neurotic Iraqi wife
September 12, 2004
Nostalgic Memories......
Have you ever felt anxious meeting someone you havent seen for over half your life? Well today was the day I have been waiting for, unfortunately what I had in mind turned out to be very different.
A relative of mine arrived from Baghdad a couple of days ago, I havent seen him for over a decade and a half, and have never ever met his wife, nor his kids. The only memories I have of him was that of the Iraq-Iran war when as a child, I used to take all my clothes off, except for the undies ofcourse(ever the exhibitionist,jeez) and run around until we hear the sirens and I would scream at the top of my 5yr old voice"PUT MY CLOTHES ON PEOPLE, PUT MY CLOTHES ON" and this relative would carry me on his back and take me under the table for refuge. Its strange how even though the last time I had visited Iraq which was in early 1990, its only those memories that are stuck in my mind, I dont remember anything else. No streets, no shops, no restaurants.
So waiting in anticipation for their arrival, I make myself ready, dressed very conservatively just incase his wife would be that way too. I usually dont worry about how people view me, but this time its different, or so I thought. I thought that people from Iraq would look down on us cuz they would think that we havent suffered as they did, and that we live in better conditions than them. So I played it safe. The door bell rang, and there they were. My relative, wowwwwww he's grown so much and gained so much weight. I went to hug him but he just kissed me hello as if it was yesterday that I last saw him.That just stunned me. I cant say Im hurt, but I guess I expected some other reaction. His wife on the other hand, wasnt sure if I am who I am, and was about to mistake my sister in law for me. This is just too funny and sad at the same time......Their kids are cute, but ofcourse didnt know who the hell we are, we could be me from Saturn for all they care, but thats acceptable, since they are only 3 and 7 and have never seen us in their lives before.
But the funniest part was the dress code. Umm didnt say I was dressed conservatively???Well, the wife here was actually wearing something that made my eyes make a somersault and was stuck in mid air....Yup and I aint gonna go further. So much for being conservative.lol.
All this made me wander, are we who live in the outside more emotional, are we more nostalgic about the country we havent seen for a long long time? Is that how HUBBY feels? He yearns for the memories he had when he was a teenager, for those days when he used to play football in what was once the place to be"AL Ilwiya club". Is that what it is? Is this the dream he has? The dream to build Iraq again and make it the fun place he used to remember??? The era Im talking about was pre Saddam, the time when Iraq was flourishing, the time when there wasnt as much fear, the time when everyone lived with one another peacefully. I hope HUBBY realises that these days will never come, for people have changed and I dont blame them.
People have gone through so much and learned how to survive. For Iraq now is like a Forrest full of beasts. You dont know if you will wake up tomorrow or not. You dont know if a mortar will come your way or not. You dont know if you will go back to your home alive or not. And this saddens me for they have suffered and learned to survive but in the process they have left their emotions behind. Do I blame them? No wayyyy, I probably would have become the same. But im frightened, frightened that HUBBY too will lose what emotions he has and will forget how to be tender and understanding.....
After all I saw today, I still have my memories, My Nostalgic Memories........
A relative of mine arrived from Baghdad a couple of days ago, I havent seen him for over a decade and a half, and have never ever met his wife, nor his kids. The only memories I have of him was that of the Iraq-Iran war when as a child, I used to take all my clothes off, except for the undies ofcourse(ever the exhibitionist,jeez) and run around until we hear the sirens and I would scream at the top of my 5yr old voice"PUT MY CLOTHES ON PEOPLE, PUT MY CLOTHES ON" and this relative would carry me on his back and take me under the table for refuge. Its strange how even though the last time I had visited Iraq which was in early 1990, its only those memories that are stuck in my mind, I dont remember anything else. No streets, no shops, no restaurants.
So waiting in anticipation for their arrival, I make myself ready, dressed very conservatively just incase his wife would be that way too. I usually dont worry about how people view me, but this time its different, or so I thought. I thought that people from Iraq would look down on us cuz they would think that we havent suffered as they did, and that we live in better conditions than them. So I played it safe. The door bell rang, and there they were. My relative, wowwwwww he's grown so much and gained so much weight. I went to hug him but he just kissed me hello as if it was yesterday that I last saw him.That just stunned me. I cant say Im hurt, but I guess I expected some other reaction. His wife on the other hand, wasnt sure if I am who I am, and was about to mistake my sister in law for me. This is just too funny and sad at the same time......Their kids are cute, but ofcourse didnt know who the hell we are, we could be me from Saturn for all they care, but thats acceptable, since they are only 3 and 7 and have never seen us in their lives before.
But the funniest part was the dress code. Umm didnt say I was dressed conservatively???Well, the wife here was actually wearing something that made my eyes make a somersault and was stuck in mid air....Yup and I aint gonna go further. So much for being conservative.lol.
All this made me wander, are we who live in the outside more emotional, are we more nostalgic about the country we havent seen for a long long time? Is that how HUBBY feels? He yearns for the memories he had when he was a teenager, for those days when he used to play football in what was once the place to be"AL Ilwiya club". Is that what it is? Is this the dream he has? The dream to build Iraq again and make it the fun place he used to remember??? The era Im talking about was pre Saddam, the time when Iraq was flourishing, the time when there wasnt as much fear, the time when everyone lived with one another peacefully. I hope HUBBY realises that these days will never come, for people have changed and I dont blame them.
People have gone through so much and learned how to survive. For Iraq now is like a Forrest full of beasts. You dont know if you will wake up tomorrow or not. You dont know if a mortar will come your way or not. You dont know if you will go back to your home alive or not. And this saddens me for they have suffered and learned to survive but in the process they have left their emotions behind. Do I blame them? No wayyyy, I probably would have become the same. But im frightened, frightened that HUBBY too will lose what emotions he has and will forget how to be tender and understanding.....
After all I saw today, I still have my memories, My Nostalgic Memories........
26 Comments:
Dear Neurotic Wife,
I have similar thoughts almost everyday. If I go to Iraq, would I be just yet another silly tourist? There is no denying that by living abroad I have changed and been influanced by the society I live in. When I meet recent immigrants from Iraq and hear their stories, it seems like they just came from the twilight zone. I haven't been able to resolve these conflicted feelings.
I'm sorry our president is such an asshole.
Yes Ihath I totally agree with you. And I dont mean it in a bad way, I mean they are relatives after all, but imagine even those who are supposed to be the closest seem to be the furthest away. Its sad, very sad. And yes it frightens me too that when I do go there I will be pointed at as just "one of those" who lived all their lives away. But such is life and I'm not gonna cry about it cuz whats done is done and cannot be undone.....
Ryan, I cannot lie and say I love your president cuz I cant stand the man, but the only thing I will say to you is that the tyrant Saddam and the wars he made the Iraqi people go through are the main reasons behind the tough and somehow bitter exterior they have now......I just hope that the day will come for all Iraqis to live safely and happily......
my brain hurts: please punctuate and make use of paragraphs (thanks, it will be so much easier to read!)
lol Mike, I swear to you I tried, I even clicked double enter to make spaces between the paragraphs but dunno why it's not working, can you help please so I can spare you from your headaches and mine for that matter ;-)
neurotic wife, ihath, i need you to trust me on this:
iraqi people are still the same from many sides, they still have the same kind hearts, nafs il fa6ara, when i met my firnds at noon, we kiss even if we met att hat same morning, people still care for each other, if you enter any shop at noon time and you find them having lunch, its very comon to receive an invitation "wajjib izzad 2akhooya tfa`6al wiyyana" people still invite strangrest to stay in their houses till they find a place, shops still give you things if you dont have money even if they dotn know you, adn tell you to bring money whenever you pass by, " o itha ma jibit.ha m7allal o mawhoob", people still put water vasses, y3ni 7ib, in front of their houses just so can padestrians drink cold water in hot summer days and pray for them, if you enter a restaurant and find someone you know eating there, he will insist like hell that there is no way you are paying since he was their first, those are iraqis, just like you know and remember them, nothing can change them.
wars? horrible life? yes! but we all learned to isolate it form our hearts, we learned to put an emotions sheild to face these thigns olny, i can receive the news of the death of the dearest people to me, and not get hurt, while tears drop out of my eyes at the end of many articles, stories or movies.
i think its one of the thing GOD equiped us with, to adjust, and to live.
and yes, till now, if a women walks in the street wearing a tight jeans, she will hear many unpleasent remarks:)))
me
oh wowww Khalid, yes I hear this from HUBBY too when I ask him about the people. Theres no doubt that people are still kind and generous, but I dont think that they will view me as how they view the people that lived there. Thats all im saying... But thanks Khalid, for telling us how it really is, it makes life easier, although todays visit from my relative wasnt as nice as I expected, but then again everyone has their own circumstances i guess.....
Amazingly, the thing I have been most impressed with aboutIraqis is their sense of humor and continued hopes for freedom after all they have been through. Cannot imagine living through all the turmoil, Saddam, sanctions, all the wars and now all the violence. How can Iraqis know what is real anymore and what is not, and why they continue to hope is beyond me.
anonymous, hmmmm,what do you mean why should they have hope? why ever shouldnt they? arent they humans? dont they too have dreams? If you are living but have no hopes nor dreams then really you have a dead soul, so why go on living????And I dont mean you specifically but people in general.....And because of what they have gone through as you mentioned,then they have every right to look for a brighter future cuz Iraqis love and cherish life..... And that day will come, it may not be tomorrow, it may not be in a year, or even 5 years, but the day will come.....
Khalid,
What about men that wear jeans that are too tight? Would they hear unpleasant comments as well? Or is the abuse reserved for women only.
I truly hope Iraqis do fullfill theirs dreams, but there seems to be so many obstacles from all sides that I am afraid it won't be easy.
I supported the war, not for all that WMD stuff, but because of human rights violations. I don't think anyone should have to live like that in this day and age, and the world should have done something about it long ago. Shame on all of us. Having said that, I simply cannot imagine how the human spirit continues to hope after all they have been through over all the years. It would be so easy to give up, but they don't. That's the part that amazes me.
much worse ihath, men with tight jeans hear worse words:)))
i bet you never heard the word 6an6a before?
:)
me*
and...
dont think alot of this matter, that you lived outside and how peopel look at you, cause they now have experience and all of them heard stories about how iraqis suffer outside iraq..
so they would probbly be compationate:)
me*
AND...
about the problem of that hubby is away and people are asking you to work hard on "it" to make a baby, you asked for suggestions, i sujgest DHL;))
me*
AND:
howa inti da tkirheeni? 2asho mako 3alchat?! o hamena msgs ma da tjawbeni, y3ni chef 2ani kha6iyya filis6eeni o ma 3indi balad? :*((
me*
o bas:)
kahlid*
Dear NW,
I do not understand your dislike for President Bush,
If not for him, Saddam would still be in power and his son’s would still be in line to take over power.
I hope it’s not just because your husband now finds in necessary to help rebuild Iraq for the sake of the family.
Best Regards,
Don from Dallas
Lol Don, I know I can be crazy at times, but no I dont dislike Bush cuz my HUBBY left me to rebuild the country. I wish it was that easy. Yes your president has freed us from Saddam and his sons, that is something no one can deny. He planned for the war but in the process he forgot to plan for the day after, hence all the chaos is taking place. If you do something then you should do it right.
He could have spared many innocent Iraqi and American lives plus ofcourse all those that were kidnapped and murdered. He thought Iraq was like Afghanistan, he never considered the complexities that each faction represented. He didnt put a stop to all those non Iraqi Arabs coming into Iraq through the borders to launch their "JIHAD" in Iraq.
He didnt even consider to train Iraqis from the start inorder to be able to assist the soldiers in dealing with certain upheavles.what is 300 freedom fighters for gods sake???is that a number you can manage a whole country with???
Mistakes have been made, everyone knows that and Im sorry but I do blame your government for this.But I do respect your president for one thing only and that is he put the American people above all albeit on someone else's account, and this is what Im hoping for our new president to be. Iraq is for Iraqis only and no one else.
sorry, there is a mistake i dont knwo how it happened, don in dallas posted under my name and id otn knwo how that happened??
khalid*
No Khalid, its not under ur name,lol,dont worry, its just that I messed up the comments template cuz I wanted to be able to delete comments but it didnt work. its just now in a different mode.
I just found your blog today and I'm going to add it to my favorites....It's ~Great~! You should write a book! You really have a talent! "sis" from the usa
Thanx anon, Im glad you liked it, but as for a book,hmmm it was a childhood dream for me to write but after reading fellow bloggers, I changed my mind. I am nothing compared to these people, they are above amazing and great, but am very flattered thanx again....
Hello Again,
I hate wars, their so unpredictable. (plus their stupid)
I just hope history is kind to Bush.
I thank his intentions are noble.
So what would you do from this day forward?
And Yes, Iraqis for Iraqis.
Peace,
Don for Dallas
Neurotic Iraqi Wife,
If you don’t mind, I would like to ask you some questions about your answers to Don about the war. Maybe you can help me and other Americans understand the logic involved. If you don’t want to, that is fine. Please understand I am not defending Bush, but rather get a feel for some things that bother me.
Perhaps a lot of people in the world never really understood the definition of oppressed until Saddam. That being the case, if Iraqis (and I hear the same from people in other ME countries as well) could not overthrow Saddam on their own, were they just content to live under his reign?
I think the Pentagon probably has plans to invade Canada if the need be. After the Iran/Iraq war, Kuwaiti war, the Shia uprising and the gassing of the Kurds, never mind dealing with the Israeli/Palestinian conflicts as well as other ME governments, think they pretty well knew what was going to happen.
So, if we had left the day after the war, do you not think the same thing would happen? To me, Sadr would still make a power play because he would still see the government as illegitimate and wants a religious state, Kurds would want independence and the Saddam supporters would still fight. It is also reasonable to assume other countries in the area would interfere via sending fighters or funding because they want to control as well.
Also if we spent the last 18 months with guns blazing as is our style, more Iraqis, I assume, would be dead. We have deferred to Iraqis themselves about wiping out towns like Falluja. It would seem to me the standard operating procedure used in Iraq, like with Sadr and the first siege of Falluja, has allowed more deaths and foreigners in the country. Why have the Iraqis not foreseen all of these problems? Why did they not do it right once control was turned over to them?
In terms of more of the military staying on, why would that work when a lot of them refuse to fight? It would seem it would create a larger problem. That is illogical.
I understand no one wants to be occupied, but it bothers me when you say Iraqi is for Iraqis only. We could say America is for Americans only, and that would be wrong. I am hoping you mean Iraqis will determine their own destiny. They are only going to get one chance at it.
You blame us for the mistakes made, and there have been plenty from all sides. Why do you hold us to a high standard than Iraqis? Not sure what you want from us.
Quite useful material, thanks so much for the post.
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