neurotic Iraqi wife
October 14, 2004
Its Just a Phase.....
I woke up late today and missed work. I couldnt get out of bed, I felt like a huge brick was laid on my body. I guess the exhaustion and excitement of the last few days has caught up with me finally.
Its now official that Ramadan, the holliest month in Islam, is tomorrow. But it aint easy as that. Cuz some factions fast tomorrow others fast the day after. I have no clue why cant we all agree on a date. In anycase, HUBBY once said that it confuses him, how until now, we still have to wait and see the crescent, which is the sign we depend on for observing the beginning of the month. Cuz out in the west, they can predict a comet or a falling star, years and years from now, why cant we do the same???It seems like a logical arguement, but its an obligatory habbit that we aquired since our prophet Mohammed (PBUH), and its also written in our Quran.
Im so much looking forward to Ramadan. Its a month that brings peace to one's soul and I sure do need that peace. I have always fasted since I was in 5th grade, and I remember how difficult it was then, cuz it was during the summer where the day seemed sooooooo long and tiring. I have no problem if I dont eat but the worst part is not having my regular shots of coffee and my cigarettes. I usually end up having migraines the first few days then I get accustomed to it. To ease the pain, I usually wake up before dawn, gulp a mug of coffee(I got so immune to it that it doesnt really affect my sleeping), smoke around 5 cigarettes and pop in 2 advil pills.
This year is the first year after a long long time that I will be in a Middle Eastern country for Ramadan. In London, it it was like a struggle, cuz you see people smoking, eating in the streets while in the ME its forbidden for anyone to eat, drink, smoke or even chew in public during fasting hours. And besides my family is all around me which is great, except ofcourse HUBBY aint gonna be here. Which is a great bummer.
Speaking of which, I just spoke to him. I had heard about 2 huge explosions in the Green Zone yet again, 8 people got killed this time. Its becoming a danger area, where now its a fact that some bad guys have infiltrated the area. So now Im gonna be more worried than I usually am, damn, I dont think I can hack this anymore. Maybe just maybe, when I pray to God during this beautiful month, he will asnwer my prayers and I will get HUBBY back.
Its been ages since I complained and I feel like venting out. I know I know I know, Im gonna sound like an old woman whining, but I just wanna get it out of my chest. The last few weeks, I felt a huge distance between HUBBY and I. I dunno what it is, but he seems always distracted when he talks to me, and doesnt really pay attention to what Im saying. Ok I know he is under alot of stress with problems at work and the security issue, but instead of becoming closer to strangers he should atleast try harder with me. He has spent far more time with people he doesnt know existed than with me. It saddens me to think this way. At times when Im in bed I imagine scenarios, and one of them is me drowning together with the "friends" he has made. I always end up thinking that he would save them before contemplating saving me. He probably would leave me there drowning to my death. Shit thats pretty sad isnt it.....
I was suggesting to him to come here and spend the Eid with me, since its gonna be a week holiday then he can extend it with his R&R. Its a wise suggestion but he refused by giving me the excuse of wanting to work. What work HUBBY when its gonna be an official vacation???I dont get it???Eid is a time where families get together and enjoy themselves, but no, not me. Yes my immdiate family is here, thank God for that, but I want my HUBBY. He doesnt even try. Just like the time I asked him if he could spend some time with me when my birthday comes. His immediate answer was NO. Ok come here for EID, NO. Ok lets spend New years together NO. Everything is bloody NO. God, Im so annoyed and mostly disappointed.
The other day he was telling me that he has this idea of going to Syria with a group of his Iraqi "friends" to try out the Iraqi Airways. I was shocked, and angry. Why doesnt he tell ME ME,not his bloody friends to come with him????I mean he can take days off with others but he cant take days off with me, God. I still didnt buy the travel tickets to Amsterdam and Sweden, since he told me to wait..... Hmm, I wander whats going on....
His phonecalls diminished, his emails are non existent, its like I aint around....Even me, my tone of voice has changed with him. There isnt any excitement no more, cuz its like its only me GIVING GIVING GIVING and theres no taking....I guess theres a limit to everything.
Im hoping its just a phase, a phase that we both are going through that will soon become a happier one.....
Its now official that Ramadan, the holliest month in Islam, is tomorrow. But it aint easy as that. Cuz some factions fast tomorrow others fast the day after. I have no clue why cant we all agree on a date. In anycase, HUBBY once said that it confuses him, how until now, we still have to wait and see the crescent, which is the sign we depend on for observing the beginning of the month. Cuz out in the west, they can predict a comet or a falling star, years and years from now, why cant we do the same???It seems like a logical arguement, but its an obligatory habbit that we aquired since our prophet Mohammed (PBUH), and its also written in our Quran.
Im so much looking forward to Ramadan. Its a month that brings peace to one's soul and I sure do need that peace. I have always fasted since I was in 5th grade, and I remember how difficult it was then, cuz it was during the summer where the day seemed sooooooo long and tiring. I have no problem if I dont eat but the worst part is not having my regular shots of coffee and my cigarettes. I usually end up having migraines the first few days then I get accustomed to it. To ease the pain, I usually wake up before dawn, gulp a mug of coffee(I got so immune to it that it doesnt really affect my sleeping), smoke around 5 cigarettes and pop in 2 advil pills.
This year is the first year after a long long time that I will be in a Middle Eastern country for Ramadan. In London, it it was like a struggle, cuz you see people smoking, eating in the streets while in the ME its forbidden for anyone to eat, drink, smoke or even chew in public during fasting hours. And besides my family is all around me which is great, except ofcourse HUBBY aint gonna be here. Which is a great bummer.
Speaking of which, I just spoke to him. I had heard about 2 huge explosions in the Green Zone yet again, 8 people got killed this time. Its becoming a danger area, where now its a fact that some bad guys have infiltrated the area. So now Im gonna be more worried than I usually am, damn, I dont think I can hack this anymore. Maybe just maybe, when I pray to God during this beautiful month, he will asnwer my prayers and I will get HUBBY back.
Its been ages since I complained and I feel like venting out. I know I know I know, Im gonna sound like an old woman whining, but I just wanna get it out of my chest. The last few weeks, I felt a huge distance between HUBBY and I. I dunno what it is, but he seems always distracted when he talks to me, and doesnt really pay attention to what Im saying. Ok I know he is under alot of stress with problems at work and the security issue, but instead of becoming closer to strangers he should atleast try harder with me. He has spent far more time with people he doesnt know existed than with me. It saddens me to think this way. At times when Im in bed I imagine scenarios, and one of them is me drowning together with the "friends" he has made. I always end up thinking that he would save them before contemplating saving me. He probably would leave me there drowning to my death. Shit thats pretty sad isnt it.....
I was suggesting to him to come here and spend the Eid with me, since its gonna be a week holiday then he can extend it with his R&R. Its a wise suggestion but he refused by giving me the excuse of wanting to work. What work HUBBY when its gonna be an official vacation???I dont get it???Eid is a time where families get together and enjoy themselves, but no, not me. Yes my immdiate family is here, thank God for that, but I want my HUBBY. He doesnt even try. Just like the time I asked him if he could spend some time with me when my birthday comes. His immediate answer was NO. Ok come here for EID, NO. Ok lets spend New years together NO. Everything is bloody NO. God, Im so annoyed and mostly disappointed.
The other day he was telling me that he has this idea of going to Syria with a group of his Iraqi "friends" to try out the Iraqi Airways. I was shocked, and angry. Why doesnt he tell ME ME,not his bloody friends to come with him????I mean he can take days off with others but he cant take days off with me, God. I still didnt buy the travel tickets to Amsterdam and Sweden, since he told me to wait..... Hmm, I wander whats going on....
His phonecalls diminished, his emails are non existent, its like I aint around....Even me, my tone of voice has changed with him. There isnt any excitement no more, cuz its like its only me GIVING GIVING GIVING and theres no taking....I guess theres a limit to everything.
Im hoping its just a phase, a phase that we both are going through that will soon become a happier one.....
9 Comments:
Ramadan is a month of Soul-purification before all else. You don't just quit eating, drinking & smoking, Its what's going on inside your head that really matters..
In here, Ramadan gives boys a chance to see girls for what they really are, WITHOUT MAKEUP! heheheh!
Dear Lady, I know you are concerned about your Hubby, believe me all regular visitors here feel the same way..
I read a book some time ago that did miracles to my relation with MY someone, its a VERY well-known book written by John Gray Phd. called "Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars", give it a look-see, its available where you're at, I found a copy in Jordan, so I guess where you're at, there should be a copy at the University Library or something like it..
Hint: if you buy one, do NOT buy the one with cartoons, buy the TEXT version, Much better!
It IS a phase, It WILL pass..
Your Hubby is simply feeling over-whelmed and that all the world rests on his shoulders.. He has not been infected yet with our local iraqi disease "DoItLaterOsis"... Good for him..
I hope he comes back to you this Eid...
Do you know in iraq Eid is probably gonna be for FIVE DAYS?
check this out:
Sunni people (my guys) will declare ramadan on friday
some Shi'a (Sastani guys) will declare it on saturday
other Shi'a (Sadr guys and Iran-following guys) might possibly do it on SUNDAY!!!
I think Wahabi guys did it last wednesday!
So Eid is basically gonna be 3+1+1= FIVE DAYS OH MY GOD!
Yay!
Seriously, why can't we all agree on a SPECIFIC lunar date and at least unify RAMADAN??
Now in Iraq, believe it or not, First day of Ramadan has become a subject of spite between Islamic sects here, EVERYONE does it on a different day to piss-off the other sects.. !
Please unify Ramadan next year..
Let's hope one day this dream will happen!
Mabrouk to ALL
13out.
...hang in there NW. You are right, it's just a phase.
This experiance in Iraq is life changing for many people...more so for two young newlyweds, I'm sure. Relationships, marriages are difficult enough to manage in normal circumstances.
...wishing you the best.
Partisan Hack 101
Lol AnaRki, I had bought this book since it first was published. I have read it 4 times already. Men go into their caves, hmmm, it must change to, men go to IRAQ. 13 I wish you a very happy and safe RAMADAN. Inshallah things will get better, I pray that things will get better for you guys out there. Stay safe, and be extra careful, for the criminals are targetting everyone and anyone....
Partisan, the strainful part is the fact HUBBY was lucky today, he escaped the bombing in the cafe, but is he gonna be lucky the next time???Thats what pisses me off, he has the bloody chance to leave and he aint doing it. He could spare me all the stress and the worries, but NO, he chooses to stay, thats whats killing me.
Josie, at times, I feel so abandoned, so lonely, I experience things that I want him to be there with me to feel what Im going thro, and the same for him, I wanna experience what he is going thro. I felt the same last time, when he was away, and I saw him after 3 months, things were amazing, but it gets difficult, cuz by the time Im going on with my life, Its time for us to meet, then its amazing, then he leaves me again. Its a vicious circle.....
You came to my mind when I heard the news of the two explosions at the green zone. Glad to know your husband is safe.
رمضان كريم وأن شاء الله زوجك يرجع بالسلامة من بغداد
Don't worry about it too much, men will always be men... I wrote about how man at 50 act like they are 22 in Iraqi culture and its true for all ages........men always go out together and leave their wives behind etc... wives get jealous angry...... in ur case their is the distance but i am sure he worries and cares..... bas i am not going to give u the whole Iraqi male psyche lecture but i am sure its a phase... inshallah kulshee khair.
Can you take prozac or a vallium or at least an aspirin? You really suffer too much.
NIW: Hang in there, I recognize the feelings your going through exactly! It is just a phase. These are natural fluctuations, in any relationship. It's just more obvious now when each phone call and e-mail holds so much weight and there's no day-to-day physical contact and comfort to balance things out.
Not to mention the added stress of this particular situation.
Try to remember a special tender moment, like an extra special hug (or whatever), and the feelings you had then. Maybe try to remember those feelings during the next phone call, you never know, might change things back!
I don't know the appropriate saying for "have a great Ramadan", like happy holidays? But, I do wish it for you and your family! At what age would a person start fasting? You mentioned grade five, so about 9 or 10? Is it a at different age for boys than girls? What about nursing mothers? Or diabetics or very elderly people? Just curious.
I wouldn't take any pills as anon. suggested, but then you too smart to be fooled by a drug pusher!
^____^
Hope you had a rested day off!
Fayrouz, Tislameen dear sis. HUBBY was lucky not to be there, thank God for that....
Sami, yeah, men and their antics. oh not to mention their "practicality" and "logic". Everything should be practical and everything sgould be logical,hmmm. Allah isa3idna 3alaikum.....
Anon, forget pills, HUBBY will be the greatest medication to my mind....
Umhakima, Ramadhan Kareem to you too, and inshallah our prayers will be answered...
Leapfrog, Thanx for your lovely words, you always manage to put a smile on my face when I read your comments. A couple of answers to your questions about who fasts in Ramadan, well, as far as I know, that once a child reaches 7 years old, he should be trained to fast. Now people who have an illness shouldnt fast instead, they should give money to feed poor families, or distribute food. Women who are breastfeeding or pregnant shouldnt fast, and women who are menstruating, musnt fast cuz they wont be clean. Once their menstruation ends, they should wash themselves and start fasting.Anyone who is travelling, shouldnt fast either...And if for example, I had my period and couldnt fast for 6 days of Ramadan, I should make it up later...
I hope this helps ;-)
NIW: Yes it does help, thanks for telling me! I thought that there must be something in place for these exceptions and I love that those who can't fast, can contribute in such an honourable way as providing food for others less fortunate.
But I too, would have a hard time especially without my morning caffine and nicotine! I'd be very groggy for a few days to say the least!
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