neurotic Iraqi wife

Oh My God, HUBBY is here, OMG, he finally realised he cant live without me, he cant eat without me, poor thing, he has lost so much weight. I cant believe it, he is here, beside me.

The door bell rang, I walked very uninterestingly to see who it was that was bugging me in the early morning and I was ready for a fight. I open the door and there he was standing, "Honey Im Home!!!" he says with that cute grin on his face, Time just stopped there. I really couldnt believe what I was looking at. His clothes crumpled, his hair all over the place and he hugs me, hugs me so tight that I cant breathe. Then he utters softly in my ears,"oh how much I have missed you, missed holding you, missed touching your face and playing with your hair" then he takes a deep deep breath as if trying to smell me all in at once. I just stand there, not believing my eyes. this cant be, Oh my god, he is finally here, and I go on screaming HE IS HEREEEEEEEEEEE everyone.

I take his hand and lead him to the room, we sit on the edge of the bed, and Im just staring at him. I still cant believe that Im actually looking into his deep blue eyes. He looks at me so intently and tells me in his husky voice," I'm so sorry darling to have left you, Im not gonna do it again, I realised I cant live without you, I cant eat without you by my side, everything I taste is bitter, everyone I look at reminds me of you(hmm is that good or bad?), I have missed you so much, I aint going back there, I wanna be here, I want to start a family, I wanna wake up everyday and look at your beautiful face"(OMG, he is finally confessing his undying love for me, OMG, thank you God, thank you!!!!!)

Then it hits me, shit, my face, I didnt get a chance to wash it, god. I look down and Im in my lousiest pyjamas ever, the colour has gone from white to a drabby grey and I havent taken it off for god knows how long. Darn my toes have no red varnish. My eyebrows havent been trimmed and am pretty sure the hairs are going everywhere. I smell of cigarettes instead of his favourate scent "BEAUTIFUL". And my legs, oh my god, my legs havent been waxed since the last time I saw him they probably look like the amazon forrests. Shit shit shit what am I gonna do?

He tilted his head to one side, and asked me "what is it sweetie?what are you thinking?havent you missed me?" I just sat down looking like a zombie, "umm yeah darling I did, I did alot, but can you give me a couple of minutes, umm I need to umm freshen myself up" As I disappear into the bathroom, I hear noises, I wasnt sure what it was, so I put my ears closer to the door, and there it was BLOODY STAR TREK!!!!!!!!!!Oh noooooooooooooooooooooooo, please god no, please god dont do this to me, not now, not today. I open the door slightly and there it was, the shoes, the socks, the trousers and the shirt all in one pile on the floor. Yup HUBBY is sure back with a vengeance. Coins splattered everywhere, receipts upon receipts are having a bash next to the shoes. I poke my head further and there he was lying in bed with 3 coke cans by his side(concentrate with me, not just one but 3!!!), and a bowl of pistachios. Yup pistachios in bed, this is just great. HUBBY is homeeeeeeeeee everyone......

GOTCH YA,hehe. It would have been a nice surprise though wouldnt it, if he just walks in, but thinking about it now, and imagining the above scenario I dont think it would be wise, what do you think???