neurotic Iraqi wife
December 05, 2008
My Own Body Of Lies...
Everyone was raving about the movie “Body of Lies”, so I decided to go watch it last week. Great movie I have to admit. After we finished, I told my younger sister that Id rather go home in a taxi than her dropping me. So there I was standing in the Taxi line outside the mall, with about 20 people infront of me. This is just great I thought to myself. With the rate the taxis are coming in (One every 20 mins), I will probably reach home at 1 or 2 am. This was about midnight.
As I was standing there, an excruciating pain jolted me. It felt like a knife carving out my insides. I didn’t know what to do. I hugged myself with my right arm trying to put pressure on the pain so it stops. But that didn’t work. I couldn’t go and sit on the bench cause then my turn will go, so I just stood there praying to god for the pain to disappear. Ripples of sweat started forming on my forehead, I looked behind me, and there were about 30 more people standing. God. I tried calling HUBBY, thinking maybe if I talk to him I will feel fine. But the lines wouldn’t go through. Damn those Iraq phones.
All of a sudden I felt my pressure going lower. Uhoh. Not here Neurotica. Not here. As I turned to warn the guy behind me, it was too late. I fell unconscious right then and there. When I regained my consciousness I found myself on the bench with women holding me up at each side. What happened I asked. You fainted one woman answered. I was gasping for breath. I thought I was gonna die. Call my brother I kept whispering. Call my brother.
As they took my phone out, I could hear them saying “we don’t know how to operate this” Shit. Its my darn iphone. I heard another calling the ambulance. No, no don’t call them I kept saying. Please don’t call them. Some American man was standing there, I could see the panic on his face. Are you ok? He kept asking. Are you ok? Yes, I nodded. But I need oxygen. Please help me, please, I pleaded. He ran and got me some water. The women behind me kept massaging my back.
There I was, all alone, surrounded with complete strangers who left their taxi line just to help me. Wow. I was shocked. Those good Samaritans. Really. Im ever so grateful to them. I dunno why but I kept thanking them and apologizing. I felt like a kid who just committed something naughty. I finally managed to unlock my iphone and dial my brother’s mobile. Poor thing he was in a deep sleep. This was about quarter to 1 in the morning. Imagine your sister on the other end of the phone, gasping for breath asking for help. Wouldn’t that give you a heart attack? I really felt bad but he was my only choice. The one person I trust with my life. The American guy took the phone from me and told my brother where I was and that the ambulance is on its way.
As the ambulance came and took me on a stretcher I was falling back into oblivion. The Dr kept asking me questions to keep me awake. Whats your name he asked. Where are you from? Minute I mustered the words Iraqi he started talking to me in Arabic. How is Iraq he asked. WTH? Here I am lying on a stretcher fighting for life and this guy is asking me about Iraq? OH MY DEAR GOD. Stay with me he kept saying. Stay with me. So how is Iraq. Cmon, don’t go away. Keep your eyes open. He kept insisting.
By the time we reached the emergency ward, I was ok. Infact, I remember apologizing to them too. My brother on the other hand looked like someone from a horror movie. His face was paler than mine. You scared the shit out of me Neurotica. I just lost 30 years of my life, he said. Poor brother. Well I guess that’s the price you pay for having a sister like me.
I have no idea why I fainted. I really don’t. I was stressed out, yes. But that isn’t an enough excuse for my body to give up on me. I have been through worse and I never fainted before. Never, except ofcourse a few weeks ago at the Dr’s office. And no Im not pregnant.
After that incident Im just too scared to go out. Now, whenever I do leave the house, I say a little prayer “Please god, let this day be not it”. Im scared that it will happen out of the blue. Imagine it happens while I drive. God what an eerie feeling. So I decided to create an instructions paper and keep it with me at all times incase it happens again:
Hi, Im prone to fainting so don’t be scared. Get my iphone out. Press the lower button, place your thumb and move to right to unlock. Go to contacts icon, find the words BROTHER, and call. Don’t panic, I will be fine.
As I recalled the events to HUBBY he was horrified. I will be coming soon Neurotica, he said. I will never let this happen to you again. I will also buy you a new phone, he added jokingly. Lol. Umm yeah HUBBY. My body will just wait for you. I guess its ironic to have watched the movie Body of Lies that day. Right now Im pissed off at my OWN Body. My Own Body of Lies…
As I was standing there, an excruciating pain jolted me. It felt like a knife carving out my insides. I didn’t know what to do. I hugged myself with my right arm trying to put pressure on the pain so it stops. But that didn’t work. I couldn’t go and sit on the bench cause then my turn will go, so I just stood there praying to god for the pain to disappear. Ripples of sweat started forming on my forehead, I looked behind me, and there were about 30 more people standing. God. I tried calling HUBBY, thinking maybe if I talk to him I will feel fine. But the lines wouldn’t go through. Damn those Iraq phones.
All of a sudden I felt my pressure going lower. Uhoh. Not here Neurotica. Not here. As I turned to warn the guy behind me, it was too late. I fell unconscious right then and there. When I regained my consciousness I found myself on the bench with women holding me up at each side. What happened I asked. You fainted one woman answered. I was gasping for breath. I thought I was gonna die. Call my brother I kept whispering. Call my brother.
As they took my phone out, I could hear them saying “we don’t know how to operate this” Shit. Its my darn iphone. I heard another calling the ambulance. No, no don’t call them I kept saying. Please don’t call them. Some American man was standing there, I could see the panic on his face. Are you ok? He kept asking. Are you ok? Yes, I nodded. But I need oxygen. Please help me, please, I pleaded. He ran and got me some water. The women behind me kept massaging my back.
There I was, all alone, surrounded with complete strangers who left their taxi line just to help me. Wow. I was shocked. Those good Samaritans. Really. Im ever so grateful to them. I dunno why but I kept thanking them and apologizing. I felt like a kid who just committed something naughty. I finally managed to unlock my iphone and dial my brother’s mobile. Poor thing he was in a deep sleep. This was about quarter to 1 in the morning. Imagine your sister on the other end of the phone, gasping for breath asking for help. Wouldn’t that give you a heart attack? I really felt bad but he was my only choice. The one person I trust with my life. The American guy took the phone from me and told my brother where I was and that the ambulance is on its way.
As the ambulance came and took me on a stretcher I was falling back into oblivion. The Dr kept asking me questions to keep me awake. Whats your name he asked. Where are you from? Minute I mustered the words Iraqi he started talking to me in Arabic. How is Iraq he asked. WTH? Here I am lying on a stretcher fighting for life and this guy is asking me about Iraq? OH MY DEAR GOD. Stay with me he kept saying. Stay with me. So how is Iraq. Cmon, don’t go away. Keep your eyes open. He kept insisting.
By the time we reached the emergency ward, I was ok. Infact, I remember apologizing to them too. My brother on the other hand looked like someone from a horror movie. His face was paler than mine. You scared the shit out of me Neurotica. I just lost 30 years of my life, he said. Poor brother. Well I guess that’s the price you pay for having a sister like me.
I have no idea why I fainted. I really don’t. I was stressed out, yes. But that isn’t an enough excuse for my body to give up on me. I have been through worse and I never fainted before. Never, except ofcourse a few weeks ago at the Dr’s office. And no Im not pregnant.
After that incident Im just too scared to go out. Now, whenever I do leave the house, I say a little prayer “Please god, let this day be not it”. Im scared that it will happen out of the blue. Imagine it happens while I drive. God what an eerie feeling. So I decided to create an instructions paper and keep it with me at all times incase it happens again:
Hi, Im prone to fainting so don’t be scared. Get my iphone out. Press the lower button, place your thumb and move to right to unlock. Go to contacts icon, find the words BROTHER, and call. Don’t panic, I will be fine.
As I recalled the events to HUBBY he was horrified. I will be coming soon Neurotica, he said. I will never let this happen to you again. I will also buy you a new phone, he added jokingly. Lol. Umm yeah HUBBY. My body will just wait for you. I guess its ironic to have watched the movie Body of Lies that day. Right now Im pissed off at my OWN Body. My Own Body of Lies…
29 Comments:
sounds like an anxiety attack ... comes out of the blue ... keep a paper bag handy and breathe in and out of it when one happens ..
had them for several years ...
lots of online information
http://www.anxietypanic.com/
ellenln
Neurotica
Are you diabetic or hypoglycemic? That certainly doesn't sound like an anxiety attack as I have those daily, raising my three glorious children by myself. The doctor's must have some idea for you? You've inspired me to begin my own blog/memoir. I sincerely hope you are well and you find out what is wrong very soon.
NAW
Well young lady, I think you are going to have to belly up to the bar of medical tests. It would be better to have a few moments of panic getting tests than having continuous fainting spells and the panic that brings. And I am sure your brother would rather be there to support you in a controlled situation, than an uncontrolled environment, it will save a few years of his life.
You don't seem to be a person who would say to your husband, what is more important to you Iraq or me. I do think it is a question your husband is probably asking himself. I would recommend that you have mercy on those who love you, and persevere through medical test.
Hello Neurotica,
iam an interested reader of your blog from germany. I hope you can start to forgive the lies your body made. Find the peace with him and live long and prosper :). We all push ourselve to hard, to far, to fast and without the right inner harmony. Keep up being ! And so may your body !
Best wishes !
Niw,
I agree with Whitehawk, please have some test run to make sure it is not an underlying problem. Also as NAW stated it could be diabetes or hypglycemia and that could be controlled with the proper medication. It sounds like it could also be Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which I have had for years and a B12 shot once a week makes me feel so much more energetic. Anyway, good to hear from you I won't preach to you anymore I'm sure you get enough of that from your concerned family.
You're lucky you weren't on one foot stepping into the Taxi. You would have bailed sidewards attempting to regain your balance and possibly fell onto your face. I have a picture of my face from when that happened to me. I was near a puddle prior to the accident. Looking into it. Yelling at my legs. I needed them to walk. Rhythmic breathing conserves consciousness.
I'll be brief and to the point.
You're sick. You need to see an internist who can diagnose exactly what's the problem. Then recommend a fix.
Do it, if you love Hubby and your family.
Yes, I agree... Please do see an internist and keep going to different doctors until you are satisfied that the problem has been identified and a correct diagnosis has been found. I did a quick search and found this page...
http://www.ibsgroup.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=91295
The person who posted about IBS at the site had symptoms similar to yours... but very important is to remember to never self diagnose. Symptoms can be very difficult to connect to the right diagnosis. And you really need to find out what is the matter... you are important to your readers... we care... I care! Keep us posted.
NIW,
Did Edit Mommies just make sense for the first time in 4 years? lol.
To me, it does sound like a panic attack, especially since you mentioned not wanting to go out in public after it happened. But don't take my word for it. Please do go and get a complete physical. However, if your tests keep coming back normal, I mean like labs, scans, the WHOLE 9 yards, then it could be panic attacks.
Neurotica, please take care of yourself. I've never met you, but I'm worried for you.
Always,
Melanie
Hiya Ellen, not sure if thats the case. I mean I wasnt anxious about anything. I was angry though. But I used to have panic attacks a long long time ago, but I never fainted. Its strange I tell you.
NAW, I dunno. I really have no clue, but I also doubt that. When they took me to the emergency ward they checked my blood for diabetes, and the Dr said I was fine. Infact, everything from blood pressure, to blood was ok. So doubt thats the case.
Lol WH. And faint there again??? NO WAY!After that saga, I dont think I will ever step into any Dr's office. Call me selfish, yes, but am too scared if I do find out theres something wrong with me.
Kathy, tell me about it. Minute my family knew, it was like lecture galore. Ofcourse they blamed it all on my lack of proper food intake. Which actually may be the case.
EM you know what, youre absolutely right. I thanked my stars that day that it didnt happen in the taxi. Just the thought sends shivers down my spine.
Anon, internist?never heard of that term. Is it like a GP?
Thanks Melanie!!!Thanks to all of you for your concern. I hope it wont happen again. Im blaming it on stress and anger. I was kinda angry that day. And Im one of those people when angry, will get extreme tummy pains. Infact, one day not too long ago, I went to a Gyn for some checkups, and he showed me my colon using an ultrasound, he said Neurotica, what the hell is this? Try and destress yourself. So I guess, its just mere stress...
Also, Im so grateful that this never took place in Baghdad. God. That would have been something...Dont you think?
Neurotica
Gosh you are about as stubborn as me......nearly.
I'm a tax analyst and not a doctor, but I've looked up the following and I wonder how many of these symptoms you may have......
Your HUBBY NEEDS you. It is a HUGE RESPONSIBILITY to LOVE SOMEONE. Because you LOVE him, you must care for yourself. If you don't care for yourself, which often takes the utmost courage, you CANNOT take care of anyone else.
Are you Anemic?
What Are The Symptoms Of Anemia?
A person with anemia will feel tired and weak because the body's tissues are being starved of oxygen. In fact, fatigue is the main symptom of most types of anemia. The severity of symptoms is in part related to the severity of anemia. Mild anemia can occur without symptoms and may be detected only during a medical exam that includes a blood test.
Symptoms of anemia include:
Fatigue
Weakness
Fainting
Breathlessness
Heart palpitations (rapid or irregular beating)
Dizziness
Headache
Ringing in the ears (tinnitus)
Difficulty sleeping
Difficulty concentrating
Common signs include:
Pale complexion
The normally red lining of the mouth and eyelids fades in color
Rapid heartbeat (tachycardia)
Abnormal menstruation (either absence of periods or increased bleeding)
Other signs depend on the cause of the anemia. These can include spoon-shaped finger nails and toenails in iron-deficiency anemia, mildjaundice in hemolytic anemias, and leg ulcers in sickle cell anemia .
You need to take care of yourself so that you can properly take care of those that you LOVE and those that NEED YOU.
NAW
Sorry, I am a Mom and I am going to nag at you...
INTERNIST:
First, an internist is a doctor who specializes in the diagnosis and the medical treatment of patients... they find out what is the matter with you. We also call it Internal Medicine.
COLON:
Second, since you mentioned your Doctor asking you about your colon I really want you to find out about IBS or Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I found out the following doing searches online:
IBS can cause a variety of symptoms including severe abdominal pain and fainting in extreme cases... you can have all or some of the symptoms.
IBS is usually difficult for a doctor to diagnose. It has at times been known as irritable colon, spastic colon, and colitis.
Stress can increase the pain and symptoms but is not the cause of IBS.
I am not saying that you have IBS, but you need to talk to a doctor who can find out exactly what is happening with you.
If you DO have IBS, keep a written record of what you eat so you can check back to see what may have triggered the attack... foods like caffeine, dairy, fatty foods, raw fruits, beverages that have sorbitol (an artifical sweetner) in them, and other foods, then you can eliminate them from your diet.
It says that you need to see a doctor if you have abdominal pain with fainting. But you do need to find a really good Doctor. If you don't like the Doctor you have then find another.
I tried to post this earlier and it didn't show up, so I'm trying again... hope they both don't show up.
And I hope your hubby makes sure you find out what is happening to you... your readers can/will keep nagging you until you see a Doctor.
Do you have specialist Doctors, are there lists of Doctors and the medical fields they specialize or were trained in, or can you get referrals from your regular Doctor to another Doctor?
I wouldn't nag you if I didn't care (that's what I tell my children too)
NIW, never ever mix Gummi Bears and popcorn when at the movies! Sorry NIW but you gotta know by now I'm gonna give ya a hard time. I'm glad you're ok and there were people there to help. I won't nag ya about going to the doctor cause I'm as bad(if not worse) than you are about it. Please be good and take care of yourself. Solo
oh dear.. very smart post btw, and very well-written, but pls do take care of urself and i know ur arab so i won't lecture u coz i'm sure ur family did this already :)
still , i saw that movie and loved it.. it was a bit stereotypical but good. also in my visit to jordan i never found any dogs as opposed to the rabid dogs in the movie.. so that was a bit too american ott for me!
have a good day
This is anonymous #1, call me Mimi.
Never heard of an internist? There's the root of your problem. An internist is about as far from a GP as you can get! An internist is essentially a diagnostician. A GOOD internist can figure out what's wrong with you, then recommend the right specialist to confirm diagnosis and recommend treatment.
You need to go to a large medical center where you can find the right specialists. You are not going to find them in any ER.
To do otherwise is downright suicidal. If you love your hubby and your family, get going!
m.
Mimi, seriously I never heard of the term Internist. Im one of those cynics who dont really believe in Dr's that much simply because I have seen and heard many people diagnosed wrongly and were devastated. I went through it once actually, I will write about it some time soon. Besides, everything is so commercial here. They tell you things so you pay for zillions of tests. Blv me.
Hiya Buj, btw, happy 3eed il watani!Are you in the Emirates? Did you see the fireworks?I managed to see abit of it. The roads were blocked with beeping cars etc. And Happy 3eed ofcourse :) No dont lecture me, lol, I had enough from my whole family.
Solo!!!Hey you may have solved the mystery, I should have had some popcorn,lol. I didnt feel like eating anything at the movies, so maybe that was the reason. I only had coke.
Sarah, you know, I read the symptoms, I dont think I have IBS. But after reading everyone's comments, I think its high time I look for a good Dr. It may take time to find one, but its necessary. I also used to be anemic long time ago. Not sure if I am now. But to do blood tests again gives me the jitters. I said to myself, If I do faint again, then I definitely will do something about it then. As I said, it may have been a one off, or in my case, a 2 off.
But seriously thanks everyone for your concern. Im fine now. I really am.
"Did Edit Mommies just make sense for the first time in 4 years? lol." - Melanie
Shivers down the spine is a separate set of events. Their must be a way to pay a Taxi Driver prior, avoiding wage conflicts? Like they save you when you got the right Shiva Rollins head piece? Everyone banks at the Mosque and rescues cats out of trees? Palm trees. Oh my GOD MELANIE IS SO SMART!!! Some Man had her babies you know? All these babies. Don't encourage them though.
Okay the above comment has me completely confused or maybe I shouldn't be reading blogs at one thirty in the morning......????
NAW
Lol NAW, dont worry, u are not the only one. You will get used to EM's comments afterawhile
This is Anon #1,aka Mimi.
I, too, also hate needle sticks. A GOOD internist will order several, as many as 10, blood tests. Then the lab technician will draw enough blood, from ONE, AND ONLY ONE needle stick to perform all the tests necessary. A GOOD internist will send you to a lab, a GOOD internist will not perform blood draws in the office.
Lab technicians are professionals and can do the needle stick and the blood draw practically painlessly. You only have to go to ONE place, ONE time. Surely you can gear yourself up for ONE visit to a lab?? As an investment in the rest of your life?
A GOOD internist will also ask for a urine sample. I'm assuming you have no hangups about peeing in a cup for the sake of science -- and Hubby?
Tell your GOOD INTERNIST that you want every blood test known to man so they can do one blood draw and get it over with!
Don't wait for the next time. At that point it may be the coroner's autopsy will reveal what's wrong with you.
You may have to go to the UK, or to Germany, or to the US to get the medical expertise you deserve. Investigate the doctor's credentials: where did he/she go to school, what hospitals did he/she do their training? What professional societies are they members of? You want somebody who's a member (diplomate) of a professional society of internal medicine. Just an MD IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
Hang tough.
m
سلامات، ان شاء الله خير و ايامج سعيدة وكل عام وانت بخير
Salamtik Neurotic, glad to hear everything is ok after all was said and done.
Funny how the phrase technology can kill you...but the iphone with all its rave reviews was useless in that moment due to a "lock" feature. Ironic dont you think? Maybe the Emirates needs to implement a training course on how to use iphones?
Also Body of Lies was a solid movie I am glad you enjoyed!
Eid Mubarak Neurotica :)
Neurotica - The more I read of your blogging the more that I become entranced and fascinated. Honestly, I don't even remember how I ran across your blogging. I was up late one night after my 'Commander' love left the country. Needing an escape from the emptiness, I looked to the computer instead of looking at all that he had done for me and my three children. You see.. he had painted every room in my house, repaired my ceiling when it fell in on my head, replaced all my electrical outlets, finished my garage, and more than I can even list here. He is in Baghdad now, I think, where he is needed. He played leap frog with my children, read them bedtime stories and was quite a different man when he was away from that military regime. His friends and co-workers told me that I could not have met a better man. Having spent seven years in England I hear so much of that in your writing. You are on the other side of the world, but something tells me that you are very close in spirit. No, I haven't been sniffing glues sticks while developing tax software. I especially enjoyed reading about your confrontation with some Col. that seemed like Col. Jack the Ass. ( I mean that in a nice sarcastic kind of way.) He is not the same man I speak of, but I understand the arrogance and cannot stand it either. It has got me in trouble more than once telling "HIM" to leave his rank at the door, when he entered my house.
My children and I loved the man that he was, not the uniform. Since this is your blog and not mine, I should stop for now. For some reason our paths have crossed...NAW.
NAw invents the capitalist republic in excusable circumstance. Dismissing comfort, sunshine beckons the inwardly driven stumbling block. The body of writing produced with NIw's pen is an eye opener. Diligently constructed and impassable as force in capital reign. Retroactive internal personal diagnosis compels dominance from insecurity. A collection of faults and paranoia. Here captivating our self sacrifice as an invention of pride. Penned in the mastery of ultimate self destruction. Weeping secrets from the depths of conscious alienation. Recursively appropriated as independence sent to stagger, offering discomfort.
I just wanted to tell you that I went through a phase where I fainted 3 or 4 times over 2 years. It went away and I have no idea why it happened. That was over 10 years ago now.
The only other time I fainted was in college and that was due to some virus or something that messed up my blood counts. That was pretty scary too though. I remember thinking "oh god I don't feel good". And I got up in the middle of class to leave. I was in the hallway trying to make it to the restroom and everything went black. I literally ran into a wall and then hit the ground. I woke up to a very concerned janitor and professor. Looking back I wonder if they thought I was on drugs or something. lol
Anyhow, I'm just trying to tell you that just because this has been happening to you lately doesn't mean it will happen to you forever.
Wishing you the best,
Kim
Neurotica
How are you? I'm going to practice being the nagging mother. Have you been to the doctor? You know we are all waiting to know if you are okay.
We had our first real snow here. I'm enjoying my one kid-free day. The full moon had everyone going crazy here. I wonder if the moon looks the same from over there....
Wishing you the best...
NAW
Shoup de grâce, lady. Pronounced n: [shudə ɡʁas]. - a death shoe intended to end the suffering of a wounded creature.
hooray, your writings on theater and writing much missed!
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