neurotic Iraqi wife

Finally the trip is all planned and dealt with.....And who did all the bookings and research??? Oh it cant be HUBBY can it. NOOOOOOO, cuz HUBBY "doesnt have the time" Ugghhhhh. Instead it was I that DID EVERYTHING!!! Can someone please tell me what's a man's job in a marriage??? Umm apart from providing and you know what else, but is that it???

Three days from today marks a whole year since we got married. A whole year, a year filled with anxiety, worries, tears, anger, laughter, desire, naughtiness and most of all fear....I genuinely started this blog cuz I needed help. I needed help to get away from my fears. My fears, my fears of losing my lover. Yeah losing him, losing him to circumstances that no one can control. Not me, not you, not him, just God Almighty can.....

When we meet every 3 months, its like we are meeting for the first time. That longing embrace, those lingering kisses, those "I miss you" words that melt in your ears, then a few minutes later its like we've lived a whole life time together."Sweetie, can u do my back for me?darling can you give me a massage?Oh cutie pie, I need to check my email"!!!!. Huh??? check your email, NOW??? I thought you missed me???

Why parents never tell us whats it like to be married is just beyond me. Atleast a few words of warning, you know, like "its not gonna be all rosy, you will need to pack his bags, do the travel plans, pick his clothes from the floor, clean after him, count the coke cans he leaves everywhere, watch him eat countless meals during the day, oh and bare the freezing AC temperatures, theres ofcourse the nightly struggle of who gets more duvet" Apart from the obvious "men never flush, men never put the toilet seat down, men never dry the floors after the shower, men dont have the word "hang" in their dictionary, and last but not least men dont know the meaning of "NO"

Hmm, what can I say??? But non the less, I still love my HUBBY.He's learning, he learnt to flush,yaaaaaaay....lol. The distance was a killer, but what was worse was the not knowing. Not knowing if he escaped the mortars, not knowing if he survived the bombings. Not knowing if he is safe. Negative thoughts are always lingering behind in my mind. And it was those thoughts that I needed to control. Did I succeed??No, not yet. I still worry, its only natural. But I did stop crying myself to sleep. That definitely stopped unless I have a nightmare that is.....

There's also the fear of losing him to someone else. Now that too was bad. Infact, I had so much to worry about I didnt know where to start. He didnt help either. He loves teasing me, knows he can work me up. One time, as we were talking on the phone

he said" Oh btw, I forgot to mention theres a new girl here in the Green Zone"
me: Aha, and??? (gritting my teeth)
HUBBY: she's soooooooo cute, you cant imagine. Everyone has fallen in love with her and I mean everyone
ME: Oh really???(my heart starts pounding and my face turns red)
HUBBY: yeah, God you should see the way she talks, the way she moves, she's just a darling
ME: WHO IS SHE (control goes out the door, and anger seeps in)
HUBBY: She wears this tight pink tracksuit with pink trainers and
ME: OMG, is she a child???
HUBBY then cracks up and says I got you didnt I? It aint funny you know, I said as a matter of factly, and besides I knew it right from the start. (Yeah right) hehe

Ups and downs thats marriage. A never ending rollercoaster, and you know what, Its fun. Kept me on my toes for the past year. Yet sometimes it used to get confusing. Who shall I be today, the wife??? the friend??? or simply the person??? They all are different. The wife needs love, tenderness and care and is expected to succumb to her husband's needs. The friend is someone who listens without judgement, someone who understands. The person is just plain old me, my person demands honesty, loyalty and openness....

Hmm this was supposed to be a short post, but I got carried away. Oh and I forgot to mention that it aint gonna be Greece we'll be going to, its actually the pyramids. Yup we're going to Egypt. I love Egypt, been to Cairo and Alexandria, but never been to Sharm El Sheikh. Thats where we are heading.....As for my trip to Iraq, well, still am waiting for the papers to get issued. Packed my clothes though, plain tshirts in batches of black, white, khaki and baby pink.....

I guess Im gonna stop here for now, and before I hit that publish button, I wanna say Im so glad that a favourate poet of mine has started his blog. Chris, a very warm welcome from me to you.

This past year has been so unique, been the Wife, the Friend and the Person.I wander whats it gonna be this coming year, who will I be??? I guess Ill just be ME, ME and more ME.....Neurotica(thanx Tilli for the nickname,I love it), The Neurotic Iraqi Wife......