neurotic Iraqi wife
February 19, 2008
The Dark, Meaningless Oblivion...
I started getting into the habit of taking Fridays off, unless there is something urgent I really need to work on. But lately, Ive organized everything way in advance, so I can just relax and enjoy being with myself a whole day! I usually lie in bed for a few hours, chat with HUBBY on and off, read a few articles here and there, clean and organize my bedroom, do laundry if the washers are empty, which most of the time they aint. Light some candles or incense and really enjoy the solitude.
Sunday was a holiday for us, I guess President’s day. Whenever the US celebrates a holiday on Monday, we usually take that Sunday off. Company policy is you can work upto 2 hours, not more on holidays, unless you ask permission from the Prog Manager for more. I myself definitely didn’t ask for extra hours. I found out lately, that by taking a day off, makes a helluva difference in my energy and attitude levels. I remember how I used to tease V for taking Fridays off. I never used to understand how the hell can someone spend one whole day in that small hole of a room that we have. Little did I know then.
Ok enough of me, now to something different. Last week, unlike this one which has been filled with dust and cold winds, had a very beautiful summery feel. So the smoke breaks became extremely enjoyable while basking under the Baghdadi sunshine. A few of the IT guys came out to smoke, saw me, pulled their chairs next to mine and started relaying their story day after day. It kinda became like a soap opera, where I sit and wait for updates. H is a new recruit and a fresh graduate. He’s probably been here 2 or 3 months.
H has fallen in love with his university colleague for a few years now. Two weeks ago they decided to take things further and get engaged. Usually in our culture, if you’re from a somehow open minded family, the girl would open up to her mom, tell her that there’s someone interested in her, and would like to meet the family. The mom, would then probe with questions, find out more about the guy, then inform the father of the news.
I’ll call the girl in question Rose, since Valentines Day was just a few days ago. So Rose went ahead and opened the subject with her mom. Now mind you H is Shia, and Rose is a Sunni from Samarra. When the mom heard about H’s sect, she became extremely reluctant and asked Rose to forget about it for now. Rose tried to tell her that these things shouldn’t matter, but the mom said that a difference in sect makes a lot of a difference especially in today’s Iraq. Its far too dangerous. Too dangerous.
Rose became depressed, and H tried to calm her down. Its not fair she kept telling him, this is not fair. H knew this wasn’t fair but he had other plans. The only people that know of H’s real job are his parents. Apart from that, no one else knows that he works here. As for Rose, he told her that he works in one of the Ministries during the day and at his father’s office in the afternoon, (for her own safety). Hence, his salary is a bit higher than the rest of the guys their age. He had also mentioned to Rose that there is a great chance of him going to the States, ofcourse not mentioning anything about the special immigrant visa that he can apply to when he passes the 12 month period.
When the mom saw Rose’s grim state, she felt bad, and started to break the ice by asking more questions about H, his family, his job, and his future plans. When she asked her where would they live in the event they do get married, Rose answered the States. The mom asked Rose, how is it possible to go to the States, all Rose said was that H, was promised by someone he works with at the Ministry an opportunity of going there. Now, it’s the mom’s turn to inform the father and its upto the dad to decide..
Come today, and as I was stepping out for a smoke, I glimpsed H in the hallway. He looked grief stricken. I asked for an update, all he said was, its over, Neurotica. “What? whats over?” I asked. The father refused and asked Rose to forget about the whole thing. He said “over my dead body you will marry this guy. He didn’t even wanna hear of it, doesn’t want to even meet me Neurotica, doesn’t want to gove me a chance” I didn’t know what to say. I felt anger seeping from me. “The thing that really gets to me, is the fact that the dad is an educated professor, he should be more understanding, more open minded. If THIS well educated man thinks in this backward manner, then why do we go blaming the illiterate and uneducated people for following their sectarian leaders???Why Neurotica?”
I guess I ask the same question here. Why do we blame the blind followers when the highly educated people are even more ignorant? Its sad, really sad, to see how these sectarian differences that run more than 1400 years, can rip a love so young, so pure in this day and age. H ofcourse is not the only one, but his story is real, as real as it gets. Thousands of people were forced to get a divorce because of these issues. Again, this is one of this war’s many phenomenas. Where stone age thoughts prevails, where ignorance dwells. Valentines or no Valentines, certainly H can care less. He’s heartbroken. Heartbroken and shot. Shot into the oblivion. The Dark, Meaningless Oblivion…
Sunday was a holiday for us, I guess President’s day. Whenever the US celebrates a holiday on Monday, we usually take that Sunday off. Company policy is you can work upto 2 hours, not more on holidays, unless you ask permission from the Prog Manager for more. I myself definitely didn’t ask for extra hours. I found out lately, that by taking a day off, makes a helluva difference in my energy and attitude levels. I remember how I used to tease V for taking Fridays off. I never used to understand how the hell can someone spend one whole day in that small hole of a room that we have. Little did I know then.
Ok enough of me, now to something different. Last week, unlike this one which has been filled with dust and cold winds, had a very beautiful summery feel. So the smoke breaks became extremely enjoyable while basking under the Baghdadi sunshine. A few of the IT guys came out to smoke, saw me, pulled their chairs next to mine and started relaying their story day after day. It kinda became like a soap opera, where I sit and wait for updates. H is a new recruit and a fresh graduate. He’s probably been here 2 or 3 months.
H has fallen in love with his university colleague for a few years now. Two weeks ago they decided to take things further and get engaged. Usually in our culture, if you’re from a somehow open minded family, the girl would open up to her mom, tell her that there’s someone interested in her, and would like to meet the family. The mom, would then probe with questions, find out more about the guy, then inform the father of the news.
I’ll call the girl in question Rose, since Valentines Day was just a few days ago. So Rose went ahead and opened the subject with her mom. Now mind you H is Shia, and Rose is a Sunni from Samarra. When the mom heard about H’s sect, she became extremely reluctant and asked Rose to forget about it for now. Rose tried to tell her that these things shouldn’t matter, but the mom said that a difference in sect makes a lot of a difference especially in today’s Iraq. Its far too dangerous. Too dangerous.
Rose became depressed, and H tried to calm her down. Its not fair she kept telling him, this is not fair. H knew this wasn’t fair but he had other plans. The only people that know of H’s real job are his parents. Apart from that, no one else knows that he works here. As for Rose, he told her that he works in one of the Ministries during the day and at his father’s office in the afternoon, (for her own safety). Hence, his salary is a bit higher than the rest of the guys their age. He had also mentioned to Rose that there is a great chance of him going to the States, ofcourse not mentioning anything about the special immigrant visa that he can apply to when he passes the 12 month period.
When the mom saw Rose’s grim state, she felt bad, and started to break the ice by asking more questions about H, his family, his job, and his future plans. When she asked her where would they live in the event they do get married, Rose answered the States. The mom asked Rose, how is it possible to go to the States, all Rose said was that H, was promised by someone he works with at the Ministry an opportunity of going there. Now, it’s the mom’s turn to inform the father and its upto the dad to decide..
Come today, and as I was stepping out for a smoke, I glimpsed H in the hallway. He looked grief stricken. I asked for an update, all he said was, its over, Neurotica. “What? whats over?” I asked. The father refused and asked Rose to forget about the whole thing. He said “over my dead body you will marry this guy. He didn’t even wanna hear of it, doesn’t want to even meet me Neurotica, doesn’t want to gove me a chance” I didn’t know what to say. I felt anger seeping from me. “The thing that really gets to me, is the fact that the dad is an educated professor, he should be more understanding, more open minded. If THIS well educated man thinks in this backward manner, then why do we go blaming the illiterate and uneducated people for following their sectarian leaders???Why Neurotica?”
I guess I ask the same question here. Why do we blame the blind followers when the highly educated people are even more ignorant? Its sad, really sad, to see how these sectarian differences that run more than 1400 years, can rip a love so young, so pure in this day and age. H ofcourse is not the only one, but his story is real, as real as it gets. Thousands of people were forced to get a divorce because of these issues. Again, this is one of this war’s many phenomenas. Where stone age thoughts prevails, where ignorance dwells. Valentines or no Valentines, certainly H can care less. He’s heartbroken. Heartbroken and shot. Shot into the oblivion. The Dark, Meaningless Oblivion…
16 Comments:
It's a story as old as time and thats maybe what H needs to do before getting soooo upset, give it a little bit of time.
Love your blog
Angela
First of all,
Welcome back neurotica!!!
And welcome for all neurotica's readers.
Another War's Phenomenon as my blog mate (Neurotica) said.
In my view of point, Rose's Father is right(nowadays in our great Iraq) in his decision, yes, i know very well he broken her daughter's heart, but that better than getting maried and the problem coming up.
I can feel very well about H feelings and his position and his education level (and may be or of course he is from educated family) but the people around him will never let him live normal life.
As i read, nobody know about his work in IZ(or in american company) except his parents,in another hand, if someone from his relative knows about his work, that's may be get him troubles,the same thing with his engagement but with engagement, all peoples will know about that, and the first question will be, what is her sectarian?, and he will surprise about the number of people from his side refusing that engagement.
I know itsn't healthy Phenomenon, but that's the "New Iraq"
For me, i'll convience my family in any way to marreid this girl, but the problem is with her side as H problem, i'll think about that and getting the solutiong in next comment!
here i have two questions i hope if there are answer to them:
1- Is his relatives agree with him in this step!
2- He cannot depends on an immigration as a guarentee as Rose said to her mam!!!!!!!!
I have just one comment to Neurotica!!!!!!!!!!
As i know that special immigration just for traslators, is that program includes the employees in american companies, or H is one of the translators!!!!!!!!!
warm regards
(i know my english skills in writing is bad, but i'll try to develope it, so sorry about mistakes in words and grammer)
okay, i will read this when you change your font back.
iraqi translator, just a quick q, how come you work as a translator when you keep apologizing for your weak English?
sincerely
Neurotica, thanks for sharing the story. I imagine it must be even worse if a Christian and Muslim fall in love. It's sad when something like Religion, which is supposed to help people be happy, actually causes misery and grief :(
I understand exactly what you mean about finding "private" time in your little quarters. The less privacy you have, the more important it becomes. I remember when I was in the Marines sometimes the only "privacy" I ever had was putting on a set of headphones and listening to the radio for an hour or two. It was good enough :)
Abbas,
iraqi translator, just a quick q, how come you work as a translator when you keep apologizing for your weak English?
He's willing to do the job, and his English is not bad at all. Also, if he's like most people, his verbal skills are better than written.
Okay I just read this now, it's fairly common and it's getting even more common. Being an educated professor is of no relevance, the two sects are religiously hostile and nothing can change it, they have always been at war but this war is sometimes put on hold for various reasons, such as the invasion of western ideologies, I would also be more generous and say that the difference between Sunnis and Shias is worse than the one between Islam and Christianity ; people who tell you otherwise are probably not really practicing their religion. As long as a religion is in power, then forget about it.
Her poor father is probably just so concern for his daughter and rightly so. Love for her is blinding him. Can't blame the dad. H & Rose are too in love to see the bigger picture which is so unfortunate. I feel for them. By the way, if he did go to the states then wht would happen to Rose. Would she go too?
A sad situation indeed.
Love can be used as a target. The most efficient assassin's integrate willpower and purpose into a need for controlling ones adrenaline. If the Love you speak of was mentioned to others and satisfactorily, "placed in front of a firing squad" for, "everyones" enjoyment, they should probably be given poodles to train and then eat. Actually the addictive purpose of Religious ordering for purposes of Health and Possessive Aesthetic are a bit like a giant brick of Ice Cream from a summer home no one can afford. If those types of empowerment keep you from affectionately enjoying your poodles genitalia then by all means eat the mf'rs and buy like 10 more poodles to raise in traffic. Cause a dead poodle is a happy couple that no one is using like a Sunday Morning Bong hit. Oh yeah my spell checker keeps underlining Religion and suggesting I use the word Ritalin? Yes Alcoholics Anonymous is the same thing as the Civil War re-enactment group. Throwing out trash keeps you from going "Homo". Most people have addictive triggers that correspond with related instances of gratification from their subliminal consciousness. Unless of course your a practiced male or female. It was like that time I forgot to shoot a Viet Cong Guerrilla because, War = No, and gosh golly this is America. God Bless America. I think this Greed phenomenon is worth having a look at. And another thing I'm Mad.
So sad. Perhaps Rose's melancholy will sway her father? Hard to say.
Iraqi-translator, don't worry about your grammar, we get what you are saying, and that's more important :)
Neurotica, yes, one would think education breeds unification. Sadly, it only seems to deepen the rift between sects. Confusing, to say the least.
Always,
Melanie
Great post, sad story. Rose should move out of the house and live her life the way she wants. Her baba will get over it.
HELLO M´E O´L MATEYS THIS TOPIC "A ROMEO & JULIET PHENOMENA" & ONE THING IS SURE ;NO MATTER HOW LOGICALLY STEADY ROSE´S FATHER IS ?!! HE MAY INDEED BE BE SWAYED BY THE INJUSTICES BY PRODUCT OF A CONFLICT PITTING THE 2 sects at each other´s THROATS & DEEP WITHIN THE GRAB GREED ;LGISTICAL;STRATEGIC -GAME A SECT IS HOLDING ON TOOTH & NAIL TO THIER POSITIONS BACKED BY THEIRANIENAXIS OF EVIL FOR THE MOST PART ??!! & A DRIVEN POLICY OF KICKING THE OTHER SECT UPON IT BEING ON IT´S KNEES ; THUS THE POOR FATHER MAY USE HIS INTELLECTUAL PROWESS IN FATHOMING ALL ASPECTS & SIDES OF THE COIN BUT HIS EMOTIONS & HEART ;& MAYBE INSTINCTS TELL HIM THERE ARE VINDICTIVE SINNISTER ;EVIL EPIDEMIC POLICY VIOLENCE AT WORK THAT THRIVE ON EXERCISING IT´S INTOLERANCE ON SUCH YOUTHFUL LOVERS AS "H" & HIS "ROSE"??!!SADLY THE DESCRIBTION OF THE "ABBAS NAHWAZ´S OF THIS REGION IS A PRACTICED BELIEF BY MANY HE MAY EVEN BE EXPRESSING HIS OWN SENTIMENTS; BACKED UP BY THEAXIS OF EVILIRAN THE SCOURGE OF THE REGION!! & ROSE & H MAY YET HAVE FOUND A PATH A PEACEFUL PATH FOR THIER LOVE & MANY LIKE THEM !!!IN THE IRAQ OF THE 1920s & OUR OWN SIR T.E.LAWRENCE & HIS DREAM OF BUILDING A LIBERAL IRAQ WITHIN THE ARABIAN PENINNSULA & THE BRITISH COMMONWEALTH WHERE SUCH INTOLERANCES AMONGST SECTS BECOME A THING OF THE PAST & A LAUGH & A JOKE ??MAY ROSE & H FIND A PATH FOR THIER LOVE & MAYBE A FEW MILLION "H"S & ROSE"S TEAM UP IN IRAQ & ACCROSS THE REGION TO BREAK THE INTELORENCE & INJUSTICES CARRIED OUT BY SOME OF THE STOOGES & OFFICIALS OF THE AXIS OF EVIL & IF THERE WERE MARRIAGES MIXED AMONGST CHRISTIANS & MOSLEMS THAT MAY WELL IN THE LONG RUN; BREAK THIS SECT ;IDIOTIC; FEEBLE ;CIVIL CONFLICT ;A SECTARIAN GRAB FOR THE BEST POSITIONS IN OFFICIALDOM IN THIEVERY & LINNING THIER OWN POCKETS SIDE LINNING THE REST OF THE POPULATIONS OF THIER RIGHTFULL PLACE & RIGHTS ;RIGHTS OF LEADING A DECENT LIFE & RIGHTS TO LOVING & LIVING & ENJOYING MANY A VALENTINE´S DAY SO THE ONLY THING TO SAY TO A COMMENT LIKE THE ONE MENTIONED FROM APREVIOUS COMMENTATOR ABOUT THE SECTS REMAINING IN A BITTER CIVIL CONFLICT FOR CENTURIES & MILLINEA??IS THE UTTERANCE OF SOMEONE WHO IS INTERESTED & FORESTATING A DISMAL NEGATIVE FACT & PROMULGATING THE WHOLE PROCESS TO SUIT THIER OWN ENDS ;; & IF THE PEOPLE OF THE REGION DON´T STAND UP & TACKLE SUCH RETARDED BELIEFS THAT RETROGRESS THE WHOLE REGION INTO THE ABBYSS INTO OBLIVION ??!!ALL WHO ARE AGAINST SUCH NEGATIVE PHENOMENA STAND UP & BE COUNTED UNITE ALONGSIDE THE LOVELY NEUROTICA & MAY THERE BE MILLIONS OF "H" & ROSE´S TEAMING UP WITH NEUROTICA TO PULL THE NATION & THE REGION FROM THE BRINCK OF ABYSS & OBLIVION , THUS MAKING IT MATTER?! & NOT PERMITTING PEOPLE´S LIVES & LOVES TO BE RULED BY A VINDICTIVE SINNISTER LOT ;& BY NOT OBLIVIOUS TO THE WHOLE INJUSTICE OF IT ALL;WWW.bfbs.com " CHEERS NEUROTICA LUV OLAFF
Hey Angela, Thanx....Thats exactly what I told H, give it more time...
Hey IT, ha?Yella where is your blog???Answers to ur questions, his family surprisingly didnt mind. And he was thinking that if the dad says yes, and they do get married then he will take Rose to the US...As for the Visa, no its not just for translators, its for anyone who works in an American Company for more than 12 months, but in the application you have to say that you worked as a translator...
PG, Yeah I start to crave for those short private moments...I mean this place where Im at, youre surrounded by the same ppl 24/7...Not good!!!
Abbas, first off, IT's english is better than most people I work with here!!!And just as PG said, his verbal skills may be excellent. Just like me, I can speak french and spanish, but need to practice more often, and my oral skills in those languages are very unpolished...But I do understand and I can speak it...But Shhhhh dont tell anyone ;-)
Hi Anon, yeah thats the plan. H wanted to take Rose with him, but he cant do that if they aint married. I think the dad should atleast meet H, he cannot just judge a person.
Oh and abbas, I dont agree that the difference between Sunni's and Shia's are more than Christianity, and Islam. Atleast we are from the same religeon, which does make a difference in the long term...
Melanie, I agree with you totally...
Iraqi Mojo, do u think thats a good idea?I doubt that,I think its very important to have the blessing of your parents. And I speak from past experiences here...What do u think?
i second Iraqi Mojo here, H. and Rose should run away from the crazy nonsense and live a happy life. if US is not possible, there are a lot of countries that would welcome them. love must prevail!!!!
tib
My husband is an Iraqi man born in
Baghdad. I had the opportunity to meet his beautiful family the year before the first desert storm. My husband is Sunni, however his mother was Shia so he has relatives in both sectors. He also had a brother that married a Christian woman. I am Christian and I was accepted into the family without question. It is sad to see that Iraq now is so divided. Who to blame? At this point it doesn't really matter, Iraq will never be able to heal until it can let go of the past and unit itself. My prays are that in time, people like Roses father will let go and through his daughter, the healing can begin.
Truly our vision is Bigfoot VS. The Chupacabra.
NIW: "do u think thats a good idea?I doubt that,I think its very important to have the blessing of your parents. And I speak from past experiences here...What do u think?"
Of course it's important to have the blessings of our parents, but if they don't agree, I think the children, who are actually adults, should go their own way, especially when the children are right and the parents are wrong. Like I said, daddy will get over it. It's her life, not his.
Yeah I know cause I wanna be there when Bigfoot and The Chupacabra go at it.
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