neurotic Iraqi wife
January 01, 2006
Peace of the Soul......
What a way to embrace the New Years, but with gunfire and a few car bombs....Thats the way it is here, here in Baghdad....I watch the CNN, and see people all around the world celebrating and having a good time, getting together with loved ones, and counting down the seconds for the arrival of a new fresh year....People in Iraq though, sat cautiously at home, among family, having little hope that this coming year will be a better one....But what really counts is that hope, that little hope that everyone still has.....
I on the other hand slept away.....its the first new years i spend it with HUBBY as my HUBBY.....got woken up by him at midnight, didnt even know it until I woke up and he told me....Havent written in a while....everytime I attempt to write something, I become so discouraged and shut the darn thing off....Things were pretty difficult for me in the past few months....HUBBY and I were having a pretty bad time....Things became so bad between us that we both were considering of giving up on the relationship...I say it now in a normal tone, but believe me it wasnt normal at that time...
The past 6 months of us living together taught me many things, although this environment is not a typical one, nevertheless, if you survive a relationship, then I believe you can survive anything....It was a rollercoaster ride, one day up and 20 down....at one time, it had gotten so bad that i tried to venture out in the red zone, thinking hey what the heck, I lost my HUBBY, I might as well lose myself....funny enough, i got lost in the GZ couldnt find the way to the red zone (I really have a bad sense of direction) and had to call him to get me back....And no things didnt go back to normal then....
HUBBY says I have changed, says I aint the woman he fell in love with and married...there may be a slight percentage of truth in that statement....I think most of you who read my blog knew how madly in love I am with him, and when the opportunity for me to join him came up I was ecstatic....But I was shocked many times by his attitude, by his cold demeanour with me, by the way he treated me when he knew how i felt about the WOB.....and so there is only too much one can do and one can take....I guess thats what happenend with me.....I realised that I was loving him the wrong way.....or maybe not the wrong way, but my way....And so without realising, I became a little bit indifferent, indifferent is a harsh word, cant think of another one....He had hurt me too much and wounded my being to the point where it stopped hurting....
I began to pour all my energy in my work....Would stay in the office till 12 or 1 in the morning, working as hard as I can.....I guess I just wanted to get away from my reality....I began smiling and joking with everyone, until this one person showed up....A certain Leutenant Colonel....How things work here in Iraq, is you have an organisation that takes up the responsibility of rebuilding Iraq.....And overlooking that organisation is the US government. Every sector has a government lead and overall we have a Colonel and a Leutenant Colonel that are our Bosses in a way...or as they call them here, our clients....So in any case, I started working closely with the LTC, and HUBBY just went bonkers....Ever since then, things between us went downhill....For me its doing my job, for HUBBY who btw made it clear many times that he never gets jealous, was Im putting him down infront of everyone...Umm, how can I put him down infront of people by doing my job...I know my limits, I know where to draw the line....I kinda see it differently...He was like that with his WOB....laughing and joking.....telling me that I shouldnt interfere with his work, so why should he interfere with mine???Simple...cuz Im a woman....and he is sooooo wrong.....He couldnt fathom the fact that everyone cant stand this LTC, except me....Tells me that he is after only one thing....I hate that, I hate that kind of thinking.....
HUBBY hurt me a few times, neglected me, neglected my needs, my emotional needs....Closed his door on me and expected me to stay the same....I always tell him its the little things that count....a show of love out of the blue.....a kiss...a hug....appreciation....I dont care for material things, I dont even care for presents...my birthday came and went....and he did nothing, nothing at all to make me feel special...All my family called up....While HUBBY just sat there on that darn internet, cared less....and thats what hurts.....I think he needs some lessons on "how to make your wife special".....
We went on R&R, and things went downhill.....but right now, we are in process of trying to get back what we had, the feelings, the emotions, and most of all the Love. Im happy that things are starting to look better, starting to improve, for I do love HUBBY, and I dont want to ever lose him. I know that no one is perfect, for I myself im far from that, I know he loves me, I know he cares.....He goes through phases of "I think its better if we get a divorce" at times I feel he means it, and it hurts me so much I feel the excruciating pain, at other times I know he just says it to see my reaction....I dunno, maybe he is going through mid life crisis???doesnt it start in the 40's???
So basically my marital life overshadowed all the other stuff going around me...I did vote though...People are not happy about the results so far.... At work, my colleagues say that if the new government is the same as the last, which it is, then even that little hope they have will be gone....They are tired of living the way they do....They are tired of getting a government that just cares about its own agenda and not its own people....People are just tired and drained out, but they are survivors......
Im gonna leave it at that and say to all of you Happy New Years, and may this coming year, be a better one, a good one, filled with hope, filled with dreams, filled with sunshine and warmth, and most of all, filled with Peace, Peace of the minds, Peace of the Hearts and not forgetting the one Peace that everyone should have.....Peace of the Soul.......
I on the other hand slept away.....its the first new years i spend it with HUBBY as my HUBBY.....got woken up by him at midnight, didnt even know it until I woke up and he told me....Havent written in a while....everytime I attempt to write something, I become so discouraged and shut the darn thing off....Things were pretty difficult for me in the past few months....HUBBY and I were having a pretty bad time....Things became so bad between us that we both were considering of giving up on the relationship...I say it now in a normal tone, but believe me it wasnt normal at that time...
The past 6 months of us living together taught me many things, although this environment is not a typical one, nevertheless, if you survive a relationship, then I believe you can survive anything....It was a rollercoaster ride, one day up and 20 down....at one time, it had gotten so bad that i tried to venture out in the red zone, thinking hey what the heck, I lost my HUBBY, I might as well lose myself....funny enough, i got lost in the GZ couldnt find the way to the red zone (I really have a bad sense of direction) and had to call him to get me back....And no things didnt go back to normal then....
HUBBY says I have changed, says I aint the woman he fell in love with and married...there may be a slight percentage of truth in that statement....I think most of you who read my blog knew how madly in love I am with him, and when the opportunity for me to join him came up I was ecstatic....But I was shocked many times by his attitude, by his cold demeanour with me, by the way he treated me when he knew how i felt about the WOB.....and so there is only too much one can do and one can take....I guess thats what happenend with me.....I realised that I was loving him the wrong way.....or maybe not the wrong way, but my way....And so without realising, I became a little bit indifferent, indifferent is a harsh word, cant think of another one....He had hurt me too much and wounded my being to the point where it stopped hurting....
I began to pour all my energy in my work....Would stay in the office till 12 or 1 in the morning, working as hard as I can.....I guess I just wanted to get away from my reality....I began smiling and joking with everyone, until this one person showed up....A certain Leutenant Colonel....How things work here in Iraq, is you have an organisation that takes up the responsibility of rebuilding Iraq.....And overlooking that organisation is the US government. Every sector has a government lead and overall we have a Colonel and a Leutenant Colonel that are our Bosses in a way...or as they call them here, our clients....So in any case, I started working closely with the LTC, and HUBBY just went bonkers....Ever since then, things between us went downhill....For me its doing my job, for HUBBY who btw made it clear many times that he never gets jealous, was Im putting him down infront of everyone...Umm, how can I put him down infront of people by doing my job...I know my limits, I know where to draw the line....I kinda see it differently...He was like that with his WOB....laughing and joking.....telling me that I shouldnt interfere with his work, so why should he interfere with mine???Simple...cuz Im a woman....and he is sooooo wrong.....He couldnt fathom the fact that everyone cant stand this LTC, except me....Tells me that he is after only one thing....I hate that, I hate that kind of thinking.....
HUBBY hurt me a few times, neglected me, neglected my needs, my emotional needs....Closed his door on me and expected me to stay the same....I always tell him its the little things that count....a show of love out of the blue.....a kiss...a hug....appreciation....I dont care for material things, I dont even care for presents...my birthday came and went....and he did nothing, nothing at all to make me feel special...All my family called up....While HUBBY just sat there on that darn internet, cared less....and thats what hurts.....I think he needs some lessons on "how to make your wife special".....
We went on R&R, and things went downhill.....but right now, we are in process of trying to get back what we had, the feelings, the emotions, and most of all the Love. Im happy that things are starting to look better, starting to improve, for I do love HUBBY, and I dont want to ever lose him. I know that no one is perfect, for I myself im far from that, I know he loves me, I know he cares.....He goes through phases of "I think its better if we get a divorce" at times I feel he means it, and it hurts me so much I feel the excruciating pain, at other times I know he just says it to see my reaction....I dunno, maybe he is going through mid life crisis???doesnt it start in the 40's???
So basically my marital life overshadowed all the other stuff going around me...I did vote though...People are not happy about the results so far.... At work, my colleagues say that if the new government is the same as the last, which it is, then even that little hope they have will be gone....They are tired of living the way they do....They are tired of getting a government that just cares about its own agenda and not its own people....People are just tired and drained out, but they are survivors......
Im gonna leave it at that and say to all of you Happy New Years, and may this coming year, be a better one, a good one, filled with hope, filled with dreams, filled with sunshine and warmth, and most of all, filled with Peace, Peace of the minds, Peace of the Hearts and not forgetting the one Peace that everyone should have.....Peace of the Soul.......
31 Comments:
on a sec. thought I think you should dump Hubbik and latch onto the LTC as long as it lasts. Cuz soon when we move in LTC will be flying like Birdy GO Home and you will have the chance to get the green card where you can use it selling Pizza Hut.
btw. LTC, when we kick your butt I suggest you go back to San Francisco, There men treat men well (suits neurotic wives!!)
nader- what the phuck is that supposed to mean? Shit, man!
hey Aroosa-habibti, c'est moi, Sister Scorpion. You can get my email from my blog, I'm here to talk to you about anything (also being married to an Iraqi ten years might lend a bit of insight into the cultural schizophrenia going on).
My marriage has been a looooong series of ups and downs, We too have gone to the point of contemplating divorce and whatnot, too. However, so far, it's worked itself out eventually without either party really losing "face" or feeling controlled, etc. But I tell you, it sure as hell isn't easy. One trick of course, is to wait for him to sleep, pretend to be asleap yourself, and then suddenly KICK THE CRAP out of him with your foot! But of course, you're SLEEPING, remember-- it could NEVER be intentional....
Teeheee!
As for the sexism-- it'll always be there to some extent (no matter where the guy comes from, if you ask me), but they do loosen up over time, especially if you stand your ground with reason.
oops, forgot to add-- have a better Year than this last one, inshaAllah
Marriage does not always turn out to be what one imagines it to be if certain conditions are not met.
No man cannot fullfill all the needs of a woman. No woman can fullfill all the needs of a man.
Do not laugh at this but if you ever do establish this, then you will look back and realize it was the right move.
The missing ingredient in our lives is the love of Christ. Seek Him and you will find a treasure of love, security, and happiness that will make your lives new again.
It will take time to fully understand, but what have we to loose in such tough times?
Happy New Year, niw.
Nader, that's a crappy suggestion.
Unfortunately, falling in love is easy. Married love takes work. You find out that the person you married is not who you thought you married. Then you have to decide if you will truly love that person and stay in the relationship. Or if you were in love with love.
A lot of this is just plain male stuff, and it seems men are men, no matter what country and culture. I have come to the conclusion that there is no remedy for being male.
Best wishes for a better year in 2006.
Keep up your hopes and courage and continue your blogging!(more often)
I think it might be a positive outlet for you and you have much insight to provide those who follow your blog. We want to know about life in the GZ and what is going on in Iraq.
Best wishes for 2006.
Things will work out, if there is love between two those bonds will never be broken. Both of you are going through a most stressful time in your life and the birth of a new Iraq. One day you'll laugh at the crazy things you did. God Bless, Mike
Ps:Nader: I thank you for all you have done for Iraq it shows in all the donkeys pulling carts, donkey=nader get it? Hmm maybe not? And I know Saddam was very scared of you cause you stood up to him and that he got very upset cause you not put extra's on his pizza. Nader go back to sleep. Sorry we woke you.
I'm glad that you two are feeling a bit more stable now....
My Mom told me when I was a girl that love can go up and down, but commitment is what will make a marriage last, and eventually the love comes back stronger than before. I'm glad that you are sticking it out. Too many people give up too easily.
I will be praying for you and for your marriage.
Hi NIW!
Thanks for posting. I really think you deserve better than you have been getting. You are really attractive and a hard worker- there are tens of thousands of men who would gladly spoil you!! What is the point of a husband who does not even celebrate your birthday?!! Heck, I take women to the Opera on a FIRST DATE! You deserve better, and he obviously has something going on the side. You should meet him head on and next time he talks about a divorce- agree with him!
Happy New Year to you and better things to come your way.
I also have to agree with Lieutenant Jarred a. Fishman.
I just reread your post and...
Your hubby’s way of thinking is very toxic to the relationship! Mental abuse is what it is. Being a strong woman is what it will take to realize what is going on here and addressing it! I don’t like that way of thinking in men either. It is a real turn off for me. I won’t tolerate it! You shouldn’t either it is degrading!
If you love your husband you will set the WOB up with the Lieutenant by all means pull her off your man! If that don’t work then move on take the business from him and claim it as your own. Then only when you are ready can you have that relationship that you hope for. Either fight or get out of it but running to someone else would be a mistake. You would need time to heal. You are a survivor.
I have been reading your posts for many months. I often thought that the relationship with your husband was all give and no take. I would find it very difficult to be married to such a selfish person. I do wish you the best and hope for the best. You deserve all the happiness in the world.
NIW,
It's good to see you again! I'm sorry about the problems you and your husband are having. I can't say what you should do. I know people who have divorced and also those who have stayed together (yes, even after an affair). Only you can know what is best for you.
The only thing I can say is never, ever sell yourself short. You are a good person and deserve the best.
Take care.
Nader,
Take a hike! Al-Queda is destined to lose.
Hi NIW,
After having done the whole Iraq thing, all I'd counsel is that you shouldn't take all the stress that accumulates through living in a tense situation lightly, and no where in the world is there tension like Baghdad nowadays.
What's going on with your husband is a case of nerves. You don't feel it building up because there is no release such as, for example, the fear and adrenaline of a battle. No, this tension is 24-7 and most Iraqis don't realize it. Even when they leave Iraq, it lingers for a while, like a poison leaving the body in doses.
Relationships are hard and especially hard in such circumstances. The jealousy part, well, that is just a case of Iraqi bravado and male testosterone.
I'm a guy, and thus probably sympathize with your husband. The last any guy would want to deal with when one's nerves are going to bits is a neurotic Iraqi wife.
Just keep it mind before you think things have taken a final turn to the worse.
I hope it works out for both of you. And I hope you both stay safe.
King Arthur and the Witch:
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perp lex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.
But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beau tiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the ti me because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now....what is the moral to this story?
Scroll down
The moral is.....
If you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things are going to get ugly
For more than two thousand years, Jezebel has been saddled with a reputation as the bad girl of the Bible, the wickedest of women. This ancient queen has been denounced as a murderer, prostitute and enemy of God, and her name has been adopted for lingerie lines and World War II missiles alike. But just how depraved was Jezebel?
In recent years, scholars have tried to reclaim the shadowy female figures whose tales are often only partially told in the Bible. Rehabilitating Jezebel's stained reputation is an arduous task, however, for she is a difficult woman to like. She is not a heroic fighter like Deborah, a devoted sister like Miriam or a cherished wife like Ruth. Jezebel cannot even be compared with the Bible's other bad girls 'Potiphar's wife and Delilah'for no good comes from Jezebel's deeds. These other women may be bad, but Jezebel is the worst.(1)
Yet there is more to this complex ruler than the standard interpretation would allow. To attain a more positive assessment of Jezebel's troubled reign and a deeper understanding of her role, we must evaluate the motives of the biblical authors who condemn the queen. Furthermore, we must reread the narrative from the queen's vantage point. As we piece together the world in which Jezebel lived, a fuller picture of this fascinating woman begins to emerge. The story is not a pretty one, and some -- perhaps most -- readers will remain disturbed by Jezebel's actions. But her character might not be as dark as we are accustomed to thinking. Her evilness is not always as obvious, undisputed and unrivaled as the biblical writer wants it to appear.
The story of Jezebel, the Phoenician wife of King Ahab of Israel, is recounted in several brief passages scattered throughout the Books of Kings. Scholars generally identify 1 and 2 Kings as part of the Deuteronomistic History, attributed either to a single author or to a group of authors and editors collectively known as the Deuteronomist. One of the main purposes of the entire Deuteronomistic History, which includes the seven books from Deuteronomy through 2 Kings, is to explain Israel's fate in terms of its apostasy. As the Israelites settle into the Promised Land, establish a monarchy and separate into a northern and a southern kingdom after the reign of Solomon, God's chosen people continually go astray. They sin against Yahweh in many ways, the worst of which is by worshiping alien deities. The first commandments from Sinai demand monotheism, but the people are attracted to foreign gods and goddesses. When Jezebel enters the scene in the ninth century B.C., she provides a perfect opportunity for the Bible writer to teach a moral lesson about the evil outcomes of idolatry, for she is a foreign idol worshiper who seems to be the power behind her husband. From the Deuteronomist's viewpoint, Jezebel embodies everything that must be eliminated from Israel so that the purity of the cult of Yahweh will not be further contaminated.
As the Books of Kings recount, the princess Jezebel is brought to the northern kingdom of Israel to wed the newly crowned King Ahab, son of Omri (1 Kings 16:31). Her father is Ethbaal of Tyre, king of the Phoenicians. The Bible writer's antagonism stems primarily from Jezebel's religion. The Phoenicians worshiped a swarm of gods and goddesses, chief among them Baal, the general term for 'lord' given to the head fertility and agricultural god of the Canaanites. As king of Phoenicia, it is likely that Ethbaal was also a high priest or had other important religious duties. According to the first-century A.D. historian Josephus, who drew on a Greek translation of the now-lost Annals of Tyre, Ethbaal served as a priest of Astarte, the primary Phoenician goddess. Jezebel, as the king's daughter, may have served as a priestess as she was growing up. In any case, she was certainly raised to honor the deities of her native land.
When Jezebel comes to Israel, she brings her foreign gods and goddesses
Religion has been known as law. A type of order of the people if you will, a form of brain washing if you will and a way to keep women in their place.
Hello this is the future of God fearing women you loose anon!
Another form of brainwashing is bringing up biblical story’s “dumpster diving to divert from what is really going on here!” A twist and turn to a man’s views only!
Must be having his knickers in a twist!
Neurotica, honey, just hang on, okay? It's a bear right now, we all know it. WoB needs to hook up with Nadir, the perfect couple. Look in the mail box in a day or two as well. i think I may have some news .
In the meantime, just hold on, your strength is the core of your beauty, don't forget that. You have a world of people here who are with you more than you can imagine.
Look for that note ,
:-)
dcat,
I loved that piece on King Arthur and Lancelot. Especially the moral! LOL!
You've lost your zest for life lately - perhaps because of Iraq, perhaps because of your marriage, but whatever the reason - don't lose what makes you who you are and makes you happy.
Screw your husband - he's a man, you're his possession, but he'll come around if he loves you; otherwise, good riddance to him.
Perhaps treating him how you like to be treated will change his mind-set; if he just takes and takes and never gives back, then you've got a problem.
Joanne
lol nader is crazy! anyway NIW I have been reading your blog since the start, PLEASE DONT WANDER INTO THE REDZONE ALONE! Suicide is not a way to right the wrongs in life, nor is it an escape from your past.
You have MANY people who care about you and I KNOW you hubby does too. My girlfriend and I (don't believe in marriage) have come to times where we were not sure how to continue, but we did- we always found a way.
You will find the way too my dear, and remember that half of the anger and half of the dissafection and tension between you and hubby is created by the emotions in the air, by the situation you are in.
If you are in a bad mood or he is in a bad mood then a small thing can become a big thing, and that big thing will make every other small thing for the next 2-3 weeks seem like trouble. It's not trouble, you just need to see past your thoughts, and into your hubbys eyes.
You didn't get married for no reason and nor did he. You don't live together under these circumstances for no reason. You did it because you love each other, and he wants you there because he probably would go crazy without you.
HE LOVES YOU.
YOU LOVE HIM.
never give up on each other, like you never give up on your people.
[olivebranch out]
Lynnette in Minnesota,
Glad you liked it! Lets hope it brings some smiles over to NIH!
He is the fool!!!
1 Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God, according to the promise of life which is in Christ Jesus,
2 To Timothy, my dearly beloved son: Grace, mercy, and peace, from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.
3 I thank God, whom I serve from my forefathers with pure conscience, that without ceasing I have remembrance of thee in my prayers night and day;
4 Greatly desiring to see thee, being mindful of thy tears, that I may be filled with joy;
5 When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also.
6 Wherefore I put thee in remembrance that thou stir up the gift of God, which is in thee by the putting on of my hands.
7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
8 Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God;
9 Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began,
10 But is now made manifest by the appearing of our Saviour Jesus Christ, who hath abolished death, and hath brought life and immortality to light through the gospel:
11 Whereunto I am appointed a preacher, and an apostle, and a teacher of the Gentiles.
12 For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.
13 Hold fast the form of sound words, which thou hast heard of me, in faith and love which is in Christ Jesus.
14 That good thing which was committed unto thee keep by the Holy Ghost which dwelleth in us.
15 This thou knowest, that all they which are in Asia be turned away from me; of whom are Phygellus and Hermogenes.
16 The Lord give mercy unto the house of Onesiphorus; for he oft refreshed me, and was not ashamed of my chain:
17 But, when he was in Rome, he sought me out very diligently, and found me.
18 The Lord grant unto him that he may find mercy of the Lord in that day: and in how many things he ministered unto me at Ephesus, thou knowest very well.
Dear NIW:
I hope u still remember me!
Iraq got to you, friend.. i know it sounds crazy, but, smile. put a big care-free smile, then laugh over it all..
i know it wont change anything, but, tears and frowns wont do that as well.
I'm sending this by email as well..
this is a horrible horrible place.. to survive you need not only love, you need faith, now, i'm not gonna preach about WHO u should believe in, name it as u want, Allah, Jesus, Yehwe, Buddha, Mother Earth, or even YOURSELF.
be strong. there's no other way to be in this country.
good to see you posting again.. keep it going please?
"A woman is attracted to a man, hoping he will change and he doesn't. A man is attracted to a woman, hoping she will never change and she does." — Unknown author
Vincent's first experiment in cross-dressing came on a dare from an acquaintance who was a drag king. When she experienced the intoxicating invisibility and safety that came from wearing the disguise, she wanted to learn more. For 18 months, she disguised herself as a man, renamed herself Ned, joined a men's bowling league, visited strip bars, and dated women. Along the way, she found that the freedom and privileges enjoyed by men were counterbalanced by a constant testing and severe limits on emotions. She also found women to be distrustful, ever ready to criticize men for being emotionally distant yet clearly preferring men who met stereotypical images of strength and virility. Vincent is frank about her experiences--the hard business of sexual transactions devoid of emotions, the easy bonding between men, fear of sexual attraction among men, and, ultimately, the explosion of her own notions of sex roles. She also explores the guilt she feels about her deception. Writing from the perspective of a gay woman who had a view of the male world that women don't get to see, Vincent finds unexpected complexities in the men she meets and in herself as well.
Self-Made Man: One Woman's Journey into Manhood and Back
Hi NIW, I've looked in on your blog from time to time, but haven't posted anything before. However, being a bit (a lot?) neurotic myself, I thought I might have some potentially useful advice. Of course, what you do with the advice and whether or not you find it applicable is entirely up to you. :)
My significant other and I have been together ten years. About four or five years ago, we went through a rough period--mostly, I'll freely admit, all on my side. I became intensely unsure that the relationship would survive or was even worth keeping. (In fact at one point I remember being one word away from breaking up with him--it was during a spat we had had while I was sick, and I *knew,* literally *knew* that the relationship had been a mistake from the start, that it was over, and that there was no point in continuing to pretend. Somehow I managed to avoid saying that one word.) I stuck it out for a variety of reasons, some good, some bad, and today I am so glad I did. He is such an important part of my life that I can't imagine being without him. Essentially what that lesson taught me was that the most important thing to maintaining a relationship is not love but *commitment.* I know it's a cliche, but it's true. There may be times when the two of you can't remember what you ever saw in each other--but if you are committed to the relationship, even if you can't see right now why you should be, things will almost always work out and you will be rewarded with a much deeper and stronger bond.
I know it's also a cliche to say that all relationships go through rough periods, and the bad situation there for you is probably making it worse. Just hang in there. Eventually the two of you will come through this. And ignore the trolls. Stay safe, and I hope you have a better 2006.
Sweet heart,
Wishing you a Happy New Year.
I wish I could do more.
Much love from Tilli
Jan 27 06
Wise words Colagirl, and speaking from the depths and pinnacles of experience, they are true, very true. I have found that love is committment, or more accurately, without committment, the "thing" called love really isn't.
Just a small word of wisdom passed down to this woman.
You each loved the person you think the other is, and married.
Marriage is the process of finding who the other truly is, and learning to love them the way they are.
It takes time, sometimes a lot of time. Every time my dear man (35 years this year) was frustrated and saw no way out, he threatened divorce. Yeh, right! Like I was going to let him get off that easily!!! (joke)
Best wishes to you both from the USA.
Hey NIW, you're in a tough spot physically and emotionally, this will reflect on your relationship with anyone. I don't advocate staying in a loveless marriage, but if there is love, it's well worth working for.
I read of a couple who had been married many many decades and were still very happy together, the wife's explaination for this...we just never fell out of love with each other at the same time.
From my own point of view, men don't handle rejection or preceived rejection very well at all. Likely the upbringing of not allowing boys to have emotions.
Still to this day I hear parents say to a crying male toddler "stop crying like a girl!". Then we wonder why men are so bad at intimacy with women when they marry.
Just look at how nader handles himself...excellent example of how a dysfunctional male ego needs puts-down women.
Take care of yourself NIW.
its amazing how you can be from a very different background, but still have similar emotions to someone. I LOVE your blog because i can relate to you.
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