neurotic Iraqi wife
October 06, 2008
My Baghdadi Trance...
I don’t wanna leave, I told HUBBY. Then don’t leave Neurotica. I don’t even know why you took that decision in the first place. I stared at him real hard, and shook my head. HUBBBBBBBBBBY, you are supposed to tell me LEAVE. Youre supposed to make it easier on me. Then it was his turn to shake his head. “Neurotica”, he said with a sigh, “I know you, you will never be satisfied with any answer I give you. Just do what YOU, feel is right for you.”
I made my way to the Big Boss to bid him farewell, “Umm, if I decide not to leave, will you be ok with it?” He laughed, which is a rare thing, and said, “Neurotica, all of us wanted you to stay, but its your choice, and your choice alone. I cant force you”
Next morning, I climbed into the car and waved goodbye to my beloved Iraq. I managed to pull off the quiet exit I always wanted. I cant describe the rush of emotions I had at that moment. All I can say that my heart ached. Literally ached. And just like a kid, I kept waving to the outside. Waving to houses. Waving goodbye to the beautiful palm trees. I even waved good bye to those ugly Twalls!!!
I spent a few days in Amman with HUBBY (that by itself will require a post on its own, never ever Amman AGAIN), before he returned back to Iraq and I made my way to AD. To say that I have been relaxing ever since then will be a huge LIE. I resumed work the minute we arrived in Amman. And ever since then its been just work work work. Worse than when I was actually in Baghdad. Some of you did comment that it’s a bad idea : ) I guess now I agree with you.
Although I havent spent much time with my family, I did see them a few times. They ofcourse started complaining about my “hermit” status. “You left Baghdad didn’t you? Why are you stuck in the flat?” My dad even called me yesterday and asked me in a sarcastic way “Neurotica, where are you? Still stuck in the Baghdad Trance?” LOL. Yup I guess I need to organize myself in a better way. Besides, Im working more than the 40 hours Im supposed to be putting in. So, definitely a re organization of priorities is in need. Not only for my sanity, if any is left, but for my health. My smoke intake has tripled!!! I go through three packs a day EASSSSSY!!!
Talking of which, yesterday I was having lunch at my parents, with only my sister and mom, my dad was invited out. And what a better way to end lunch than lighting a cig with my coffee. There I was smoking away enjoying every breath UNTIL. Until my dad appeared out of the blue amidst the smoky air. OH MY GOD. To say I wanted the floor to open up and devour me, is an understatement!!! I didn’t even bother turning towards him. It was sufficient to look at my sisters ashen face, LOL. I threw the cig in the sink, tossed my pack on the floor, stood up, and smiled. An uneasy smile, that of a kid who had just spilled milk all over the place.
Naturally, the smile wasn’t reciprocated back : ) I know my dad is aware of us smoking, but in our family its extremely rude and unheard of to smoke or even smell of smoke when our father is around. My sister keeps a bottle of perfume handy just for that occasion, lol. My mom ofcourse loved every minute of it, she sat there sniggering at me, cause she hates us smoking with a vengeance. Not funny MOM!!! Oh well, an episode I definitely will not repeat AGAIN.
I better get back to work and back to my trance. My Baghdadi Trance…
I made my way to the Big Boss to bid him farewell, “Umm, if I decide not to leave, will you be ok with it?” He laughed, which is a rare thing, and said, “Neurotica, all of us wanted you to stay, but its your choice, and your choice alone. I cant force you”
Next morning, I climbed into the car and waved goodbye to my beloved Iraq. I managed to pull off the quiet exit I always wanted. I cant describe the rush of emotions I had at that moment. All I can say that my heart ached. Literally ached. And just like a kid, I kept waving to the outside. Waving to houses. Waving goodbye to the beautiful palm trees. I even waved good bye to those ugly Twalls!!!
I spent a few days in Amman with HUBBY (that by itself will require a post on its own, never ever Amman AGAIN), before he returned back to Iraq and I made my way to AD. To say that I have been relaxing ever since then will be a huge LIE. I resumed work the minute we arrived in Amman. And ever since then its been just work work work. Worse than when I was actually in Baghdad. Some of you did comment that it’s a bad idea : ) I guess now I agree with you.
Although I havent spent much time with my family, I did see them a few times. They ofcourse started complaining about my “hermit” status. “You left Baghdad didn’t you? Why are you stuck in the flat?” My dad even called me yesterday and asked me in a sarcastic way “Neurotica, where are you? Still stuck in the Baghdad Trance?” LOL. Yup I guess I need to organize myself in a better way. Besides, Im working more than the 40 hours Im supposed to be putting in. So, definitely a re organization of priorities is in need. Not only for my sanity, if any is left, but for my health. My smoke intake has tripled!!! I go through three packs a day EASSSSSY!!!
Talking of which, yesterday I was having lunch at my parents, with only my sister and mom, my dad was invited out. And what a better way to end lunch than lighting a cig with my coffee. There I was smoking away enjoying every breath UNTIL. Until my dad appeared out of the blue amidst the smoky air. OH MY GOD. To say I wanted the floor to open up and devour me, is an understatement!!! I didn’t even bother turning towards him. It was sufficient to look at my sisters ashen face, LOL. I threw the cig in the sink, tossed my pack on the floor, stood up, and smiled. An uneasy smile, that of a kid who had just spilled milk all over the place.
Naturally, the smile wasn’t reciprocated back : ) I know my dad is aware of us smoking, but in our family its extremely rude and unheard of to smoke or even smell of smoke when our father is around. My sister keeps a bottle of perfume handy just for that occasion, lol. My mom ofcourse loved every minute of it, she sat there sniggering at me, cause she hates us smoking with a vengeance. Not funny MOM!!! Oh well, an episode I definitely will not repeat AGAIN.
I better get back to work and back to my trance. My Baghdadi Trance…
19 Comments:
I´m also a hard smoker, but dear Neurotica, be careful, 3 packets per day!!!!!!!
I was in a same situation, with my dad, but after loooongg time, finally he changed:)
I'm a Dad so here goes:
You 'need' to take two weeks off, just tour around and do nothing. Then setup a work place at your place/flat that is separate from your living space, ie: office. Then have a timer and set it up so it goes off when it's smoke break time and lunch time etc. You should be able to get back into the rhythm of the office easy. And only smoke outside, you will cut down on them, and you don't have to dodge the wwwwoooooooossssssssshhhhhhhhhh sound. And then when you have a kid(s), you still smoke outside, our kids have left home we still smoke outside. O.K. did my Dad thing. Now you can check on Google for "balance+work+at+home" there are some great articles. Mostly you have to set it up as a business, with it's own office.
Some of the Blogs you Enjoy have died off, some are without posts for 3 years. Maybe working on the book will help you not work so much, and help in the balance.
Hi Neurotica, Ayyamich Saeeda! glad to hear that you're safe and sound in AD. I have to say that I did express many concerns about your plan to carry on working for your "Iraq Era employerss" but then I deleted my comment as I thought it was a personal issue and I may have crossed some line(s) but glad to know that I was right :D
As a non-smoker, I can't comment on why you feel like smoking, at least not making the effort of smoking outside when you're at your parents' place but getting caught must have been one of these priceless moments!! take care
Oh dear Neurotica! I am your age and still have not been caught smoking by my father. Lord help me if I ever do get caught, lol! Miraculously, my three children have not slipped about mom smoking either. I guess it helps I live 2 states away and visit a few times a year :) I can imagine how you must have felt when he walked in and caught you.
As for the work thing, you are still adjusting, so don't be so hard on yourself. I know, I know, easier said than done right?
Always,
Melanie
Everyone of these Fig Newtons has a bit more solid then the rest of the cookie. A fragile second I spend fearfully recounting any occasion most particular to the risk of bone fragment or foreign material. The head of a baby bird, the birds beak. If the bird even has a beak yet it is hard to see. The generative matter most thorough in composition as overwhelmed as a finish line could ever be. Little cookie, birds head. I don't give a fuck. The rest of the cookie. If we could help them still born. The subject orients itself. Any self abuse the dying young, extreme causation. Here is something for the haunting. Haunting some of the forgotten. Some thing for the minor in the starving. In the south they are feeding bees. They are black. They are talking. Talking to trees and ivory.
When they used to tell me I would shorten my life ten years by smoking, they little knew the devotee they were wasting their puerile word upon -- they little knew how trivial and valueless I would regard a decade that had no smoking in it!
Mark Twain
what a post :)
Oh, well, smoking is good for you. It delays the onset of Alzheimer's. Providing you get past the heart disease, lung cancer, and emphysema, of course! ;)
Hi NIW, Eid Mubarak and welcome to UAE.
Well NIW, I reckon instead of jumping from the frying pan into the fire, you've jumped from the fire into the frying pan ; ) Life ain't all work though, so enjoy the little pleasures in life. Solo
hey,
good to see you continue life.
I'm watching the movie Jaws 3. It was released in 1983 in 3-D. Someone, if Hitler has any time to spare... Nazi Magicke, burn this title.
Neurotica,
Glad you made it out of Baghdad ok! I'm sorry you're still in Baghdad mode. You need to turn it off and relax for once!!!!!
Take care!
Lol Sea Life, I doubt I can ever have the nerves to smoke infront of my dad!!!Id rather die...
WH, thats great advice!!!But I cant switch off. They expect me to work and perform the same way when I was still there. I dont want to tarnish that "harworking" reputation. And you know what, its exhausting!!! But I am trying to go out abit more than I used to in my first week..So Im trying!
Anon, do u really think people will be interested in my rants and ramblings? I dont think anyone wants to read my life story,LOL...
Leo, Happy Belated Eid!!! Im so sorry in being late to comment, I have been in my own world. Didnt even check my blog for awhile...Yes you are right, I shouldnt have taken it up,but it does give me something to do...
Oh Melanie, I cant even start to tell you how difficult it is right now for me. And to go it alone, is just turning to be even more of a challenge!!! Wish HUBBY was with me :(
Lol Bill...
Power blogger, bad one I know :(
Brian, hmmmm...well atleast I wont lose my memory ;)
Hi Alaa, hows Dubai?Are u in Dubai?
Solo, what pleasures? Can u tell me? Cuz right now, Im kinda blank. Im serious, Im not kidding you...What are the pleasures of life?And where can I find them?
KK, umm if you can call it that, LOL
Matt, any suggestions?
Paul, who u voting for?
NIW,
I'd suggest once in a while (maybe every few days) going out with some friends. There any movie theaters over there or decent restaurants to eat at? I ask because ever since this semester started it up it's been work work work for me. I enjoy, on the one hand, being in my apartment but am slowly going crazy on the other because it's a one bedroom. I'm all alone...
Hey NIW, Dubai is great..... u should visit the city... it is amazing... how about Abu Dhabi?
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