neurotic Iraqi wife

Its been pretty hectic the last week. Not hectic in the sense that Ive got many things to do, No,hectic in a way that my mind has been working overtime. As well as my emotions were kind of having a party of their own. And by the way, it wasnt a happy party, it was more like a morbid one.

I decided to go ahead and sign the papers regardless what HUBBY told me. The more I delay things the more edgy I become. I watched as those papers were fed into the fax machine and were gone one by one.This is it, my excitement cannot be described. After a few days, I was bombarded with a "to do" list. Check ups, immunisations, shots, tests.

I have been poked, injected, tested, X-rayed, and now Im kinda feeling sick. All those immunisations are having an effect on me. With all that Im actually proud of myself. Im known to faint just looking at a needle. I have a serious phobia from injections, especially when they take blood from me. I usually have the nurse poke me a couple of times until she finds what she's looking for. And that just kills me. They all say "you have no meat on you, and your veins are very hard to find" Yuck....

So by going alone, yesterday, It was more of a challenge. In normal times I would ask a friend to accompany me, but this time, I decided to take the plunge, just me, myself and I. The doctors were pretty cool. When they ask why do you need all this? I smile proudly and say "Am going to Iraq". They just sit and stare at me, unbelievingly. Their expressions, priceless, and I laugh to myself. Then they go on giving me lectures, and the check ups turn into one political debate. Whats more funny, is the fact that I completely forgot to mention that Ive got my HUBBY there,Lol.

I could have avoided most of these immunisations had I gotten my file from my GP in London. When I called up the clinic in London to ask whether I can have my papers sent to me, I had the lady reply "Oh gosh, we are a private clinic now, all your files have been trashed" Hmm, how very nice of them. I was on the National Health Service, but that doesnt mean they have the right to bin my health history. Oh well, cant go bin fishing in London now can I?

So basically, Im almost done with the medical side of things, except now am waiting for the TB results, which usually is revealed after 72 hours. I was told not to wash my arm for 3 days!!!! I guess am gonna have such a fun time in the shower. One thing that kinda confused me is the HIV test. That test was optional, I had thought HIV testing was essential. But no it wasnt required. I did it in anycase, I might as well, I had such incredible courage yesterday which I doubt would be repeated anytime soon in the future.

I havent been told when will I be travelling to DC yet. I presume it should be sometime next week or the week after. One thing though that really upset me, was the fact that HUBBY wants to go on his R&R despite the fact that Ill be going to Baghdad. Which was actually booked to celebrate our anniversary. I couldnt believe my ears. I was so upset, that I started crying on the phone. All the feelings of elation just evaporated. I couldnt believe how selfish he can be.

It felt like, the more I try to get closer to him, the more he slips away from me. (I havent vented for so long, so please allow me these couple of minutes to cry on your shoulders). I mean, fine, he wants to have a break, I really understand that, but to have a break while I'll be on my way to Baghdad??? It doesnt make sense. After crying my eyes out, and after giving him a piece of my mind, HUBBY starts laughing, and says"Oh sweety am teasing you, cmon QTpie, I wont leave you, Im just joking around". I told him that he chose the wrong moment to tease cuz my emotions havent been intact lately. I think he mentioned his R&R to test the waters. And believe you me, the waters were pretty huge waves banging at him..... Serves him right.....

My mother seems to have calmed down. The only thing she managed to say when she saw the vast number of band aids on my arms is "You're crazy, dont go". I guess she was pretty impressed to know that I had gone all by myself to do the tests and immunisations, and I presume that was when it hit her that Im pretty serious about this.

I still cant believe am going to see my country in less than a few weeks after all these years of yearning. Its weird when I think about it. Rose of Diary from Baghdad is leaving Iraq coming here to the Emirates, my cousin has taken his family out as well, and I know many others are leaving.

I guess for them its not a matter of patriotism anymore, cuz I know they all are patriotic but now its more of a survival game. They have responsibilities, they have helpless children depending on them. The risk of staying is far more destructive than rewarding. And I totally understand what they must be going through. It aint easy leaving one's house, one's memories, one's loved ones, but it has to be done. As for me, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain its just me and My Will To Survive.....