neurotic Iraqi wife
March 24, 2006
Martyr of Good and Bad.......
We are back in Baghdad or actually the Green Zone for a few days now. R&R wasnt bad, gave us some time to relax and reflect on what we wanna do. We both decided its time to leave. HUBBY feels betrayed, angry and deflated. He really has put his heart into his program, yet he was betrayed by all those around him and now he is convinced that there is nothing more for him to do here.
While on R&R, we got to watch what has been happening in Iraq...Something we dont really hear or see while being physically present. Thats why we dont consider ourselves being in the real Baghdad. The Green Zone is a far far place....far from reality....
We were actually missed around here...Colleagues were glad to see us back...some of them even hinted that they thought we were gone for good...hmm a thought that didnt escape our mind...I asked my Iraqi colleagues who live in the red zone about the situation. They said ever since the 22nd of Feb when the 2 shrines were hit things have become really bad...the explosions have become worst and the killings is now a mayhem....I ask if its civil war...some of them say yes others say no...the latter say now, be it a sunni or a shia you get killed...there is no difference. The former on the other hand, says dont believe that there isnt a civil war, there is and this current government failed. Failed with all the meaning of the word. Majority of people want Allawi, which to me is not a surprise. When I say but he is an ex baathist, their response "we would rather have someone who knows how to rule with an iron fist rather than someone who has no care in the world about the people"....
I dunno what to think anymore...before, my colleagues would work inorder to survive...now they tell me they work to save some money and get out of here. This is their goal, their goal is to leave this place to leave this "hell hole" as they put it. This is no place to bring up a family one says, the other mutters this is no place to live full stop. They look at me and say this is the Iraq you so desperately wanted to see...Well here you are...this is the reality of our lives....I dunno what to tell them...For I too see no light unless this current government either does something good for their people and forget about the darn chairs or leave it for someone who can deal with the situation...So far I have no idea who or what that might be....
As for our plans, so far its probably in a months time that we will be leaving. Its gonna be real difficult to get out of here, I mean emotionally....I'm gonna miss so many people, im gonna miss the long work hours, im gonna miss the beautiful Baghdad Sky...Im gonna miss the stars at night and my friend the moon. Although I hated the trash burning smell, I believe Im gonna miss that too...
We still havent told anyone that we are leaving, we havent even given our resignations yet....But I know that its time to leave. Its time to go to a normal life, its time to start a family and settle down....But I have beautiful memories here, and I have made friends, real friends.....Its tough to say goodbye, its tough to leave the dream that I once had of this place...ANd infact its gonna stay a dream, a nice one for I havent been to the outside, and so my vision hasnt been distorted yet.....
With a heavy heart we will leave this place and with a heavy heart we will wave goodbye to all the good people....with a heavy heart we will wave goodbye to the beautiful palm trees that line our street....And I hope that one day, when we do come back there wont be any Twalls, there wont be checkpoints, there wont be explosions and deaths...there wont be bloodshed....there will be one Iraq, one nation unified for their own country...One Nation that says Iraq first and nothing else....Iraq, my country....Iraq, the Martyr.....The Martyr of Good and Bad....
While on R&R, we got to watch what has been happening in Iraq...Something we dont really hear or see while being physically present. Thats why we dont consider ourselves being in the real Baghdad. The Green Zone is a far far place....far from reality....
We were actually missed around here...Colleagues were glad to see us back...some of them even hinted that they thought we were gone for good...hmm a thought that didnt escape our mind...I asked my Iraqi colleagues who live in the red zone about the situation. They said ever since the 22nd of Feb when the 2 shrines were hit things have become really bad...the explosions have become worst and the killings is now a mayhem....I ask if its civil war...some of them say yes others say no...the latter say now, be it a sunni or a shia you get killed...there is no difference. The former on the other hand, says dont believe that there isnt a civil war, there is and this current government failed. Failed with all the meaning of the word. Majority of people want Allawi, which to me is not a surprise. When I say but he is an ex baathist, their response "we would rather have someone who knows how to rule with an iron fist rather than someone who has no care in the world about the people"....
I dunno what to think anymore...before, my colleagues would work inorder to survive...now they tell me they work to save some money and get out of here. This is their goal, their goal is to leave this place to leave this "hell hole" as they put it. This is no place to bring up a family one says, the other mutters this is no place to live full stop. They look at me and say this is the Iraq you so desperately wanted to see...Well here you are...this is the reality of our lives....I dunno what to tell them...For I too see no light unless this current government either does something good for their people and forget about the darn chairs or leave it for someone who can deal with the situation...So far I have no idea who or what that might be....
As for our plans, so far its probably in a months time that we will be leaving. Its gonna be real difficult to get out of here, I mean emotionally....I'm gonna miss so many people, im gonna miss the long work hours, im gonna miss the beautiful Baghdad Sky...Im gonna miss the stars at night and my friend the moon. Although I hated the trash burning smell, I believe Im gonna miss that too...
We still havent told anyone that we are leaving, we havent even given our resignations yet....But I know that its time to leave. Its time to go to a normal life, its time to start a family and settle down....But I have beautiful memories here, and I have made friends, real friends.....Its tough to say goodbye, its tough to leave the dream that I once had of this place...ANd infact its gonna stay a dream, a nice one for I havent been to the outside, and so my vision hasnt been distorted yet.....
With a heavy heart we will leave this place and with a heavy heart we will wave goodbye to all the good people....with a heavy heart we will wave goodbye to the beautiful palm trees that line our street....And I hope that one day, when we do come back there wont be any Twalls, there wont be checkpoints, there wont be explosions and deaths...there wont be bloodshed....there will be one Iraq, one nation unified for their own country...One Nation that says Iraq first and nothing else....Iraq, my country....Iraq, the Martyr.....The Martyr of Good and Bad....
16 Comments:
NIW,
It's good to hear from you again.
I'm sorry that your time in Baghdad didn't end differently. That is, more happily. Maybe there will be a time in the future, when you can bring your children to visit the Iraq of your dreams. I hope so.
I'm glad to hear that things are working out for you and your hubby.
Take care.
You have a good heart My lady.
Thank you for this sincere feeling. Iraq is going to miss you, me and all the good people. May you have success.
BT
Hi NIW,
If everyone wanted Allawi, why didn't everyone vote for him instead of the UIA saps? You got
what your fellow Iraqis chose
to rule the country. Even you
voted for the UIA in one of the
elections if I recall correctly.
But things could be worse, you could be Gay in Iraq. Since the
Crazy Ayatollah's pronouncement, there's been an increase in the
Shia Death Squads targeting
Iraq's homosexuals and lesbians.
Happy Sharia Law to you all...
I'm so sorry that things haven't gone as well as everyone, Iraqis and Americans, had hoped.
Only time will tell, and during that time it will be good for you and your husband to be concentrating on your lives, and not Iraq's future.
Your progeny will be the future of Iraq.
You gave it a good go!
My hope in the people will still be a positive one! USA yeah it was worth it even though people don't see it! Oh and it ain't over!
Take care now, Lady.
Hi neurotic,
Please know we expect you to keep on blogging about your children, your grandchildren, and about eventually returning to a peaceful Iraq! (hopefully not in this order)
We love you because you are neurotic, but not neurotic enough not to realise when it is time to go on with your life.
NIW my dear, you will be OK.
Iraqi's will miss you and remember there is still so much you can do from outside.
Even speaking about the realities of life with others, continuing or extending your blogging, it defines history.
I would like to chat sometime... I have been reading your blog since the start.. Every post I have read.
lukey@iinet.net.au is my email address, I also have yahoo etc
hope to hear from you
[olivebranch] - http://olivebranchoptimism.net
Glad to hear you're planning your exit. Please keep us informed. You may find a way to be of more benefit to the rebuilding of Iraq from outside the country, where you can move around freely and not be under constant stress. You don't have to be inside the country to facilitate positive changes.
you will be missing alot more than the things you mentioned..but everyone deserves to be able to sleep at night knowing that their locked doors wont be broken into by soldires of any army..
My heart goes at to you and many people like you..my lover and my friends and everyone i ever knew and cared about..u'll miss being able to read people's faces and hearing their hearts..u'll miss the smell of rain when it falls onto the dusty pavements.. but you wont miss being unable to plan the next 5 minutes of ur life because you constantly sarcasticly wonder if ur gona live to see them..
best of luck..
Best wishes to you and your husband in whatever you do.
Please keep blogging. You provide a perspective not readily availalble to the average american.
And your writing is so honest and full of heart. Thank you for caring.
PS - If you haven't already thought about it, consider writing a book. You have an important and very interesting story to tell. Sincerely, Dwitt
Sweet pea,
don't forget us.
Much love to you, dear Neurotica
-- Tilli
Wish you all the best. Please keep up your blog as you get the chance.
Sincere regards,
Greg
(From Minnesota)
You are the type of person one can admire. You can face hardship with dignity and not whine and complain like most of humanity does. A lot of people have a bubbly personality that is only skin deep, but I can tell that you have real joy in you. Real joy is when one can look at an impossible situation and not lose hope but instead encourage and support those who you come in contact with.
Make sure to give those Iraqis a real motivation, a real stiff-upper-lip, when it comes to making things right. Make them see that a brighter day is coming and that, even if the rest of the world expects them to go into civil war, by golly, they don't have to and that they can show the rest of the world what real grit is.
And don't feel bad about leaving, because you have done a lot of good there, even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes. My friend from Kenya tells me that it's good for Americans to come to his village to visit and help out, not because the work they do will really do so much, but even just going over there and setting aside your life for a little while to help some people will have a big effect on those people. People really appreciate it when others go out of their way to help them, even if the actual work they do is very little. It restores hope, and it gives them a reason to keep trying. Our world needs more people like you and your husband.
God bless you and yours.
Well, all I can say is happy hunting in finding a new home, and I'm sorry that Iraq has become such a mess. We Americans, I think, failed your people in that we did what some many before us did~ we didn't pay attention to indivdual peoples, and tried to super glue it all together. It didn't work when Churchill did it, and when the Ottomans did it, why Bush thought he could, I don't know.
Anyway, from your point of view, would it maybe be a better thing for Iraq to sort of spilt? Like the Czech republic did? Kudistan off to one side, and further division from there?
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