neurotic Iraqi wife
September 08, 2004
Minuscule Servings of My Thoughts
I wish I can just place all my thoughts on a menu, and then depending on a particular day and its cravings, I get to choose the entree`, the main dish, the dessert, then to conclude it all, my favourate cup of caffe` latte`. But it aint that easy taking a journey inside the mind of a neurotic, because the minute you push that door, gusts of thoughts, ideas, anxieties and fears rush to greet you with slaps after slaps to the ever sensitive face, and once that door is opened, it slams itself immediately forcing you to become yet another hostage whose fate is unknown. Its not fun being inside, believe me, for I am living there. You choke from the intensity surrounding you, you tire from ducking down in fear of yet another fast thought pushing you over, you squint in the vast open space hoping to find a shelter but all you see in that far away distance clusters of fears competing in a marathon to attack you. Yes this is the daily shenanigans of my mind, I wont say welcome to my home for I dont want you to suffer, but if you do choose to come inside then its at your own risk, for I have warned you.... Today is gloomy and the thoughts are morbid. I ask myself what if? what if tomorrow never comes? what if I die in my sleep and dont get a glimpse of HUBBY? what if I havent done enough good to promote me to heaven? what if I see my loved ones in Hell? I ask myself why? why did HUBBY leave me? why is the world becoming a nasty place? why are innocent people suffering? why are children tortured? I ask myself how? how did I reach here? how do I get HUBBY back? how do I get out of here? I ask myself when? when will I be free of these BITTER minuscule servings of my thoughts????? For today is gloomy and the thoughts are morbid
8 Comments:
im sorry about the double entries, tried to delete one but to no avail.I think my blog has caught my neurosis disease, for today is really morbid....
Hello Ms. NIW,
It's sounds like you could use a break. Are their friends you could visit or could you go on a little vacation or go out to eat? It seems like you are suffering from what we here call "Cabin Fever".
I hope things get better for you.
Mr Ghost, now im pretty impressed for i thought ghosts have no heart. No dont worry about me Im pretty ok,thanks for your concern. its a phase im going through, I'm missing my HUBBY too too much, I know it aint healthy, but I have one of those extreme personalities where If im depressed I just make myself suffer more. I hope I havent been too gloomy in my post. and btw whats cabin fever? is it when someone starts to hallucinate?
Dear Neurotic Wife,
Everything in life happens for a reason. Each obstacle we face is a custom made obstable that has been placed in our path on purpose. There is something to be learned or gained.
Hello Ms. N.I.W.,
Cabin Fever is when your isolated in the same environment for periods of time. People under those conditions will suffer from depression or hallucinate or even go crazy. It's a term that originated with the early American settlers and pioneers. They lived in rural and isolated locations far away from
other folks, and there would be occassions like long winters, when they were snow bound for weeks and weeks
at a time inside their cabins, and that's when cabin fever would strike.
Did you ever see the movie: The Shining with Jack Nicholson? Kind of an extreme example
of cabin fever.
And there's a rural Ghost Town in Cornwall, Connecticut, USA
by the name of Dudleytown, where the inhabitants
in the 19th century started to see monsters and such.
I've been to the ruins of Dudleytown 4 or 5 times and it's a very spooky place.
Ihath yes you are absolutely right, everything in life is destined to happen,im a firm believer in that but at times of self weakness I lose that belief but heyyyyyyyyy I do gain it back after some time.Its just difficult to deal with everyday life,pretending that all is hunky dory when things aint.its the suffering in silence thats a killer,you know what I mean?God so morbid,let me click my fingers,heyyy prestoo,im fine now ;-)
Mr Ghost if I do come to the states again, can you take me to Dudley?I wanna be spooked out,maybe that will make me regain my sanity back, what do u say?
Hello NW,
Just remember, without gloomy days there would be no rainbows, and You will find the sacrifices you and your husband make now, will be a beautiful Iraq at the end of that rainbow for You and your kids and their kids.
As for as perfumes,
wear Angel one day and Beautiful the next day and just keep him guessing. After all he fell in love with wearing Angel.
Best Wished,
Don from Dallas
Hiya Don, I do agree with you, that inorder to see the rainbow, we have to withstand the storm. As for the perfume, I'm sticking to my angel, so I wont make HUBBY get used to the idea of getting everything he wants so easily, I know I know Im mean,hehe
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