the probably agonising trip to the waxing lady and ofcourse the update of whether my money was found.....Many Things To Do and So Little Time.....



PS: Gotto run, sorry I didnt get a chance to reply to the comments on my previous post, but will do it later on.Promise. I just wanna thank all of you for your lovely sentiments, I know that you too are waiting for my HUBBY...

Five years ago, I had to go and see a psyciatrist. I had to go and see him cuz I was worried about a certain individual's behaviour and wanted to know if he would ever be cured. That certain individual, lets call him D, D for the DEVIL, cuz he sure was one. D was Iraqi with a pretty bad temper.

D seemed charming to everyone, but when caught in a BAD mood, D would batter you up, literally. I suffered pretty badly from D's abuse. For some time I had suffered both mentally and physically. D was pretty clever not to kick with his caterpillar boots in obvious places, instead D would kick you in the thigh, on your back, on the back of your head, in your stomach. One kick wasnt enough, oh no, there were many kicks in one burst of anger. And believe me those bursts werent sporadic. Then the kickin was upgraded to banging. Yup banging your head on the tiles of the floor, banging your head on the walls, banging your head against the radiator, and if you are lucky enough, the banging will be accompanied by glass throwing on your face. Yup that was D, DEVIL D.

So there I was in the middle of a dull room facing the Dr. I had seen many movies where the patient lies down, and talks about their memories and childhood dreams, but I was there not as a patient, I was there on a mission, on a mission to find out why was D like this, and how can D change. It took only 5 minutes for the Dr to tell me the inevitable, that D will never change, cuz simply "a leopard never changes his spots". Hmm pretty reassuring isnt it... I sat there stunned. But why cant D change. how can I help him change??? The Dr simply replied sorry, you cant, no one can. Then with a twist of events the Dr managed to make me, ME, talk about myself. Dunno how he managed to do that, but he's a psyciatrist after all.

I began telling him about me, there I was sitting on a chair, talking to a stranger, telling him everything about myself, my fears, my dreams, my nightmares, and most importantly my hatred of life. I started to cry, when I told him how at times I hated Life, and wanted to just die. Hmm, pretty sad I know.I was ofcourse diagnosed with manic depression. As he took out a piece of paper to write down a prescription for me, I stopped him, and told him"No, I dont want pills, pills wont solve my problems, I need help, please HELP ME".

He looked at me with eyes filled with sadness, bowed his head and said" Sorry dearest, there's nothing I can do or anyone can do, its all in YOUR hands, the key to your happiness is found only with YOU". I cried even more, and sat there like an idiot, not knowing what my next step would be. He asked me if he can relay this session to my father, since my father was pretty worried about me. I immediately refused and said,please dont, you are a Dr and bound by ethics, whatever that has been said here will remain between us and those 4 walls. He nodded and waved me goodbye.

I left the clinic feeling worse than I had entered it. D was incurable, and I was a manic depressive. That was 5 years ago. It took a huge big blow to find the KEY of my soul again. It took quite some kickin, bangin, and glass throwin' for me to choose to save myself and leave D behind. Good riddance to the DEVIL, hope he suffers as much as he made everyone else suffer. That was D, exit D and enter HUBBY. The sweetest guy on this earth. HUBBY my angel. HUBBY who made me realise that I still am able to give love. HUBBY who made me rediscover the feelings of happiness and affection.

You see, when I talk about my insecurities, theres a good reason for that. The reason being, is the fear of losing that KEY. The KEY to my soul, to my spirit. HUBBY has the KEY now, and thats why, I want him, no, I NEED him to use this KEY with great care and affection. With great love and understanding. I want him to know that this KEY is pretty fragile, and needs to be taken care of.

That is why Im so in love and so attached to HUBBY, cuz HUBBY, not always, but most of the time, knows how to use the KEY, how to make me soar up in the sky, and never look back. He knows how to hold the KEY correctly and open the windows to my soul. And ofcourse there are times when he uses the KEY so indifferently, and keeps turning it around but not able to open those darn windows, why???Cuz he aint holding the KEY with care and kindness, he aint holding the KEY to my soul with love and affection.

Yet again, I am writing about things, I probably shouldnt, please excuse me, and I do apologize, but today for some reason I need the KEY so badly, and cant find it. I sure am hoping that in 3 days I will, I will find the KEY....The KEY To My Soul.....

After reaching saturation point from watching news and getting miserable, I decided to take a trip down blog land. And OMG, I found myself forgetting everything around me, and became so indulged in what I was reading. Its amazing the stories out there, mainly the marriage ones. One of them got me laughing so much, its about this married guy who started the blog to vent out from his controlling wife. OMG,loooooooooooool, Im still laughing at the things he had said, cuz youve guessed it, the wife somehow reminded me of MYSELF!!!

I cant say Im a controlling person, but I do like to have HUBBY's attention. Yes that I admit to, I like it if he would call me out of the blue just to tell me I love you, or I miss you, or I cant wait to be with you. And its funny cuz the guy who is writing the blog is complaining how nerve wrecking it is to keep up with his attention seeking wife,LOL. Poor thing, is that how men feel when we whine about not being loved enough??? The blogs I read today took me to places that I really wanted to go.

What I mean by places, is experiences of other people, married people, talking about their relationships, their everyday fears, their everyday chores, basically their everyday LIFE. Something that I truely miss doing. Something that I look forward to and hope will be sometime very soon. To settle down, have a home, have a HUBBY that exists in person and who LIVES with me, not a HUBBY who is thousands of miles away, that has no plan for the future. No, that wont do it for me anymore. I have been living like this for the past 6 months, for many of you, this might be nothing, a very insignificant period, compared to the many women whose husbands are deployed and have been away for a year or so.

But dont forget Im newly married, not that I feel new anymore, infact I feel so old and grumpy, but the blogs I have been reading opened to me many issues that I used to question. Issues that if I do mention I will get comments like "OMG, you are a muslim you shouldnt be talking about this" or "OMG, you are an Arab how can you discuss these things". I absolutely hate to be confined especially when it comes down to my feelings. I dont wanna offend anyone, but there are many subjects that are superficially accounted as TABBOO when in reality they are being done hush hush in the most strict Arabic countries. SO lets not pretend that Arabs dont have sex, lets not pretend that some Arabs ARENT gay, lets not pretend that some Arabs, dont have affairs.

There was one subject that kept triggering at the back of my mind. Its an issue that I keep having with HUBBY, and at times it drives me nuts. HAVING AN AFFAIR. HUBBY being so far away, whats stopping him from having an affair??? Who is watching him, who would know??? Even when we were courting, since he was again so far away from me, I used to argue day in day out, on how would I know if he wasnt seeing anyone.... And Im saying the word I WOULD argue not we cuz simply HUBBY doesnt argue. At first I thought this was odd, I always presumed that men would argue back, but infact I came to realise that most men dont(naturally after reading some blogs), halleluja, Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy, HUBBY is normal.

So the isssue of HUBBY having an affair arises from, me becoming uncertain about how he feels towards me. Many men have affairs even though they still love their wives. I guess they do it cuz probably the relationship lacked some spice or excitement, or even because they wanted to challenge their egos, and see if they still are in the "market". As for me, these thoughts come into mind when I sit down with myself and think, think about "how come he doesnt plan for our future". "How come he doesnt give me a date by which he will be done with his mission in Iraq"." How come, he doesnt tell me that he is so much looking forward to starting a family". All these questions in my head trigger the negative thoughts. Then ofcourse being neurotic as I am, I tend to imagine what would it be like had HUBBY been involved with another woman.

How would I feel???How would I react??? Where would it leave me??? And I have answered all these questions. How would I feel???Hmm, lets see, I would feel cheated, I would feel demeaned, I would feel enraged, hurt, in pain. How would I react, Oh god, I would probably blow the roof. I had done it once before when I found out about the email he never mentioned to me(I posted about that long time ago). Imagine how one email account triggered such a bad reaction of me willing to let go of our marriage, then how about an affair, a real one. Yes I definitely would pack and go and would never look back.

Simply, because I know, and Im saying this not out of conceit, but I know that he would have lost the best wife he could have had. You know how people say that you have to love yourself before being able to love someone, well I never ever loved myself more than anyone, but I did save myself a couple of times in fear of losing it forever because of other individuals. And it took me quite sometime, to be where Im at now, to be comfortable with being me, to be comfortable with being around people, and most importantly to be comfortable getting married. I aint gonna go into that, cuz that was the past that I have buried, though I learnt so much from it, its been long burried and forgotten about.

When I confronted HUBBY about my fear he kept insisting he would never do such a thing, his main justification was he didnt need to. But thats not much of a satisfactory answer, for me that is. I needed more. Maybe I needed more reassurance, more loving words, more ATTENTION. We had agreed though right from the start to be honest with each other and to confide in each other. That is why I say distance is a killer, cuz there are times when I wanna tell him something and try to call but cant get through, and I end up feeling empty. But he swore to me, he never did see anyone while we were courting and while he is in Iraq. So relieved I am...

Ive blabbed so much, I know, I dunno why but I feel much more comfortable after writing the above. I know I probably didnt make sense but Wowww, I feel better. I did speak to HUBBY today, he is fine, looking forward to coming here. Four more days. But now the most horrible part is his trip to the airport from the Green Zone. The road that leads to the airport is nicknamed the "road of death" and its pretty scary to think that HUBBY would be travelling on it. I will keep being worried until he finally reaches here. God, I hope that by some miracle things will calm down in a couple of days, I really do.

Thats it for now, better go and hit the sack for Tomorrow is Another Day......

Where Im at, tomorrow is Eid. In Iraq its on Sunday. Supposedly Eid is the happiest time for Muslims, I wander, is it happy times for Iraqis??? Its usually a time of celebrations, a time of get togethers, a time of joy for young children. Where they wait anxiously to receive their Eid money(Eidiya) and to wear their new clothes.

No one I know is celebrating, no one I know is in the mood. No one I know is joyous at the moment. We had all hoped that things will get better, we had all prayed that the situation will improve. Call me cynical, but has it improved??? I wanna confess, that I AM SO GLAD, that finally action has been taken against the "Jihad" fighters. But at the same time, I feel damn guilty thinking so, cuz many many innocent people are getting caught in the cross fire. Its not their fault that they are there, its one of those things, being there in the wrong place at the wrong time.

And how about the fight in Mosul. I just wanna know, where the hell have these animals come from????WHO the hell are they????? Fucking hell, all they want is to destroy Iraq and Iraqis. LEAVE US ALONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I know that many of them are Saddam loyalists, those idiots they think they can bring him back. They call themselves resistance, what resistance is this that kills their own people, that destroys the land between the 2 rivers???What honourable resistence is this???ha?? Tell me??? You call this "jihad"??? Jihad is to go on killing innocent people???Jihad asks you to bomb police stations and slaughter them????Jihad tells you to kidnap children??? What book are you reading???Cuz surely it aint the same Quran that I have read. And how about those that call themselves Imams and are encouraging these killings, tell me, what book are YOU reading???

Im so pissed off at the moment, bad news everywhere, forget the media, Im talking about the blogs, Najma's sister's father in law was shot and has passed away. Liminal's cousin has been kidnapped, so on and so forth. You want me to be happy cuz Eid is tomorrow??? Dont think so. But I will do this, and thats all I have at the moment. I will pray, and I ask you to pray, to pray that this is the last Eid that Iraqis, will spend in misery, this is the last Eid that Iraqis will fear for their lives, this is the last Eid that those assoles that call themselves bloody "resistance" will be alive and roaming freely in the streets of Iraq, pulling their triggers at the innocent people.

May God show mercy on every innocent soul and protect them, and shower his wrath on all the criminals that are out there. This is the only thing I can do at the moment. And also, may God protect HUBBY until he comes to me......

This is The Last Eid, that I will be miserable like this........

I just read today's post from A Star from Mosul and got real depressed. Please everyone, visit her and pray for her and for everyone who is in Iraq right now. I have no words at the moment, for the turmoil within me is great.

Had to go and get new lenses since even the bloody mirage is looking blurry and misty. I only discovered the other day that my lenses have expired and went beyond being wearable. I wore them a few days ago on my way to the travel agent, and was about to have a major accident, with a stupid guy who wouldnt give me way. And the assole was doing it on purpose. He kept slowing down and I had to squint my eyes real hard inorder to look at the side mirrors to see if there were any incoming cars from the other side. As I took a swerve to overtake him, the idiot took a swerve as well to frighten me, but heyyyyyyy, no one can frighten Mrs neurotic here, I beeeeeeeped and beeeeeped and flashed the hell out of him. Until I blinded him. Hehe, dont mess with me MR....

I also went and did some therapeutic shoe shopping. Thats the only thing that can get me out of yesterday's misery. Then as I was looking for a couple of sexy tops, I had butterflies in my tummy, its as if Im getting ready for my wedding day. Its really weird, dunno how to describe it. Feelings of anticipation, excitement, amazement, what more can I add, umm, lets see, oh and disbelief, that next week like this time HUBBY is gonna be here. Wowwww, after all these weeks and months of sheer depression, Im finally moving towards elation point.

Everything on my to do list is ticked except for the grooming part. And believe me theres lots of that that needs to be done. God, I think I need 2 whole days to look spick and span. The waxing lady will probably faint the minute she'd set eyes on my legs. Sorry for being so graphic, but I havent gotten around doing anything for the past 2 months. And besides, I dont get to wear skirts, since Im a jeans person. Therefore I tend to ignore the waxing for some time, and plan it once I get to see HUBBY.

Oh God imagine if HUBBY would come today and surprise me, he wouldnt just have a nightmare at my sight but I thinking he would run for his life, hehe...So I decided to do all the waxin plucking, cleanin a day before he arrives. I havent looked yet tho for that "red" nail varnish that he keeps telling me to put. Ewwww, I absolutely hate that colour, but hey gotta do what HUBBY likes just for now, but then once we settle down, he'll have to be satisfied with what Ive got.

I have also bought a travel book(lonely planet) about Thailand and will need to do loads of reading, not that I havent reached saturation point reading, cuz I've done my research over the net, and if I visit anymore websites I will definitely puke.

ONE MORE WEEK EVERYONE, one more week, and Im gonna be over the moon. Its been tough, real tough, from the time I started this blog till this day. I went through fountains of tears, nervous breakdowns, nightmares, funny days, miserable ones, real lonely times, and now sheer excitement. I will try to convince HUBBY to stay here for good, but I doubt I will succeed, although apparantely he has told my brother that right now, living in Iraq is a nightmare. Why would anyone who has the chance to leave doesnt take it, I seriously dunno. I think he got the "neurosis" bug, cuz it certainly is contagious....

I know for certain that its not the money, cuz as an American expat with the amount of experience HUBBY has, he can get such a good deal over here. The money he is getting paid in Iraq isnt much more than what he used to make in the States. Its not the double or triple that everyone thinks. I also know that if my brother or father would talk to him and put some sense into his head that he can be more useful when things get better, he would listen. Or Im hoping that he would listen. Lets see what happens, Allah Kareem.

So here I am, writing this and my heart is pounding big time. I think this coming week is gonna be a tough one on me, a real real tough one. I dont wanna think negative anymore. I havent even watched the news today, didnt wanna depress myself. Though I did take a teeny weeny peek at the yahoo news, and found out that Arafat had died, the fallouja operation is still ongoing and that they have found slaughter houses, and that a huge explosion took place in downtown Baghdad. Wowww, many developements, but for once, I decided to forget about all the negative things, and think about myself. Just for once, for today.

Just for today, Im gonna be like cindrella, Ill wear my new glass shoes, and dream of my knight in his shining armour riding his immaculate black Arabian horse, on his way to being with me... So cmon my dearest Knight dont waste anymore time, the clock has clicked 12 and your Cindrella has lost her glass shoes, hurry up, for here I am waiting to ride with you into the beautiful sunset, The Sunset of Tomorrow.....

HUBBY called me to tell me about the abduction of 3 members of PM Allawi's family. I cant believe it. I think the situation is gonna get worse than it is already. Im sorry, but I have lost all hope, yes I have. Even HUBBY who always had a chirpy tone in his voice, for the last couple of days that tone has lost its lustre.

I had asked him whats wrong, he just said Im depressed. He wouldnt add anything to that, and I know exactly why. HUBBY has lost the hope he had, HUBBY's light beyond the tunnel has dimmed and now it appears to be barely there. The green fields, with rays of sunshine, has turned into a field full of weeds and thorns, dark thundery clouds hovering in the blackest of black skies. He doesnt wanna admit it to me cuz he fears the words "I TOLD YOU SO". But I aint that mean, I wont add to his misery, infact I wish of all days he was here with me today, so I can tap on his shoulder and tell him dont worry, all will be ok. But I cant, for physically he aint here, and mentally these words are difficult to utter, for I myself dont believe in them.

Im sorry Im feeling down, I just cant help it. I try to cheer myself up and say that in 8 days I will be in HUBBY's arms but I cant hear HUBBY's somber voice and feel good, it aint in me. Im sorry HUBBY, I really am, I wish I can do something just anything to make you smile, but I sit here helpless, hands cuffed behind my back. I cant lie and I cant pretend that all is ok. Even the vacation that Im so looking forward to looks kinda lame now.

Shit I hate to be in this mood, I hope, and thats what I have been doing ever since God knows when that things will get better. But these hopes are turning into a misty mirage flying over the desert dunes. I find myself swaying from side to side, just like someone who has lost their balance becuz of excess alcohol, and my throat is croaking from thirst. My feet keep getting engrazed in the deep dunes, and sand is blowing unto my face into my eyes, until everything infront of me is blurry. My mouth is dry, and my hazy sight is looking for an oasis to quench this thirst. Im squinting "hoping" to find my oasis, and then all of a sudden, I see it. I run as fast as I can, not caring for all the sand, I run and run, and as I kneel down, to touch the clear shiny waters, I discover that its only that dreaded mirage dug deep in the sand dunes....

For this is how Im seeing the future now, A Misty Mirage Dug Deep in The Sand Dunes.....


PS:I want to also draw your attention to a new interesting blog. I have received this email regarding the blog:

As you may know, the media can be very biased in the US. Because of this, I've created a website called Words From Iraq. It's a website that features web logs from Iraq so that Americans and other people from around the world can hear what the people of Iraq
have to say directly, without interference from the news media. It's available at:
Silence is defeat but soon it will be available at: Words from Iraq

I think its a brilliant idea so please do visit the site.

I forgot to mention in yesterday's post about a new Thai regulation that has been installed. As I collected the tickets I asked the lady if we needed visas. She had asked me earlier where I was from, and I had told her Iraq. So when the visa issue was raised, she looked at me as if I had just told her someone died. She said Oh God, Im not sure if you guys can go to Thailand after all. I thought to myself, no, please God no, dont let this happen. I asked why with my voice barely heard. She said cuz you are Iraqis. I said yes we are but we hold different passports. Im a British citizen, and my HUBBY is an American one. Then relief washed over her, and she said Thank God for that, then there's nothing to worry about.

Although I too was relieved but I was curious to know if we were holding Iraqi passports why cant we go. She said that apparantely 4 months ago a law was passed in Thailand from banning Iraqis entering their territory. I was shocked. But why? I asked her. She replied cuz they are afraid from terrorists. OMG, OMG, We terrorists??? I couldnt believe my ears. After 35 years of being under the most sinister regime, during which many countries refused visiting visas for normal Iraqis, till now, we are seen as unwanted. We are seen as terrorists. Its a shame really.

I just remembered an incident that happened with me late August. On my way from London to here on the plane, this Kuwaiti man was seated next to me. Im the type of person that hates chatting on planes, I usually take a novel with me and listen to the inflight music. So there I was after placing the blanket on my knees, and have just started reading my novel, the man starts talking to me. I said to myself, Oh noooo, God, I aint in the mood. He kept talking about planes, and that the fuel they use is kerosene, and he went on talking about how airline companies rent the tyres and that its different from cars, they are not purchased etc etc etc...I just sat there like an idiot nodding my head thank god I didnt get a muscle spasm... As if I really give a damn about tyres. I started praying to God to make this Guy get diarreah after eating his curry and would end up most of the time in the bathroom. But I knew I aint that lucky....

I placed the headphones in my ears hoping that he will get the message, did he???No freakin way. He went on and on and on. I just sat there staring at my novel cursing the guy at the counter who seated this weirdo next to me. As I pretended to read, he said" Why are younger people so interetsed in reading western books and dont read for example arabic newspapers to educate themselves?" And he handed me the bloody newspaper, the nerve of him. So this time I couldnt shut up, I said we Iraqis never stop reading news or politics its part of our everyday life. The minute I mentioned the words WE IRAQIS, his face turned into a mushrom and he said"You are Iraqi??? I thought you were Lebanese???"(lebanese???the idiot couldnt tell the difference between Lebanese dialect and the Iraqi one???) Umm, no Sir Im a 100% Iraqi. "Oh but you dont look Iraqi, you look Lebanese". Hmm now I dont know how Iraqis should "LOOK" like, but I always get such remarks.....

He immdeiately turned his head towards the window and tha,t my friends was the last I heard from him for the rest of the journey, phew. LOL. I relayed the story to HUBBY after I arrived, and told him that I found a cure for stopping people from chatting me up, Just say the magic word IRAQI.....Its sad I know, but I guess he was from Kuwait, and in MY OWN OPINION(please dont take it personally), Kuwaities never liked us and never will. They say they do, but truth should be told, they blame us for what Saddam did, they always will. And the biggest proof, is them asking for the Gulf war debt, of which SADDAM the assole is responsible, not the ordinary Iraqis.

As for them opening the borders to give lee way to the coalition forces, they didnt do it for us, they did it for their own good. There's another incident that took place early in the year, sometime in March. I had to accompany my sister to Egypt, she carries an Iraqi passport. As we arrived at the airport, it was filled with people, waiting in long queues. My sister took both our passports to a side office, an hour and a half later we were able to leave the darn airport. When I asked her why it took so long, she said why else???Cuz we are Iraqis darling. I said but I have a British passport. She said apparantely, the guy did stamp our passports in 5 minutes, but another officer came and told him to wait and not give the passports yet cuz "they are originally Iraqis"

That is why, I dont believe in a single Arab or Non arab government that says we love the Iraqi people and we will do our best to support them. If these words carried an ounce of truth, they would atleast simplify things for Iraqis, and not complicate them. I mean in Saddam times people suffered from getting interrogated by airport officials, and now things just became better and Iraqis are being branded as terrorists, Wowww arent we just the most loved nation in this wide world....

How many more countries will ban Iraqis from entering, Umm, I have no idea, but I have gotten hold of an ABACUS and have started my new mission.....So dear ABACUS, Let the Countin' Begin....

What a bummer, I wrote a whole post and it couldnt get published and now its down the drains. Anyways I will try and rewrite it, but I aint as excited as I was at first.

I finally got our vacation tickets as you can see. I got the bungalow, the panoramic view, the honeymoon treatment, the whole shebang. I hope that it will all go smoothly by the time we reach there, for I have many surprises and entertainment programs for HUBBY....Oh and I finally managed to buy the vouchers for my brother, yippeee.

I also went to the bank today, since I cant keep on withdrawing cash everytime I wanna get something. I went there and asked for a debit card, they told me that they dont deal with debit cards. I said fine I want a credit card then. The lady asked me which company? I said no company this is my personal account, she said ok where do you work?Hmm, I said I dont. She shook her head and said, sorry then madam we cant help you, we only give credit cards to employed people. I told her but I have a steady monthly income, wheres the problem in that???She smiled and said sorry ma'am this is bank policy.

I argued and argued until I felt disgusted with myself, and told her fine, how about if I lie to you and get a letter from a company saying I work there???She smiled and said, well you need to show us a labour card. God, I was gonna explode. As I was about to get up from the uncomfy chair, she looked at me sympathisingly since I actually did look in an unenviable state, and whispered, theres another bank that issues debit cards and that can be of better help to you, check it out. I felt bad for getting angry at her, but its like everything I wanna do is No this and no that, and policy this and policy that. I told her Im sorry for being so upset and I explained to her about the lost money. Then I said instead of going backwards in this life we should always strive to move forwards, she mimed to me I know....

But that was in the morning, and by the time I got my vacation tickets, I had some of the misery disappear. Then I bumped into my bestfriend at the mall. She was with her 2 yr old daughter. As we were looking around in one of the shops, the daughter started throwing up big time. The poor baby. My BF, took out some baby wipes, wiped the floor, wiped her daughter then carried her, all done in such utter calm. I stood there in shock. Wowww, if that was me, I probably would have paniced and didnt know what to do. Almost all my friends have children, And I just admire their strength, their patience and their perseverence. I too wanna be a mom, but would I be a good mom???Thats the question, and thats scary. Will I be able to look after them without panicing???without wailing if they sneeze or cough???Will I be able to handle it???Just the thought sends shivers down my spine...Im scared and IT IS SCARY....

I mean I look at my friends, and Im mind boggled. Where did they learn all this from??? How are they able to keep their calm???I guess you learn how to deal with situations once you face them. My friends tell me, that having kids, changed their lives completely. Sure it did, cuz priorities change. Once you have children, then you strive to do everything for their own benefit and forget your own wants needs cuz at the end of the day its your children that are important. My friends do go out, they do take care of themselves but ofcourse not as often as before, its more now, where do we take the kids???which mall has a play area, etc... not where shall we have coffee? will it be starbucks, or Mug and bean....

I also salute every women who has kids, and is living away from her husband, either because they are in a war zone, or are in distant places. I felt the strength of many of them, it must be real difficult, and very very lonely at times. But I admire the strength and perseverence that they have.

In the Quran there's a verse that says, Paradise is under Mothers' Feet, and thats so true. Mothers suffer inorder to make their kids happy. I really do appreciate the love, the time and effort that my own mother has put into us. At first when I got married I was so adamant to have kids straight away, but HUBBY said that I should stopping stressing myself out, cuz that will only reflect negatively. Thats why I m taking things as they come, but I too one day would like to have This Paradise Under My feet.....

Our Long awaited THAILAND VACATION TICKETS, yaaaaaaaaaaaaay 

Wow, a state of emergency has been declared in Iraq for 60 days, except for Kurdistan. Thank God for that, about time the government takes a firm stance, I hope it will last, and they wont change their minds, in a few days.

If anyone knows what does a state of emergency entitles exactly, I will appreciate it if you can explain it to me.

I will be writing something later, about my OWN state of emergency....

I had one of those miserable days today. It actually started out all nice and smooth. The cheques HUBBY gave me were finally available in my account. So I went out to the ATM machine and withdrew around 540 dollars(2000 dirhams) so I can buy my brother's voucher, plus other stuff that I need for my vacation. The bank hasnt issued me with debit card so everytime I need something I have to withdraw cash. My sister had told me about a shop in one of the malls that actually gives vouchers for sunglasses, I was relieved that I finally will end up buying my bro's present.

After the ATM machine, I drove to an airlines office, where I can send a PTA for HUBBY for his journey coming here. OMG, the place was swarming with people. There was no place for me to put my feet in. People pushing and shouting, I felt myself as if I was in the middle of a trading ground, just like the NYSE. I was the only lady, everyone else were men, shouting at the agents for tickets, or trying to change their bookings, cuz I guess there are 2 weeks vacation and everyone wants to leave. After waiting in line(and thank god there was one), the man tells me I have been standing in the wrong queue. Say what???Wrong queue??? I have been standing there for the past 30 mins. The poor thing felt bad and made one of the agents help me out. I made my younger sister wait in the car, since the parking lot were cramped with double parking and what have you.....

After another 30 mins, the man tells me I have to come tomorrow, since the internet fare and the fare he has dont match. Shit man, cant do anything in one day here. I could have easily done it on the net, but because its a PTA, I had to do it through the main office. So there I was pushing my way out the door, drove my car again and headed to the other travel agent thats dealing with our Thailand vacation. Now before I continue, the reason why, I want this vacation to be perfect is because its infact our honeymoon. We never got to have a proper one, the 2 days we spent in Dubai, can barely called a honeymoon, therefore I want our vacation in Thailand to be perfect. With the perfect hotels, and the perfect scenery.

As I go in the travel agent, everyone says hello to me, and Im probably sure that they're thinking to themselves"Oh god not her again"lol. I really did give them a hard time. Anyways, I go to the guy thats dealing with my holiday, and he tells me that the hotels I requested are fully booked. I flipped. I gave him a list and all of them are fully booked. I couldnt believe it. So I gave him a few other names. In phuket I wanna stay in a bungalow, you know something romantic, leading directly to the beach. I really aint into the touristic or commercial hotels, I like the unique ones. As he was giving the details to the lady that was doing the bookings on the phone, I made sure that they understood I wanted a bungalow or a cabana. The lady on the line kept insisting that they cant guarantee me a cabana, but they will send a request. That really got on my nerves. I dont wanna go there, and end up in a standard room and be forced to stay there cuz we have paid for it. So I took the phone from the guy and talked to the lady

ME: Please this is our honeymoon and I want a confirmation that we will be staying in a bungalow.
LADY: Im sorry ma'am all I can do is send a request and once you get there if there is availablity then the hotel will deal with it.
ME: You dont understant I dont wanna pay now for something I dont want, and I dont wanna go there, and then they will tell me no vacancy.
LADY: Sorry maam but this is our policy.
(damn this, what shit policy is this that makes the customer pay for something then ends up with something else????)
ME: OK fine, give me the hotels number and I will call them.
Lady: Maam
ME: Please I dont wanna waste your time or mine anymore, just give me their number.

She gave me the number, I dialled thailand and spoke to reservations they told me all the bungalows are fully booked until god knows when, except for the standard rooms. And I aint ineterested in those. So I cancelled this hotel and chose another one, which thank god, did have vacancies for their bungalows... After finally paying for the vacation, I was relieved that I got it out of the way, and that hopefully we will have a great time....

Then I went to the sunglasses shop in the mall. Thank god, they understood exactly what I wanted, and as I was about to pay for the vouchers, I opened my wallet, and you probably guessed, the money disappeared. Gone, nada, zilch, the whole $540(2000 dirhams). I took all the contents on the counter, everything, my whole handbag I emptied out, no money. I couldnt believe it, I swear I just lost it. I took all my stuff, my bag, my wallet, sat on the floor in the middle of the shop, and I started wailing. Literally, crying and wailing, people passing by were staring at me. Umm yeah, Im known in my family to make a scene, I dont really care what people think. I wailed and wailed, the lady from the shop and my sister tried to calm me down, but to no avail. My tears came down like fountains, and my crying noise just became louder. I know its silly, but I couldnt help it, its not just the amount, its the fact that its HUBBY's money which made me feel bad. I mean there he is in a war zone risking his life, and here I am losing his money.....It just sucked

But I guess as my brother and dad said, I probably made one family happy today. Theres no way, I will find it, Im sure I lost it in the first travel agent I went to when I gave him my card. And with all the people that were there, I definitely will never get it back. My mom says it Ramadhan and probably they will return it, but hey I doubt it. That was the end of my miserable day. I didnt get to buy my brother's present yet again.....And the smile I had for finally booking our vacation has long disappeared....

One miserable day for me, and one great one for some lucky guy......Can it get any better????

As I was reading through my daily favourate blogs, I stumbled across a new one written by a Lebanese women in Kuwait. And this one post just cracked me up and made me laugh so much. I swear men will always be men.Lol....Enjoy....

Rampurple I hope you dont mind me putting the link to your post. I think it might put a smile on many faces.....

Its just for Laughs....Yet so True....

Havent been doing much except watching the burial proceedings of Sheikh Zayed, and the TV programs that are concentrating on his achievements. That man was really wise, they showed us some excerpts of a couple of things he had said, one just made me wander for a while. He said" Dont look back at what your fathers and grandfathers have done, and say to people, Look at what my forefathers have done, instead try yourself to achieve something good in this world, and once you do the good things dont talk about it, give it sometime and let the people say look at what that man has achieved. This is how you make yourself, this is how you prove to people that you are indeed a good person, by achieving something yourself". Wowwww great words, and so true.

All the shops and places are closed, the state is in mourning for 40 days, private companies are closed for 3 days and the governmental ones are closed for 8 days plus another week for the Eid. I think people will start flocking into the travel agents looking for places to go during this long vacation. Even the assignment that I have been working on is gonna be cancelled.

I still havent bought our vacation tickets. We have decided instead of going to Amsterdam we would rather go to Thailand. I did an extensive research on the net, and chose the exact hotels were I would like for us to stay in. But the problem as usual is the damn travel agents, they dont get it when I insist on my choices. The other day, I gave them a list, and told them to prepare the package for me. I get a call saying all is ready, so I go to their office and instead find that they havent included the hotels I wanted, they have put other ones which I aint interested in. I got sooooooooo pissed off. I decided to do everything on the net, and as I was pursuing that, I got damn pages saying your request cannnot be found. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH......

I dunno what to do, the offices are closed until Saturday, I guess I will just have to wait. Apart from that, nothing much has been happening. Just spoke to HUBBY and he is very excited that he's gonna be leaving in 2 weeks. Wowwww 2 weeks from today Im gonna be with HUBBY yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. He says he feels he's a prisoner, cant do much in the Green Zone. All eatery places are forbidden except for the cafeteria in the Palace. HUBBY cant stand the food there though, he prefers the typical Iraqi type, the Kebabs, Tikka and the Gus(Shredded lamb). I think he has probably lost all the weight he has put on, which Umm, aint that great cuz I wont have a pillow to lay my head on, lol.

Yesterday was my brother's 40th Birthday. Again we couldnt do much except celebrate at home with a cake. I was supposed to get him a present, I still havent. I asked my sister in law what to get she said get him voucher for sunglasses. So I went out 2 days ago, before the news of Sheikh Zayed's passing away. Entered into the optician shop, and asked the guy:

ME: Hi, I'm wondering do you have vouchers?
MAN: So You mean what?
ME: Umm, I need to buy a present but I dont know which brand he likes so I would like to pay a certain amount and be given a voucher so the man can choose for himself.
MAN: Yeeeeees yeeeeess lady, we have.
ME: Ok, I wanna pay X amount.
MAN: Come here lady and choose zee glass
ME: Umm, no, you didnt understand, I dont know what he likes, I just wanna pay the amount then he comes and he will choose for himself.
MAN: yeeeesss, yesssss, zeeees are zeee collection you choose.
(BY then my patience was running out, I spoke to him in English and Arabic, and the man still tells me to choose the bloody glasses)
ME: NO, I DONT WANT TO SEE THE GLASSES I WANT TO PAY THE AMOUNT, THATS ALL.
MAN: Yeeees yeeess wiz zis amount you buy 2 glass, come and see which ones. We have zee new collection from Italy.
ME: I DONT WANT TO SEE THE DAMN GLASSES I JUST WANT A VOUCHER!!!!
MAN: Madam, no voucher you buy zee 2 glasses, come come see new ones.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.....
ME: You know what, I changed my mind, I dont want anything.

And I stormed off. I mean he couldnt understand the simplest question. So I ended up just getting my brother a funny card with no present, and I feel bad. As I have mentioned before, the shops are all closed now, so I guess the pressie has to wait for a few more days.....Sorry bro....

Oh I forgot to mention that one of HUBBY's colleagues was a target for kidnapping. She is an Iraqi local working with HUBBY. Apparantely some gang were watching her moves, and 3 days ago, they parked next to her home, and as she got in the car, they opened fire, the driver tried to get away as fast as possible, but wasnt lucky, they shot at the car and he got injured, and then apparentely the gang escaped. The woman is in shock and hasnt been to work since then. These are the sort of people that wanna take over Iraq. Wow, how lucky we are, we get rid of one devil and yet another one comes along. There's a passage in the Quran which simply means, that any tragedy that happens upon some people, its from their own doing. And the leaders that lead these countries are also deserved upon by those people.

I dont tend to question alot, but do we really deserve such hooligans???such criminals??? I dont think so......But then again, Iraqis are so complex, and they are never satisfied with what they have. This is what I am seeing now. If Americans come they say these are non believers, if Iraqi opposition men come, they say these are infidels. If the Shia's take over some Sunni's will revolt, if the Sunni's takeover, some Shia's will disapprove. God, no matter what happens they will find something wrong. Its really a no win situation......

Whats the damn solution???I think it has to come from deep within. Iraqis have to unite and make that decision. Lets wait and see what will happen in January. I doubt the insurgents will stop, on the contrary I think they will continue their quest of killings and kidnappings.

Its A Damn Maze, you get out from one, you find yourself inside another.......

Today is one of the saddest days I have ever encountered. Sheikh Zayed (after the poem ends, click on the pictures and look at the history of the UAE and the life of this great man)of the United Arab Emirates has passed away, may God rest his soul in peace. For me he was one of the best leaders any country has seen. He has turned The UAE from a barren desert to the most amazing paradise. He gave his people the freedom, the love the prosperity. He transferred his people from being bedouins living in tents and travelling on camels, to becoming prestigeous people, living in high rise buildings, travelling in the best cars.

I used to look at them an wander to myself, how lucky they are to have such a man lead them. If only, If only Iraq had such a leader with such love for his country, except we didnt, we had the most sinister creature rule us and destroy his land and his people. Saddam was a monster with satanic blood. Gave birth to the worst devils any country could see.

If only, If only we can have someone like Sheikh Zayed to takeover Iraq and turn it to a paradise. If only we can have an amazing leader just like him. The mood is somber all over. I can hear the mu'athins voices flow all around me (prayer men) reciting from the Quran, their voices so soothing through the minarets.

What a loss for this country and in my opinion for the world at large. He has helped many Iraqis who fled Saddam's torture. This leader gave us a safe haven and protected us. I dont think any other Arab leader would have done the same. Although at very rare times we felt like second class citizens, and by we I mean all expats, not just Iraqis. The locals had all the freedom, but ofcourse its only natural, this is their country afterall.

Oh how I wish, how I wish that for once, just once, Iraqis will be first class citizens in their own country, no other national will come before them. During the tyrant Regime, it was only his clan, his tribe that were living like kings and queens, and the rest of the population were barred from any luxuries. Damn him, damn him for putting us in this shit. Damn him for making the 4 million Iraqi expats live so far away from their soul, their land......Damn him for destroying Iraq, damn him for killing millions of my people, damn him for forbidding his own people from their own properties, lands, privelages. Damn that assole, who is now living in a cell, well protected, while Iraqis are still dying. Damn him....

Sheikh Zayed did have opulent palaces, Sheikh Zayed did have his pictures all over the country but he deserves all this love, for it wasnt forced on the people, the people truly loved that man, and cherished him. Unlike that animal Saddam, who forced people to chant his name, who stole money and built his palaces, who threatened artists if they didnt draw him or sculpt him. I swear to you if he had done a tenth of what Zayed did for his country all this, the pictures, the chanting, the palaces would have been greatly deserved. Instead he drove us into poverty and desolation, while he partied on torture, and his sons partied on raping women, and torturing them......

What a day, what a loss, A Loss Of A Great Leader......

HUBBY had lived the past 25 years of his life in the States. He had lost all contact with his childhood friends and grew up in an environment that was devoid of any Iraqi contacts except for his family ofcourse. He used to tell me how much he missed being around Iraqis and especially his yearning to listening to the Iraqi language. HUBBY and I met by sheer coincidence, something that neither of us envisaged or even imagined, I guess Mr Cupid, was wearing pretty strong glasses and aimed his arrow right on target, poor HUBBY, hehe...

When we first met, he would keep asking me if I knew so and so, and I would scream "Oh my God, they are very close family friends" and then he would go on and ask me about so and so and so and so, and surprisingly enough, I knew all of them, and if I hadnt met some in person, I would have heard off them, naturally we both got excited that really what a small world this is. I mean here I am in one end of the globe and there he is at the other end, yet we know so many people in common. But this shouldnt come as a surprise, cuz in Iraq, especially in the old times, everyone knew everyone else. You just mention the family name, and thats it. Nowadays though there are families that rose up with Saddam's regime, you know nothing of their background or where they came from, these are I guess the "noveux riche".

In anycase, after reminiscing his childhood with me, HUBBY turned out to be quite a guy in his teens. Him and his 3 brothers were so famous in the "ILWIYA CLUB" for their football playing. HUBBY was an Arsenal fan, and not just any fan, but he was crazy about them. When he would tell me the stories about how popular they were, and how everyone liked them, I would just say "yeah yeah", sarcastically ofcourse, for I really wasnt from their generation and I didnt get to live these days, since probably I was still in my diapers,lol(sorry HUBBY, but I am donkey years younger than you)... But then after I got married, people would come and ask me HUBBY's name, and just the mention of it, they would go loony, jump with excitement, not believing their ears. Every single person would say" OMG, doesnt he have 3 brothers? wasnt he an Arsenal fan? OMG they were the most popular guys around, and he was our Idol". Without any exxageration, this is exactly what everysingle person would say about HUBBY. And only then would you see me having the proudest smile ever and I would say "yes siree thats my HUBBY".

On one occassion, when HUBBY came over here to meet "the parents" he had coincidentally met with an Iraqi man who happened to be the husband of HUBBY's first childhood crush,lol.... And ofcourse I knew the lady, she is one of my sisters close friends. I couldnt believe it. He had told me, how they had their first dance together when they were 12,OMG, isnt that cute(I have one of those smiles now on my face).

He would keep asking me about how she looks now and me being me, lol, I had told him " tsk tsk tsk HUBBY, I dont advice you to even check her out, the poor thing had gained so much weight, and she has so much white hair she looks like a granny". I watched HUBBY's reaction and I could tell he was shocked to his core. He said stammering"Bbbbbbut, ssssshhhheeee was sssssooooo ccccuuuute, ssssshhheeee wwwaaaassss bllllooooonnnndeee annndddd hhhhaaaaddd ccccoloured eyes, and and and ssssshhhheeee waaasss ssssooooo ssslllliiiiimmmm" I said "Oh HUBBY darling that was when you guys were 12, I mean cmon, the woman is married has 2 grown up kids now, and seriously if you see her you will have a nightmare"hehe,loooooooooooool, OMG, poor HUBBY. He kept asking me if I was talking about the same girl, I said"HUBBY, believe me, I know her, she is my sister's close friend". I know I know that was very mean. After my false revelations he stop mentioning the poor woman's name.

Just yesterday Mrs CRUSH came over, and I have to admit she really is one of the nicest ladies I have met. She is so easy going with an amazing sense of humour, you sit with her for 2 minutes and thats it you will end up on the floor from laughter. She has such a charming persona. After I got married and ofcourse she had heard to who, she too couldnt believe her ears. I immediately told her "BTW, I know that you guys were childhood sweethearts". She blushed and said "God that was such a long time ago, is he still the same?" LOL, now I wasnt gonna say anything bad about HUBBY, I just told her well I aint sure how he was when he was 12 cuz I wasnt even born yet, but I assure you that he is still charming, and he still remembers you"(add a wink here). Immediately she said"Please when he comes here we gotto meet, all his class mates would love to see him again" Then she smiled, and said"My God, you took me 30 years back, wowwww, how times passes so fast, they were the best years in our lives". I looked naughtily and said" Oh defintely he would love to see you guys, especially you, after telling him that you havent changed abit"hehe. Poor Mrs CRUSH.

So yesterday, Mrs CRUSH comes upto me and says "I just saw your wedding pictures, and that man is NOT the guy I remember, he looks soooo different, he has aged!!!!He used to be blonde and now he has grey hairs, umm does he still have blue eyes?" I laughed my headoff, I told her" I never heard in my whole life that eyes change with age, so yes he still has blue eyes, and he hasnt aged that much, I mean cmon, the last time you saw him was 25 years ago, ofcourse he has changed since then" She looked shocked and said, wowwww, Im stunned, he just looks so different. After listening to these words, I couldnt wait to relay the message back to HUBBY,lol.

When he called me this morning, I told him Mrs CRUSH's exact words, the poor thing, I think it felt like he was hit by a baseball bat. Then I told him, that it will be nice to meet up with her, he immediately replied"Oh no, I'd rather not, let me keep the cute image I have of her I dont wanna be disappointed, and I dont want HER to be disappointed as well". I guess that is the end of that SAGA....

I had mentioned in one of my previous posts how its customery when a girl gets married the immediate natural thing that should take place is pregnancy. I swear they think people are like rabbits, you know, just do the do and hey prestooooo, magically a dozen babies appear. So yesterday I had the comments come at me left, right and center,UUGHHHHHH "oooooooooh congratulations, so cmon isnt there anything on the way(and here they start gesturing with their hands moving above their tummies). Umm hellooooo I aint dumb, you dont have to show me where babies come from, geez. But thank God I had my answer ready "Well how do you expect me getting pregnant(and here I do the same and mimick their gestures) when I have only spent 13 days with HUBBY since we got married" I guess that answer would just shut them up, Thank God for that.

That damn bloody "window" (women would know exactly what Im talkin about here) would never come at the right time. I aint gonna kill myself, but it would be nice if it would work this time around. I even have a name queued up, a name, that I have kept all for myself, havent heard anyone name their daughter this name, and it has a beautiful meaning. I dont want anyone to snatch it from me, thats why I cant wait, cant wait for that daughter to come along and shower me with her cheekiness, for Ill make sure she will be the cheekiest kid around, and I will make sure she will give HUBBY the hardest time of his life, hehe.....

But I guess for now I will just have to settle for my favourate sweets, JELLY BABIES Anyone????