neurotic Iraqi wife

Wow 3 weeks from today Im gonna be with HUBBY again. I think blogging made things abit easier for me. Not that the yearning or the pain lessened, but it made me realise things about myself that I never knew existed, and also made me get to know many people, maybe not physically but mentally. I also discovered a compassion in many readers which although I never expected, I was delighted to get and so happy to find out that there are people waiting for HUBBY to come back to me as much as I am....

I dont tend to divulge into politics in my blog cuz I believe that every one has their own views and opinions. And in politics, you always end up arguing and trying your best to let the other side see your point as right, but there is no right and wrong, everything is relative. But today I do wanna talk about the American elections, for its gonna affect my country quite abit.I asked HUBBY who would he want for president, he immediately answered neither. I asked my family, some said Bush, others said Kerry, and a few said neither as well. I myself I aint sure, cuz I think they are both as bad as each other. And Im sorry if Im offending anyone, but thats my opinion, and if anyone disagrees then I totally respect that. But I would like to justify my answer with some reasoning. And again, I repeat these are my opinions, and anyone is entitled to disagree.

First and foremost, if Bush does win, I doubt very much that the situation in Iraq will change. For the policies will stay the same, and the damn terrorists will continue their revenge on the innocent people. This administration commited many mistakes right from the start. They did not do their homework well enough before taking the decision of war. They should have planned for the after math much harder than the war itself, cuz it takes years to build something but just one second to destroy it all. I watched as well as the rest of the world, how the Americans guarded the ministry of oil, yet left all the others to be bombed, looted and destroyed. I actually didnt care if the ministry of oil was well secured, I mean Iraqis never ever gained anything from that oil during Saddam's tyrant rule so it aint gonna make a difference really if it gets taken or not. BUT and there's a huge BUT here, if someone says, we care about the Iraqis and we want them to live in peace then atleast you should try and live upto these words. Show the simple Iraqis that you really care, dont just say words, but show them in actions. Dont just stand there watching the museum being looted, or the ministries being swarmed by Iraqi oppurtunists, guard all these buildings, for they are Iraq's treasure, Iraq's possessions, not Saddam's. Dont just stand there when someone is asking for help, and say "I wasnt given orders to do anything like that" For I have heard many stories like that, it may be true, it may be not.

Second, although I am with the process of debaathification, But, not all people who were Baathists were criminals. I dont know the percentage of baathists in Iraq but I can assure you, that its more than half the population. Children in schools were forced to become Baathists, teachers, doctors, professors, scientists, some were threatened others had family members killed, so really not all baathists were criminals. Therefore to cast ALL baathists as criminals was a WRONG WRONG move. You really have to understand the fear those people were living in. Yes it might have been the easy way out, yes they were the elite, but some did it genuinely to save their lives and their families. I myself, sometimes look down on them and want to strangle them but I have to look at things logically, for its easy for me to judge wrongly since I havent lived under Saddam's rule and I dont know how it felt like being constantly living in fear even from your brother. But its not upto me to say this guy is bad or this guy is good, its upto the people who lived there, who knew who was good and who wasnt. And when you do start employing people in the new police force or the army, you should do background checks, to see if any infiltrators are getting in, but then again how would you get hold of these documents, if the Intelligence Offices were looted????See what I mean, how at the time these were only papers and records being looted and burnt but in reality, they symbolise lives of innocent Iraqis that could have been spared........And most importantly once you train those true Iraqis who just want to defend their country and get a living, atleast equip them with the neccesary guns, so they can protect themselves. Why train the poor souls, and then let them wander with no protection what so ever and in the end become easy targets to the animal criminals???Just like that massacre the other day and the one of today and the many others in the past????Why do that??? They deserve to be protected just like how the coalition forces are protected, arent I right???Or are their lives not as important????

Third and in my opinion was the worst mistake anyone can commit, and that was the issue of the borders. When I blamed the Americans for not guarding the borders I got many complaints saying it wasnt America's duty to, its an Iraqi one. Well, in reality, Bush planned for this war, so I expect him to do it right and not leave anything out. You went in to free the Iraqi people you should have known that terrorists from those idiotic neighbouring countries will thrive to come in and show off their "jihadist" muscles. I believe if the borders were guarded many of the problems we have today of suicide bombings and beheadings wouldnt have existed. Or I may be mistaken, cuz Saddam had an iron hold so maybe some Iraqis were waiting for the right moment, I dunno....Didnt Bush say in his famous speech"you are either with us or against us", well he should have used that with the Arab Nations, for in my opinion they were and still are part of Iraq's problems today.....

Now if Kerry wins, I have heard that part of his agenda is to get the troops out of Iraq. Well, what can I say???Im sure everyone who has loved ones deployed and stationed in Iraq cant wait for that day to come. Do I blame them???No way!!!! They have every right to say STOP, I want my husband back or my son back.....Why should those young soldiers pay the price of one person's decisions??? Al Qaeda is still out there operating, Bin Laden is alive and kicking, so has the States become a safer place, cmon, dont insult my intelligence, I doubt it very much. But once those troops leave Iraq, then believe me, the atrocities and the barbaric activities will escalate even more. People will start killing each other, and yes a civil war will break out. Iraqis who have been brainwashed by Saddam, and by religeous fanatics will take the opportunity to slay everyone that says NAY to them. This process is already taking place now.....

Yes Saddam is gone, Thank God for that, but as someone pointed out on one comment in another blog, how ironic it is, that although he is captured, he is the only one in the whole of Iraq with a guaranteed safety of LIFE........

So who to win??? God I have no clue, but if I want to go deep into logic, then I want Bush to win simply cuz I want him to finish what he started, he opened that can of worms when he could have casted an iron fist from the start. I know its a catch 22, cuz if he had done that, then we all were gonna say, look he is torturing Iraqis, he didnt give us peace, then again, when he was lenient and ignored the mischief of Muqtada, the Saddam followers, and the Arab jihadists, you get what we have today, a country in chaos a country with no laws, a country that is spilling blood in every corner, its a no win situation.

I just want my people to live in peace and security, I want Iraq to flourish, We are the richest country in natural resources, we could have been one of the most advanced countries in the world had it not been for that Satan Saddam and his followers. Am I asking for much if I say that I want Iraq to be just like the Emirates and even better??? These people were bedoins, but look at what they have done for their country, its like paradise, and look how they treat their own nationals, all of them are like kings and queens. This is how I want Iraq, this is how I want Iraqis to live.....

I know people would say yes but the atrocities of Saddam were much worse than now, you are better off, I totally agree, but we shouldnt keep comparing about what was then and what is now. Cuz although we thought the mass graves ended with Saddam, we are still seeing them now, and I say it again and again, everything is relative.

Therefore, its exactly like the movie Forest Gump where Tom Hanks said his famous words" Life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you're gonna get" So this election is definitely like a box of BITTER chocolates which would definitely leave a BITTER taste in your mouth, no matter which chocolate you choose to taste....And I really pray that Im wrong, and that by a fluke or a miracle there will be one tasty sweet yummy chocolate truffle that will make all the difference......

Someone who my family knew, was assasinated today in IRAQ by those animal criminals who call themselves Islamic Jihad. He left behind a wife and daughters. I never met the man, but I only heard good things about him. I dunno what to say, I really dont.

We are all shocked, I wander how his wife is taking it and the kids....God, I WANT THOSE BARBARIC ANIMALS OUT OF MY COUNTRY. When will this happen, God?????When will this happen???

This gives me more reason to want HUBBY out of there, out of that hell hole, I dont care if its my country, my country is now filled with the lowest of the filth going about killing innocent people, those assoles, those bastards have to be shredded bit by bit, piece by piece.

And HUBBY says things will get better, yeah right, dream on, all of you dream on. The can has opened and all the slimy worms are taking over now. They know of no God, no religeon, no compassion. Theres an expression in Iraqi, il 7abil dikhal bil nabil, which means everything is in chaos now. No elections will make a difference, believe me. We have to be practical and not live in la la land. Im sorry if I sound pessimistic, but the news of that man, just made me flip, may his soul rest in peace and may God give patience for his family.

Iraq has become a safe haven for every single criminal you can think of. These people know of no peaceful talking or negotiating, why negotiate with these bloody animals??? They dont understand such language, they only know the language of blood, give it to them damn you, give it to them like how they are giving it to the innocent people who are dying everyday.

Not enough is being done. Not enough is being done to stop the barbaric atrocities.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am the HAPPIEST BUNNY ON THIS LIVING EARTH. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. Umm no sadly HUBBY didnt pay me a surprise visit, but he did something that just brightened my world today after the darkness it was going into....YAY YAY YAY YAY."Aint nobody Loves me better than you, makes me happy, makes me feeeeeeeeeeeeeel this way" .

I was sitting on the "internet" frantically looking for contact numbers for the company HUBBY works for in Iraq, cuz HUBBY left Baghdad yesterday to somewhere and he hasnt called me all day today, so as usual I watched the news, heard that some explosions took place, and me being me, the fountain of tears couldnt wait to splash my face. I went crazy, and searched for hours and hours on end for some kind of contact numbers in Baghdad but to no avail. HUBBY's cell phone doesnt work outside Baghdad, but even though I knew this fact, I basically damaged my redial button, and damaged my ears as well listening to the damn machine saying "the mobile you have dialled is either switched off or outside the coverage area" Grrrrrrrr.

In any case, as I was about to call the company's number in the States, OMGGGGGGGGGGG, HUBBY signs on MSN Messenger. OMGGGGGGGGGG. I couldnt believe my eyes. I havent seen his name pop up in 6 months. Yes 6 months cuz company policy doesnt allow them to install the messenger thingie. OMGGGGGGGGGG, till now my smile is 180 degrees, and I think my cheekbones are gone be sore tomorrow,lol. I was in disbelief, I had to ask him, is that really you???And ofcourse HUBBY being the tease he is, said who are you? perdone moi,lol. He mixed the french with the italian, and I immediately jumped from my chair not knowing what to do. OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. "Aint nobody loves me better than you, makes me happyyyyyyyyyyyy, makes me feeeeeeeeeeeel this way"

I had the best 30 minutes. The most blissful 30 minutes of my life, imagine this is how happy I am just to see his name pop up, how the hell am I gonna react when Im gonna see him for real, in his flesh and bones???Probably will have a heart attack,lol. OMG i still cant believe it. It was just like old times, uninterrupted 30 mins, of teasing, lovey dovey words, and there wasnt that expression of "anyways I gotta go back to work". He asked for my cam, I had to think hard, didnt wanna give it to him so easily. I teased and teased until I felt bad for him and showed him MOI, live on cam. Unfortunately he didnt have a cam in the internet cafe he was at. but heyyyyyyyyyyyy I aint complaining. It really was like the good old times. And it made me realise how much I love that man, and how much I miss him. I mean I know I do, but today all my insecurities went down to hell, thank God for that. They tried to crash my party but na'aa dears you aint welcome here.

Wowwwww, I cannot explain to anyone, how happy I am(have been singing chaka khan ever since), how over the moon, no, make that over the furthest planet from the earth, no better still make it on cloud 999.....OMG, thats the best present anyone can give me, and when, on my 6 months anniversary. Arent I a HAPPY BUNNY???? YES YES YES the happiest any BUNNY can be.....I mean look how he can change my mood, just like that, with a click of a button, just one click and hey prestooooooooooo Im back into being MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE........I still have the msn window open, I have went over the conversation a million times now, and singing"aint nobody loves me better than you, makes me happpppppppppy, makes me feel this way"(This has been our song ever since we met)

Aaaaaaaaaaaah Men, cant live with'em, cant live without'em.........

Today marks my 6 months anniversary. The 26th of October 2004. Hmm, so Im a house wife with no house and a wife by correspondence, isnt that exciting..... 6 months have passed and I have spent 13 days with HUBBY in total, I doubt im in an enviable situation.

Apart from complaining for the past 6 months, and shouting down the phone, I have become one insecure lass. And insecurity was never a trait that I had before nor was it something I knew I was capable of being. So what makes me insecure, when supposedly I have a lovely HUBBY, who at times or actually most of the time hates confrontation and goes for the "anyways, I need to go back to work" excuse. What makes me insecure is not the distance, the thousands of miles that separates us but the circumstances which might lead to unwanted consequences.

I was reading a blog which I wont name, since I dont think its wise, but its about this lady, who infact I admire for her resilience, and her posts are very funny and interesting, who is now serving in Iraq, and she talks about how she is so much looking forward to the holiday time she is gonna spend with her husband soon, but at the same time, she cant wait to get back to the friends she made while being deployed. When I read that sentence my heart sank, sank quite deep. For I fear that instead of HUBBY looking forward to his R&R he will be counting the days to going back to the new founded friendships he had made in Iraq.

Can I blame him for having such emotions???When in reality he has spent more time with these people than with his own WIFE??? He ate with them, he worked with them, he had fun with them, he survived with them, he walked with them, he ducked from mortars with them, he had conversations with them for almost 6 months now, while he only did the above(except for the mortars) with me for 13 days. So who has the stronger hold, me, or them???They were his first choice when he wanted to try out the new Iraqi Airways, they seem to be his first choice to share his jokes with.....

So Who am I really for my own HUBBY???What do I represent??? A family??? Well we had no time to make any. A wife with the true meaning of the word???Again we had no time for me to show him what a wife is or can be. Who am I. This is what I keep asking myself. And this is where my insecurities start to have a party with baloons and tidbits. They come in crashing my personal space, pushing me over with their heavy bodies. I fall, and end up next to their bulky shoes, I grab their clothes to help myself up, but the minute I reach their knees, they kick me so hard in the stomach that I fall back again, and this time in pain. I lie down on the floor, staring at their ugly faces, one hand holding my tummy, the other hand covering my heart for I dont want them to ever go near that organ. They dance all night long to stupid songs and their loud voices hovering over my sensitive ears. Once they feel satisfied that they have trashed the place, they leave their dirty footprints on my pure clean space. And where am I???Im still lying down, holding my stomach for the pain hasnt lessened and my other hand on my heart for the thumping has gotten worse.

Can I blame HUBBY if he harbours such feelings???Ofcourse I cant, logic tells me I cant but emotions tell me I definitely can. So which is it gonna be??? Even if I will end up blaming him, I will lose, and if I dont blame him, I will yet again be on the losing side, hmm, its a no win situation.

So Who am I???The love of his life??? No that cant be true, cuz he has lived for 43 years and 13 days out of these years were spent with me(ofcourse thats not counting the whole year we spent getting to know each other). And Im sure that there were many others before me that occupied some kind of affection within his soul. He can be the most caring man on this earth, and at the same time he can be the coldest one alive with his priorities ranging from "rebuilding" Iraq, settling down there, getting a car, finding a house, going on vacation to God knows where(he hasnt settled his mind yet whether its gonna be amsterdam or the moon). Yuhooooo helloooooo and ME???Umm me your WIFE, I tap him on the shoulder to remind him of my existence. As I mentioned before I come in number 6, yaaaaaaaaay, an even number which I still havent gotten used to.

Who is HE???He can be the nicest guys on this earth when he wants to be. He holds doors open for me,(any door you can think of, even the passenger seat just like the black and white movies, aaaaaaah what a gentleman), he carries the groceries or the shopping bags and doesnt let me lay a hand on them for he says "no sweetie, leave them to me, they are quite heavy". He force feeds me, cuz he doesnt want to hug "skin and bones" in bed. He actually waited for me at the hairdressers for one whole hour when I was having my hair styled, he attempted to correct my cooking by adding all the spices that existed in the cupboard and still said I was the "best cook", he keeps holding my hand while doing a u turn or going on a round about. He took me to Orlando cuz I wanted "to relive my childhood dreams". He bought me candy floss on our last day cuz I had mentioned how much I miss eating it. He sat for hours on end in the sun cuz I "wanted to have a sun tan" knowing that his skin is ultra sensitive to the burning rays of the sun. He took me to a casino, cuz I told him how much I love playing Black Jack when he really hates gambling. (Not that we did anything cuz the hotel he took me to had no Black jack tables, only poker which I have no clue how to play) and yes I know its forbidden in my religeon to gamble, but I do it just for the fun. This is my HUBBY the most caring, unselfish(most of the time) guy....

Then he blows all this and tells me he wants to stay in Iraq to contribute in the "rebuilding" process. At first it was a 6 month thing, then it progressed into a one year thing and now its indefinte cuz as he keeps saying "things will will be clearer in the next few months", a sentence which I heard since he first went there.....and one which I tend to finish for him whenever he utters the word "things"

So Who am I to HUBBY??? Now thats the question......

After watching the news today of the 49 men that were martyred I felt empty. For the first time in a long time I couldnt utter a word. I tried so hard to come up with some words, but nothing came out except a tiny sound of disbelief and disgust. I dunno what to say, there's nothing that I can say or do that will change the situation. I am angry, I am sad, I am shocked, Im basically speechless....

Those innocent men, went to get trained to become our new Army, the future of Iraq, and they were murdered in cold blood. Where is justice???Where is God. (Istaghfurallah). My God forgive me, for asking where he is?. But WHY????WHY innocent people are dying and the fucking animal barbaric criminals still roaming the streets, killing the youth of Iraq. Maybe God is trying to save those innocent souls from living in such a barbaric world that knows nothing about emotions, beliefs and LIFE....Im sorry I have nothing else to say, except MAY THEIR INNOCENT SOULS REST IN PEACE....

I came upon my fellow bloggee's blog, Baghdad, check out today's post.Thanks Baghdad for bringing thise video to light. It made me hold on(and Im really struggling here), to whatever tiny HOPE I had, Maybe just Maybe, HUBBY is right, and Iraq will be one day the peaceful, the free, the democratic Iraq we all are dreaming of. Maybe just Maybe HUBBY is right, and all those low life animals will be erased from the earth of of our IRAQ.....

I havent bought my plane ticket yet, dunno what Im waiting for but Im just too embarrased to go to the same travel agent I went to a month ago. She has been so helpful, and everytime she gives me a deal, I tell her I will call her back cuz I need to ask HUBBY and I never do call cuz Dear HUBBY has to decide!!!!

HUBBY on the other hand drives me mad when he tries to decide on things. He changes his mind a million times before settling for something. He did the samething with me the last time when we were booking flights for his first R&R. It was back in July when I went on my quest to find tickets to Europe. He first told me he wanted to go somewhere different, so I decided maybe latvia will be nice, or even croatia. After spending hours and hours on the net researching, I went about to the travel agents here. And believe me, if you aint going to the far east or London, or even the States, they dont have a clue where the rest of the world is.

I entered into one of the most famous offices, and asked them if they can help me plan my trip. When they asked where I wanted to go, I told them Croatia. The man looked at me as if I just said I wanna go to the moon. He said, "Umm Ma'am, we dont do croatia, and besides the tickets will be quite expensive". Ok now I didnt ask him about giving me his opinion about the price tag, I just wanted him to help me find flights and hotels. So I said ok if you dont do Croatia, how about Latvia???He said sorry Ma'am, we dont do Latvia. I started getting fidgety, and decided fine, lets try for Sweden, since HUBBY wanted to go somewhere cold, in August. So I said ok Sweden please. Once again I got "Sorry Ma'am we dont do Sweden". OMG OMG OMG, by then my nerves just couldnt be kept under control and I said in a very aggitated manner"You dont do croatia, you dont do latvia and you dont bloody do Sweden, so what the hell do you do???"

He lowered his glasses and looked at me with disapproving eyes, and said" how about you go to the Far east???" Shit man, this guy wants me to go to the far east in the darn monsoon season. I said is that all you do???You are the biggest travel agent office in this country and you tell me you only do the Far east??? He answered, well thats where the demand is, the rest of the world like Europe, and the States aint in demand this year. we only follow the market. Aha yeah only follow the market, and people like me who hate to be drenched in rain and storms are outside that darn market. I left that travel agent vowing never to go back, and ventured onto the others I have heard of. And what do you say, all of them said the same bloody thing. They only do the Far east and beirut, hmm. And all of them gave me this weird look as if Im speaking jibberish when I mention Croatia or Latvia. One guy felt so sorry for me and told me maybe my best choice is to book on the net. Oh really????The internet, why havent I thought about that!!!!GRRRRRR. The internet was my first choice, I just thought I can find better deals in the street.

In anycase, I called HUBBY shouted at him for making me go all over town trying to find a good deal, while he is just sitting on his butt trying to come up with the places.....So in the end HUBBY called his firm's travel agent and asked them to book for us to the States. Wowww wasnt that easy....

So now I have the same bloody problem, HUBBY has his ticket to Amsterdam, but I dont have mine. And he asked me to yet again go around and check for deals. I tried different places and Thank God, Amsterdam isnt a difficult place to suss out. Once I did that, I called him to tell him what I got, he then goes on and tells me"Ok let me call my travel agent then" I was about to hit the roof. Why tell me to go around when you will in all cases call your agent???? So now he tells me, to go back to that lady, who is ever so sweet to me, and always finds deals for me even if Im going to Timbuktoo. But I refused. I aint going there again, make them waste 1 hour of their time to tell them I need to ask HUBBY. So I gave him the number and told him to do it himself. Im still waiting.......

So maybe its just gonna be Holiday For one down the Red district and over to the Northern Lights..........Enjoy!!!!!

Not in one of my greatest moods today. And no I aint PMSing. Its just that Im missing HUBBY especially in this month where families get together and break their fast together. How families go out together to the numerous tents that are put up in Ramadan. In these tents you sit down and relax, you get to play cards, dominoes or Blackgammon. You sit and have some Hubbly bubbly and eat the various Arabic sweets. Its a time where you get closer to your family and my HUBBY aint around......

My family went out to one of these tents last night, but I preffered to stay at home. Didnt feel like going out and having fun, maybe cuz I wanted HUBBY to be here and experience this with me. Its something he hasnt seen before. But HUBBY is far far away, in a trailer in the middle of a war zone, all alone. Its now just a matter of weeks and we will be together again thank God....

I was reading the Quran today, and I came upon an Aya, an aya is basically a sentence from the Quran. This Aya mentioned how, even though you might be a jew, a christian or a sabi'a but you do good deeds then God will acknowledge them and you will go to heaven. So its beyond me how people or let me be specific how some Iraqis who portray themsleves as Muslims, say that they will kill all those non believers when God The All Mighty is the only one who has the power to judge who is a non believer and who isnt. It is also written in one of the Ayas how religeon shouldnt be forced. So again its beyond me how some Iraqis who portray themselves as Muslims, go around threatning people to either do as they say or else become another victim of their criminal beheadings.

I cant say that Im knowledgable in my own religeon, but I try my best to understand and to become a good Muslim. I have many friends who are christians, that doesnt mean that I have to force them to become like me. I respect their beliefs, for yet again there is an Aya which says "I have my religeon and you have yours". But I will definitely speak out if anyone talks ill about my religeon. Those people you see, covering their faces on our TV screens calling God's name and then killing innocent people defy all the teachings of Islam. They taint the core meaning of being a Muslim, for a muslim is someone who believes in Peace and not in beheadings and kidnappings.

Then you get men who call themselves "Sheikhs" and they set to translate the Quran the way they want it to be, the way it serves their own needs and thoughts . Even though I have read the Quran numerous times, everytime I discover something new, a new meaning a new quest. Thats the miracle of the Quran. So please dont go on judging the whole Islamic beliefs because of what you see and hear in the media. And its so sataric, how most of those "sheikhs" who speak out against the west are themselves living in the west. They eat in the West, they get paid by the West, they educate their children in the West. I swear the nerve they have.

All Im gonna say to AlQaeda, Zarqawi, the bloody insurgency followers is if you truely believe in God and in Islam, stop your crimes, stop the inhumanity and let the Iraqi people live in peace. Im not saying that the coolation forces are angels, cuz there are some who have acted in inhumane ways as well towards my people, but that doesnt mean that ALL of them are bad.Some are serving their country and thats something expected, others are there cuz they are forced to and there are those who truely believe in the cause and want Iraq to be once again the paradise of the Middle East. Who can blame them if the ruler of Iraq was one of the worst in Human History. One who knew no mercy and showed no affection to his own people. One who slaughtered women and children, unborn children. Killed most of the youth, murdered them. May God have no mercy on him and his followers.......

Anyways, thats all for today, for Im missing HUBBY and dont have much else to say. May God protect all the innocent souls living on this earth and may he shower those evil ones with his utmost wrath.....The Good, The Bad and The Ugly will all take their fair share.........

Im feeling much better today after releasing all my anger in yesterday's post. I am so grateful for the kind words that everyone left in the comments section. It really brightened up my day and lessened the headache. Although I seriously dont mind being critisized either, cuz there are things that I might not able to see without someone actually pointing them out to me. You guys have been one of my greatest support during my down days. But I had to get things off my chest especially when it concerns doubts about HUBBY and my attachment to him......

Nothing much has been happening really since Im quite busy with the assignment that I was given, therefore I tend to go back down memory lane, and recall all the funny/sad moments in my life.

Today I want it to be a funny memory, that will put a smile on my face, for smiling has become quite rare in this world, in this fast life we are living in....

One day, more than a year ago, as I was chatting with HUBBY, at the time he was HUBBY to be, he had told me that he has a dentist appointment, and that he has to leave me for a while. For those who hasnt read my first couple of posts, I wanna tell you that even when we were courting, it was mostly done over the net, with msn messenger. Audio, video and the whole shebang. So in anycase, I told HUBBY to come back quick cuz I would be missing him already. After a couple of hours, HUBBY logged on. I immediately sent him a video invitation waiting for him to do the same. He accepted mine but didnt send ME one. Hmm, So I sent him an audio invitation and asked him to put the cam on. HUBBY's voice was kinda down, and he said"Sorry sweetie but my cam aint working".

I went mad, "what do you mean your cam aint working???it was working a few hours ago???" As always I thought he was hiding something from me. He kept on hmming and aaahing, then he said ok lemme try. He sent me the invitation for his webcam and without hesitation I accepted it. But HUBBY was no where to be seen. Hmm, wait a second, I squinted my eyes until I saw this tiny figure on the screen. I was looking so deeply that I bumped my head on the darn laptop, ouch. I took the mic, and said "HUBBY, I cant see you, you are too far, and could you please switch the lights on, I can barely make you out"

HUBBY, said" I cant switch the lights on, my eyes are aching from the dentist" Hmm his eyes??????I thought a dentist is someone who specialises in teeth and not in eyes???Something real fishy was goin on. My mind started playing games, and with an irritated voice I said"what eyes???I thought you went to the dentist???"

HUBBY: Yeah sweetie I did go to the dentist but his light was sooo strong that my eyes are aching and I wanna give them a break for a while.
ME: Hmm, ok, forget the lights, can you atleast come closer to the cam so I can see you???
HUBBY: Umm, I dont think its a good idea, cuz my face is a bit swollen and I dont want you to see me this way
ME: Oh cmon HUBBY, I dont mind, I miss you, I wanna see you.
HUBBY: No really darling, Im not in a good mood, and I cant talk much since my teeth are killing me
ME: I thought you just went for a clean up, what has the dentist done to you???
HUBBY: I had to have a filling, and he had to inject me with an aneasthetic, so Im in pain, can we chat later???
ME: No we cant chat later I wanna chat NOW, and I wanna see you NOW!!!(I dunno why but I felt that he was hiding something)
HUBBY: Please sweetie, Im tired, I wanna go and nap so the pain can subside, once I get up I will call you.

Now me being me, I wasnt satisfied, I got so damn pissed off, and took it personally as I always do. I logged off feeling down and miserable. But I couldnt just leave it at that, so I gave him a call, and with it I gave him a piece of my mind(and believe me that particular piece was humangous). So he relented and came online again.

This time his picture was crystal clear, and he had switched the lights on. And OMG, OMG, the minute I set my eyes on him, I fell of my chair with fits of laughter. HUBBY's face was red with blotches all over. AWWWWW, the sight really was painful to my eyes. OMG, "WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE??? and can you please switch the lights off, my eyes are twitching" hehe. HUBBY immediately switched the cam off and told me to stuff myself,lol. I swear I didnt know what had happened but he sure did look like someone who had a bad case of sunburn. I couldnt stop myself, the image is still in my mind. I begged him to tell me what he did, and what kind of a dentist he went to, cuz I sure as hell dunno dentists who would burn faces. I thought to myself maybe dentists in America are different.

After regaining my composure, I begged HUBBY to tell me what happened. He said with a voice filled with concern, that he actually went to a skin doctor, and the skin doctor made him believe that he needs lazer treatement. OMG, LAZER!!!!HUBBY underwent a LAZER treatment which he does not need, a treatment that made him look like a monkey's ass,looooooooooooool, sorry HUBBY. I swear I havent laughed so much, and my laughter increased after HUBBY was going on about how deformed he looks and how he fears that his face will stay like that forever. I could not fathom, why a perfectly sane person, who has perfect skin would need to undergo lazer, I swear that was just beyond me.

HUBBY on the other hand needed reassuring words, and not someone who cant control the laughter. It was his turn to be angry. He said with a voice filled with pain"Dont laugh, you should be telling me that its gonna be ok". A snort escaped my throat, and I tried so hard to control those darn fits of laughter I said"HUBBY darling, you are gonna be" and the fits just tumbled by one after the other, leaving poor HUBBY in no state of envy.

Thank god, after a few days his face became normal again, but till this day, I still dont know why he had done it, and what kind of doctor would convince someone to go ahead with a treatment that is aint needed.......

But I guess men will always be men, for although they bicker at us for spending so much time getting ready for an outing or for spending so much time infront of the mirror, they too have their own insecurities.

Umm HUBBY, next time you visit the "DENTIST" can you please make sure to tell me in advance so I can go and buy special glasses that would shield my eyes from the soreness of your sight????hehe

Apart from the headache of fasting, I actually have aquired another headache and Im absolutely pissed off. No, pissed off is an understatement, infact Im flabbergasted!!!! Yesterday, and today morning, I was taking a trip down some blogs, and other forums, I see my name, my blog name, I have been called a loony, which I myself admit, I have been called a lousy bore, which again I admit, I have been called a whiner, a nagger and a hoot(please tell me something new)!!! All that does not move me one bit, cuz I simply DO NOT GIVE A DAMN about what people think of me. You might even go ahead and call me a bitch, who cares. I certainly dont, but one thing that I cannot stand and DO NOT accept, is for someone to have the nerve and question if my emotions are FOR REAL!!! and to have the nerve and tell me that I should get a LIFE cuz my husband is in a war zone !!!!

If that person was infront of me right now, I would have scratched their eyes out literally!!!! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT to belittle how my emotions are regarding the way I feel about HUBBY being in a war zone, where one day he is living the next he might not be (God Forbid). People who say such low life things, do not know what it means to have someone so dear, risking his life inorder to make other lives better. DO NOT DARE to make fun of people's emotions or states of minds because they are missing their soul mates, their fathers, sons, brothers, mothers, daughters, sisters.

If you aint in the same situation then you have no right to talk or utter a single word regarding this issue. Yes talk about me, talk about this blog, I dont care, but to talk about HUBBY and my emotions, then you might as well be as bad as those criminals who are kidnapping and killing innocent people. You and them to me are of one mould!!!!Cuz you simply have no hearts!!!

Do you know how freaky it is, to watch tv and see explosions everyday, suicide bombers roaming the streets, kidnappings in the middle of the day, and you cant do jack shit to help protect your one and only love of your life??? Do you know how it feels to live in fear everyday and thinking the unthinkable???Do you know how it feels to wake up every single day in cold sweats because you just had a nightmare concerning your one and only love of your life???DO YOU????Do you know how lonely one can get, even though you are surrounded by a thousand people, cuz the one you love aint with you sharing the little things in life that you go through every day???DO YOU????

Do you know how it feels, to wake up everyday, and psyching yourself up pretending that your life is rosy when deep inside you are dying from sadness!!! Do you know how difficult that is??? To keep burning inside so the outside looks all hunky dory????

So dont you dare, ever ever again, question my being or my feelings towards my HUBBY. And if you dont like what you read then thats not my problem it is YOURS!!!!

I LOVE HUBBY AND I MISS HIM, AND I FEAR FOR HIM, AND FOR EVERYONE ELSE WHO ARE OUT THERE BUSTING THEIR LIVES TO HELP OTHERS......And believe me there are many, many who are out there doing their best inorder others can live, and many who have been left to face this world alone cuz their loved ones chose that other path......

Am I for real, YES I FUCKIN AS HELL AM(forgive me God for I have sinned, shouldnt be swearing, but what can I do if there is ignorance everywhere), AM I GONNA STOP WHINING AND MOANING??? YOU get real, CUZ THATS NEVER EVER GONNA HAPPEN!!!!!

So WHO IS REAL, ME OR YOU????

Im barely able to open my eyes. The migraine is killing me, I doubt I will be able to continue fasting the rest of the month. I have never ever suffered this bad. The pain is from the left side of my head and goes right down to my neck, ouch. I had taken 6 panadols already, plus some migranil tablets but to no avail. Im a wreck, and I have a deadline to work on, managed to accomplish nada, zilch, zero, wala shee....

My dad took one look at me today and said that I should stop fasting. Although I wanna complete Ramadan, I doubt Ill make it alive. I had asked what is it that I should do incase I cant go on, I was told that I must feed 10 people everyday. Apparantely there's a fund in some banks by the name of "Feed the fasting". Im gonna have to make the trip tomorrow and do just that. Hoping that God will forgive me....

With all the suffering Im going through, I dunno why I remembered a funny incident that took place just after my honeymoon. My parents were expecting us for lunch, so we made the trip from the city we were in towards where Im at now. It takes about 90 mins by car. HUBBY decided to drive this time, cuz as he put it bluntly to me "I dont wanna die young". Hmm, my driving isnt that bad(seriously it aint), its just that I prefer to speed and at times my lenses go blurry so umm, the car hits the curb several times. I aint the first nor the last person to be driving on the curb rather than the road, am I now???

So in any case, I felt bad for him and gave him the keys. BIG MISTAKE!!!! The 90 minutes turned into 2 and a half damn hours.....I was pulling my hair 10 minutes into the trip and threatened HUBBY that I will open the door and get a cab instead. He was going sooooooooooooooooooo slow, and all the cars behind us were over taking us. I looked at him,and as always he had that serene smile on his face, while MRS here if I was a chicken I would have given birth to 20 eggs already.....

By the time we reached my parents, I was a nervous wreck....As we settled in the kitchen, my mom took one look at HUBBY and then dragged me to her room. I swear I knew this was gonna happen. My mom asked" Why is your HUBBY wearing shorts???". Hmm, now there's nothing with wearing shorts, but since my dad practically lives in suits, my mom expects everyone else to do the same. I looked at my mom, and didnt know whether to laugh cuz I was expecting these words, or to cry, for I was too exhausted to argue. I told her "Mom, listen, I just had the worst car ride in my life, and I dont care if HUBBY was naked, besides its so damn hot outside, if he had worn a suit I think the trip back home woulda taken a whole day". Mom gave me the look and said" what will your father say?" Now my mom is known to over exxagerate things and to panic over miniscule events, so I shrugged my shoulders and said" Mom, if dad gets angry, then I will make HUBBY change into something else ok???" Mom said" well dont say I didnt warn you"

I went back to HUBBY and recounted the story, he looked at me with his bewildered eyes, not believing his ears. Umm yup HUBBY sorry for you to find out this now, but welcome to my family, and its TOO LATE TO UNMARRY ME,lol....As we heard my dad's keys in the lock, HUBBY jumped, and hid behind the dining table, as not to show the lower half of himself. Dad, went over to kiss him, HUBBY started pulling back, having the table between them. Dad started going to the side, HUBBY ducked down,lol. I was watching this with bemusement and laughing my head off. Dad was probably thinking what is WRONG with this guy????

After watching the ducking game, I decided to tell dad, the truth. Umm dad, HUBBY is umm wearing umm SHORTS...He couldnt believe his ears....HUBBY looked like a naughty child trying to hide something and dad looked like someone who caught a man red handed. But then it was our turn to be shocked, for dad, smiled and told HUBBY that he is welcome wearing anything he wants...Hmmm now the "anything" can mean many things cant it, so HUBBY and I looked at each other with a naughty smile on our faces both thinking exactly the same thing..... MOM on the other hand, was quiet the rest of the day....I guess MOMs will always be MOMs.....I wonder how would she have reacted of she saw us on vacation, needless to say, I aint going into these details, hehe.....

So HUBBY, Come along and lets do some HONEYMOONING in SHORTS.......

Oh and I forgot to mention, that I had asked HUBBY about the elections in Iraq, and how are the people taking it. Apparantely many of them think that its elections regarding who will become president. They are not well informed that these elections aint for the presidency but for the 275 members of the constitutional assembly, who will be responsible for dictating a new constitution.

I aint sure if there is time for people to get registered and for voting to take place, but I hope that by then everyone will know what these elections are about....Its the first time in our Iraqi history that people will be free to choose whomever they want without fearing torture, but then again, there will be those Zarqawi people and what have you who will try their best to destroy this freedom......

Hmm, my headache is still bothering me. I started fasting today and it wasnt FUN. Infact I was exactly like a zombie, roaming this earth with no target. I was yearning for my nicotine and caffeine share but hey no can do. Had to wake up quite early for a meeting at this guy's office. First thing I did when I opened my eyes was grab my marlboros, by the time I pulled a cig I remembered that SHIT Im fasting. I put it back grudgingly, swearing at myself for not waking up at dawn to have my intake....

I think God wouldnt count this fast for me, cuz on my way to the meeting I had cursed so many drivers that I might as well hadnt been fasting. Once I got to the meeting, the guy Im gonna be working with, was going on full speed. After 30 mins of him talking and me merely nodding my head not knowing what he was on about, he asked me, "are you ok???you look kinda lost". I said "Umm, well its my first day of fasting and I think Im suffering from withdrawal symptoms, I have a nasty headache and Im yearning for my coffee and cig". He smiled so elegantly and told me that I will get used to it, it will be just the first few days that will be difficult. Aha I sure do hope so, cuz if I stay like this, I dont think I will be able to accomplish anything.

Before I go to the meeting, I got a phonecall from the man who is incharge of this assignement. He was telling me how we need to send circulars and emails, etc... Now I dont mind doing these things, BUT, and theres a huge BUT here. I hate it how in the Middle East, just because you are a WOMAN, they presume, that you are only good at following orders and typing letters. I have my own experience when I was working with one of the opposition groups, which I mentioned in one of my posts. The Iraqi men tend to all be SEXIST!!!!! They sit on their butts and give orders to who????but to WOMEN. Its suffice to say, that without me sounding pompous, I havent studied MSc in Investment Management to end up typing letters and emailing them. That aint my job. So instead of being nice, like you are supposed to, I told the man, after some time of pondering "Umm, Dr, I just wanna say that I aint a secretary nor do I intend to become one". The phone went quiet, I wasnt sure if it got cut off so I said"Hello???Dr???are you still there???" I guess he was shocked to have someone at his daughter's age to be blunt and frank. I think Middle Eastern men are not used to having women dictate the rules, but that aint gonna happen with me....

So he said he understood, and that Im gonna be the coordinator and the liason. Yeah right!!!! I just hope he knows who he is dealing with, A NEUROTIC IRAQI WIFE.....Now back to the nice guy, after him talking about our tasks ahead, I had to go back to the other office to get somethings, and who was there but the ASSISTANT....I have no clue what's up her A**. I know its Ramadan and I should only be thinking rosy stuff, but I cant help myself. She gave me a look which I cant stand. Then as I was searching for something, she told me to answer a particular phonecall. Apparantely it was a guy who visited our stand in the exhibition and wanted to become a member. I answered all his questions and hung up. A few minutes later one of the founding members bumped into me, the man whose office we are using, and told me that the idea of working in another office for the upcoming assignment is a NO NO, since people are calling regarding the last week's exhibition and they need me to be there to get the details. When I relayed these concerns to the DR. infront of the ASSISTANT, he said but the ASSISTANT is here she will do it. I simply answered"but with all due respect, the people who are calling speak English" The ASSISTANT immediately said "AND I SPEAK ENGLISH". Ok by then I turned a tomato shade of red. Yes she speaks English, but its bad english, and inorder to attract people to the NGO, you need to speak fluently and not only speak but know how to answer their questions in a manner that would comfort them in knowing that the NGO knows what they are talking about..... I think she took the English thing quite personally. But I didnt mean it to sound bad. I have my heart in this, for the NGO to be successful, I aint doing it for any personal gain. I honestly want people to join this NGO, and to support it so in return we can support the needy in Iraq.....This is the whole aim of this organisation. I think she should be told this, I guess tomorrow I will have a word with her. Cuz after I uttered the statement about the english thing, she turned her face and started talking on the phone, the nerve of her, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.......

One good thing which made me happy today is the fact that HUBBY received the parcel I had sent him through the net. The country where Im at does not know what an APO address is, so I had to order it through the internet. I had sent him, a water proof mini TV, so he can have some entertainment especially now that he is alone after his room mate left. A shower CD and radio, a soothing radio alarm clock, just like the ones you have in hotels in Miami, where you get to choose to listen to the waves crashing on rocks, or birds tweeting,lol...and finally a voice recorder so he can record his thoughts or his EVIL BOSS...... Poor HUBBY he used to complain how he was the only one not receiving anything. If it was easy here, I woulda sent him things everyday, but it aint, oh well.......

I miss HUBBY immensely and now the countdown has started, one more month to go and I will be with him, Wowwww, I cant wait. November 18th Im gonna finally see HUBBY again. But then again, 2 weeks after that Im gonna have to say GOOD BYE..... God, its tough, very tough to have to go through this again, and I aint looking forward to it. So what I need is a plan, a plan to make him addicted to me......Come on everyone, suggest something. The sexy lingerie didnt work, the cooking was a disaster.

Any suggestions???They have to be real good and feasible. You know, maybe I should look into one of those sites where they have love potions that promises the partner will stick to you like super glue, or how about the day he goes back I put a laxative in his coke cola, and pray that it does its work for about a whole week,lol. POOR HUBBY......What has he done in his life to get a WIFE like me, I have no clue......

So cmon, rack your brains and Think With Me......

Woke up yet again today from a horrible nightmare. My sub conscious mind is over working, and so is my normal one.....UGHHHHHH. I NEED TO DE STRESS BIG TIME. I really am looking forward to our vacation. Wowwwww, it will come extremely handy. I tried calling HUBBY but his mobile aint functioning then I remembered that he told me, he is going somewhere outside Baghdad. I have no clue where since, we stopped specifying places incase anyone is eavesdropping. But he is a smarty pants(with pleats, god, eeewww) cuz when he was telling me that he is off somewhere and I asked where, he simply named all the counties he knew in Iraq,lol....At first I didnt get it, then it hit me.

I didnt go to work, I decided that Im better off doing the new assignment from home, since I have ADSL line and my own laptop. The assistant has been giving me weird looks lately and has been acting slightly rude. I think SHE thinks that her job is threatened, but in reality it really aint. Her attitude changed 180 degrees from the first day I met her up until yesterday. Im only a volunteer, trying to do what I can to help this NGO out. She on the other hand is very valuable to the organisation cuz she does all the admin work and all the Arabic typing, which Im not proud to say, Im crap at. I mean I speak and write Arabic fluently but when it comes to typing, ummm, I think even my 7 yr old nephew is better than me. So basically there is no intention what so ever to take her position. And besides Im only doing this temporarily until I seek a solution with HUBBY.

What Im in charge of is organising events to publisize the NGO. So I do most of the liasing with International organisations and governmental bodies. Then there is the issue of the office space. Since the NGO is quite new, there isnt really a permanent office where we function from. One of the founding members was generous enough to provide some office space. So we are basically using HIS office space, HIS computer, HIS internet line, HIS stationary. We are still waiting for a permanent space to be provided, by the authorities here.

Therefore, I dont want to invade the assistant's privacy by taking over the computer she is using and I dont want to go to the office just to sit around and do nothing. I have been busy all day in my room planning for the next event thats gonna be taking place soon. I hope this time it will be better organised.

I was flabbergasted to find out that the delegates who came from Iraq spent so much money while here. Although their hotel rooms were paid for by the local government, their food and expenditure wasnt. Their food was provided by some organisations who offered to invite them and their expenditure was provided by donations from the members of the NGO. But I cannot fathom how their hotel bill came to almost $4000. My god!!!!! All the necessary things were already provided for, so what was the $4000???Well, apparantely they took advantage of everything available, like the mini bar, the room service, the international phone calls. They didnt leave one thing out, and they have the nerve to tell us, the ones who left Iraq long long time ago that we dont care about the country!!!!!!!!!!Im soooooooooooooooooo pissed offff.

They presume that just because we left our countries we are so damn well off, WELL WE AINT. We aint sitting on an open tap of oil nor money. I see families here who barely are living. Everything is relative. The incomes are definitely without a doubt higher than Iraq but the prices of goods and services are high. So they cant really compare. Umhakima, I hope you dont mind me putting a link to your " done with shopping" post but it really hits the nail right on. I cannot generalise ofcourse cuz there are people who are intelligent enough to realise that we too need to live and feed our children.

I cant remember who said this in one of the comments, but either sami or Baghdad, (Im sorry if you guys dont like to be mentioned, do tell me to stop), mentioned that most of our families and relatives in Iraq when asked for help it was us, the ones who were outside that helped them out and sent them things, be it money or other things, and we did it without even thinking about it. We did it without even expecting anything in return.

I hope the delegates that are coming next month will know their limits and will know that the NGO is NOT responsible for their extreme expenditure. I mean hellloooooo, we have only started and the organisation itself is seeking funds.....I absolutely hate it when people take advantage of the situation, GRRRRRRRRRR

Anyways, Im just mad as hell. I better go now and finish my assignment, I have a meeting to go to in a few hours. I guess Its Just One of Those Days.......

I finally have ADSL, yaaaaaaaaaaaay.....dial up was such a nightmare, it used to take me ages to open up one page, or to download pictures that HUBBY would send. God what a relief. Speaking of pictures, I guess you can see that I have posted one of me, lol. This one has a story behind it. Sorry for its unclarity, but after I snapped this one, I tried to do another one, sadly enough my logitech cam had uttered its last breathe and died on me. May God rest its memory in pieces,hehe....

This picture was taken 2 weeks ago, I was kinda upset with HUBBY(as I always am) and I took it and emailed it to him incase he forgot how I looked like, which I tend to do every now and then....I decided to post it here on my blog, to show you that Im real, and to say to you hellooooo, this is me, the neurotic iraqi wife. I know how annoying it is, when you interact with someone without having a picture that goes with the words, so Im giving your imagination a break by showing you the real MOI......

When I started writing this blog back in August 25th, I wanted to vent out all my anger and my sadness about HUBBY being not around, and I also wanted people to help me find ways to get him back. I was so desperate to find a solution, that I actually wrote to Iraq Blog Count and asked them to help me on ways of letting people to read my blog. And they sure did, I really wanna thank the team so so much for making my blog public, without them I wouldnt have gotten so many amazing readers....Second on my list is non other but A Star from Mosul, Najma is an amazing YOUNG LADY. She is sooo talented and smart, that she really is an inspiration to many people from all generations. Thanx Najma, for being a star...I would also like to thank Iraq the Model, for they also introduced my blog to their many avid readers, again Im so grateful. And ofcourse I would like to thank each and every one of you that reads my never ending complaints and ramblings....You sure are patient I must say.....

I stopped trying to find ways to getting HUBBY back, cuz I realised its a lost cause. There probably are only 2 options, one is if I die, and by then it will be too late(tho I can still nag him in his dreams and turn them into nightmares,hehe), and the second which can be arranged, is if I get a fatal illness, Hmmm, dunno which one is more difficult to attain, but I have racked my brain so much that these are the only 2 worse case scenarios I came up with. And frankly speaking, the first one, is only in God's hands, the second one, hmm, now Im sure I will be more useful doing what Im doing in my new job with a healthy mental state(dont count on it tho) so Im kinda leaving that possibility once Im really desperate.

Therefore I decided to use this blog like a diary, a diary which in many many years time I would love to show my kids(if we do get the chance to have any). I wanna show them how patient and such a sweetie I was in waiting for their dad to come to me in one piece, and how miserable it is being without him. I kinda am hoping for having girls only, since they can form a feminist movement and control all those stubborn MEN, yaaaaaaaaaay, and teach them a lesson they will never forget. Cant wait for that, seriously cant.

Today I finally deposited the cheques that HUBBY gave me 2 months ago. Thank god he didnt date them or else they would have ended in the bin. The down side to these cheques is the fact that they are in dollars and umm, the country Im in, is sooooooo advanced that it takes one whole month for the money to be cashed into the account, wowww, arent I lucky. I just am hoping that it will be there before we go on vacation. But hey I aint complaining atleast I actually deposited them, cuz knowing me, they probably would have stayed there in my bag for donkey more years. I swear where else can HUBBY find such an economical WIFE like me, I have no clue. He is one lucky man, I assure you. But I cant promise not to go shoe shopping soon. Thank god he gave me his credit card, yippeeeeeee.

Yesterday was the first day of Ramadan as you probably know by now. We had the whole familia for Iftar, which basically is when we break our fast. Our house was soooooooooo noisy, that I ended up having a headache. Kids shouting , adults trying to take over each other's conversations, its hilarious. One would be talking about one subject and the other would answer back regarding a completely different one,lol....

I havent started fasting yet, Im hoping tomorrow I will. But I did one good thing, and that was teaching my younger sister to pray. You see, one sect prays one way, the other sect prays in another way, and thats why my sister was so confused that she gave up on the idea. I too was the same, but I decided to go and buy a book to teach myself the right way. I didnt want to do it according to sects, I wanted to do it the way our prophet(pbuh) used to perform his prayers. Some people tend to complicate things, like how to place your feet while kneeling, and how to place your hands while standing, etc, others tend to simplify things so much, that the prayer ends in 2 minutes. So inorder not to feel guilty I had bought a book, and started praying accordingly. But I also believe that what counts is your real intentions and not how you pray. Its the intent of getting closer to God, its the intent of being a good person, thats really whats important and what really really counts.It was great teaching my sister how to pray, yet somehow difficult. But in the end she did it, and Im proud.

I was asking HUBBY if any of his colleagues are fasting, he said almost all the Iraqis are, except HIM. You see, HUBBY for the past 25 years of his life lived in the States, and didnt really live with his family. So infact he never experienced the "real" Ramadan ambience. I on the other hand lived in a Middle eastern country then moved to London, but I kept the habbit of fasting. So today I told HUBBY that he should start fasting. He gave me the excuse of cant cuz "Im a smoker". Hmmm well Im a damn smoker as well, but when push comes to shove, I will do it. So Im gonna nag him even more until he will. Yaaaaaaaaaaay more nagging. Geez I wander where he gets his patience from.....Thank God for that. If I was a guy and had a wife like me, I would probably have ended umm in Iraq as well,lol......Poor HUBBY.....

Im kinda hoping that HUBBY would learn some (some and not all mind you, cuz there are ones that are quite unbearable) of the traditions that he left behind when he left Iraq, but I doubt this will be the case, since in reality he aint living in the "real" Iraq. I dunno, I just want God to be merciful with us, to protect HUBBY and to protect all those innocent people who are out there.

I totally condemn the bombings of the churches that took place today. I was watching the news, and one church was utterly devastated. My mom was telling me, that Iraq has some of the oldest churches in the world. She was telling me how back in the good old days, in their neighbourhood, everyone lived peacefully with one another, muslims, christians and even jews. I swear I cannot fathom, how those criminals are still going on in full strength...Why cant they be stopped, why cant they be caught. Im a firm believer of God, but at times of weakness, I question him and ask"why?why do you allow this to happen?why do you allow innocent people to die so ruthlessly and allow those coldblooded creatures to live?". Forgive me God for asking and wandering, I never doubt your power nor your existence, but everyone is asking the same questions over and over again. People say its a test, a test for what? For perseverence???But those who are persevering aint surviving, so what are they being tested on???Again I seek forgivenees for questioning you......I just wish all this would stop and Iraq will become a wanderful place that everyone can visit without being fearful....

I always get my ideas when Im in the shower or when Im in bed, and I thought of a Master plan that would eliminate those barbarians. Yaaaaaaaay.... Umm, but am not sure if its feasible, and I know many people would laugh at it, but its better than bloodshed. I dunno if I should share it with the world but here goes, well, why dont we crush harmless sleeping pills, and place it in every food item and every drinking one, and we get the whole country to sleep except the national guard and the police. Then they can go to every household and get the criminals out, without bombing anyone nor killing anyone. And hey prestooooooooo you get a peaceful Iraq.....What do you think???I know its risky and it probably violates human rights, though it already has been violated with these heinous acts, but this is the most peaceful way. Cuz theres no way in hell that those low life creatures will negotiate, nor do they understand the meaning of the word.And Only THEN will I be able to carry HUBBY on a stretcher and get him outta there, yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.....

Maybe we should start a fund, a fund to collect money to buy all the sleeping pills available and we can begin our mission. So Sleeping Pills anyone????

I couldnt sleep well, I woke up every 2 hours in a cold sweat. I was sweating like a donkey while the damn AC was on full blast. I kept thinking about that explosion in the Green Zone Cafe. When I wrote my previous post I didnt know the details of what had happened. But then I read it on the net. I was in shock. It could have been HUBBY, God Forbid.

I dont know what to think, Im so relieved he wasnt there yet so damn angry that he could have been. The Green Zone Cafe was HUBBY's favourate hang out place. And at the time of the explosion, 12:40 pm(lunch time) would have been exactly the time where HUBBY would be there. Do you see what Im saying????HUBBY was saved. HUBBY was lucky. I didnt realise this until later, when I was in bed. The thoughts kept rushing through my mind. Thoughts of what if, what if, what if.

He called me this morning, his room mate packed and left. Yup, the room mate couldnt deal with all the stress, so last night, he booked a flight out of that hell hole, packed his stuff and left in the morning. GOOD FOR HIM. Im glad, that someone is using their mind. I asked HUBBY why the hell is he staying there, why put yourself in this position???Why dont you use your brains and get out while you can, then you can come back when things get better???His answer was, lets see what happens. For God's sake man, wake up. Those criminals wont stop, infact they are gonna do worse things this month, since Ramadan is a Holly month, and those idiotic"Jihadists" think that its the best month to die in...They are gonna scale up their acts of violence.....

I told HUBBY may god enlighten his mind, cuz I believe he is living in la la land....He doesnt know how worried and stressed out I am. Even my brother was worried big time yesterday. I got phonecalls from friends of mine who heard about the explosions to see if HUBBY is safe. Thats how bad it was. But HUBBY doesnt know it, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, I wish I can extend my arms and just grab him by the collar and get him outta there.

Last year, my brother in law, survived the UN bombings. It was his first time to go to Baghdad after 29 years living abroad. He works for a monetary organisation that was coordinating with the UN. The bombing happened on his first day of arriving in Baghdad. His office was next to de mello's. Do you know what saved him????A glass of Iraqi tea...Yup, him and his colleague were salvating for the typical sweet Iraqi tea, once they got their tea glasses, my brother in law, went back to get the saucer then BOOM. Bodies everywhere, blood everywhere. His colleague didnt make it, may his soul rest in peace. My brother in law was blessed to have survived. I will take a picture of the blazer he was wearing on that day. Its all spluttered with blood. People's blood. He kept it as a reminder of the sad events that took place. They immediately evacuated the area, and he was put on the first plane out to Amman. He came back to us, in a daze. He couldnt believe he was alive. WE couldnt believe he was alive. Many of the people he knew were killed that day. Im sure you can imagine the state that my sister was in when she found out that her husband was in the middle of that bombing. But ilhamdilla, thank God, he made it alive.

One of HUBBY's friends who I had met when we went to Florida, told me that it will take a close call for HUBBY to leave. I was shocked when she uttered those words but now I know exactly what she means, I know it sounds horrible but I guess thats the only way. Either that, or his company should realise how dangerous things are getting and should take the employees outside Iraq for the time being....What really kills me, is that he has the bloody chance to leave. He can do it any minute, any day, but he chooses not to. Thats whats killing me.

You might think that men in their 40's are mature enough to know whats right from wrong, but apparantely NOT. There's a 13 year gap between HUBBY and I. I never actually felt it, since he is so young at heart. I seem more serious than he is, he always takes things easily, while Im the one who worries and stress myself out. HUBBY on the other hand just sits back and smiles. I shoulda known. You know how in amuzement parks, when you go on a ride and a camera flashes at the scariest moment. Well, all the photos that were taken of us on the rollercoasters that we rode in summer, were like this: HUBBY in control and smiling big time, while MRS here, had her mouth sooooo damn open from screaming damn loud, that you can see my tunsils. Thats how black and white we are,lol.

He was telling me how his moves are now extremely limited. His company have told all employees to avoid going to cafes and that they should go immediately to their rooms/trailers after work. So basically its a prison now. Im hoping that maybe in a couple of days, he will say FUCK this Im leaving. Im gonna pray everyday for God to put some sense in that man's brains.

Mr Sense, please please, go visit HUBBY, I know you are busy visiting many others, but HUBBY is in need of you. Go see him, and force feed him from your yummy food, put some tobasco, and loads of salt, and maybe some fat on the side. That will make HUBBY devour you in no time. Cmon Mr Sense, dont be late, and while you are feeding him, whisper in his ears and tell him in your ever so slight voice: Get outta here son, go back to your WIFE, for she loves you and misses you, (Then suddenly SCREAM and tear his ear drums and say) "AND WANTS TO MAKE BABIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS NOWWWWWWW"

I woke up late today and missed work. I couldnt get out of bed, I felt like a huge brick was laid on my body. I guess the exhaustion and excitement of the last few days has caught up with me finally.

Its now official that Ramadan, the holliest month in Islam, is tomorrow. But it aint easy as that. Cuz some factions fast tomorrow others fast the day after. I have no clue why cant we all agree on a date. In anycase, HUBBY once said that it confuses him, how until now, we still have to wait and see the crescent, which is the sign we depend on for observing the beginning of the month. Cuz out in the west, they can predict a comet or a falling star, years and years from now, why cant we do the same???It seems like a logical arguement, but its an obligatory habbit that we aquired since our prophet Mohammed (PBUH), and its also written in our Quran.

Im so much looking forward to Ramadan. Its a month that brings peace to one's soul and I sure do need that peace. I have always fasted since I was in 5th grade, and I remember how difficult it was then, cuz it was during the summer where the day seemed sooooooo long and tiring. I have no problem if I dont eat but the worst part is not having my regular shots of coffee and my cigarettes. I usually end up having migraines the first few days then I get accustomed to it. To ease the pain, I usually wake up before dawn, gulp a mug of coffee(I got so immune to it that it doesnt really affect my sleeping), smoke around 5 cigarettes and pop in 2 advil pills.

This year is the first year after a long long time that I will be in a Middle Eastern country for Ramadan. In London, it it was like a struggle, cuz you see people smoking, eating in the streets while in the ME its forbidden for anyone to eat, drink, smoke or even chew in public during fasting hours. And besides my family is all around me which is great, except ofcourse HUBBY aint gonna be here. Which is a great bummer.

Speaking of which, I just spoke to him. I had heard about 2 huge explosions in the Green Zone yet again, 8 people got killed this time. Its becoming a danger area, where now its a fact that some bad guys have infiltrated the area. So now Im gonna be more worried than I usually am, damn, I dont think I can hack this anymore. Maybe just maybe, when I pray to God during this beautiful month, he will asnwer my prayers and I will get HUBBY back.

Its been ages since I complained and I feel like venting out. I know I know I know, Im gonna sound like an old woman whining, but I just wanna get it out of my chest. The last few weeks, I felt a huge distance between HUBBY and I. I dunno what it is, but he seems always distracted when he talks to me, and doesnt really pay attention to what Im saying. Ok I know he is under alot of stress with problems at work and the security issue, but instead of becoming closer to strangers he should atleast try harder with me. He has spent far more time with people he doesnt know existed than with me. It saddens me to think this way. At times when Im in bed I imagine scenarios, and one of them is me drowning together with the "friends" he has made. I always end up thinking that he would save them before contemplating saving me. He probably would leave me there drowning to my death. Shit thats pretty sad isnt it.....

I was suggesting to him to come here and spend the Eid with me, since its gonna be a week holiday then he can extend it with his R&R. Its a wise suggestion but he refused by giving me the excuse of wanting to work. What work HUBBY when its gonna be an official vacation???I dont get it???Eid is a time where families get together and enjoy themselves, but no, not me. Yes my immdiate family is here, thank God for that, but I want my HUBBY. He doesnt even try. Just like the time I asked him if he could spend some time with me when my birthday comes. His immediate answer was NO. Ok come here for EID, NO. Ok lets spend New years together NO. Everything is bloody NO. God, Im so annoyed and mostly disappointed.

The other day he was telling me that he has this idea of going to Syria with a group of his Iraqi "friends" to try out the Iraqi Airways. I was shocked, and angry. Why doesnt he tell ME ME,not his bloody friends to come with him????I mean he can take days off with others but he cant take days off with me, God. I still didnt buy the travel tickets to Amsterdam and Sweden, since he told me to wait..... Hmm, I wander whats going on....

His phonecalls diminished, his emails are non existent, its like I aint around....Even me, my tone of voice has changed with him. There isnt any excitement no more, cuz its like its only me GIVING GIVING GIVING and theres no taking....I guess theres a limit to everything.

Im hoping its just a phase, a phase that we both are going through that will soon become a happier one.....

Its over. Today was the last day, I aint sure if Im glad or sad???? Im glad that I dont have to stand for another 8 hours no more, Im glad that I wont see those few ignorant people that infuriated me, but Im sad. Im sad cuz I had an amazing experience. I am sad that I wont see all the wonderful people I have met from all over the world. Im sad there's no more husky voice. Im sad that the leg muscles I have aquired from standing on those killer heels are gonna disappear into thin air in a couple of more days. I actually kinda like my legs now, I used to always hate the shape, but with those muscles, mama mia, they look like Anna Kornikova's. Darn.....lol

Yesterday and today, there werent many ignorance surrounding me, infact, I met some great people, people who really are interested in helping Iraq in anyway possible. But let me first tell you about a funny thing that happened yesterday.

After 6 hours of standing, I couldnt take it anymore, so I grabbed a chair, and sat down for a couple of minutes. My lenses tend to go all blurry around that time. As I sat down, my eyes was attracted by something on the table, I looked closely, and OMG, it was a pack of cigarrettes, and not any cigarettes, THEY ARE MIAMI cigarettes!!!!!!!!!!OMG, Miami cig from IRAQ. I have read about that brand on one of the Iraqi internet sites, where they supply you with weekly prices of cigarettes and what made me laugh at one time, was when I saw the brand names that were sold in Iraq, and Miami was one of them. So there it was right infront of me, a pack of MIAMI from Iraq. I grabbed the pack with a speed of lightening, and placed it in my bag, making sure no one saw me. I swear I have never taken anything that aint mine before but this one was an exception, this one is from my beloved Iraq. I said to myself, if whoever owns this pack comes for it, I will give them 2 packs of my marlboro. I always get 2 with me, incase I ran out of ciggies.

A few minutes later, guess who showed up????The Iraqi man (a member of the delegation) who blamed us for leaving Iraq and for not suffering. Ummm yup I stole his cigarettes,lol. He came to the table immediately and said"where are my cigarettes???They were here???who took them???" I said to myself shit, now what am I gonna do???. So, I grabbed my bag and told him"Im the one who took them, but can I have them and I will trade with you 2 packs of my Marlboro,please I want those Miami cig". He looked at me confused, and asked why do you want those???(Now ofcourse he had grabbed the 2 packs I handed him in no time) I said cuz they are Iraqi, they smell of Iraq. He was stunned, and I think he realised how wrong he was to accuse me not caring about my country. He said"Well these aint Iraqi but they do come from Iraq, and since you love Iraq so much, why dont you come with us?we are going back in the next few days, come with us and you can stay with me and my family" I smiled and said thanx for the offer, I would love to, but my HUBBY is in Iraq now, and I might go back with him when I see him next month. The man had to go, but I ended up a happy bunny, with my Miami ciagrettes from IRAQ, Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay.....

We have decided to place some plants next to our stall to give it abit more of a lively nature. So we got 2 huge plants and placed it at either side of the stall. And we also got this humangous basket filled with dates. Dates is like an Iraqi traditional fruit since we have plenty of Palm trees in Iraq, and we are known to have the best dates among all the countries of the world. Now the exhibition does not provide trash cans for the stalls, and we didnt bring one either, nor did we bring ashtrays. So where did people throw their cigarette butts and the date pibs?????Surprise Surprise where else but in our plant pots, GRRRRRRRRRR. So I would end up taking a tissue and picked each and every butt and pib, God.......I ended up with soiled nails, eeewwwww, time for a real clean up.....

Ok now to the serious stuff. Isnt there a saying that goes like"Birds of a feather flock together"???Well this is exactly what happened. Every Iraqi who read in the exhibition's brochures the name of our organisation, came by and talked to us. I guess its very natural for expats to look for their fellow expats and get to know them. A young man passed by, and he introduced himself, started telling me about his father's business then all of a sudden he said" My father was kidnapped a week ago" My first reaction and the first words that came from my BIGO MOUTHO was "OH SHIT". Then I tried to correct myself but went on and said"Oh shit, how, and is he ok???" The young man said "we collected the money and he was released yesterday in Basra". OMG. I never met someone that had a direct relationship with a hostage, except for my cousin, who had her cousin kidnapped a few months back. But this one was weird, its this guys father. I was really taken aback. I said to him, thank god he is safe now, I hope he wasnt hurt, but did you find out who the kidnappers were??? The guy said, no he wasnt hurt, thank God but the kidnappers were from the marshes. OMG the marsh people are kidnapping???what for???but then I realised that ofcourse its all to do with money. So that was a first for me, but the guy seemed relieved and didnt look stressed out at all for his father is safe and free.

Then I met another Iraqi. He is an engineer who is new to this country and didnt really know anyone here. He had left his family in Canada and is trying to get his wife to join him here. He started talking about how much he misses Iraq and he was giving me accounts of his university memories back in his good old days. I noticed that as he was talking his eyes became watery, I felt really sad, and didnt know what to do. So I grabbed one of our brochures and pretended not to notice. He took his glasses off and wiped his tears. His words broke my heart and his tears saddened me and made me yet again, swear at the bastard Saddam who forced us to live far from our country in foreign lands, where we will always be treated as strangers. Even this damn war could have been avoided if the assole left our country alone and went to some far away place....But no, he was too bloody arrogant and a selfish bastard. He didnt care one bit about his people, he only cared about himself and his status as the damn president of my country..... Speaking of which, I got a Jordanian man, who when I asked him if he would like to become a member in our organisation, he smiled and said, no I dont think so, cuz we are with the old regime. This time, I stopped myself from being rude, since honestly speaking there was no energy left in me to argue with him, its suffice to say that the only words that came from my mouth were" the regime and its leader that you are talking about has ended in history's trash can" He was so adamant and said with a voice filled with assurance"No they are still there and they will come back", Oh well some people never change......

Then I got this other guy who came by, asked me about how the organisation can help him, so unintentionally I said"We can help you in all kinds of ways". He said"Oh great then can you start by giving me a date" I wasnt actually looking at him, since I was busy collecting the papers I was about to give him, but the minute I heard the word date I froze, I thought to myself shit, now how am I gonna answer this idiot???But as I looked up I saw him wink at me and in his hands was a date, the fruit,lol. What a tease..... Then 2 American men stopped by, and as we were talking, one of them said that there are 600 brands of dates, I smiled teasingly and said oh really???Can you name them for me????hehe, his colleague turned to him and said Im outta this I aint gonna help you, you have yet again put yourself in a difficult situation. The next day the 2 men came to me and handed me a magazine that surely has the 600 names of dates,lol. Americans never give up do they??? I still havent read it, but I sure will tomorrow.......

Well that was it, the end of a great experience, I hope that the organisation pleased many people and I hope that we will get as many responses as the number of people that visited our stall. I think next time, we will be better organised, and we will be ready for tricky questions and tricky situations, not that I need to learn how to reply since I know my tongue is always there ready to shoot,lol.

As for HUBBY, well, he keeps asking me if I have met cute guys???I mean yeah some of them were real cute, but in every conversation I made sure to inform them that Im married and that HUBBY is in Iraq right now..... How can I look at other men, when the only man I see through my eyes is HUBBY and the only man engraved in my heart and soul is MY HUBBY......

Its over now, so Am I GLAD or am I SAD?????


PS: Im really sorry for not responding to comments lately, but I thank each and everyone of you, some comments really made me laugh, and others gave me so much encouragement.......And I also thank everyone who reads my blog and doesnt comment, for I do the same at times. I hope that you are enjoying it and that Im being as helpful as I can to tell you about my culture, my country, my life and most important of all the love that I have for my one and only HUBBY.....

Welcome to MIAMI CIGARETTES, YUMMMMMYYYY

Our Plant that has been decorated by lovely date pibs and cig butts, aint it a pretty picture...

Two days down, 2 more days to go. Im utterly exhausted. My feet are throbbing from the 8 hour stand that I have to endure every day on my 4 inch heels,ouch. My mouth is dry from all the conversations I have to have with all the visitors. My voice has lost its normal tone and has become husky, yaaaaaaay. Husky is sexy and once HUBBY hears me, he will melt,lol.

Im enjoyingmy work alot. There are many ups and many downs along the way. I have met very interesting people from all over the world. And its great to see the amount of interest that people have in Iraq, which I guess its kinda natural with whats happened in the past and whats happening in the present.

So what is it that Im doing???Well im actually representing an Iraqi NGO which is also a non profit organisation. It basically promotes investments in Iraq inorder to improve Iraqis lives. It also has an ongoing humanitarian operation, one of which is the sponsoring of orphanges and orphans.

But let me tell you that yesterday and today, I had a go at a couple of people. And they aint ordinary people, they actually come from the idiotic ignorant type who have nothing better to do than slag Iraqis. I was flabbergasted. Let me tell you a few examples.

We had an Egyptian guy who walked by our stand, looked at the title and saw the word Iraq, he immdiately said, Oh no this is bush's Iraq, this is allawi's Iraq. I looked at him and said No this Iraqi's Iraq, and if you arent as ignorant as your remarks you would know extremely well from our leaflets that we are a non governmental Organisation. He said but this Iraq this is the bad Iraq. I couldnt believe the man. How dare this egyptian ignorant talk like this. How dare he. I didnt want to lose my temper but I couldnt help it, so I gave him a piece of my mind in Iraqi, and Iraqi words can be quite vulgar especially coming from a woman. He lowered his head and left. The assole. Then we get a Yemeni, who said, We are so sad for the loss of your leader Saddam, he was our hero. WTF????????What hero????OMG,I swear I cant believe these people, I swear I cannot fathom that until now, that man is called a hero. These people have no clue what that criminal did to his people, and if they do know, then they too are criminals for believing in him. I then got a question from a french man, who was very sweet,he asked me, sooooo oooooo dooooooz zeeee Iraqien wont foooor zeeee presedente of zeeee US??? OMG OMG OMG. I simply smiled and said, zeee Iraqiens do not care fooooor oooo becomes prezident, zey only want zeir securiteee and zeeer lives back. He said bot surely zey dont want bush. I said no, zey surely dont give a damn,lol......

That was yesterday. Today I got an idiot from the Gulf who pointed at the map of Iraq and said in his broken english, what state number is this country of america???At first I swear I didnt know what he was talking about. I said sorry???can you say that again???He said, this country what state of America is it??Hmm now what the hell am I gonna answer this stupendous creature???I said this country you are pointing at is Iraq the great. Its no state of any country. He said it is the american state, I said well Im sorry you think so. He looked at me and said you are not Iraqi, you are American. I said I am 100%Iraqi and I think theres nothing here at our stand that is of interest to you. I said that in a tone of voice that probably the stall next to us heard it. He said oooooooh I make you angry???Now I have no clue why the hell he was talking to me in english when I was answering him back in Iraqi???????That boggled my mind. So I said to him, listen we are the great Iraq, if you really want peace for us, then get your scum bags out of our country, the people who are doing all those suicide bombings for their jihad, I walked off afterwards, cuz I knew if he was gonna say one more word I was gonna make a scene. These are some of the people, the ignorant people we get passing by our stand.

Then what was worse, was the delegation that came from one of the ministries of Iraq. When we asked them how is Iraq, and whats the situation there, one man replied, you guys(he means us who left Iraq long time ago), you do not care about us, you left us, you ran away and we are the ones who suffered, we the Iraqis inside we are the ones who survived the hardship, but you guys lived in luxury. He said it and his voice was full of venom. His tone was so demeaning, Again I couldnt swallow my tongue, and told him"Sir you may have stayed behind and it sure was difficult for you, but we, the ones you claim that ran away, we have more love for our country than you do, we suffered for you suffering, we felt your pain, and we have become so nostalgic about our country whereas you, you just want to leave it now. Your hearts have turned into stones while our hearts are still soft for the country we dream to go back to". He was quiet for awhile then he said, you maybe nostalgic, but we still suffered more than you. Again, I walked off, cuz there was no use of me continuing with this arguement. He saw things his way and I saw it in a different way.

I really was saddened that this is the impression that Iraqis inside have of us. I guess the educated ones would know how we feel, but the ones who continue to live in Saddam's era tend to ignore our remarks. I also noticed that although those delegates came from the ministry, they are too shy to talk about the situation in Iraq, maybe not shy, but they still fear that someone is listening to their conversations just like Saddam Times. They keep a barrier that shields their opinions regarding the current situation, and the past one. They are only good at blaming us the Iraqi expats for not suffering. God that furiates me even more.

I know many people who had nervous breakdowns when the war took place, I was one of them, I feared for my people, I feared for their lives and what will become of them from Saddam's chemical weapons and the cooaliton forces strikes. So by them blaming us for leaving Iraq more than 25 years is not fair. It aint fair for them to have so much envy because we too suffered. I believe that before any reconstruction to take place, there should be a reconstruction of the minds. Seriously this is what some Iraqis need, they need to rebuild their thoughts before being able to live in the New Iraq. They still live in fear, they still live in the past, they still think Saddam is there, watching their every move, their every step. They should be able to remove the envy they have of us, their impression of us not caring is a sign if ignorance.

After 8 bloody hours of standing, I come home, place my feet in very hot water with salt. My feet were so numb to the degree that I couldnt feel the temperature of the water. So you can imagine, the state that I am in every evening. Then HUBBY calls me, yaaaaaaaay, and puts a smile on my exhausted face. I tell him all the stories, and when I tell him how I had answered those idiotic people he says"thats my girl". Im his girl alright and I love it.

Oh I forgot to mention that I met an American who came from Baghdad, and what was amazingly impressive, was the fact that he knew some Iraqi expressions, and he would say it in such an Iraqi accent, that it made me laugh. He had the perfect accent, even better than mine. He even taught me words I have never heard of,lol. So all in all, this has been a great experience, but I cant wait for the weekend to come, so I can relax my tongue, my throat, my feet and most of all my mind.

Some say that igonorance is bliss, but I say that Ignorance is a psychological disease that may or may not have a cure. It all comes down to the individual, the enviroment they live in, and mostly the society they mix with.

No one is gonna mess with IRAQ, THE GREAT IRAQ......

A simple view of our Stall in the Exhibition.Notice my shawl on the chair and my cup of coffee,hehe

Im gonna be soooooooo busy in the next few days that I aint sure I will still have the strength or the time to post. Hence Im writing this during my lunch break which today is quite tight. Theres this huge Conference thats taking place and I have to attend from early morning till the evening. When am I gonna wash my hair I have no clue. Another dilemma. I think I will have to forget about lunch for now and concentrate on my "Shakira" hair,hehe. But hey mine is real, baby, no hair extentions or what have you, God I dont think I would be patient enough to get my ass stuck again to a chair for god knows how many bloody hours, just like that loony toony "eeeet eeez oooool eeeen zeeee cut" guy that I wrote about earlier.

One thing I wanted to mention, something pretty funny actually. The day I got sooooooooo damn worried about HUBBY, and thought he disappeared into thin air, I managed to come up with his colleagues email, it was a fluke and it worked. I just typed his name, then the domain address and prayed to god that it went to the right person. I just received an email from him last night, saying that HUBBY is OK and incase of emergency, he will be glad to be contacted on that email. Ummmm helllooooooooooo, by the time you answered my email HUBBY was tucked safely in bed. So I wrote to him back, saying, I doubt very much, that you will be my first source incase of immergency, cuz if everytime, I would inquire about HUBBY's whereabouts if he does disappear again, and you would reply a whole day later, then I definitely will end up in a mental clinic from stress....Lol.

Then my HUBBY's colleague's wife wrote to me, she too is in the same situation as I am. Her husband left her to "rebuild the country". I was sooo glad that she did write, so now we can conspire together and teach our HUBBIES a lesson they wont forget,hehe. Its so damn easy for men to pack and go, just like that. I guess its their way of not dealing with "real" life situations and also, to get away from their amazingly smart witty wives, their loss,huh. I swear Im gonna do a tshirt with a logo: