neurotic Iraqi wife

Who said that women are weak creatures???If you believe that statement then think again. We might be emotional, we might have hormones going hay wire, we might even have strong vocal cords, but weak, na'a never...I guess as Im approaching the Big 3 0 my PMSing days tend to get stretched even longer. From once being just 7 days to now being 21 days. Umm so HUBBY, try and do the maths and catch me on a "good" day or else SUFFER,hehe.....

Yesterday, I tried calling HUBBY, cuz I knew he had to go somewhere outside the green zone, and I have always told him to call me once he is back safely so I wont get worried. I waited, there was no call. So I decided to call him myself. The phone rang for quite some time, until he answered. He gave me the excuse of having tried to call me numerous times but the phone wouldnt work, aha, sure HUBBY. So after knowing that he was safe and sound, I asked him why did it take so long to answer the phone?? He simply said he was talking to "someone" from one of the ministries. He said this in Arabic(when you say certain words in arabic, you differentiate between the male and female,ie when you say I have spoken to someone you actually identify the gender of that person if you catch my drift) So I asked who is this "someone" he muttered a woman's name...Hmm, why would anyone talk to a woman outside working hours, when he saw that particular person during the day????

I could tell he felt uncomfortable and he went on saying that he wont be in the office tomorrow so he needed somethings to be done, Aha yeah, talking to so and so out side office hours....I lost my temper, and hung up. Call it whatever you want, jealousy, lack of self confidence, whatever it is, I just lost it. And I realised for that nano second I was ready to throw this marriage away. Yup I was willing to do it, I didnt call myself neurotic for no reason, did I now??? Thinking about it now, he could have lied and given me a man's name, but he didnt, although when he at first said "someone" he implied it to be a guy......So I do appreciate his honesty and would expect him to be like this all the time....

I actually have walked out on HUBBY before. Something I havent mentioned before. It was one of those down days, a very bad bad day you can say(a huge PMSing Day). I wont go into the details behind it since its kinda personal but believe you me, it was a day that I wouldnt want to go through again....

It was a day where I reached a point of melt down. I freaked out, I lost it. I lost all sanity. I started screaming my head off. I asked to know the truth but he wouldnt give me a straight answer. I HATE DISHONESTY, I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE IT. Im the type of person that says be honest with me even if its gonna kill me.

I didnt get a straight answer, so naturally, off I went into the bedroom, pulled my suitcase and stashed everything I owned, then walked out of the house. He tried to stop me, but never ever come near an angry Iraqi woman. Mind you he was still in his bathrobe, and there I was walking down the road, to reach the main one, so I can get a ride to the airport. Two minutes later the MR comes in his car, pulls a side and "tries" to talk to me...But I was seething.

In my mind, everything was over. The love story, the marriage, the dreams, everything just came to an end just like that. He tried so hard to get me in the car but I refused so the next best thing he did was take my suitcase, stash it in the boot, and lock the doors. Hmmm great move, I was stuck. My money was in that suitcase, my passport was in that suitcase, everything was in the darn suitcase. We stayed like that for about 90 mins, him trying to talk to me, and me crying my eyes out and screaming. Not a nice sight....

After 90 mins, I just was exhausted, I couldnt take it anymore, and told him to take me home, I needed to relax. I felt strange, I felt weak, physically weak. He then tried to explain to me the truth, but I still was angry and in pain. Why couldnt he have just explained it to me from the start???If he had answered me when I questioned him, I wouldnt have reacted in this way(Dont count on it tho, Im known for my fiery temper,poor guy). For the first time that night, we slept far apart....No hugs, no arms around each other, just far far apart. I woke up the next morning in a rotten mood, and didnt feel like talking to him, but after some time, I decided to give it another try and forget about it....

Although now, when we do recall the incident, we joke about it and laugh saying it would have been the talk of Iraqi society "BRIDE WALKS OUT ON HUSBAND AFTER 5 DAYS OF VACATION".Imagine what tasty news this will make, yummyyy....But I was told that the first year of marriage is the most difficult one, I guess, him being far apart is making it even more difficult...

So yes, if I do smell a rat I will walk away. I have done it before and I will do it again. Is it a sign of weakness??Nope it simply is saying IF you mess with me, I will leave, full stop. Although I will only take this severe action after exhausting all possible solutions, if it reached a dead end, to hell with it. I do admit though that I kind of pushed it to the extreme and acted in a manner that was far too insane. I guess my hormones were having a game of hide and seek and just lost the plot all together...Instead they opted out for throwing themselves off the pent house.....

But men will always be men, they will never understand how we feel and how we think. For them everything is "logical" or "practical" nothing is "emotional". Its stressful enough having to worry about him surviving mortar attacks. I want HUBBY to enjoy himself, I want him to have fun, I want him to achieve his dreams, I swear I do, but at the same time I want him to miss me as much as I miss him. I want him to remember me as much as I remember him...And he does in his own way, but hey Im demanding what can I say....I am blessed with my HUBBY, I really am, I wouldnt ask for anyone else, but I guess we need to spend more time together to understand each others antics better....

I have read an article in newsweek about how unhealthy the environment these contractors are living in. How far from reality it is, far from the reality of the real Iraq....