neurotic Iraqi wife

Wow, 5 months ago, like this day I was getting married....Its funny cuz in reality I have only spent 12 days(or was it 13???) with HUBBY. I just got a phonecall from him telling me happy anniversary,lol, isnt he sweet???Then I asked him "HUBBY how long did we give ourselves??"

You see, its been a habbit lately, that whenever we go to a wedding or hear of one, we tend to make bets on how long it will last. I know it sounds mean, but with the divorce rates souring up high, especially with Iraqis, nothing shocks us anymore. So HUBBY answers"I think it was 2years". Only 2 years HUBBY, I would have presumed abit more than that. But hey I have another year and seven months of nagging and complaining, YAY,hehe....

Im actually very anxious to explain to people how Iraqis get married. Actually am not sure how they do it in Iraq itself but this is the way I have seen it to be done in every single Iraqi household I've been to.

Iraqi marriages consist of several parties which lead to the end result of MR and MRS so and so. Bare in mind that I'm a Shi'a and HUBBY is a Sunni(pls dont take me wrong when I specify the sect, but each sect/ religeon have their own special ways)so what im about to say here is based upon my own knowledge base. And I would appreciate it if someone reading this and finds something wrong, then by all means do correct me.

In the olden days women used to look for that perfect bride for their dear sons, either by asking neigbours, friends, relatives if there are girls of marital age, or by attending weddings, then they would keep their eye open for anyone who fits the criteria. After setting their eyes on a couple of them(mind you not one but a handful), they would then ask every single minute detail about the girls and their families, what do they do, where do they live, are they working, are they not, etc... then they would produce the photos to their beloved son, and he gets to choose from a collection(lucky B******).

After that they would ask a mediator to introduce the families only if they have no prior knowledge of each other. This is in the olden days, now it somehow differed, guys would meet their brides to be at colleges, universities, gatherings, outings so on and so forth, they do not really rely on their families to find them the girl of their dreams. Ok, now the ceremonies,

• Mashaya: which basically is when the men of the groom's side ,preferably the older ones, go to the bride's father and ask for her hand officially, the more men the better.


• Khutba/engagement: Both families celebrate the engagement either in a hotel or at the girl's house, and this is done by having the man place an engagement ring on the girl, then you can have either a dinner party or just plain partying.


• Henna: which is more or less like the hen night but doesnt involve a male stripper,what a pity,hehe. Its a party solely for the bride where she gets to invite all her friends and family(the women only). she would have fresh henna applied to her hands and anyone else who wants it. Then partying starts.


• Mahar: the meaning of this word in English is dowry. This usually takes place in the bride's home. You separate the men from the women. The bride has to wear a white night gown with a robe, this signifies purity, she would be sitting down with her feet in water and has a veil held up by 2 single girls from either sides, then ontop of the bride stands a happily married woman with 2 huge sugar blocks(really big ones) and starts to rub the blocks together(which ofcourse is being dropped onto the veil, confusing I know),this signifies good luck. The bride usually has a Quran in her lap and is reading some verses.
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While all this is happening, the men are sitting with an Imam or a religeous person that is certified to marry people. The Imam would then ask questions about the dowry and if god forbid a divorce takes place then the amount of the settlement that the father would ask the groom to pay. Then the Imam would go to where the bride is (the Imam shouldn't see the bride, therefore there's a partition between them) and would ask the bride if she accepts so and so as a husband.

The funniest part in this ceremony is the fact that you tend to chose the number of times the Imam would ask the bride if she accepts. Its a tradition that the more times he asks her and she doesnt answer the more her family are showing that they are not willing to give away their daughter so easily,lol. So you can have the Imam standing there for ages reciting from the Quran and asking her the question :would you so and so, the daughter of so and so, agree to get married to so and so the son of so and so...." It just goes on and on and on....Until finally when the desired amount is said the bride would say YES. wowww finally.

The women would then start making these noises with their tongues(sry I forgot the word in English)which makes the marriage official.(thanx to Ihath and AnaRki13, that word is ululations) Then the groom would go to the bride, puts on every type of jewellery he had bought for her, along with every member of his family, until she looks like a christmas tree. After that they either choose to have a party where the bride changes her outfits a couple of times, or a dinner.

Then the Big day takes place the Wedding day, where you invite everysingle person both families know. Usually its the groom's side that pays for everything but now adays some families tend to share the expenses. The Wedding consists of singers, sometimes belly dancers and what have you, Then the bride and groom would leave at the end of the party inorder to begin their new life together as a Married couple...

Some people may not opt out for the wedding party, they would just leave as a couple after the Mahar ceremony, it all depends on what both families have decided....

Ok so after all this blabbing above, HUBBY and I surpassed every single one of those and cut the chase short. We just had the Mahar, and I only wanted my direct family members attending. I didnt know I was getting married until a few days before that date. It was the only time HUBBY was able to take time off before he leaves for Iraq.

We were planning of having a dinner inviting some people, but the timing was wrong, since a relative of mine had passed away and it wasnt really appropriate...Since HUBBY and I werent too fussy about who would marry us(ie: a Sunni sheikh or a Shi'a one), we opted for a Sunni one cuz the Shi'a one had far more complications about a certain issue. It took about 45 mins until we were announced Husband and Wife, and no I didnt make the poor man repeat a million times if I wanted to get married to HUBBY. I believe that that tradition is only in Shia weddings.

After becoming Mrs HUBBY, we all went out for a simple dinner in one of my favourate restaurants. But the worst was yet to come,lol. I was asked by HUBBY before the ceremony whether I will be accompanying him to his hotel after we get married... Umm, I dont know HUBBY, I have to ask my family. That was the most embarrasing moments of my life. What the hell am I gonna ask my parents" Umm dad, mom, am I gonna go with HUBBY to his hotel to umm make love???"

I surpassed my dad, since there is no way in hell I would have the courage to ask him whether or not I will be consummating my marriage. So I went to my mom.

ME: Mom, can I ask you something?
MOM: sure what is it?
ME: Umm, am I going to HUBBY'S hotel tonight??
MOM: What? what for??
ok by now my face has turned crimson red and I wished I was invisible
ME: Umm mom, cuz you know...you know I will be married
MOM: yes?and so?
ME: MOM, I just wanted to know whether Im going to accompany HUBBY to the hotel or not, thats all.
MOM: No, not tonight. You are going to be off on your 3 day honeymoon tomorrow, so you can go tomorrow.
ME: Umm Ok mom, thanx.

By then I was seething. Till this day No one knows why my mom didnt allow me to go. Even my brother had a talk with her, but she was as stubborn as hell. Poor HUBBY was confused and kept complaining all the time...But I think it was just her way to show HUBBY that we are not giving our daughter so easily to you, just like the tradition with the Imam, since we didnt get to do that.

So what I did was, I woke up around 5 in the morning, packed my honeymoon bag and off I went to HUBBY, who was waiting eagerly to see his wife,hehe.....Arent you glad you married me HUBBY.......


PS:Sorry for the long post, but I got carried away.....