neurotic Iraqi wife

What a bummer, I wrote a whole post and it couldnt get published and now its down the drains. Anyways I will try and rewrite it, but I aint as excited as I was at first.

I finally got our vacation tickets as you can see. I got the bungalow, the panoramic view, the honeymoon treatment, the whole shebang. I hope that it will all go smoothly by the time we reach there, for I have many surprises and entertainment programs for HUBBY....Oh and I finally managed to buy the vouchers for my brother, yippeee.

I also went to the bank today, since I cant keep on withdrawing cash everytime I wanna get something. I went there and asked for a debit card, they told me that they dont deal with debit cards. I said fine I want a credit card then. The lady asked me which company? I said no company this is my personal account, she said ok where do you work?Hmm, I said I dont. She shook her head and said, sorry then madam we cant help you, we only give credit cards to employed people. I told her but I have a steady monthly income, wheres the problem in that???She smiled and said sorry ma'am this is bank policy.

I argued and argued until I felt disgusted with myself, and told her fine, how about if I lie to you and get a letter from a company saying I work there???She smiled and said, well you need to show us a labour card. God, I was gonna explode. As I was about to get up from the uncomfy chair, she looked at me sympathisingly since I actually did look in an unenviable state, and whispered, theres another bank that issues debit cards and that can be of better help to you, check it out. I felt bad for getting angry at her, but its like everything I wanna do is No this and no that, and policy this and policy that. I told her Im sorry for being so upset and I explained to her about the lost money. Then I said instead of going backwards in this life we should always strive to move forwards, she mimed to me I know....

But that was in the morning, and by the time I got my vacation tickets, I had some of the misery disappear. Then I bumped into my bestfriend at the mall. She was with her 2 yr old daughter. As we were looking around in one of the shops, the daughter started throwing up big time. The poor baby. My BF, took out some baby wipes, wiped the floor, wiped her daughter then carried her, all done in such utter calm. I stood there in shock. Wowww, if that was me, I probably would have paniced and didnt know what to do. Almost all my friends have children, And I just admire their strength, their patience and their perseverence. I too wanna be a mom, but would I be a good mom???Thats the question, and thats scary. Will I be able to look after them without panicing???without wailing if they sneeze or cough???Will I be able to handle it???Just the thought sends shivers down my spine...Im scared and IT IS SCARY....

I mean I look at my friends, and Im mind boggled. Where did they learn all this from??? How are they able to keep their calm???I guess you learn how to deal with situations once you face them. My friends tell me, that having kids, changed their lives completely. Sure it did, cuz priorities change. Once you have children, then you strive to do everything for their own benefit and forget your own wants needs cuz at the end of the day its your children that are important. My friends do go out, they do take care of themselves but ofcourse not as often as before, its more now, where do we take the kids???which mall has a play area, etc... not where shall we have coffee? will it be starbucks, or Mug and bean....

I also salute every women who has kids, and is living away from her husband, either because they are in a war zone, or are in distant places. I felt the strength of many of them, it must be real difficult, and very very lonely at times. But I admire the strength and perseverence that they have.

In the Quran there's a verse that says, Paradise is under Mothers' Feet, and thats so true. Mothers suffer inorder to make their kids happy. I really do appreciate the love, the time and effort that my own mother has put into us. At first when I got married I was so adamant to have kids straight away, but HUBBY said that I should stopping stressing myself out, cuz that will only reflect negatively. Thats why I m taking things as they come, but I too one day would like to have This Paradise Under My feet.....