neurotic Iraqi wife
September 25, 2004
Its All Relative......
Its funny how various people view situations differently. I have had many conversations with family members and other people, regarding HUBBY's decision of leaving me and going to Iraq. I have also discovered that opinions do change with time.
CONVERSATION WITH BROTHER 2 MONTHS AGO
ME: I want my HUBBY back, please try and talk some sense into him
BROTHER: Leave the man alone, dont stand against his ambitions.
ME: But this is not how I wanna live my life
BROTHER: Just be patient, dont give him a hard time
CONVERSATION WITH BROTHER YESTERDAY
BROTHER: I think you better tell your husband to come back
ME: Huh? I thought you encouraged him???what happened???
BROTHER: There's no construction taking place, I know, and besides I heard that many people are leaving, the situation is bad.
ME: Hmm, but HUBBY wants to get a car, which means he is there to stay. I am fed up talking him out of staying there, its straining our relationship
BROTHER: Well, dont nag him, lets see what happens in the next couple of weeks.
CONVERSATION WITH MOTHER
MOTHER: When is your husband coming back?
ME: Umm, dunno
MOTHER: What do you mean you dont know?? Dont you discuss your life??
ME: Yes we do, but it aint going no where, he wants to stay
MOTHER: HE WANTS TO WHAT????(she starts to freak out)
ME: Mom calm down(I started biting my lips, not knowing how to tell her that HUBBY is quite ok with our living arrangements)
MOTHER: WHAT DO YOU MEAN CALM DOWN???WHY ARE YOU ENCOURAGING HIM??
(I stood there like a child being punished for not learning the ABC of marriage)
ME: Mom wallah Im not encouraging him, but what can I do???I myself am frustrated and I cant just keep complaining, I am stressed out already
MOTHER: WELL WHAT KIND OF A MARRIAGE IS THIS? YOU CALL THIS A MARRIAGE? I THOUGHT HE WAS A RESPONSIBLE MAN, I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED. DOESNT HE THINK OF YOU AND YOUR FUTURE??THIS CANT GO ON LIKE THIS
ME: Mom, I understand what you are saying, I mean Im the one who is married remember, Im the one who is hurt and Im the one who is suffering the most, but believe me, theres nothing I can do
MOTHER: THIS IS NOT A LIFE, LOOK AT YOU, YOU LOOK UNHEALTHY, INFACT YOU LOOK ANEROXIC
ME: ME?I look aneroxic???(I take a look in the mirror, well, what can I say, I do look kind of pale, and my face looks hollow, but it aint THAT bad. I do admit that I have lost more weight, I was dreading to look at the scales, but I have gone from 43 KG, to 41)
ME: Mom, I look pale cuz I have no make up on, and I look "aneroxic" cuz Im wearing black (trying real hard to shift the conversation)
MOTHER: You should find a solution with your husband, this cant go on like this.
ME: Ok mom, later
CONVERSATION WITH AN EX-COLLEAGUE
ME: How are you coping so well when your husband is in Iraq
C: Well its difficult, but my daughter keeps me occupied all the time
ME: even if you are occupied arent you worried about his safety? its very bad at the moment in Iraq
C: I am worried but hey, he can be staying with me here, and the next day a car would hit him and he would die. Its just fate. And besides we need the money
ME: (my god, how can someone think this way????I have always known this person to be cold and emotionless but to this degree???I mean what will money be of use to her if her husband gets killed by a stray mortar(God forbid),I was shocked)
ME: Umm, yeah I know its fate but dont you get stressed out??
C: No, not really this is life....
OMG, this is life? what the hell is she on about???I swear I was stunned, and although I admired her strength, I would never ever in my life take this kind of attitude, its too harsh, too harsh for my own liking....
CONVERSATION WITH BESTFRIEND 4 months ago
BESTFRIEND: Let your husband go and see for himself, dont be angry with him, he is doing what he wants to do
ME: but we just got married, I dont wanna lose him, I cant live without him
BESTFRIEND: Give it time, he will come back to you, just let him be
CONVERSATION WITH BESTFRIEND 3 DAYS AGO
BESTFRIEND: How is your HUBBY? when is he coming back??
ME: He says he is attached and doesnt wanna leave
BESTFRIEND: WHAT???ATTACHED TO WHAT???IS HE CRAZY???
ME: Attached to the place, to his work
BESTFRIEND: Its too dangerous tell him to get out of there
ME: I have tried believe me, but he doesnt listen to me. Im on the verge of a breakdown, I dont know what to do
BESTFRIEND: I know how you feel, god Im so sorry, just calm down, try and talk to him, tell him you cant stay like this
ME: I did many times, but he doesnt understand me. He thinks Im joking when I tell him I cant go on like this. I am fed up, I am angry and I am confused. It seems he doesnt love me enough.
BESTFRIEND: No Im sure he loves you, maybe he just doesnt have an option at the moment.
ME: Option???I told him that Im ready to go to Timbuktoo with him, just get out of that hell hole, but he doesnt understand me. I just wanna kill myself, maybe then he will get out. Although recently, I realised that even then he probably wont come to me.
BESTFRIEND:Stop thinking this way, you are stressing yourself out. But hey can you do me a favour?
ME: sure whats that?
BESTFRIEND: If you do decide to leave this world can you atleast call me and say bye.
ME:(laughing my head off) I already have my suicide letters ready, dont worry, you will be the first to know....
CONVERSATION WITH AN AQUAINTANCE:
A: You have the perfect marriage
ME: How is that?
A: What you need men for??They are Bastards
ME: Umm cuz I love HUBBY, and I wanna be with him???(I wasnt sure if she was kidding, but looking at her body language, I realised she was pretty serious
A: Love is just in books, and movies, it doesnt exist in real life. I am trying to encourage my own husband to go to Iraq. I want him out of the house so I can breathe
ME: Hmm, but im newly married, and HUBBY is a great guy and I do miss him immensely
A: I know where you are coming from, but believe me, you will regret having him living with you, men are a pain in the butt.
(Ok now at this point, I had smoked god knows how many cigarettes, to try and figure a way of calming the lady down. But what would you say in such a situation. Umm Im sorry your husband is a bastard???)
ME: Well, umm, I better go, its getting late, take care......
As I head towards the door, she shouts "dont forget, men are bastards, love is but a fairytale, let your husband stay there, believe me, you have the perfect marriage"
Oh god, this lady has it bad, poor woman, I felt quite sorry for her, cuz I do know her husband and I have heard stories about how nasty and selfish he is, no wander she wants to get rid of the man....
I swear its hilarious how different and diverse opinions can be regarding just one situation. Its all relative, relative to each and every individual. I was shocked at my brother's change of mind, he was one of the first people to encourage HUBBY to go to Iraq. But now, he thinks otherwise. My brother likes HUBBY alot, infact they got along so well. When HUBBY was here 5 months ago, he spent more time with him than with me. It was as if they were a couple and not me,lol. Even my sister in law started complaining.....
As for my mom, well, I think from her point of view she is right. I would have reacted the same way if I had a daughter who just got married and her husband left her without planning for the future. My HUBBY has told all of us, that he will be done by November, but now he has changed his mind and so my mom got furious. I guess she just wants whats best for her daughter, I dont blame her.
My bestfriend is just great. She has always been there for me, and she always manages to calm me down. She too had to suffer at the beginning of her marriage cuz her husband left to Iraq. But now he is back with her, and Im so happy that they are gonna start living like normal people. I do envy her, but not in a bad way, cuz I was there with her when she was lonely and I know exactly how she felt then.
The ex-colleague and the aquaintence, well, I actually avoid them now. One is too self centred and the other is angry at the world and her luck......I may sound judgemental, but hey its all relative.....
CONVERSATION WITH BROTHER 2 MONTHS AGO
ME: I want my HUBBY back, please try and talk some sense into him
BROTHER: Leave the man alone, dont stand against his ambitions.
ME: But this is not how I wanna live my life
BROTHER: Just be patient, dont give him a hard time
CONVERSATION WITH BROTHER YESTERDAY
BROTHER: I think you better tell your husband to come back
ME: Huh? I thought you encouraged him???what happened???
BROTHER: There's no construction taking place, I know, and besides I heard that many people are leaving, the situation is bad.
ME: Hmm, but HUBBY wants to get a car, which means he is there to stay. I am fed up talking him out of staying there, its straining our relationship
BROTHER: Well, dont nag him, lets see what happens in the next couple of weeks.
CONVERSATION WITH MOTHER
MOTHER: When is your husband coming back?
ME: Umm, dunno
MOTHER: What do you mean you dont know?? Dont you discuss your life??
ME: Yes we do, but it aint going no where, he wants to stay
MOTHER: HE WANTS TO WHAT????(she starts to freak out)
ME: Mom calm down(I started biting my lips, not knowing how to tell her that HUBBY is quite ok with our living arrangements)
MOTHER: WHAT DO YOU MEAN CALM DOWN???WHY ARE YOU ENCOURAGING HIM??
(I stood there like a child being punished for not learning the ABC of marriage)
ME: Mom wallah Im not encouraging him, but what can I do???I myself am frustrated and I cant just keep complaining, I am stressed out already
MOTHER: WELL WHAT KIND OF A MARRIAGE IS THIS? YOU CALL THIS A MARRIAGE? I THOUGHT HE WAS A RESPONSIBLE MAN, I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED. DOESNT HE THINK OF YOU AND YOUR FUTURE??THIS CANT GO ON LIKE THIS
ME: Mom, I understand what you are saying, I mean Im the one who is married remember, Im the one who is hurt and Im the one who is suffering the most, but believe me, theres nothing I can do
MOTHER: THIS IS NOT A LIFE, LOOK AT YOU, YOU LOOK UNHEALTHY, INFACT YOU LOOK ANEROXIC
ME: ME?I look aneroxic???(I take a look in the mirror, well, what can I say, I do look kind of pale, and my face looks hollow, but it aint THAT bad. I do admit that I have lost more weight, I was dreading to look at the scales, but I have gone from 43 KG, to 41)
ME: Mom, I look pale cuz I have no make up on, and I look "aneroxic" cuz Im wearing black (trying real hard to shift the conversation)
MOTHER: You should find a solution with your husband, this cant go on like this.
ME: Ok mom, later
CONVERSATION WITH AN EX-COLLEAGUE
ME: How are you coping so well when your husband is in Iraq
C: Well its difficult, but my daughter keeps me occupied all the time
ME: even if you are occupied arent you worried about his safety? its very bad at the moment in Iraq
C: I am worried but hey, he can be staying with me here, and the next day a car would hit him and he would die. Its just fate. And besides we need the money
ME: (my god, how can someone think this way????I have always known this person to be cold and emotionless but to this degree???I mean what will money be of use to her if her husband gets killed by a stray mortar(God forbid),I was shocked)
ME: Umm, yeah I know its fate but dont you get stressed out??
C: No, not really this is life....
OMG, this is life? what the hell is she on about???I swear I was stunned, and although I admired her strength, I would never ever in my life take this kind of attitude, its too harsh, too harsh for my own liking....
CONVERSATION WITH BESTFRIEND 4 months ago
BESTFRIEND: Let your husband go and see for himself, dont be angry with him, he is doing what he wants to do
ME: but we just got married, I dont wanna lose him, I cant live without him
BESTFRIEND: Give it time, he will come back to you, just let him be
CONVERSATION WITH BESTFRIEND 3 DAYS AGO
BESTFRIEND: How is your HUBBY? when is he coming back??
ME: He says he is attached and doesnt wanna leave
BESTFRIEND: WHAT???ATTACHED TO WHAT???IS HE CRAZY???
ME: Attached to the place, to his work
BESTFRIEND: Its too dangerous tell him to get out of there
ME: I have tried believe me, but he doesnt listen to me. Im on the verge of a breakdown, I dont know what to do
BESTFRIEND: I know how you feel, god Im so sorry, just calm down, try and talk to him, tell him you cant stay like this
ME: I did many times, but he doesnt understand me. He thinks Im joking when I tell him I cant go on like this. I am fed up, I am angry and I am confused. It seems he doesnt love me enough.
BESTFRIEND: No Im sure he loves you, maybe he just doesnt have an option at the moment.
ME: Option???I told him that Im ready to go to Timbuktoo with him, just get out of that hell hole, but he doesnt understand me. I just wanna kill myself, maybe then he will get out. Although recently, I realised that even then he probably wont come to me.
BESTFRIEND:Stop thinking this way, you are stressing yourself out. But hey can you do me a favour?
ME: sure whats that?
BESTFRIEND: If you do decide to leave this world can you atleast call me and say bye.
ME:(laughing my head off) I already have my suicide letters ready, dont worry, you will be the first to know....
CONVERSATION WITH AN AQUAINTANCE:
A: You have the perfect marriage
ME: How is that?
A: What you need men for??They are Bastards
ME: Umm cuz I love HUBBY, and I wanna be with him???(I wasnt sure if she was kidding, but looking at her body language, I realised she was pretty serious
A: Love is just in books, and movies, it doesnt exist in real life. I am trying to encourage my own husband to go to Iraq. I want him out of the house so I can breathe
ME: Hmm, but im newly married, and HUBBY is a great guy and I do miss him immensely
A: I know where you are coming from, but believe me, you will regret having him living with you, men are a pain in the butt.
(Ok now at this point, I had smoked god knows how many cigarettes, to try and figure a way of calming the lady down. But what would you say in such a situation. Umm Im sorry your husband is a bastard???)
ME: Well, umm, I better go, its getting late, take care......
As I head towards the door, she shouts "dont forget, men are bastards, love is but a fairytale, let your husband stay there, believe me, you have the perfect marriage"
Oh god, this lady has it bad, poor woman, I felt quite sorry for her, cuz I do know her husband and I have heard stories about how nasty and selfish he is, no wander she wants to get rid of the man....
I swear its hilarious how different and diverse opinions can be regarding just one situation. Its all relative, relative to each and every individual. I was shocked at my brother's change of mind, he was one of the first people to encourage HUBBY to go to Iraq. But now, he thinks otherwise. My brother likes HUBBY alot, infact they got along so well. When HUBBY was here 5 months ago, he spent more time with him than with me. It was as if they were a couple and not me,lol. Even my sister in law started complaining.....
As for my mom, well, I think from her point of view she is right. I would have reacted the same way if I had a daughter who just got married and her husband left her without planning for the future. My HUBBY has told all of us, that he will be done by November, but now he has changed his mind and so my mom got furious. I guess she just wants whats best for her daughter, I dont blame her.
My bestfriend is just great. She has always been there for me, and she always manages to calm me down. She too had to suffer at the beginning of her marriage cuz her husband left to Iraq. But now he is back with her, and Im so happy that they are gonna start living like normal people. I do envy her, but not in a bad way, cuz I was there with her when she was lonely and I know exactly how she felt then.
The ex-colleague and the aquaintence, well, I actually avoid them now. One is too self centred and the other is angry at the world and her luck......I may sound judgemental, but hey its all relative.....
3 Comments:
NIW,
Look for things to become better in Iraq, as the
crackdown on the terrorists and militiants in the Sunni Triangle is coming. So, there's hope for the future and you stop being so pessimistic.
On the other hand, some of your fellow Arabic types are completely insane:
93% of Al Jazeera respondees support Kidnapping and Murder of Infidels
This is to Mr. Ghost:
Frankly sir and with all due respect, I find your remark HIGHLY OFFENSIVE and NAIVE..
Things WILL get better, No doubt to that, but will they do so in the COMING YEAR? NO. the one after it? NO. in five more years? Maybe..
This needs TIME, LOTS OF TIME. I've lived long enough in the arabic world to know NOTHING this big happens in less than 5-10 years..
Terror? Sunni triangle? Dude leave CNN for a while, will ya?
I am a Sunni, I hail from Mosul, one part of the "Triangle" and I'm currently residing in another part of it, I am NOT a terrorist, I don't know any terrorists, I don't condone them, in fact I hate them more than even you do, cuz I've seen their work up close and personal..
Also, a certain someone called Muqtada Al-Sadr has been giving the americans a bit of a hard time, is he "SUNNI"?
NO.
Does he even LIKE "SUNNI" people? NO.
Is he causing terror? YES.
All the &*^%%&^ doing all the kidnapping and killing are wrongly considered to be Sunni, there are some sunni ^%&%$ doing it, i know, but some are not sunni, some are not ARAB, some are NOT even MUSLIM. and for all his atrocities, the best thing Saddam did was BAN ANY fundemental islamic movements WHATEVER their cause was..
PESSIMISTIC.
You should see how I think of the situation before describing anyone as PESSIMISTIC.
I was born in iraq, I was raised in iraq, my whole life is in iraq, do i want to stay in iraq? NO.
what if things get better? NO.
what if iraq becomes the so-called "Japan of the middle-east"? STILL NO.
Its not the progress (or the lack of it) or the arab terrorists flooding to the country TILL THIS MOMENT that piss me off and make me want to bail, IT IS THE IRAQI MENTALITY.
You can change the environment, you can provide jobs, you can do miracles to the society, BUT YOU CANNOT CHANGE the iraqi mentality, or as someone would say:
"You can take the 'HO out of the Ghetto, but you can't take the Ghetto out of a 'HO.."
I sound cold and ungrateful, but this is what you feel towards a place where you've seen Death twice and spit in its eye both times..
Oh, by the way, Jazeera's news are either EXAGGERATED or Off the mark, I don't watch the news, Neither should anyone who wants to maintain a healthy blood-pressure.
Lastly:
The ONLY thing all these so-called Islamic Fundementalists achieved was getting everyone including bob and his uncle to hate islam. This is NOT islam.
Islam is PEACE, not TAKING LIVES, not the butchering of kidnapped hostages.
God rest their souls in peace.
I apologise if I offended you in any way.
Regards.
13out.
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