neurotic Iraqi wife
June 29, 2008
Suicidal Iraqi Cockroaches...
This is a silly post, but I still wanna publish it. There’s this place I go to when I don’t want to have any of my “smart” conversations while smoking. At times, I just wanna get away from it all, and just sit and contemplate ALONE, without any distractions or people coming to me complaining about JCL or annoying the hell outta me. I just want some space. And believe me, in this place, I doubt the word “space” is on anyone’s dictionary.
Today, I grabbed my papers and pen, (latest trick of pretending to work : ) and Mike B, don’t you dare tell anyone my trick!!!) and disappeared to my secret place. I sat there puffing away, staring at the grey walls, then all of a sudden, I saw some movement with the corner of my eyes. I looked down and it’s a long thick trail of ants going in one direction. I dunno why, ever since I came here, I have this fascination with watching ants. I can sit there for hours just staring at them. Yeah very sad, I know. I started blowing smoke on them so in their world it would seem like a smoky sandstorm, hehe.
About 2 minutes later, a huge black cockroach appeared from the crack on the wall. It started moving towards the ants, I got all excited and focused all my attention on the confrontation that was gonna take place. It felt like watching the “Ants Gladiator” movie. I lit up another cigarette waiting in anticipation for the action to kick off. Should have brought some popcorn with me, I thought to myself. But all of a sudden and out of the blue the monster cockroach stopped midway, turned upside down, and
DIED!!!
What the hell!!! I think the 49C (120F) Baghdadi heat made it commit suicide. The full action Gladiator movie turned into a melodrama at first, with the death of the cockroach. With all excitement deflated, I decided to get back to work. As I got up, the ants started moving towards the suicidal cockroach. They gathered around it in a group and began the mission of carrying it. I was truly amazed at how precise and perfect their moves are. And no matter how many times they falter, they never give up, they keep going on. I just love that.
One of the maintenance guys came along stood next to me and started complaining about the heat.
“This feels like an oven. I feel like a chicken being grilled on the roaster” he said, while removing the cap of his iced water bottle then emptying almost all of it on his head. I stood there smiling and as I was telling him how cold it is inside, and how much I love the heat, midway through my sentence, everything turned to slow motion, and I watched in horror , him emptying the rest of the water on
MYYYYYYYYYYYYY ANTSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
Noooooooooooooooo, I screamed at him. He jumped. “Whats wrong? What happened?”
You just drowned my ants!
I just what? He asked doubting the words he heard in his ears
Il namil, kitalit il namil. Gharragit hum bil may!!!! (The ants! You killed the ants! you drowned them with your water)
He stared at me with a look that I cant describe, looked down at where the ants were, shook his head and walked away murmuring some words under his breath…Lol. Thank god he knows me well enough not to think I have gone crazy. Or have I?
The Ants had a tsunami and died a horrific death. My perfect ant watching turned into an Indian horror movie (filim hindi). Yeah, what a smoke break. That’s the kinda excitement I have here in this twalled community. Not sure where the so called Emerald City is, cuz it sure aint here. We get all excited by ants, cameras, cookies, doughnuts and solar power panels. Oh and Cockroaches. Suicidal Iraqi Cockroaches…
Today, I grabbed my papers and pen, (latest trick of pretending to work : ) and Mike B, don’t you dare tell anyone my trick!!!) and disappeared to my secret place. I sat there puffing away, staring at the grey walls, then all of a sudden, I saw some movement with the corner of my eyes. I looked down and it’s a long thick trail of ants going in one direction. I dunno why, ever since I came here, I have this fascination with watching ants. I can sit there for hours just staring at them. Yeah very sad, I know. I started blowing smoke on them so in their world it would seem like a smoky sandstorm, hehe.
About 2 minutes later, a huge black cockroach appeared from the crack on the wall. It started moving towards the ants, I got all excited and focused all my attention on the confrontation that was gonna take place. It felt like watching the “Ants Gladiator” movie. I lit up another cigarette waiting in anticipation for the action to kick off. Should have brought some popcorn with me, I thought to myself. But all of a sudden and out of the blue the monster cockroach stopped midway, turned upside down, and
DIED!!!
What the hell!!! I think the 49C (120F) Baghdadi heat made it commit suicide. The full action Gladiator movie turned into a melodrama at first, with the death of the cockroach. With all excitement deflated, I decided to get back to work. As I got up, the ants started moving towards the suicidal cockroach. They gathered around it in a group and began the mission of carrying it. I was truly amazed at how precise and perfect their moves are. And no matter how many times they falter, they never give up, they keep going on. I just love that.
One of the maintenance guys came along stood next to me and started complaining about the heat.
“This feels like an oven. I feel like a chicken being grilled on the roaster” he said, while removing the cap of his iced water bottle then emptying almost all of it on his head. I stood there smiling and as I was telling him how cold it is inside, and how much I love the heat, midway through my sentence, everything turned to slow motion, and I watched in horror , him emptying the rest of the water on
MYYYYYYYYYYYYY ANTSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
Noooooooooooooooo, I screamed at him. He jumped. “Whats wrong? What happened?”
You just drowned my ants!
I just what? He asked doubting the words he heard in his ears
Il namil, kitalit il namil. Gharragit hum bil may!!!! (The ants! You killed the ants! you drowned them with your water)
He stared at me with a look that I cant describe, looked down at where the ants were, shook his head and walked away murmuring some words under his breath…Lol. Thank god he knows me well enough not to think I have gone crazy. Or have I?
The Ants had a tsunami and died a horrific death. My perfect ant watching turned into an Indian horror movie (filim hindi). Yeah, what a smoke break. That’s the kinda excitement I have here in this twalled community. Not sure where the so called Emerald City is, cuz it sure aint here. We get all excited by ants, cameras, cookies, doughnuts and solar power panels. Oh and Cockroaches. Suicidal Iraqi Cockroaches…
June 26, 2008
My Shiny Iraqi Skyline
This is something you will not hear about in the majority of the media. I certainly havent heard about it before yesterday's conversation. Yesterday, yes and as I was out smoking :) I asked S about the Electricity situation. To be honest, I stopped asking my coworkers about it a long time ago, for I knew what the usual answer will be. But for some odd reason, S and I were talking in general when somehow the conversation took a turn towards Electricity.
S smiled and said, situation is extremely good. I couldnt believe my ears. I said S, Im talking about Electricity (Kahraba2). Yes I know, we are having about 5-6 hours a day instead of the 0-1 hour a few weeks ago, he continued. (and yes, 5-6 hours is really a gift for Iraqis for they are not blessed like the rest of the world).I was stunned. How come S? I mean thats good news, but what changed? Cuz I know the demand has increased incredibly in the last 2 or 3 years. And I also know that the supply of MW, will never reach 100%. Maximum it can reach is somewhere between 45-47%. So for S to tell me theyre getting it, something must have changed.
S said yes, theyre using solar energy now. Solar energy??? You are kidding right? I looked at S waiting for him to tell me he is pulling my leg.
No Neurotica Im serious. You see, they now installed the solar panels for many of the street lighting, inorder to take some of the load there so the homes can have electricity. They have done it in my neighbourhood. And a few others.
I really didnt believe S, so I searched the net and found this Arabic article today . OMG. S wasnt lying. S was saying the truth. Funny enough, that light, that lost light of hope which I thought I will never ever see again, kinda shimmered at me from far far away.
Can it be? Can it be that one day, no one will ever ask the Iraqis whether they have electricity or not because that will just sound like an absurd thing to ask? Can it be? Can it be that the day will come when the Iraqis will not have to scram to wash clothes, take baths, clean homes and wash dishes in that one hour only opportunity? Can it be that generators will be something of the past? Something of the forgotten era?
Oh wow, can it be? Can it be that when inhabitants of the moon will look down on us one day, they would say "Wow, look down, look at that beautiful lit up Iraq?" Just like we do when we see the beautiful moon lighting our skies? Can it be? Yeah my light of hope is shimmering, the light is shimmering ever so faintly, but its there. Its there lighting the skyline. My Skyline. My Shiny Iraqi Skyline...
S smiled and said, situation is extremely good. I couldnt believe my ears. I said S, Im talking about Electricity (Kahraba2). Yes I know, we are having about 5-6 hours a day instead of the 0-1 hour a few weeks ago, he continued. (and yes, 5-6 hours is really a gift for Iraqis for they are not blessed like the rest of the world).I was stunned. How come S? I mean thats good news, but what changed? Cuz I know the demand has increased incredibly in the last 2 or 3 years. And I also know that the supply of MW, will never reach 100%. Maximum it can reach is somewhere between 45-47%. So for S to tell me theyre getting it, something must have changed.
S said yes, theyre using solar energy now. Solar energy??? You are kidding right? I looked at S waiting for him to tell me he is pulling my leg.
No Neurotica Im serious. You see, they now installed the solar panels for many of the street lighting, inorder to take some of the load there so the homes can have electricity. They have done it in my neighbourhood. And a few others.
I really didnt believe S, so I searched the net and found this Arabic article today . OMG. S wasnt lying. S was saying the truth. Funny enough, that light, that lost light of hope which I thought I will never ever see again, kinda shimmered at me from far far away.
Can it be? Can it be that one day, no one will ever ask the Iraqis whether they have electricity or not because that will just sound like an absurd thing to ask? Can it be? Can it be that the day will come when the Iraqis will not have to scram to wash clothes, take baths, clean homes and wash dishes in that one hour only opportunity? Can it be that generators will be something of the past? Something of the forgotten era?
Oh wow, can it be? Can it be that when inhabitants of the moon will look down on us one day, they would say "Wow, look down, look at that beautiful lit up Iraq?" Just like we do when we see the beautiful moon lighting our skies? Can it be? Yeah my light of hope is shimmering, the light is shimmering ever so faintly, but its there. Its there lighting the skyline. My Skyline. My Shiny Iraqi Skyline...
June 22, 2008
The Ninety Minutes of Iraqi Peace...-Updated
Funniest thing happened today. I was out smoking, and as usual, stirred some conversation up. Two Iraqis were out there, so I asked about their expectations for the much awaited football game against Qatar today. Before they answer my question, one of them said, I don’t want Iraq to win. I want Qatar! I almost choked on my cig.
“What do you mean???” I shouted. “You’re kidding right?”
“No, Im not kidding. I am very serious!” He said as a matter of factly
“But its Iraq! Its our country, how can you say that? Its the only thing that unites us” I was getting really agitated
“Let me tell you why Neurotica. Remember when we won the Asia Cup last July? Remember how everyone went crazy?” I nodded fervently, for ofcourse it was a moment I will never forget.
“Well that day in July, my neighbour went out of his house, into his garden to hear the celebrations and join in, out of the blue, a stray bullet from the celebratory fire hit him right on the spine. My neighbour is now paralyzed from the hip down and I honestly don’t want to be paralyzed, I don’t have long for my US visa. So Neurotica, that’s why, I don’t want Iraq to win, and I pray that Qatar takes it.”
I didn’t really know what to say or how to react. Except I said, well don’t go out. But still pray for Iraq to win. He smiled and as he was going back inside, he said No, Inshallah Qatar wins. And with that, he left me sitting there, really upset. Upset and disappointed. Im not asking him to go in the middle of the street where the people are shooting. All Im asking for, is for him to be happy, happy for his country. I guess not.
I guess, I think differently. And yes, maybe if I had a next door neighbour who fell victim to a stray bullet, then Id react the same way. The GZ gets hammered with those anyways, and we always get a warning if the game was over and Iraq won. So Im used to it.
Anyhow, Im not gonna be like A. Stray Bullets or not, Im gonna say, Inshallah Iraq wins! Lions of Babylon will win, they will win and unite ALL Iraqis even if its for a short period of time. In less than half an hour, it will be the most peaceful hour and a half in all of Iraq. The Ninety Minutes of Iraqi Peace
Updated: And so at 8:56PM, the game was over, and there was no celebratory Fire! A got his wish and Qatar won :(
“What do you mean???” I shouted. “You’re kidding right?”
“No, Im not kidding. I am very serious!” He said as a matter of factly
“But its Iraq! Its our country, how can you say that? Its the only thing that unites us” I was getting really agitated
“Let me tell you why Neurotica. Remember when we won the Asia Cup last July? Remember how everyone went crazy?” I nodded fervently, for ofcourse it was a moment I will never forget.
“Well that day in July, my neighbour went out of his house, into his garden to hear the celebrations and join in, out of the blue, a stray bullet from the celebratory fire hit him right on the spine. My neighbour is now paralyzed from the hip down and I honestly don’t want to be paralyzed, I don’t have long for my US visa. So Neurotica, that’s why, I don’t want Iraq to win, and I pray that Qatar takes it.”
I didn’t really know what to say or how to react. Except I said, well don’t go out. But still pray for Iraq to win. He smiled and as he was going back inside, he said No, Inshallah Qatar wins. And with that, he left me sitting there, really upset. Upset and disappointed. Im not asking him to go in the middle of the street where the people are shooting. All Im asking for, is for him to be happy, happy for his country. I guess not.
I guess, I think differently. And yes, maybe if I had a next door neighbour who fell victim to a stray bullet, then Id react the same way. The GZ gets hammered with those anyways, and we always get a warning if the game was over and Iraq won. So Im used to it.
Anyhow, Im not gonna be like A. Stray Bullets or not, Im gonna say, Inshallah Iraq wins! Lions of Babylon will win, they will win and unite ALL Iraqis even if its for a short period of time. In less than half an hour, it will be the most peaceful hour and a half in all of Iraq. The Ninety Minutes of Iraqi Peace
Updated: And so at 8:56PM, the game was over, and there was no celebratory Fire! A got his wish and Qatar won :(
June 18, 2008
The Amazing Pleasure-Release Hole...
We had to attend an Ethics lecture the other day due to the many complaints the organization was receiving because of certain individuals. To be honest, although I wasn’t looking forward to sitting there and listening to stuff I already know, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I thought it was a good eye opener to people who are new and who think they are here for something other than work.
Funny enough, you’d think that JCL would get the point, but what do you know, the minute we were done, she once again was talking to the GB telling him about the class!!! I just rest my case, people have already complained to upper management, and if THEY don’t wanna do anything about it then that’s their problem. I honestly do not care anymore, nor have the energy to get worked up about it.
When you work in an environment similar to ours, you tend to become an expert in phasing out many things, and just take a stance back. Besides I heard my Boss will be coming for a visit soon, and that by itself relaxes me. I like him a lot because he is as straightforward as can be, and accepts no Bullshit from anyone!!!
In the past few weeks, Ive noticed many strange things and I need to ask the question; when does sexual harassment, really become harassment? Take yesterday for instance, I was out smoking, this new government person who has only been here a few days, was out there smoking too. I was wearing a Betty Boo t-shirt which I bought in NY last year. He looked at me and said;
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah Betty Boo, looks just like the person wearing it”
I gave him my fake smile and said umm, don’t think so, trying to be cordial if you know what I mean, but he continued,
“Well I guess not the face, but neck down”
WTF!!!I was stunned at his words. My stomach churned with disgust, it was way too early in the morning for me. This time the fake smile was substituted by my angry frowned face, and I replied
“You may need another set of glasses with the right prescription this time. I better go back inside”
When I was relaying this story to a coworker, he suggested I introduce the weirdo to JCL. That just cracked me up…
But nevertheless, I was so pissed off and disgusted!!! How can a simple t-shirt seem so provocative? And Im definitely not going to blame myself, cause anyone who knows me, knows the kinda attitude I have around here. So do we call those remarks sexual harassment? Yesssssssssssss. And if he does it one more time, I will give him a warning and a copy of the ethics training slides.
God, I wish I was a man with a weeny. Im serious, no one will dare say such profanities then unless they have a different sexual orientation. Sometimes one would think receiving such comments is ok or flattering. But NO. NOT OK with me. And Ive mentioned before, I barely talk to anyone, and if I do, then its with people I know are harmless. I don’t mind jokes from friends, but from people I barely know, now that’s not acceptable.
The other day, I ran out of cigarettes, there’s a small shop across the road where I get my smokes from. As I was crossing the road, I saw a few American tanks on the sidewalk. I wasn’t too sure if I wanted to be near them, cuz I knew what was coming. But I was in desperate need for my nicotine. As I crossed, I heard the whistles and the laughter. I just blocked them out and brisk walked to the shop.
After buying my stuff, and as I was leaving, I saw the tanks again. All I could think of was “Shit, here we go again” And what do you know, the whistles and woohooo’s started. Ok, in normal circumstances, normal places, I woulda either screamed at them or slapped their faces, but I couldn’t do neither here. I felt my heart racing and my anger reaching top level. I did something I despise doing, I spat on the floor. Well not literally, but it’s a sort of an Iraqi way of disrespect when you stare right at the person and say “tfooo 3alaikum oo 3ala illee khalafokum”. Wont even try to translate that. Although they probably didn’t understand a word I was saying, the gesture by itself was enough. But that didn’t stop them, I heard them say “oooooooooooooh, miss angry” UGHHHHHH
I was just flabbergasted!!! And no these things don’t only happen with Americans, it also happens by Iraqis. Infact it happens everywhere to everyone. But my question still remains, when is it really a sexual harassment? When JCL prances in and throws herself at men, is SHE “sexually harassing” them? What if they are consenting to it? What if both are mature adults and know exactly what theyre doing. Is that harassment?
About a year ago, I read an article (tried locating it but couldn’t find it) describing the main reasons behind the terrorists horrid actions. It blamed it all on sexual frustration. So I found the perfect cure for ALL the “frustrated” men (from all nationalities) that need to release some of that tension.
Instead of building bases all over the country, ie FOB’s or Terrorist training grounds, they should invest in a large room more like a humongous warehouse. It will be similar to a luxurious bathroom with all the fixtures and fittings merged with a post office. Each PO box, will have the person’s name (for hygienic reasons), they open it up, and its like a urinal, a urinal with a built in replica of a “woman’s organ” plus maybe bose speakers that will mimic the woman’s moans to give it that all natural real effect. And there, they can do their business, and release ALL their tension without being abusive.
Yeah, I think I will patent the idea and call it the Amazing hole. The Amazing Pleasure-Release Hole…
PS: The video I posted previously, a marine throwing a puppy, I read the marine got reprimanded. I think the pleasure hole will solve many of his psychotic issues...
Funny enough, you’d think that JCL would get the point, but what do you know, the minute we were done, she once again was talking to the GB telling him about the class!!! I just rest my case, people have already complained to upper management, and if THEY don’t wanna do anything about it then that’s their problem. I honestly do not care anymore, nor have the energy to get worked up about it.
When you work in an environment similar to ours, you tend to become an expert in phasing out many things, and just take a stance back. Besides I heard my Boss will be coming for a visit soon, and that by itself relaxes me. I like him a lot because he is as straightforward as can be, and accepts no Bullshit from anyone!!!
In the past few weeks, Ive noticed many strange things and I need to ask the question; when does sexual harassment, really become harassment? Take yesterday for instance, I was out smoking, this new government person who has only been here a few days, was out there smoking too. I was wearing a Betty Boo t-shirt which I bought in NY last year. He looked at me and said;
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah Betty Boo, looks just like the person wearing it”
I gave him my fake smile and said umm, don’t think so, trying to be cordial if you know what I mean, but he continued,
“Well I guess not the face, but neck down”
WTF!!!I was stunned at his words. My stomach churned with disgust, it was way too early in the morning for me. This time the fake smile was substituted by my angry frowned face, and I replied
“You may need another set of glasses with the right prescription this time. I better go back inside”
When I was relaying this story to a coworker, he suggested I introduce the weirdo to JCL. That just cracked me up…
But nevertheless, I was so pissed off and disgusted!!! How can a simple t-shirt seem so provocative? And Im definitely not going to blame myself, cause anyone who knows me, knows the kinda attitude I have around here. So do we call those remarks sexual harassment? Yesssssssssssss. And if he does it one more time, I will give him a warning and a copy of the ethics training slides.
God, I wish I was a man with a weeny. Im serious, no one will dare say such profanities then unless they have a different sexual orientation. Sometimes one would think receiving such comments is ok or flattering. But NO. NOT OK with me. And Ive mentioned before, I barely talk to anyone, and if I do, then its with people I know are harmless. I don’t mind jokes from friends, but from people I barely know, now that’s not acceptable.
The other day, I ran out of cigarettes, there’s a small shop across the road where I get my smokes from. As I was crossing the road, I saw a few American tanks on the sidewalk. I wasn’t too sure if I wanted to be near them, cuz I knew what was coming. But I was in desperate need for my nicotine. As I crossed, I heard the whistles and the laughter. I just blocked them out and brisk walked to the shop.
After buying my stuff, and as I was leaving, I saw the tanks again. All I could think of was “Shit, here we go again” And what do you know, the whistles and woohooo’s started. Ok, in normal circumstances, normal places, I woulda either screamed at them or slapped their faces, but I couldn’t do neither here. I felt my heart racing and my anger reaching top level. I did something I despise doing, I spat on the floor. Well not literally, but it’s a sort of an Iraqi way of disrespect when you stare right at the person and say “tfooo 3alaikum oo 3ala illee khalafokum”. Wont even try to translate that. Although they probably didn’t understand a word I was saying, the gesture by itself was enough. But that didn’t stop them, I heard them say “oooooooooooooh, miss angry” UGHHHHHH
I was just flabbergasted!!! And no these things don’t only happen with Americans, it also happens by Iraqis. Infact it happens everywhere to everyone. But my question still remains, when is it really a sexual harassment? When JCL prances in and throws herself at men, is SHE “sexually harassing” them? What if they are consenting to it? What if both are mature adults and know exactly what theyre doing. Is that harassment?
About a year ago, I read an article (tried locating it but couldn’t find it) describing the main reasons behind the terrorists horrid actions. It blamed it all on sexual frustration. So I found the perfect cure for ALL the “frustrated” men (from all nationalities) that need to release some of that tension.
Instead of building bases all over the country, ie FOB’s or Terrorist training grounds, they should invest in a large room more like a humongous warehouse. It will be similar to a luxurious bathroom with all the fixtures and fittings merged with a post office. Each PO box, will have the person’s name (for hygienic reasons), they open it up, and its like a urinal, a urinal with a built in replica of a “woman’s organ” plus maybe bose speakers that will mimic the woman’s moans to give it that all natural real effect. And there, they can do their business, and release ALL their tension without being abusive.
Yeah, I think I will patent the idea and call it the Amazing hole. The Amazing Pleasure-Release Hole…
PS: The video I posted previously, a marine throwing a puppy, I read the marine got reprimanded. I think the pleasure hole will solve many of his psychotic issues...
June 15, 2008
Iraqi Boots on The Ground...
Conspiracy theories and what people really think. When things got out of hand with the looting everyone blamed the Americans. And rightly so. It happened right under their noses and all they did was stand there and watch, and in some cases encourage the looters. When things got real bad and the Askari shrines got bombed in Feb 2006, everyone blamed the Americans, and I disagreed. When things started going from bad to worse with the security situation, again it was the Americans that were blamed. I kinda disagree there. Truth to be told, they tried by increasing the number of troops. And surprisingly everyone saw the effects albeit slowly. Yes the killings, bombings didn’t stop, but they were at very low levels.
But when Maliki goes to Iran and makes secret wheeling and dealing, and people still say it’s the American doing, now THAT is just WRONG!!! I hate conspiracy theories. The points of conflict between Maliki and the US over the bases, is ridiculous. The only reason Maliki is being difficult over the negotiations is NOT because of his undying love to his country nor his people. I mean they might as well call all “Eyerakis” “Eyeranians”, cuz that’s what we are apparently, by default.
Only reason Maliki is saying NO is because he knows that these bases will one day be used against his beloved “Land of the Mullahs”. That’s the ONLY reason. Apart from that, he wouldn’t even have batted an eyelid. But no, he cant upset Khamenei, can he now? He uses the excuse “US are compromising Iraq’s sovereignty”. Umm, come again??? Im sorry but what Sovereignty is this, if you are allowing your great Bosses in Mullah Land dictate to you what should and shouldn’t be done??? And who should and shouldn’t be here???
The Mullah land across the border is financing, training and encouraging the mass Iraqi Killings!!! They, together with the Land of the Short Dishdashes (aka Wahhabies) are the main culprits for all the blood running through this Mesopotamian Land!!! They are the ones blowing people up. They are the ones using animals, babies, women, young men and handicapped people to blow themselves up and kill hundreds of innocent Iraqis!!!
Why doesn’t Maliki bash the Mullahs for their murderous acts???? The Basrah offensive, the Mosul offensive, all this was a game??? A deal??? . Hand me a bucket so I can throw up. Just to know the livelihood of 24 million Iraqis are in this guy’s hands is sickening!!!
And don’t you dare tell me he is trying!!! He is trying Jack!!! So you know what, I have made my mind up. Although Im against the US troops withdrawing so fast because of the blood baths that will follow, BUT, after listening to that guy, after watching Maliki bowing to the Land of the Mullahs, I believe Obama should win and withdraw every single boot on the ground. EVERY SINGLE ONE. Then lets see what Maliki is capabale of...
Yes, we deserve whats happening to us. We deserve everything. Majority voted for this Govt, and we have to suffer. I hope that everyone learnt his/her lesson. I definitely learnt mine alright. I choose not to vote in the next elections. Yup, I will just Veto it. Whats the point??? The Mullahs will still win!!! So why bother.
I spoke to an Iraqi who lives in Baghdad il Jideeda. I asked about the security situation, he said let me give you an example; Last year this time, when I used to leave work at about 5ish, the streets were empty but instead filled with fake checkpoints manned by Mahdi Militias. I would always say the Shahada cause I never knew if Id come out alive. Then the militias were replaced with the Iraqi Police, and theyre more sadistic. They wouldn’t let you go if they don’t like the way you look. They were corrupt and will only release you if you pay them money.
Come today, and when I leave, the checkpoints are replaced with the Iraqi Army. They are very nice, and their loyalty, their loyalty does not lie within any faction. Their loyalty lies with the Army and their country. He continued, Neurotica, the streets are so filled with people sitting in gahwas, and enjoying themselves. Places are still open till late. Last year, we would hear a needle drop.
Then I asked him what if the US leave now? He said, let them leave. Yes there will be a blood bath, but in all cases, for things to become better, a blood bath is inevitable. He said Im not with the troops leaving, but, if that’s the only solution, then let it be. Our Army are better equipped and trained. They are ready to defend us.
I was shocked at this news. I never knew that the army was ready (I still have my doubts). But this is coming from a guy who lives and breathes the real Baghdad. So I will believe him. He also mentioned that there are special units and special forces specifically trained for taking out the Militias and Al Qaeda components. Neurotica, we are ready. Ready to fight for our country.
So for all of you out there, no matter how bad things will be if the US troops leave, they gotta leave. Everyone wants Iraqis. Iraqi Boots on The Ground…
But when Maliki goes to Iran and makes secret wheeling and dealing, and people still say it’s the American doing, now THAT is just WRONG!!! I hate conspiracy theories. The points of conflict between Maliki and the US over the bases, is ridiculous. The only reason Maliki is being difficult over the negotiations is NOT because of his undying love to his country nor his people. I mean they might as well call all “Eyerakis” “Eyeranians”, cuz that’s what we are apparently, by default.
Only reason Maliki is saying NO is because he knows that these bases will one day be used against his beloved “Land of the Mullahs”. That’s the ONLY reason. Apart from that, he wouldn’t even have batted an eyelid. But no, he cant upset Khamenei, can he now? He uses the excuse “US are compromising Iraq’s sovereignty”. Umm, come again??? Im sorry but what Sovereignty is this, if you are allowing your great Bosses in Mullah Land dictate to you what should and shouldn’t be done??? And who should and shouldn’t be here???
The Mullah land across the border is financing, training and encouraging the mass Iraqi Killings!!! They, together with the Land of the Short Dishdashes (aka Wahhabies) are the main culprits for all the blood running through this Mesopotamian Land!!! They are the ones blowing people up. They are the ones using animals, babies, women, young men and handicapped people to blow themselves up and kill hundreds of innocent Iraqis!!!
Why doesn’t Maliki bash the Mullahs for their murderous acts???? The Basrah offensive, the Mosul offensive, all this was a game??? A deal??? . Hand me a bucket so I can throw up. Just to know the livelihood of 24 million Iraqis are in this guy’s hands is sickening!!!
And don’t you dare tell me he is trying!!! He is trying Jack!!! So you know what, I have made my mind up. Although Im against the US troops withdrawing so fast because of the blood baths that will follow, BUT, after listening to that guy, after watching Maliki bowing to the Land of the Mullahs, I believe Obama should win and withdraw every single boot on the ground. EVERY SINGLE ONE. Then lets see what Maliki is capabale of...
Yes, we deserve whats happening to us. We deserve everything. Majority voted for this Govt, and we have to suffer. I hope that everyone learnt his/her lesson. I definitely learnt mine alright. I choose not to vote in the next elections. Yup, I will just Veto it. Whats the point??? The Mullahs will still win!!! So why bother.
I spoke to an Iraqi who lives in Baghdad il Jideeda. I asked about the security situation, he said let me give you an example; Last year this time, when I used to leave work at about 5ish, the streets were empty but instead filled with fake checkpoints manned by Mahdi Militias. I would always say the Shahada cause I never knew if Id come out alive. Then the militias were replaced with the Iraqi Police, and theyre more sadistic. They wouldn’t let you go if they don’t like the way you look. They were corrupt and will only release you if you pay them money.
Come today, and when I leave, the checkpoints are replaced with the Iraqi Army. They are very nice, and their loyalty, their loyalty does not lie within any faction. Their loyalty lies with the Army and their country. He continued, Neurotica, the streets are so filled with people sitting in gahwas, and enjoying themselves. Places are still open till late. Last year, we would hear a needle drop.
Then I asked him what if the US leave now? He said, let them leave. Yes there will be a blood bath, but in all cases, for things to become better, a blood bath is inevitable. He said Im not with the troops leaving, but, if that’s the only solution, then let it be. Our Army are better equipped and trained. They are ready to defend us.
I was shocked at this news. I never knew that the army was ready (I still have my doubts). But this is coming from a guy who lives and breathes the real Baghdad. So I will believe him. He also mentioned that there are special units and special forces specifically trained for taking out the Militias and Al Qaeda components. Neurotica, we are ready. Ready to fight for our country.
So for all of you out there, no matter how bad things will be if the US troops leave, they gotta leave. Everyone wants Iraqis. Iraqi Boots on The Ground…
June 09, 2008
The Damned Iraqi Victim
I received a youtube link from a very close acquaintance of mine. There was no title or subject line. You tube is blocked from our work and I was very eager to know whats the video about. So I sent the link to one of the IT guys and asked him if he can download it and send it to me. It took him a while. So I went to find out whats going on. I entered their office, and all the guys’ faces were pale white. They looked at me and one of them said “Who the hell sent you this?”
D hates the fact Im here, let alone working with the Americans. When she first found out about me coming here three years ago, she tried to talk me out of it. “How could you?” She kept asking me. “How could you work with the enemy?” She knew of my situation with HUBBY and she infact experienced my stressful times first hand when Id lose all sanity if I know of some GZ bombings and cant communicate with him. She was there, and knew how much I suffered.
In the end, she kinda respected my decision, and made it clear that we agree to disagree. D was born here, lived almost half of her life here before she was forced to leave by her parents at the age of 27. D during that time was living with relatives in Baghdad, while her family had left Iraq in the late 70’s early 80’s.
D never believed in the Baath party, but she strongly believed in its leader and his Arab Nationalism. Yes she not only believed or was infatuated by him, but she was in love with Saddam. To this day, D, talks about him with all pride. Till this day D thinks he is a hero. She fears no one, nor does she shy away from her rigid opinions. Till this day, D mourns whom she claims the true love of her life. D was never a Baathist, and I can vouch for that. They asked her to join but she always found a way out. She came face to face with Saddam on 2 occasions, I think, during some festivities or something of that sort.
Im not gonna go through the details of what she had to go through inorder to meet the man, but wow, I tell you, she along with her organization had to go through some extreme search and sanitary process for them to be allowed to shake the man’s hands. Anyhow, during the war, and while I was still living in London, D would call me up in tears. She found her only solace in me. Yes in me, cuz even though I hated the guy, I still loved my country. And seeing it go in flames was not something I ever wanted.
D and I would talk for hours. All I did was just be there to listen to her. And umm at times, I would actually add fuel to the fire and make her even more depressed. That’s when I started getting phonecalls from relatives asking me to stop because D has literally lost it.
When Saddam was found in that hole in Dec 04, D went into denial. When Saddam faced his destiny, D fell ill and pressed the pause button on her life. She neglected her children, her house, her business, and most of all she neglected herself. I saw her a few weeks after that incident. She was shrouded in black. Her beautiful face looked sullen, her eyes hollow. “He is gone Neurotica, he is gone forever”. “Those dogs, look at those dogs and what they did to him. I don’t want to be Iraqi no more. I don’t want to be Shia no more. We are all Hypocrites”.
In the past, I tried explaining to her why I and many people view Saddam as evil. How he tortured people, how he eradicated hundreds of thousands of his own nation. But D never saw it this way. D always had excuses. When I ask her about the uprising in 91, and how innocent people got killed, her answer was always “But they wanted to overthrow him!!! Any sane leader would do the same!”. When I asked her about the deadly bloody Halabcha, she would say “But that wasn’t him that was Iran.” When Id count to her names of people that disappeared and were never found, she would say “They were (mutamarideen) trouble makers and against the regime” When I said ok, what about the girls that were raped by his sons, what about the children that got orphaned, D would say “ You cannot hold him accountable for what his sons did”
For every question D had an answer. And what was worse, she truly believed in those answers. It got me thinking, here is a woman, who grew up in Baghdad in the most sensitive era of all. Here is a woman who fell in love with a leader that pretended was all for “Arab Unity” and managed to brainwash and convince D and millions of others. Almost many of D’s generation who are now in their mid forties, share her same ideology. She showed me pictures of her room back in the 70’s and 80’s with Saddam’s photos plastered all over. D said it was a constant fight with her parents to be vocal about her feelings. Till this day, her family disapproves of her behavior, her outbursts, her eternal love for that man. To her, Iraq equaled Saddam. And now, Iraq does not exist.
A few months into the war and she told me "Neurotica, mind my words, one day, one day you will know I was right about Saddam, and one day, all those who hated him, will wish he was back. Mark my words". I guess I can understand where she is coming from, but I can never and will never agree. Yesterday, she sent me the following link and it literally killed me, pissed me off, disgusted me and for just one second, one second only, I remembered her words.
Even though I hated what I saw, and I know theres worse, But I decided to share with her what I know and show her this and ask her, whole heartedly, in all these atrocities, who was, is and will always be the Victim? The Damned Iraqi Victim…
Saddam's Regime Atrocities
WARNING, CONTAINS GRAPHICAL GRUESOME IMAGES
And this WARNING, CONTAINS GRAPHICAL GRUESOME IMAGES
D hates the fact Im here, let alone working with the Americans. When she first found out about me coming here three years ago, she tried to talk me out of it. “How could you?” She kept asking me. “How could you work with the enemy?” She knew of my situation with HUBBY and she infact experienced my stressful times first hand when Id lose all sanity if I know of some GZ bombings and cant communicate with him. She was there, and knew how much I suffered.
In the end, she kinda respected my decision, and made it clear that we agree to disagree. D was born here, lived almost half of her life here before she was forced to leave by her parents at the age of 27. D during that time was living with relatives in Baghdad, while her family had left Iraq in the late 70’s early 80’s.
D never believed in the Baath party, but she strongly believed in its leader and his Arab Nationalism. Yes she not only believed or was infatuated by him, but she was in love with Saddam. To this day, D, talks about him with all pride. Till this day D thinks he is a hero. She fears no one, nor does she shy away from her rigid opinions. Till this day, D mourns whom she claims the true love of her life. D was never a Baathist, and I can vouch for that. They asked her to join but she always found a way out. She came face to face with Saddam on 2 occasions, I think, during some festivities or something of that sort.
Im not gonna go through the details of what she had to go through inorder to meet the man, but wow, I tell you, she along with her organization had to go through some extreme search and sanitary process for them to be allowed to shake the man’s hands. Anyhow, during the war, and while I was still living in London, D would call me up in tears. She found her only solace in me. Yes in me, cuz even though I hated the guy, I still loved my country. And seeing it go in flames was not something I ever wanted.
D and I would talk for hours. All I did was just be there to listen to her. And umm at times, I would actually add fuel to the fire and make her even more depressed. That’s when I started getting phonecalls from relatives asking me to stop because D has literally lost it.
When Saddam was found in that hole in Dec 04, D went into denial. When Saddam faced his destiny, D fell ill and pressed the pause button on her life. She neglected her children, her house, her business, and most of all she neglected herself. I saw her a few weeks after that incident. She was shrouded in black. Her beautiful face looked sullen, her eyes hollow. “He is gone Neurotica, he is gone forever”. “Those dogs, look at those dogs and what they did to him. I don’t want to be Iraqi no more. I don’t want to be Shia no more. We are all Hypocrites”.
In the past, I tried explaining to her why I and many people view Saddam as evil. How he tortured people, how he eradicated hundreds of thousands of his own nation. But D never saw it this way. D always had excuses. When I ask her about the uprising in 91, and how innocent people got killed, her answer was always “But they wanted to overthrow him!!! Any sane leader would do the same!”. When I asked her about the deadly bloody Halabcha, she would say “But that wasn’t him that was Iran.” When Id count to her names of people that disappeared and were never found, she would say “They were (mutamarideen) trouble makers and against the regime” When I said ok, what about the girls that were raped by his sons, what about the children that got orphaned, D would say “ You cannot hold him accountable for what his sons did”
For every question D had an answer. And what was worse, she truly believed in those answers. It got me thinking, here is a woman, who grew up in Baghdad in the most sensitive era of all. Here is a woman who fell in love with a leader that pretended was all for “Arab Unity” and managed to brainwash and convince D and millions of others. Almost many of D’s generation who are now in their mid forties, share her same ideology. She showed me pictures of her room back in the 70’s and 80’s with Saddam’s photos plastered all over. D said it was a constant fight with her parents to be vocal about her feelings. Till this day, her family disapproves of her behavior, her outbursts, her eternal love for that man. To her, Iraq equaled Saddam. And now, Iraq does not exist.
A few months into the war and she told me "Neurotica, mind my words, one day, one day you will know I was right about Saddam, and one day, all those who hated him, will wish he was back. Mark my words". I guess I can understand where she is coming from, but I can never and will never agree. Yesterday, she sent me the following link and it literally killed me, pissed me off, disgusted me and for just one second, one second only, I remembered her words.
Even though I hated what I saw, and I know theres worse, But I decided to share with her what I know and show her this and ask her, whole heartedly, in all these atrocities, who was, is and will always be the Victim? The Damned Iraqi Victim…
Saddam's Regime Atrocities
WARNING, CONTAINS GRAPHICAL GRUESOME IMAGES
And this WARNING, CONTAINS GRAPHICAL GRUESOME IMAGES
June 07, 2008
Ninety Five Minutes of Unity...
And yet again the Lions of Babylon make us proud!!! I watched the game anxiously against Australia, and the goal we scored at the 28th minute was great!!! After the 90th minute the Japanese referee added another extra 5 minutes. To me it seemed like hours instead of minutes. As the game finished with an Iraqi victory, there was continious gun shots in the air (I can still hear them). Its been ongoing for atleast the past 10 minutes. And funny enough, we became under uniform posture 3!!!from fear of any injuries.
Lions of Babylon You make us proud!!!You lift our spirits even if its only for 95 minutes. Ninety Five Minutes of Unity!!!
Lions of Babylon You make us proud!!!You lift our spirits even if its only for 95 minutes. Ninety Five Minutes of Unity!!!
Stranger Than Fiction...
Half full? Or Half empty? What do you say? Well, I guess Im gonna go have full even though the other half will be filled with bits and pieces of the sand storm we are having today. Last night I had another conversation with HUBBY regarding the future. We have finally set a date. YESSSSSSSSSS…I feel like a bride to be planning for the big day, wooooohoooo. Yeah Im very upbeat. Thank God for that. I guess I just needed some assurance from him that he will stick to the decision we took no matter what. And I fully trust him. I just hope he keeps his end of the promise and not disappoint me.
I also realized my lack of motivation to working here is partly due to me regarding my work here as trivial. As I mentioned time and time again, Im not really building or planning or managing a project. Contrary to what HUBBY is doing, hence his job is by far more meaningful. And whats more important is at the end of all this, he can actually be proud and say “I did something for my Iraqi people.” And he really is doing something. Im not saying that because he is my husband, oh no. Im saying it because that’s the truth. It is unfortunate that I cannot reveal his job, but all will be known after we leave here.
Another major factor which drained my glass from all of its pure contents, is miss Johnny come lately (JCL). THAT WOMAN IS EVIL!!! I feel her bad vibes all over me. She actually scares me with her stares. And oh does this woman STARE!!! In Iraq, and I think in almost all the Middle East we believe in the Evil eye of envy (not sure if people in the West have the same beliefs). Its written in our Quran. There are also incidents where a person can envy someone so much to the extent that that someone can either fall ill, or something bad happens to him/her. And inorder to cast away that evil we believe we can achieve that by reciting some specific Quranic verses and by also wearing an eye, or a blue turquoise stone. As silly as it sounds, I have an arm full of eye bracelets, plus a choker that I wear all the time around my neck that displays the eye. And yes, I believe in such things because its happened to me and my family.
But this Miss JCL, is EVILLLLLLLLLLLLL. I wasn’t going to mention her, since there are people at work who read my blog, which restrains me from writing about many things. Ughhh, I wish I have never mentioned it to anyone. But hey, I cant do much about it can I now? Anyhow, Miss JCL found the perfect way to get to someone high up. Me and a few people who sit in the area felt the “lovey dovey” aura they have for each other. And it actually gets disgusting at times.
I was told from her previous coworkers that she uses these ways to get to her target. And the guy is so weak, he fell right into her web. OMG, Im typing this and Im laughing at his stooopid naivety. Or maybe he just aint naïve and he is going for the ride since its free…If upper management finds out about the shenanigans that’s happening, WOW, it will be something. And that’s one thing that kinda upsets me. You are representing the US govt, you are held accountable for all your actions. WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE??? And on top of all that, HE IS BLOODY MARRIED!!! UGHHH…
As for her, she is a disgrace to the Iraqi female population!!! Yes granted people have affairs etc, which Im totally against, but to use your body to get higher up in the organization and to spill shit about people, that’s a big no no, missy!!!
Miss JCL found the perfect candidate to poison. And unfortunately after me being here 3 years, it took miss Johnny come lately less than 2 weeks to talk badly about me because of her obvious jealousy. I don’t even understand why should she be jealous from ME???? I have nothing she doesn’t have!!! She bad mouths everyone to the man. Things that are supposed to be kept just between the contractors in our company and not for Govt knowledge, she goes and blabs her mouth to him. She IS A BITCH. An evil bitch!!! Why the hell did they employ her, I have no clue.
I was going to say something about it, even ask to be removed from that area because of all the disctractions, but then realized, that since I only have a few months remaining, Im gonna keep my mouth shut and enjoy the episodes instead. I definitely cant wait for this whole saga to come and bite them later. Rumour has it, they were caught by someone in the parking lot but not sure of how valid these rumours are, plus miss evil cunevil herself told someone at work about the nature of her relationship with the man in question!!! BIG MISTAKE, or is it???
I tell you, this world is Strange. Stranger than Fiction…
I also realized my lack of motivation to working here is partly due to me regarding my work here as trivial. As I mentioned time and time again, Im not really building or planning or managing a project. Contrary to what HUBBY is doing, hence his job is by far more meaningful. And whats more important is at the end of all this, he can actually be proud and say “I did something for my Iraqi people.” And he really is doing something. Im not saying that because he is my husband, oh no. Im saying it because that’s the truth. It is unfortunate that I cannot reveal his job, but all will be known after we leave here.
Another major factor which drained my glass from all of its pure contents, is miss Johnny come lately (JCL). THAT WOMAN IS EVIL!!! I feel her bad vibes all over me. She actually scares me with her stares. And oh does this woman STARE!!! In Iraq, and I think in almost all the Middle East we believe in the Evil eye of envy (not sure if people in the West have the same beliefs). Its written in our Quran. There are also incidents where a person can envy someone so much to the extent that that someone can either fall ill, or something bad happens to him/her. And inorder to cast away that evil we believe we can achieve that by reciting some specific Quranic verses and by also wearing an eye, or a blue turquoise stone. As silly as it sounds, I have an arm full of eye bracelets, plus a choker that I wear all the time around my neck that displays the eye. And yes, I believe in such things because its happened to me and my family.
But this Miss JCL, is EVILLLLLLLLLLLLL. I wasn’t going to mention her, since there are people at work who read my blog, which restrains me from writing about many things. Ughhh, I wish I have never mentioned it to anyone. But hey, I cant do much about it can I now? Anyhow, Miss JCL found the perfect way to get to someone high up. Me and a few people who sit in the area felt the “lovey dovey” aura they have for each other. And it actually gets disgusting at times.
I was told from her previous coworkers that she uses these ways to get to her target. And the guy is so weak, he fell right into her web. OMG, Im typing this and Im laughing at his stooopid naivety. Or maybe he just aint naïve and he is going for the ride since its free…If upper management finds out about the shenanigans that’s happening, WOW, it will be something. And that’s one thing that kinda upsets me. You are representing the US govt, you are held accountable for all your actions. WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE??? And on top of all that, HE IS BLOODY MARRIED!!! UGHHH…
As for her, she is a disgrace to the Iraqi female population!!! Yes granted people have affairs etc, which Im totally against, but to use your body to get higher up in the organization and to spill shit about people, that’s a big no no, missy!!!
Miss JCL found the perfect candidate to poison. And unfortunately after me being here 3 years, it took miss Johnny come lately less than 2 weeks to talk badly about me because of her obvious jealousy. I don’t even understand why should she be jealous from ME???? I have nothing she doesn’t have!!! She bad mouths everyone to the man. Things that are supposed to be kept just between the contractors in our company and not for Govt knowledge, she goes and blabs her mouth to him. She IS A BITCH. An evil bitch!!! Why the hell did they employ her, I have no clue.
I was going to say something about it, even ask to be removed from that area because of all the disctractions, but then realized, that since I only have a few months remaining, Im gonna keep my mouth shut and enjoy the episodes instead. I definitely cant wait for this whole saga to come and bite them later. Rumour has it, they were caught by someone in the parking lot but not sure of how valid these rumours are, plus miss evil cunevil herself told someone at work about the nature of her relationship with the man in question!!! BIG MISTAKE, or is it???
I tell you, this world is Strange. Stranger than Fiction…
June 05, 2008
This Black Static Transit...
Woke up this morning and was too afraid to look in the mirror. My face looked ashen and my eyes swollen. I had no energy what so ever. I wrapped an ice cold bottle of water with towel paper and put it against my eyes for 10 minutes. I opened my wardrobe and just stared at the stack of clothes I had. From the myriad of tops and jeans, I chose Black. Yes that’s what I feel like today. A woman in Black.
Wasn’t a surprise when almost everyone started asking “Whats with the black?” “Why Black Neurotica? Something happened? Are you mourning?” “Yeah, Im mourning my own death, my own slow death here”. Was my answer. A very morbid answer, I know. After yesterday’s mood, and after talking to HUBBY about it, we have decided that it’s TIME. A month or two at the max, Im still debating with him and the TIME may be even sooner than that. Im sure this decision will make many people at work extremely happy.
Yesterday’s “sane moment” came as a no surprise. Ever since I got back from my R&R I have been feeling real down. Im 33 and in 6 months I will be 34. I feel I am stuck in transit. In bloody static transit for the past four years. Im not after pity nor do I like to victimize myself or become far too “melodramatic” and fall into the same pit as many of my fellow Iraqi bloggers have gone into lately (no insults intended). (And If you’re reading this and you are from the male species then I advise you to stop right here because this will get gooey)
Yesterday’s outburst was triggered by something that scared the shit outta me. (Again, I have to reiterate, if you’re a man and still reading this, then please stop) My monthly cycle is on average very precise plus or minus a few days. Ever since it started (back in the good old days), I would suffer excruciating pain and would live on ibuprofen galore. Lately, I’ve been getting major migraine attacks along with it, and I mean major ones. It hits half of my face and travels down my spine. Migraine runs in our family, hence not a real concern, but what I really am scared of is the length of my cycle.
Going from one week of bleeding, to just 2 days scared me. (See, I warned you not to read this if you are male). Yes it is a blessing, but why is it happening? Why now? What does it mean? Am I starting to menopause at this age??? I know its possible. And that’s when my menopausal phobia started to kick in. I haven’t seen a gynecologist in years. The last time Ive been to one was probably just after I got married, but that was that. And to be honest, in all of my 33 years, Ive only been to one, three or four times max. Yup, that’s the truth. And have only done a pap smear once in my life and that was way back when I was 18. I know, I know, that’s not right, but as I mentioned I hate going to doctors unless its really a life or death situation.
Lately, the “starting a family” neon has been flashing in my head constantly. All I ever do, whether Im smoking outside, lying in bed, having a shower, or even sitting in a meeting is just think about children. And to think that Im on my way to menopause at this age freaks me out. Im probably over reacting.
There are some who can care less whether they have children or not. But for me, that’s not the case. I wanna have them. Time wasn’t right at first. But now, after wasting, yes wasting four years of my life, I think its high time to have HUBBY’s priorities as well as mine changed, actually CORRECTED.
HUBBY keeps mentioning he wants children, but he usually says it as a “hey, by the way”. I don’t feel it coming out as a sense of urgency from him. And that by itself was mentally tiring for me. We both should have the same list of priorities, atleast for now. So yesterday, after work, we spoke. And I spilled my guts out to him. I seriously feel that time is passing me by very quickly. Im mentally drained.
At times, HUBBY doesn’t take my concerns too seriously. He tries to calm me down at that specific moment and hope that the issues will disappear magically. But all he really does is YES calm me down and he is really good at it, but then all the issues get accumulated over time until I explode without any warning. And when I say explode, it can take many forms. May be anger, may be a mind block, may be a serious depression.
From my conversation with him yesterday though, I felt he genuinely meant it when he said that “starting a family” is a good enough reason to leave all this. Wow, it took him four years, four bloody years to finally agree with me. I still doubt he believed me when I told him Im scared that it may be too late. But I hope that whatever hormonal changes Im going through right now is just temporary.
Im raving and ranting, and I know Im being selfish. I know there are people who have far more worse problems than mine, hell Im surrounded by these people day in day out. But today, today I feel the need to spill my guts out cuz I am scared. I dunno I may have endometriosis, or ovarian cysts. Who knows. I may even have a blocked fallopian tube for all I know. Or maybe, HUBBY has something. I dunno. And having to worry about these things ALL the time, has drained me out. I don’t think Im asking for a lot and I don’t think Im greedy either. or Am I? Has the urge and need for “normalcy” become so difficult to attain these days? Wow if only I knew then what I know now.
So yes, Black is my mood today. And will be for a very very long time. Until that is I get out of this Transit. This Black Static Transit...
Wasn’t a surprise when almost everyone started asking “Whats with the black?” “Why Black Neurotica? Something happened? Are you mourning?” “Yeah, Im mourning my own death, my own slow death here”. Was my answer. A very morbid answer, I know. After yesterday’s mood, and after talking to HUBBY about it, we have decided that it’s TIME. A month or two at the max, Im still debating with him and the TIME may be even sooner than that. Im sure this decision will make many people at work extremely happy.
Yesterday’s “sane moment” came as a no surprise. Ever since I got back from my R&R I have been feeling real down. Im 33 and in 6 months I will be 34. I feel I am stuck in transit. In bloody static transit for the past four years. Im not after pity nor do I like to victimize myself or become far too “melodramatic” and fall into the same pit as many of my fellow Iraqi bloggers have gone into lately (no insults intended). (And If you’re reading this and you are from the male species then I advise you to stop right here because this will get gooey)
Yesterday’s outburst was triggered by something that scared the shit outta me. (Again, I have to reiterate, if you’re a man and still reading this, then please stop) My monthly cycle is on average very precise plus or minus a few days. Ever since it started (back in the good old days), I would suffer excruciating pain and would live on ibuprofen galore. Lately, I’ve been getting major migraine attacks along with it, and I mean major ones. It hits half of my face and travels down my spine. Migraine runs in our family, hence not a real concern, but what I really am scared of is the length of my cycle.
Going from one week of bleeding, to just 2 days scared me. (See, I warned you not to read this if you are male). Yes it is a blessing, but why is it happening? Why now? What does it mean? Am I starting to menopause at this age??? I know its possible. And that’s when my menopausal phobia started to kick in. I haven’t seen a gynecologist in years. The last time Ive been to one was probably just after I got married, but that was that. And to be honest, in all of my 33 years, Ive only been to one, three or four times max. Yup, that’s the truth. And have only done a pap smear once in my life and that was way back when I was 18. I know, I know, that’s not right, but as I mentioned I hate going to doctors unless its really a life or death situation.
Lately, the “starting a family” neon has been flashing in my head constantly. All I ever do, whether Im smoking outside, lying in bed, having a shower, or even sitting in a meeting is just think about children. And to think that Im on my way to menopause at this age freaks me out. Im probably over reacting.
There are some who can care less whether they have children or not. But for me, that’s not the case. I wanna have them. Time wasn’t right at first. But now, after wasting, yes wasting four years of my life, I think its high time to have HUBBY’s priorities as well as mine changed, actually CORRECTED.
HUBBY keeps mentioning he wants children, but he usually says it as a “hey, by the way”. I don’t feel it coming out as a sense of urgency from him. And that by itself was mentally tiring for me. We both should have the same list of priorities, atleast for now. So yesterday, after work, we spoke. And I spilled my guts out to him. I seriously feel that time is passing me by very quickly. Im mentally drained.
At times, HUBBY doesn’t take my concerns too seriously. He tries to calm me down at that specific moment and hope that the issues will disappear magically. But all he really does is YES calm me down and he is really good at it, but then all the issues get accumulated over time until I explode without any warning. And when I say explode, it can take many forms. May be anger, may be a mind block, may be a serious depression.
From my conversation with him yesterday though, I felt he genuinely meant it when he said that “starting a family” is a good enough reason to leave all this. Wow, it took him four years, four bloody years to finally agree with me. I still doubt he believed me when I told him Im scared that it may be too late. But I hope that whatever hormonal changes Im going through right now is just temporary.
Im raving and ranting, and I know Im being selfish. I know there are people who have far more worse problems than mine, hell Im surrounded by these people day in day out. But today, today I feel the need to spill my guts out cuz I am scared. I dunno I may have endometriosis, or ovarian cysts. Who knows. I may even have a blocked fallopian tube for all I know. Or maybe, HUBBY has something. I dunno. And having to worry about these things ALL the time, has drained me out. I don’t think Im asking for a lot and I don’t think Im greedy either. or Am I? Has the urge and need for “normalcy” become so difficult to attain these days? Wow if only I knew then what I know now.
So yes, Black is my mood today. And will be for a very very long time. Until that is I get out of this Transit. This Black Static Transit...
June 04, 2008
A Bloody Sane Moment
A few months ago, I prepared my resignation letter and saved it in my drafts folder. Today, I came this close, THIS CLOSE to hit that send button and get all this shit over and done with and wave goodbye to this prison. This desolate prison!!! OMG, THIS CLOSE! Then I decided to go shoe shopping instead. Have I gone insane? Nah, I think it was a moment. A Bloody Sane Moment!!!
June 03, 2008
Things I hate About People at Work...
Ten things I cant stand about the men and women, both the expats AND Military who work here, but I am forced to live with because there is no where else to go in this enclosed T-walled society;
I cant stand it when Men:
1- Scratch their umm nuts in public while having a conversation in the middle of the hallway. YUCK. The bathroom is just a few steps away!!!
2- Pick their noses or spit out their phlegm while making the most horrendous noises ever (kinda reminds me of the cabbies in Abu Dhabi), ewwwww
3- Clip their nails in the middle of the office!!! That noise annoys the hell outta me
4- Smell of extremely, and I mean extremely suffocating BO. Either GO Take a goddamned shower or use deodorant PLEASE!!!
5- Stare at women passing by, and CONTINUE fixating at them like dogs who haven’t had their MEAT in years!!!
I cant stand it when Women:
1- Take their make up bags out and start putting their powder, eyeliner, blusher, and lipstick in the middle of the office, not the bathroom mind you, but the office, when they could have easily done just that in their rooms before they walked over here!!!
2- Wear open toed shoes/sandals when obviously their feet haven’t seen a pedicure in a decade
3- Spray nauseating suffocating strong perfume (mostly vanilla) thinking that if it still lingers in the air after 10 hours, its sexy, while us mere mortals are coughing our lungs out
4- Wear the lowest rise pants and have their undies peeping
5- Flirt so overtly and start laughing obnoxiously at the lamest jokes ever just because theyre talking to a Col, a CAPT or even a General…
Yup, these are just SOME of the things that annoy me…I can go on and on and on but I prefer to keep it short. This is a small synopsis of the ten things I hate...Things I hate about the people at work...
I cant stand it when Men:
1- Scratch their umm nuts in public while having a conversation in the middle of the hallway. YUCK. The bathroom is just a few steps away!!!
2- Pick their noses or spit out their phlegm while making the most horrendous noises ever (kinda reminds me of the cabbies in Abu Dhabi), ewwwww
3- Clip their nails in the middle of the office!!! That noise annoys the hell outta me
4- Smell of extremely, and I mean extremely suffocating BO. Either GO Take a goddamned shower or use deodorant PLEASE!!!
5- Stare at women passing by, and CONTINUE fixating at them like dogs who haven’t had their MEAT in years!!!
I cant stand it when Women:
1- Take their make up bags out and start putting their powder, eyeliner, blusher, and lipstick in the middle of the office, not the bathroom mind you, but the office, when they could have easily done just that in their rooms before they walked over here!!!
2- Wear open toed shoes/sandals when obviously their feet haven’t seen a pedicure in a decade
3- Spray nauseating suffocating strong perfume (mostly vanilla) thinking that if it still lingers in the air after 10 hours, its sexy, while us mere mortals are coughing our lungs out
4- Wear the lowest rise pants and have their undies peeping
5- Flirt so overtly and start laughing obnoxiously at the lamest jokes ever just because theyre talking to a Col, a CAPT or even a General…
Yup, these are just SOME of the things that annoy me…I can go on and on and on but I prefer to keep it short. This is a small synopsis of the ten things I hate...Things I hate about the people at work...
