neurotic Iraqi wife
August 16, 2008
The Scrumptious Iraqi Date Scent...
I still am enjoying the last few days of my vacation before heading back to Iraq. Usually the days before I board that plane is reserved for last minute shopping, but this time, this time there is no such thing. For the first time in my life I will be traveling with a virtually empty suitcase. Nothing like the 30kg and above that Im used to. Oh no. This time my bag will have nothing but the basic necessities. I need the space, every space I can muster for the clutter, ok ok ok it’s the SHOES that I have collected over my years in Baghdad.
Am I excited? I dunno. I guess I will be able to answer that question on my last day there. But I am excited that I will have a chance to see the real Baghdad one last time. Yes I know, I did promise my family that I will never do it again, but hey, who knows when will the next time be. A few days ago while HUBBY and I were having dinner he all of a sudden said with some urgency in his voice “Neurotica, look at me” Wow I thought to myself, HUBBY has become ever the romantic, hmmm must be the effect of that torturous hour of Noor that I put him through every night, hehe. “Please don’t do it ok?” I shook my head in total confusion.
Is he telling me not to take that deliciously tempting juicy piece of tikka? Yeah I have been pigging out lately, he is right. “Don’t do it ok?” He repeated. I had no clue what he was on about. “I know you want to. I know that you feel you have to do it, but please if not for me then for your family, think of them”. Hmm I didn’t think that the Tikka has become a hot family topic.
“What are you talking about HUBBY?” His frown became more apparent. “I know you want to go out in the red zone. Please don’t. You promised your brother remember”. All of a sudden that tikka didn’t look so tempting afterall. How the hell did HE know??? Hmm, HUBBY can read my thoughts, WTH. I just shrugged my shoulders. Yes I did promise but I need to do it. I have to. I cant just leave without saying my farewell to my country. I just cant do that. Problem is, M, the only guy I trusted, the person who took me out last time has gone to the States.
There are a few people who keep asking me to come out with them, but I don’t know them well enough, besides I cant put THEIR life in jeopardy. I guess I will have to play it by ear. Besides everyone tells me the situation is much better now, so I don’t think it should be a concern to anyone. HUBBY called me selfish for wanting to do it. Am I selfish for wanting to go out one last time? I don’t think so.
I want to smell the real air for one last time. I want to take a last look through the windows of my heart at my childhood house. I want to devour every corner, every date tree, every broken pavement. I want to watch the people my people go on with their daily lives for one last time. No, I don’t call that selfish. I call it yearning. My Yearning that was barely satisfied through the 3 years I was there.
Time is running out, and as I keep passing by my empty suitcase that’s lying in that small corner, I smile. A smile filled with both sadness and happiness. For this bag has accompanied me ever since my journey started. From DC in 2005 where I had my Badge issued to Kuwait to Baghdad. It accompanied me on all my travels around the world. It was the perfect safe for the souvenirs I used to bring back for my coworkers. It was the perfect storage for all my SHOEEEEEES. Yeah this bag has seen so much and I think the time has come to give it a break.
Atleast for now delicious aroma traces of the famous Haji BekirTurkish Delight and the yummy Green Apple Tea I brought back with me can still be smelt in the air. Soon these will be substituted. Substituted by a unique Scent. The Scrumptious Iraqi Date Scent…
Am I excited? I dunno. I guess I will be able to answer that question on my last day there. But I am excited that I will have a chance to see the real Baghdad one last time. Yes I know, I did promise my family that I will never do it again, but hey, who knows when will the next time be. A few days ago while HUBBY and I were having dinner he all of a sudden said with some urgency in his voice “Neurotica, look at me” Wow I thought to myself, HUBBY has become ever the romantic, hmmm must be the effect of that torturous hour of Noor that I put him through every night, hehe. “Please don’t do it ok?” I shook my head in total confusion.
Is he telling me not to take that deliciously tempting juicy piece of tikka? Yeah I have been pigging out lately, he is right. “Don’t do it ok?” He repeated. I had no clue what he was on about. “I know you want to. I know that you feel you have to do it, but please if not for me then for your family, think of them”. Hmm I didn’t think that the Tikka has become a hot family topic.
“What are you talking about HUBBY?” His frown became more apparent. “I know you want to go out in the red zone. Please don’t. You promised your brother remember”. All of a sudden that tikka didn’t look so tempting afterall. How the hell did HE know??? Hmm, HUBBY can read my thoughts, WTH. I just shrugged my shoulders. Yes I did promise but I need to do it. I have to. I cant just leave without saying my farewell to my country. I just cant do that. Problem is, M, the only guy I trusted, the person who took me out last time has gone to the States.
There are a few people who keep asking me to come out with them, but I don’t know them well enough, besides I cant put THEIR life in jeopardy. I guess I will have to play it by ear. Besides everyone tells me the situation is much better now, so I don’t think it should be a concern to anyone. HUBBY called me selfish for wanting to do it. Am I selfish for wanting to go out one last time? I don’t think so.
I want to smell the real air for one last time. I want to take a last look through the windows of my heart at my childhood house. I want to devour every corner, every date tree, every broken pavement. I want to watch the people my people go on with their daily lives for one last time. No, I don’t call that selfish. I call it yearning. My Yearning that was barely satisfied through the 3 years I was there.
Time is running out, and as I keep passing by my empty suitcase that’s lying in that small corner, I smile. A smile filled with both sadness and happiness. For this bag has accompanied me ever since my journey started. From DC in 2005 where I had my Badge issued to Kuwait to Baghdad. It accompanied me on all my travels around the world. It was the perfect safe for the souvenirs I used to bring back for my coworkers. It was the perfect storage for all my SHOEEEEEES. Yeah this bag has seen so much and I think the time has come to give it a break.
Atleast for now delicious aroma traces of the famous Haji BekirTurkish Delight and the yummy Green Apple Tea I brought back with me can still be smelt in the air. Soon these will be substituted. Substituted by a unique Scent. The Scrumptious Iraqi Date Scent…
16 Comments:
I think you already know I'm gonna tell ya to go for it. There is risk, but there is also risk in regret. Nothing is ever accomplished without taking some risk. ; ) Solo
When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully
upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Alexander Graham Bell
Dear NIW, i really feel happy for you that you will be going back home. I hope that you will continue writing your blogs. by the way, if you pay a visit to the "red zone", can you take photos of Abu Nawas st? i really miss the place.
"Lol Tib, I know I am not. And why are YOU yaying???"
ok, but i know some women that got pregnant although they swear to god that all the precautions were taken. life is mysterious sometimes.
and i'm yaying because you're soon leaving a place that is certainly messing up your idea of what a normal life is. human beings need normality regularly, you know, that is why soldiers are assigned for limited periods of time.
Solo, wanna come with me :)
Wow Bill, I like that quote. So true!!!But this time, I will definitely keep my eyes open
for the new doors. I hope there will be some that will be opened for me
Alaa, sure I will...If I can find someone who can take me there :)
Tib, you are so right. I seriously dont know what is normal now. As my mom always tells me, "when you come back, IM gonna put you in a place that scrubs both your body and your mind" Lol...Cuz she thinks Baghdad made me nuts. Im surprised she didnt realize I was nuts way before then :)
NIW,
You've been there a long time, I'm glad to see that you're going to leave. I hope you will be able to return soon under much better conditions.
I hope you're ready for the slower pace and the problems it brings. After riding a dangerous roller coaster for 3 years, regular life will feel like a childs' merry-go-round.
I also hope you'll continue your blog too. It can be therapeutic.
Raven1
HELLO LUV,GOING OUT &ABOUT IS UNDERSTANDIBLY A GREAT YEARNING IF ONLY TO STROLL DOWN MEMOTY LANE BUT DO SELECT THE PERSON &YOUR INSTINCT BEFORE TAKING THE DECISION UPON HUBBY SAYING DO NOT DO IT ,!!!HE HAS A POINT THERE.BUT COMING BACK TO DATES HHHHHHMMMMMMDELICIOUS DATE DESERT A PUDDING THAT IS THOROUGHLY FATTENING I JUST CAN,T RESIST!! BUT THEN THAT IS SO OF MOST PUDDINGS PLUSS YUMMMMMY ICECREAMS COULD EAT TONS OF THE STUFF :)ALRIGHT DARLING BRING BACK SOME "ZAHDI & KHASTAAAAWI :)all the best of merry jolly greetings &kindest regards www.bfbs.com CHEERS OLAFF:)
HELLO LUV,GOING OUT &ABOUT IS UNDERSTANDIBLY A GREAT YEARNING IF ONLY TO STROLL DOWN MEMORY LANE BUT DO SELECT THE PERSON &YOUR INSTINCT BEFORE TAKING THE DECISION UPON HUBBY SAYING DO NOT DO IT ,!!!HE HAS A POINT THERE.BUT COMING BACK TO DATES HHHHHHMMMMMMDELICIOUS DATE DESERT A PUDDING THAT IS THOROUGHLY FATTENING I JUST CAN,T RESIST!! BUT THEN THAT IS SO OF MOST PUDDINGS PLUSS YUMMMMMY ICECREAMS COULD EAT TONS OF THE STUFF :)ALRIGHT DARLING BRING BACK SOME "ZAHDI & KHASTAAAAWI :)all the best of merry jolly greetings &kindest regards www.bfbs.com CHEERS OLAFF:)
LOL NIW, would if I could, but then I always was one to run towards gunfire ;) A friend of mine was there for only three weeks when he got hit by an IED. He's doing well though. Just try to avoid large gatherings that extremists might target. Take care. Solo
NIW...you might want to watch these before you head out into the Red Zone... http://thebruceblog.wordpress.com/2008/08/06/the-iraq-the-politicians-dont-want-you-to-see/
I understand you very well. Just go for it!!!
Good luck and take care!
I have acute Arthritis in my both of my thumbs. The entire appendage attaching these thumbs pulse with Oxygenated blood. Whenever I bend they "pop" forcing blood through the worn out tissues. The blood tries so hard healing the joints. That is how these structures sleep. Reconstituting bone matter the best they can during any periods of inactivity. Not that I'm all thumbs ... I don't think designating "Healthy Green Area" is reasoning enough for the forfeiture of your playtime. My saving blood is sound echoing my bodies entirety. Just as Green markings don't actually designate who is building with them. Sounds like you're asking your "Family" permission to wander around an E.R., Or a hospital teeming with infection. Just so you can play with the straps of your old gurney for one last time. I knew this woman who looked like junk throughout the duration of 1980's, no one wants to romp with her? She'd love it, she has cats. She can tell you about her cats. We are all very powerful emotionally now-a-days. Is it "Hybridization"? The remodeling that captivates with such visceral ferocity. As unpopular as the Sasquatch has become. In a fire lit cave a giant hairy monkey like yourself had everything worth knowing scrawled upon the trusted interior. Then you got a Brazilian wax and Einstein bombed Tokyo, subsequent turmoil unleashed. Admittedly you are going to the "red Zone" to hug a smooshed carton of milk. Have you seen Tree? Artifacts of layering abound.
neuritica luv if any of your colleagues or someone they know drves past or through a small ex residential st AT THE FAR END OF MADEENAT AL TTIB NEAR BAB AL MUATHAAM, THE AREA CALLED AL EEEWAATHIYA OR ALWAAZIYA ,THE ST. IN QUESTION USED TO BE CALLED AL-ASKARI STR. IN THE 30S & LATER AFTER THE 50S 60S CALLED DIJLA ST IF ANYONE COULD TAKE SOME SNAPSHOTS OF THAT STREET ON THE RIVER THE TIGRESS ,AT THE VERY BACK END OF THE EEEEEEEWAAATHIYA ON THE RIVER ,&THEN POST IT ON YOUR BLOG I SHALL BE EVER SO GRATEFULL,TO FIND OUT WHATEVER BECAME OF THAT STR ACTUALLY DR.HALA FATTAH HAD A BLOG ABOUT BAGHDAD CALLED ASKARI STR.VERY INTERESTING ALL THE VERY BEST OF MERRY JOLLY GREETINGS &KINDEST REGARDS WWW.BFBS.COM CHEERS OLAFF:)
About leaving Baghdad, didn't you do this once before? I seem to recall you and Hubby even getting an apartment in AD, buying new refrigerator, your mother helped with the decorating? Then you decided to go back to Baghdad. What's different this time? Will Hubby be satisfied?
You are not selfish. You are Iraqi. You have it in your blood, like most of us do. The last time before I left Baghdad, I took a "tour" in the city with my friends. It was during the worst times we went through, summer 2006. But I had to do it. I never regretted it. I remember when my friend who was driving slowing down as we crossed the Jadriyah bridge. I looked at the Tigris and the date palms and spoke with them. I said, "Forgive me. I'll always miss you and dream of the day I come back and smell your air and drink your water." I never forgot that day.
If you are leaving for good and you don't bid your lovely Baghdad a farewell, the feeling of guilt will haunt you. At least you'll have some remains of memories with you when you leave. You have the look and the smell of what you are going to see.
For me, this image looks like a painting. It's always in front me. It reminds me that whatever I have become is nothing if I had not been the son of that date palm and river.
Just do it, even if it is for 30 minutes.
I live in an area surrounded with agriculture and forests. I'm convinced it is paradise. In order to pay for my education I must leave paradise and travel into a much less valuable area for work. Today I had a job interview at the end of an airport runway. I was dismissed for not bringing my High School Diploma to the interview. I was wondering about Sunni Muslims and Shia Muslims... Like the Israelis and Palestinians, do they have different economic backgrounds and property value where they stay? There were only colored people at the Airport today. I'm sure they had all been cognitively mass appropriated with synthesis gravitating from our suggestive mass. I guess we all look like convicts in the long run. What I was wondering was what evidence is their of these groups of people outside of physical breeding identifiers. Do they do anything queer? A black slave in America after conditional bondage was offered 40 acres and a mule suggestive of expansive reclusion. A free slave paired with the necessities necessary for survival appropriated this reclusion tactfully. The passing of artistry benefited the proximal control of furthered mental property. Granting television advisory demographically collects and cultivates the original victory under a new form of slavery, pollution and dependency. Now that their is too much of everything how is anyone too survive culturally? We appropriate this reclusion digitally? Portably?
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