neurotic Iraqi wife
July 05, 2008
The Backward Sectarian Ignorant Iraqi Family...
Remember my post about H and Rose? The Shia guy who is madly in love with the Sunni Rose whose parents wouldn’t allow the marriage? Well, Its been an ongoing saga ever since. We planned, plotted, analyzed and theorized. H just couldn’t understand how a professor (Rose’s father) would be so close minded. He would go into deep bouts of depression because to him Rose is the epitome of perfection. To him Rose means the world.
As for me, I would get extremely agitated when H would relay the stories Rose’s parents would tell her. Things like, he is a Shia, we do not want to taint our family name. TAINT!!! What the hell are they talking about??? Or, He is a Shia, our stature in society doesn’t allow us to have mixed blood. Huh??? Mixed blood??? WTH!!! He is not from Timbuktu!!! He is Iraqi for gods sake!!! When he’d tell me these things I would just go into a fury. First off, you don’t judge a person by the sect they have. Its something we are born with. We didn’t get asked while laying there in the crib with our saliva going down, “Hey you little cute thing, what do you wanna be? A sunni or a Shia?” Come on…
At times, after having my blood boil, I would just say to him “You know what H, just forget about it. Cuz even if you do end up marrying her, you will have to deal with her family’s nonsense” A girl will always be close to her family even if she gets married. You will be getting the full package. Just like buying a pair of undies. You go in the shop and they don’t sell singles, just pairs in packs. You are only interested in the black and beige, but the packs have either black and white, or beige and white. So you’re forced to buy the 2 packs!! Bad analogy I know, but it happens to me all the time with the undies!!!
I know H is madly in love, but at the end of the day, Life is not like a Mills and Boons novel. Reality of it, Love does NOT conquer all. With experience we tend to learn that the hard way. Yes Love is there, don’t get me wrong, but at the same time, you need to also have respect. Respect, understanding and mutual beliefs. Without respect, then the marriage is a failure. And if her family doesn’t accept nor respect H just because he is a Shia, then that’s just a sure formula for failure. It’s simple shallowness blinded by backward thinking.
H’s point of view on the other hand is “I will try everything I can, and if it doesn’t work out, then I wont feel guilty”. Yeah we all say the same. H is 23, in my opinion that’s a very young age to get married. He still has a long way to go. Even though he is pretty mature for that age span, in comparison to many guys his age, I still think he needs to go out there and have more experiences, before settling down. But H is adamant. I want only Rose he keeps telling me.
The big day arrived, and the father had to make a trip from Amman to here. Yeah they are settled in Amman now. H picked all the courage he had, and gave him a call. They agreed on the time and date which by itself is a miracle since the Dr kept telling Rose that there is no way in hell he would meet with H. Going to that guy’s house, believe me, isn’t that easy. Don’t forget, Baghdad is still dangerous. It remains a death trap. There are still places that are dominated by militias, or sunni extremists. H had to test the waters before he actually made the visit. Call it a test run if you will. The Dr lives in a strictly Sunni neighbourhood. Not so carefree for H. But H didn’t care.
The test run succeeded without any difficulties. And the most anticipated day arrived. Funny, although I was in my room, Id keep looking at my watch wondering whats going on right now. I was very worried for H. He is a good kid, and I did not want him to be harmed in any way. I called him in the afternoon to ask about the meeting.
“Neurotica, the man started talking politics. Started talking to me about Kirkuk and the situation worsening there because its mixed. He kept saying “ibnee” (my son), we have traditions to keep. In our tribe, we only marry our daughters to people from us. Don’t forget, Im a father, and I need to protect Rose. I cant accept you working with the Americans”
H answered “But Dr, what does Kirkuk have anything to do with me asking you to bless our engagement? Dr you have to understand, I don’t agree with whats going on right now here, Im not an advocate of the government nor the conflict. Im just an Iraqi who wants his country to live in peace, be it governed by Shia’s, Sunni’s, Kurds or Turkmen. And yes, I am working with the Americans, and there is a chance that Id be getting the Visa, if god wills, and we wouldn’t have to live here.”
Once the Visa issue was brought up, the Dr apparently, shifted his views and said, well then, lets see how it goes. I will not make promises, but we will leave it to time. Time and the country’s situation. Aaaaah, so its ok if his daughter goes and lives in the States, but its not ok if H is working with the Americans. Unfortunately, this twisted mentality is not only the Dr’s but it runs with the majority of Iraqis. We are a nation of confused and contradictory people. Sad but very very true.
For now though, H has hope. I saw him today, and he is elated. Elated yet still afraid. Afraid because the Dr conditioned him; Iraq Situation good = H and Rose together. The Dr is asking the impossible. But lets all pray that it would work out, not for the Dr, I can care less for such ignorant people, but for H. Although I still am standing by my opinion. You marry Rose, and you marry her family. The Backward Sectarian Ignorant Iraqi Family…
Footnote: Ughhhh that idiotic evil Col, just passed by, he is talking to the CAPT, and guess what, he wants to friggin BAN smoking from ALL premises even the outside!!! That’s what I can make from their conversation. Next he will keep a tab on how many times we go to the bloody bathroom!!! He is doing this just to get me. I knew that he wont let the incident go. Some people may think it’s a good thing, if he has good intentions, then fine, but he DOES NOT. I think he still thinks he is in a military environment and wants his ORDERS to be followed. What an assole. He is here to supposedly help in “rebuilding” Iraq and not to give us damn orders! He is making it into a direct vendetta against me. Ughhh…Pity he represents the military, the bad face of the military
As for me, I would get extremely agitated when H would relay the stories Rose’s parents would tell her. Things like, he is a Shia, we do not want to taint our family name. TAINT!!! What the hell are they talking about??? Or, He is a Shia, our stature in society doesn’t allow us to have mixed blood. Huh??? Mixed blood??? WTH!!! He is not from Timbuktu!!! He is Iraqi for gods sake!!! When he’d tell me these things I would just go into a fury. First off, you don’t judge a person by the sect they have. Its something we are born with. We didn’t get asked while laying there in the crib with our saliva going down, “Hey you little cute thing, what do you wanna be? A sunni or a Shia?” Come on…
At times, after having my blood boil, I would just say to him “You know what H, just forget about it. Cuz even if you do end up marrying her, you will have to deal with her family’s nonsense” A girl will always be close to her family even if she gets married. You will be getting the full package. Just like buying a pair of undies. You go in the shop and they don’t sell singles, just pairs in packs. You are only interested in the black and beige, but the packs have either black and white, or beige and white. So you’re forced to buy the 2 packs!! Bad analogy I know, but it happens to me all the time with the undies!!!
I know H is madly in love, but at the end of the day, Life is not like a Mills and Boons novel. Reality of it, Love does NOT conquer all. With experience we tend to learn that the hard way. Yes Love is there, don’t get me wrong, but at the same time, you need to also have respect. Respect, understanding and mutual beliefs. Without respect, then the marriage is a failure. And if her family doesn’t accept nor respect H just because he is a Shia, then that’s just a sure formula for failure. It’s simple shallowness blinded by backward thinking.
H’s point of view on the other hand is “I will try everything I can, and if it doesn’t work out, then I wont feel guilty”. Yeah we all say the same. H is 23, in my opinion that’s a very young age to get married. He still has a long way to go. Even though he is pretty mature for that age span, in comparison to many guys his age, I still think he needs to go out there and have more experiences, before settling down. But H is adamant. I want only Rose he keeps telling me.
The big day arrived, and the father had to make a trip from Amman to here. Yeah they are settled in Amman now. H picked all the courage he had, and gave him a call. They agreed on the time and date which by itself is a miracle since the Dr kept telling Rose that there is no way in hell he would meet with H. Going to that guy’s house, believe me, isn’t that easy. Don’t forget, Baghdad is still dangerous. It remains a death trap. There are still places that are dominated by militias, or sunni extremists. H had to test the waters before he actually made the visit. Call it a test run if you will. The Dr lives in a strictly Sunni neighbourhood. Not so carefree for H. But H didn’t care.
The test run succeeded without any difficulties. And the most anticipated day arrived. Funny, although I was in my room, Id keep looking at my watch wondering whats going on right now. I was very worried for H. He is a good kid, and I did not want him to be harmed in any way. I called him in the afternoon to ask about the meeting.
“Neurotica, the man started talking politics. Started talking to me about Kirkuk and the situation worsening there because its mixed. He kept saying “ibnee” (my son), we have traditions to keep. In our tribe, we only marry our daughters to people from us. Don’t forget, Im a father, and I need to protect Rose. I cant accept you working with the Americans”
H answered “But Dr, what does Kirkuk have anything to do with me asking you to bless our engagement? Dr you have to understand, I don’t agree with whats going on right now here, Im not an advocate of the government nor the conflict. Im just an Iraqi who wants his country to live in peace, be it governed by Shia’s, Sunni’s, Kurds or Turkmen. And yes, I am working with the Americans, and there is a chance that Id be getting the Visa, if god wills, and we wouldn’t have to live here.”
Once the Visa issue was brought up, the Dr apparently, shifted his views and said, well then, lets see how it goes. I will not make promises, but we will leave it to time. Time and the country’s situation. Aaaaah, so its ok if his daughter goes and lives in the States, but its not ok if H is working with the Americans. Unfortunately, this twisted mentality is not only the Dr’s but it runs with the majority of Iraqis. We are a nation of confused and contradictory people. Sad but very very true.
For now though, H has hope. I saw him today, and he is elated. Elated yet still afraid. Afraid because the Dr conditioned him; Iraq Situation good = H and Rose together. The Dr is asking the impossible. But lets all pray that it would work out, not for the Dr, I can care less for such ignorant people, but for H. Although I still am standing by my opinion. You marry Rose, and you marry her family. The Backward Sectarian Ignorant Iraqi Family…
Footnote: Ughhhh that idiotic evil Col, just passed by, he is talking to the CAPT, and guess what, he wants to friggin BAN smoking from ALL premises even the outside!!! That’s what I can make from their conversation. Next he will keep a tab on how many times we go to the bloody bathroom!!! He is doing this just to get me. I knew that he wont let the incident go. Some people may think it’s a good thing, if he has good intentions, then fine, but he DOES NOT. I think he still thinks he is in a military environment and wants his ORDERS to be followed. What an assole. He is here to supposedly help in “rebuilding” Iraq and not to give us damn orders! He is making it into a direct vendetta against me. Ughhh…Pity he represents the military, the bad face of the military
23 Comments:
neurotica,
there is a difference btw living in th US and working with an occupation army. im sorry u dont c the difference.
thats aside, it maybe iraqis r hypocrites, but they r also not a ppl to hold a grudge.
Neurotica, please just back away from your obsession with the Colonel's military management style.
Know this: in the States right now there is a general ban on smoking in and around public buildings. Often smokers are exiled considerable distances in ourdoor situations.
That chip on your shoulder is weighing you down.
I hope things work out for H. The sad part is that it's the children of 'mixed' race that usually have the problem. Even though some people in their minds say "that's not true", it is, they just don't live it. I am half Blackfoot and Irish, it was always a war when younger, but I'm sure you know, nothing worse than a 'savage with a temper'. But seriously, mixed bloods have always had trouble in their puritan countries. Not pure enough for one tribe or the other, so they become their own tribe.
If H & Rose can move to the States, then they can live in ignorant bliss, because there they will just be Iraqi's. I don't think your quite up to speed on what's happening in Iraq, things are great with the odd incident. You should really watch CNN or other Western news outlets to see how well it is going/sarcasm. The problem is Afghanistan, in the 7 year war there, last month was the highest loss of Coalition personnel & more than in Iraq. Odd that some thinks it's o.k. to invoke American smoking laws in to a sovereign country, but your in little America, so it's understandable.
if u only knew how shiaa and sunni ppl treat each other here...
I see the groups Sunni and Shia as an introduction to breeding dynamics. Chinese romance was very clear in acknowledging anthropological evidence. The art of coordinating natural empiricism. I agree sectarian pitfalls include bargaining under emotional delusion. Argument coordinates with empirical contrast. After all emotions are just a subset of a child's tears. The delusional survival instinct a primitive uses to obtain self satisfaction. We must encompass every aspect of life in order to formulate life's continuance. Considering Chinese mortality I would understand natural unity as survival beyond natural boundaries. The responsibility of learning relative coordination with resounding evidential absolutism is moderation. Before moderation we must remember not to ignore facts. Ignorance is ternary with primitive destruction of self. I agree cigarettes are not the root of your upbringing and are just evidence. A consequence of living is death and we must acknowledge the facts relating our life cycles to the environment. Counter acting each others emotions is just a light game of emotional golf. Limiting self satisfying feelings of control with discipline are part of a breeding regiment maintaining uniformity. I question the lack of agreement taking place in your office. Obviously the Officer has never watched a population go through withdrawal. Highs and lows no matter how they evolve are limited with evidence and are balanced like any other tear filled ocean. Sounds like you go to a diversity workshop everyday. Another point is Uniform is Impossible. Just tell your Boss you want to be High no if, ands or butts.
Dear Neruotica,
Rose's father just wants to keep his daughter safe. If H and Rose marry, where in Iraq do they safely live? Not in a Sunni area, not in a Shia area and either way, one set of future grandparents risk more with a visit.
But in the US, none of that matters and perhaps the marriage would now offer his daughter advantages that he wants for his child.
Can you really blame him for just wanting to keep his daughter safe in such turbulent times? His reasoning may sound closed minded, but he is merely a parent wanting the very best for his child.
Dad's are funny about their little girls...hope hubby gets the chance to demonstate his own irrationality someday:P
And hope you're still blogging so I can read it:))
seb
Footnote: Ughhhh that idiotic evil Col, just passed by, he is talking to the CAPT, and guess what, he wants to friggin BAN smoking from ALL premises even the outside!!!
I agree with you! He IS doing it just to get back at you! He probably noticed that you are a heavy smoker and hatched the plan. If he could, he'd assign you to a work detail scrubbing toilets for a few days but since he can't, this was the next best thing in his Colonel type brain lol. Hopefully, the madman will be stopped!
As far as H and Rose, I wish them all the best. It seems like it is going to be a heartbreaker either way. Maybe the father is just concerned for teh saftey of his daughter (and the rest of the family) since he seems to be willing to let them marry if they were to be living someplace out of harms way.
Anon, pls tell me the difference. If working with the Americans is not OK, then going and living in their country IS ok???If the father dislikes americans, why then is it fine if his daughter lives in an American society?
2nd Anon, funny you say that. As I said, if he is doing it for the "concern" of health reasons, then granted, but why is it that he happens to think about it, after my talk with him???Besides, this guy has no management style, remember in my previous post when I wrote that I mentioned the incident to one of the bosses, well he told me, that the guy just got out of a sexual harrasment claim counselling!!! So this guy is NUTS, and is not supposed to be here...So pls, dont talk to me about chips on shoulders, I know exactly what Im talking about...
WH, mixed blood? You sound like the father. Be it a sunni or a shia, we are all Iraqis, There is no mixed blood!!!She is marrying an Iraqi not an American nor an Indian...Lol, I stopped watching alot of the news WH, cuz I get mine from the real source, the Iraqis here, tell me everything, without having an agenda to follow :) so here Im blessed in that department.
Anon, where? and how?
Seb, yes, I do understand the dad's point of view. And yes fathers have to be protective, but, would you rather marry off your daughter to someone who isnt that good, nor educated, nor caring just because he is a Sunni, and close the door on someone who thinks the world of your daughter because he is a shia???Cmon now, he is supposed to be an educated person. Again, I see his point but, it doesnt make sense to me.
PG, the Col is after meeeeeeee!!!He wants to destroy me. God. He is psycho!!!He has nothing better to do I guess!!! So much time on his hands to harass women AND be rude!!! As for H and Rose,I guess if they do move to the States they will be happier bunnies than living here. Yes it is dangerous right now to be of mixed marriages, but we have all done it, there are hundreds of thousands of Iraqis who still live here and are just that. They cant just give in to some stupid rule that the militais or the extremists have put in place. Its just not right
Neruotica, back in 1993, I was a student at the school of engineering at Baghdad University and I had a group of close friends (boys and girls) and the unique thing about this group is that we were friends, no romance between any of us, just friends as lame as it sounds but it was true and it was possibly one of the most remarkable periods in my life. Anyway, one of the girls in our group (let's call her B), was a beautiful and charming young lady and was for that reason, always the target of men wanting to meet her and know whatever that means in Iraq. One day, one of the senior students in our department (let's call him M, a friend of mine, two years more senior than us) had a romantic relationship with Ban. He was a bright student, athletic man (in fact he was Iraq's swimming champion at one time), good looking and came from a very wealthy family, his father was one of the major contractors in Iraq. M was a "real catch" by all standards in Iraq at the time. Anyway, M's relationship with Ban developed and M, having graduated from school, did what any decent man would, he asked B's hand from her father. Oh I forgot to mention that M was a Sunni and B was a Shiite but I have to say, I never knew about that until later. Anyway, B's father was a chief engineer in one of the major companies in Baghdad, well educated, and also come from a well known Shiite family in Baghdad. To M's surprise (and all of us to be honest), B's father turned him down cause he was a Sunni. Bear in mind, this was back in 1993 when I have never heard of that in my entire life! That was really weird for me. Anyway, M did not give up and started doing the usual tricks like calling on prominent people in the society to talk to B's father, meeting her father again and again trying to change his mind..etc but it all was in vain and I saw B having her heart broken and was almost into depression for a few months because of that and back then, it was weird and strange stance for all of us. A few months later, B got engaged to another guy, much older than her, less educated (does not have a university degree) and rich. I don't know the guy and I'm not saying that people who do not have a university degree should not marry women whom are more educated than them but in this it was so clear that B was way out of his league but being a Shiite and rich, secured him B's father approval. I felt very sorry for her cause B&M really were in love and their love was killed for a stupid reason. Their story may not have been weird if it took place nowadays. I have to say, the double standards and twisted/biased ways of looking at things and responding to them are part of our culture in the Arab world and Iraq is no exception. Read Ali Al Wardi's books if you haven't so far. Clears a lot of the social/psychological issues in the Iraqi personality. It was an eye opener for me. I do agree with your stance but I would add, if H can leave Iraq and live with Rose abroad, they may have a chance as they will have less contact with her family but of course even that is not a guarantee! Sad but true. Cheers, Leo.
Religion should unite people not separate them! There is only one God for everybody! I wish so much H&Rose will do it!
This col. is a kind of underunder level person.......really! Of course he wants to get you, he doesn't think and care about any health points!
Actually I feel mercy for him, seeing that he uses this kind of low level ways to get you, that's mean HIS BRAIN IS OUT OF ORDER!
Heck NIW, I don't care where ya are if ya marry somebody ya marry their family. That can be good or bad, depending on the family. I worked with a guy from Pakistan a few years ago. He's Muslim, his wife Christian. Personally I don't believe in mixed marriage. I could never marry a woman who's not a NASCAR fan;D As for the Col. I'll send ya some chewing tobacco and a spit can :o---- Solo
Ahhhh, so there is hope. Sending happy thoughts of love and peace for H&R.
I created a slide show on peace you may be interested in. It is dedicated to my Iraqi family (via my Iraqi Hubby whom I adore)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gycech5QnGI
<>WH, mixed blood? You sound like the father<>
Excuse my poor writing skills. My point was that I know of the fruit of 'groups' be it Tribes, Clans, or Races that place herd ideology over love. And the product of that, on the offspring of 'mixed' blood, clans, tribes, and how they are usually the ones who see the ignorance of either side they come from.
I really hope everything will be fine with Rose&H!!!
Lovely greetings
"She is marrying an Iraqi not an American nor an Indian...Lol,"
What is wrong with her marrying an American or Indian?
______________________________
Neruotica, it does you credit that you care for both these people so much. The most you can do is pray for them.
"What is wrong with her marrying an American or Indian?" - Anand
Cause they're gay.
nice one cyrel nice one one son here is another reason ,it stands to reason that an iraqi or otherwise may find more in common & shared interests by marrying someone of the same background & nation & or region in general but importantly able to communicate profusely in the same language &otherwise ,this business of marrying a package plays a role no matter the area in the globe but the sectarian rubbish in Iraq is a load of nonsense created &plays into the hands of the axis of evil primarily !!!!!!!!!
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Blogger Edit_Mommies said...
Included in the introduction of new material is the required aspect of Multi-Tasking as concentrative production. Children stage responsive acknowledgments generative with focused existence. Interruption selects chaotic emotions that can be grasped and understood with words. Still the words cannot stay the fever conflicting and satisfies possible neurosis in the later years. These neurotic delusions result in uncoordinated immunization and return consequentially as self destruction. Agitated we lose our generative memory and become overwhelmed. Engaging the world from the ground up causes us child like discomfort. Instead we simplify our people and our planet we burn them alive. That doesn't make "Top of the Food Chain".
July 9, 2008 9:21 PM
You EyeRakis Still Smoking on US Government Premises? What a Crime Against Democracy, Ain't you learn't anything? (Spiting out extra Saliva from the Chewing Tabbaco) you don't deserive Democracy, you should have been still under those Talaban Folks.
Hi Nero Wish your doing Well :)
I hope things pan out well for the two of them! As a shia, I'm all too aware of the harsh criticism and treatment other Muslims give us. I can remember crying the first time I experienced just treatment, LOL. Imagine a "normal," white American girl feeling her first pangs of discrimination. Almost funny >.< Anyway, keep us updated about these two please :)
So you're HUBBY is rebuiliding the country now! Well, you're Hubby and other's like him, called the US-coalition to invade and destroy the country in order to rebuilt-it later! A smart idea to find a job really. I hope that the US pay well!
It is because of Iraq's like you and HUBBY, that the sectarian thinking ramped and grown in you're society.
Your obsession with the backwards Iraqi mindset plagues you! You're Iraqi, I'm Iraqi. I don't consider you to be backwards. I don't think we are as much backwards as we are traditional. We live off of the kalam of other people, what people say is held to high standards. We put our reputations on high pedostoles and these reputations are built by our communities perception of us, no matter how sick, twised, ignorant or stupid they may be! I think our problem, one of our many problems, is that we are so busy entangled with our facade that we forget our insides are decaying, and decaying rapidly. We simply cannot ''get the job done'' (I'm referring to your blog...''What have you done for the Iraqi people?") We love living in the US but hating on the Americans. Oh yes, we will take your financial gain, but we don't like you. Karma?!
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