neurotic Iraqi wife
March 30, 2005
Butterfly Marathon.......
Im scared, Im nervous, Im excited and I have butterflies flying a marathon in my tummy. Scared cuz Im afraid that I wont be accepted in the community I so much wanna help. Nervous cuz Im going into the unknown, and excited cuz its something I have been trying so hard to get and I got it. As for the butterflies well they have a life of their own...
I just received the offer yesterday. Finally after waiting and getting frustrated for not hearing anything in 12 days. I know it doesnt sound that long but for me every day that passed seemed like a year. I emailed HUBBY told him the good news and forwarded the email I got from HR. HUBBY wasnt pleased, said that they are taking me for a ride....Hmm, is it just me or is HUBBY having second thoughts??? WHO CARES IF THEY ARE TAKING ME FOR A RIDE. I WANT THAT RIDE!!!! I just wanna be there. I wanna be there so I can take part in this rebuilding process. I wanna be there so I can lend a helping hand. I wanna be there so I can be with my HUBBY.
But HUBBY tells me to wait. Hmm, wait for what exactly??? He says wait, dont sign anything yet, just wait. One thing I really hate is WAITING. But here I am "waiting" for whatever it is HUBBY wants to do. Though the contract says 18th April, Our first Wedding Anniversary is the 26th. Wow, its been One whole year!!! woooohooooo. Well not exactly. Out of those 365 days I had spent 51 with HUBBY,not bad for starters!!!! HUBBY wanted to take me somewhere "nice" but I said what better place to celebrate than be in "Baghdad"....Hope I wont regret these words one day....
As for my parents, told ya that they werent acting in accordance to the "house rules" Im used to. Mom FREAKED out when I mentioned the offer. Umm FREAKED out is an understatement, infact I believe she tore one of my ear drums from her ever so loud soprano shouting. Yup Im gonna go to Baghdad deaf. Maybe its a blessing from Mom so I wont have to hear the round of mortars or the sniper shootings, Thanx Mom.....
She completely denied the fact that I had mentioned working in Baghdad. I reminded her of her valuable words "If you do get kidnapped,let your husband pay the ransom". She couldnt deny that could she??? After I completed the last word, she began her rantings on poor HUBBY. She went on and on and on, while I just sat there, mesmerised by the email I got from HR with a teeny weeny smile on my face thinking "Oh Mom, if you only knew that it was HUBBY who applied on my behalf" But I shooed that thought out of my mind so fast just incase my tongue betrays me and utters it.....
For half an hour I sat there listening about what a failed marriage this is, what an irresponsible wife I am, how I should be telling HUBBY that its about time to come back here and start a family and how I shouldnt be even sitting on my ass, smiling away...lol. Her last words before she stormed out of my room "I'll tell your father about this nonsense and he will put a stop to it.LMAO!!!! Little did she know that Dad was somehow backing me on this...or was he???
I printed the email out and handed it to Dad, who disappeared in the room and came back 15 minutes later to place the papers neatly on the coffee table. Did not utter a word infront of Mom, nor did I. After what seemed like eternity, and while my Mom was in the Kitchen, I asked Dad about any comments..He just said "There's nothing to say". Hmm, now what's that supposed to mean?? Is it a yes you can go ahead with it, or a No, dont even think about it.... I tell you, I shoulda majored in psychology rather than finance to know what goes on inside people's minds....
On a lighter note, for the past 10 days I have subjected my hair to loads of experiments. After the first call I got from the HR person, I decided to go for "easy hair" since I know I wont have the time of day to worry about it while in Baghdad. No high lights, No colour and no ages trying to blow dry the ever so long Shakira hair....
Waved good bye to my long locks and good bye to those blonde hairs. Went back home, to be greeted by faces that looked like they have just seen a ghost...I tell you, it was THAT BAD. I looked pretty AWFUL..... The next day went back and decided to go for a lighter shade. Hmm still looked awful, and my fringe just doesnt seem to stay down. Yup that short.No wax, no spray can tame it. Darn what have I done. Decided to go back to blonde, looks better now, but I still am having a hard time with those darn short hairs. Hmm, I thought I said I wanted easy hair????
Anyhow, am still waiting for the Green Light from HUBBY while I sit here and wander which butterfly is winning the race... Thank God Im spending my time reading books or else I woulda gone insane. I just finished reading one by Asne Seierstad. I had already read her book about Afghanistan :The Bookseller of Kabul. It was a great read. This time I finished her "A Hundred and One days" All about being in Baghdad before, during and just after the war. Cant describe my feelings while reading it. I did cry though, if you ever read it you will know why.....
As for now, I just have to wait for the Green Light to flash, my ear drum to heal, And the Butterfly Marathon to End.....
I just received the offer yesterday. Finally after waiting and getting frustrated for not hearing anything in 12 days. I know it doesnt sound that long but for me every day that passed seemed like a year. I emailed HUBBY told him the good news and forwarded the email I got from HR. HUBBY wasnt pleased, said that they are taking me for a ride....Hmm, is it just me or is HUBBY having second thoughts??? WHO CARES IF THEY ARE TAKING ME FOR A RIDE. I WANT THAT RIDE!!!! I just wanna be there. I wanna be there so I can take part in this rebuilding process. I wanna be there so I can lend a helping hand. I wanna be there so I can be with my HUBBY.
But HUBBY tells me to wait. Hmm, wait for what exactly??? He says wait, dont sign anything yet, just wait. One thing I really hate is WAITING. But here I am "waiting" for whatever it is HUBBY wants to do. Though the contract says 18th April, Our first Wedding Anniversary is the 26th. Wow, its been One whole year!!! woooohooooo. Well not exactly. Out of those 365 days I had spent 51 with HUBBY,not bad for starters!!!! HUBBY wanted to take me somewhere "nice" but I said what better place to celebrate than be in "Baghdad"....Hope I wont regret these words one day....
As for my parents, told ya that they werent acting in accordance to the "house rules" Im used to. Mom FREAKED out when I mentioned the offer. Umm FREAKED out is an understatement, infact I believe she tore one of my ear drums from her ever so loud soprano shouting. Yup Im gonna go to Baghdad deaf. Maybe its a blessing from Mom so I wont have to hear the round of mortars or the sniper shootings, Thanx Mom.....
She completely denied the fact that I had mentioned working in Baghdad. I reminded her of her valuable words "If you do get kidnapped,let your husband pay the ransom". She couldnt deny that could she??? After I completed the last word, she began her rantings on poor HUBBY. She went on and on and on, while I just sat there, mesmerised by the email I got from HR with a teeny weeny smile on my face thinking "Oh Mom, if you only knew that it was HUBBY who applied on my behalf" But I shooed that thought out of my mind so fast just incase my tongue betrays me and utters it.....
For half an hour I sat there listening about what a failed marriage this is, what an irresponsible wife I am, how I should be telling HUBBY that its about time to come back here and start a family and how I shouldnt be even sitting on my ass, smiling away...lol. Her last words before she stormed out of my room "I'll tell your father about this nonsense and he will put a stop to it.LMAO!!!! Little did she know that Dad was somehow backing me on this...or was he???
I printed the email out and handed it to Dad, who disappeared in the room and came back 15 minutes later to place the papers neatly on the coffee table. Did not utter a word infront of Mom, nor did I. After what seemed like eternity, and while my Mom was in the Kitchen, I asked Dad about any comments..He just said "There's nothing to say". Hmm, now what's that supposed to mean?? Is it a yes you can go ahead with it, or a No, dont even think about it.... I tell you, I shoulda majored in psychology rather than finance to know what goes on inside people's minds....
On a lighter note, for the past 10 days I have subjected my hair to loads of experiments. After the first call I got from the HR person, I decided to go for "easy hair" since I know I wont have the time of day to worry about it while in Baghdad. No high lights, No colour and no ages trying to blow dry the ever so long Shakira hair....
Waved good bye to my long locks and good bye to those blonde hairs. Went back home, to be greeted by faces that looked like they have just seen a ghost...I tell you, it was THAT BAD. I looked pretty AWFUL..... The next day went back and decided to go for a lighter shade. Hmm still looked awful, and my fringe just doesnt seem to stay down. Yup that short.No wax, no spray can tame it. Darn what have I done. Decided to go back to blonde, looks better now, but I still am having a hard time with those darn short hairs. Hmm, I thought I said I wanted easy hair????
Anyhow, am still waiting for the Green Light from HUBBY while I sit here and wander which butterfly is winning the race... Thank God Im spending my time reading books or else I woulda gone insane. I just finished reading one by Asne Seierstad. I had already read her book about Afghanistan :The Bookseller of Kabul. It was a great read. This time I finished her "A Hundred and One days" All about being in Baghdad before, during and just after the war. Cant describe my feelings while reading it. I did cry though, if you ever read it you will know why.....
As for now, I just have to wait for the Green Light to flash, my ear drum to heal, And the Butterfly Marathon to End.....
4 Comments:
LOLOL Hey wifey, been loving your comments for ages now...you of all people should know that hair (of all things!) is such a TEMPORARY thing to worry about. I realized this long ago as a guy who was trying to let his hair grow long, long, LONG in that Led Zeppelin sort of tradition, before I figured out that it was far too much trouble for me on a day-to-day basis! Trust me, your hair will be right back to where it was a few months ago, and then you can make an at least semi-responsible decision about how you want to look in the near future.
And BTW, don't let the butterflies tell you what to do. After all, butterflies are insects, and judging by your posts over the past several months, you are definitely not an insect :) Keep being true to yourself...after all, somehow I don't think your HUBBY would respect you any other way. :) :)
--Michael in Los Angeles
Sound like Hubby is having second thoughts and setting you up for your first big confrontation after he says NO!.
At least it gives you some time to consider carefully whether you would take the job regardless of what he says, and then let the chips fall where they may.
If he says no, then he better have a better job lined up immediately. That's because you are beautiful and you are needed and your 'light' must be allowed to shine for ALL to see.
Good heavens it did turn out as you originally feared with your mother. Sounds like my husband's family -- very loud people - Italians they are. Always yelling. That's just how they communicate though. You got through it. Although not with hair intact but that's okay...really...it will grow back but I would caution against coloring it again.
I think Hubby is in there working the situation. Give it a few more days.
After all is said and done, difficult though it may be, you will be where you want to be. Deep breath now. No - not that choking sound!! ---- cleansing breath nice and slow. That's it. Good!
I loved Asne Seierstad's The Bookseller of Kabul. I think I will have to order a copy of this recent book.
It sounds like a book that I read and loved called Naked in Baghdad, by Anne Garrels. But Garrels is more of a reporter, and I found that Seierstad was a great observer. She never let herself become a part of the story, whereas Garrels book was very much an autobiographical account.
Post a Comment
<< Home