neurotic Iraqi wife
August 26, 2005
One Year On......
Wow, just as I logged onto blogger I realised that its been one whole year since I started blogging. Isnt it amazing how in one year things could really change. A year ago, I was in a desperate need to get HUBBY out of Iraq. I was scheming and planning, depressed and angry. Here I am, one year later, myself in Iraq. Wowwww, I never ever thought that the day will come for me to see my country after all these years, nor did I ever imagine that I will be joining HUBBY.
Right now we are actually on R&R, and Im really glad that Im outta there. I think I reached a point where I needed to get out of the prison Im in. The GZ is a prison, believe it or not. Cant go anywhere beyong the T walls, cant do anything besides work and then back to your room. I stopped over in the Emirates to see my family, and God what a relief that was. It was so good to see them after 3 months. Just being with my family gives me a great pleasure and a sense of stability....
As for my last post, well I got alot of emails asking me to be more positive of the situation in Iraq. All I can say is Im sorry to have disappointed you, but Im not bringing anything from myself since you know extremely well I dont go out of the GZ. What I say here is merely what I see and hear from the Iraqis that work with me. You wanna hear good news, how can I write good news if the average Iraqi isnt happy??? You want me to say that everything is rosy and people are dying from happiness, how can I write that when a friend of mine cries almost everyday because of the situation???
I will tell you something though. Construction is taking place. Im right in the middle of it and I know for a fact that hospitals, clinics, schools, police stations, roads, ministries all over Iraq are being renovated or constructed. Yes I cannot deny it, cause I see the pictures at work everyday. But ask the average Iraqi, how do these things play in his everyday life, he will tell you its meaningless. The average Iraqi wants safety, wants electricity, wants water. The average Iraqi wants a government that cares, that does something for the people and not just sit and argue about federalism, name of country, etc....
Believe me, I see young guys at work, in their early twenties desperate to leave. They ask me or HUBBY, please get us out of here, please arent there opportunities where you live. At their age, guys in other countries go out, have fun, have dreams, have hopes, have ambitions. All you see in Iraq is sadness. They work their asses off inorder to support their families. They come into work everyday risking their lives just to provide for their parents or siblings. Do not tell me you want to hear good news, cuz from an Iraqi perspective there isnt any. Someone also accused me of saying Saddam days were better. No matter how bad things get, no matter how horrible the situation is, I will NEVER EVER say that Saddam days were better.
You see, some Iraqis actually did tell us that. They said we thought Saddam Days were bad, but this is worse. I immediately told them that its human nature how we tend to forget easily how things were then. People lived in fear, people disappeared, people got tortured, and as I write this down, I realised that its exactly the same now, but at that time, you knew exactly who was doing it. There was only one murderer, Saddam's regime. Now, you dont even know who to point the finger at, Bin laden people, Saddam loyalists, Iranians, Syrians, Sudanese, Wahabies, Zarqawi, the list is never ending. As omeone recently told me, the only thing thats actually so organised in Iraq, is Organised Crime....
I see TV and people are still aruing about the constitution, infact it became such a joke among Iraqis, they dont even care anymore. These are everyday realities that you have to know. Am I hopefull??? I dunno really, I cant really say anymore. Will things get better, well they are bound to but not now, not yet. When???I havent got a clue. But eventually things will get better, thats what we all say, Inshallah, God willingly......
As for now, Im not even sure how much I have left in Iraq. HUBBY wants to stay, but the Organisation we work with is winding down, trying to get rid of many people as they can. So I aint sure whats gonna happen in a few months time, I will just have to wait and see. Do I wanna stay there???Hmmm, if HUBBY stays then YES I wanna stick it out. Dunno if its feasible, so again Ill just have to wait and see. As for the WOB, well, she aint stopping from conspiring against people who she thinks are a threat to her. She tries to get HUBBY involved but he is much smarter than to listen to somone's immaturity. God she never gives up, and the only bloody reason they keep her there is because of her damn connections, which in reality is worthless.
Remember the person I talked about in my last post, the friend that got kidnapped. The minute HUBBY told her the news, she immediately said "My so and so can catch those people, he will get him out of there in no time" Two months on and we havent heard anything yet. Although I still cant talk about the circumstances that the man disappeared in, all I can say is that we still pray for his safety and his life.....
In the past few weeks, we said goodbye to quite a number of people who left Iraq to rejoin their families back in the US. It was extremely sad to see them go, cuz believe it or not many of them really did make a difference. They really did believe in the cause and they worked really hard to achieve a few things for the Iraqi people before going back. People do care, they may be getting paid really well, but at the end of the day, they cared and they did their best. I wish all of them the best of luck for they really were good people.
Well I better go now, I need to take a long hot bath, and enjoy the freedom that both HUBBY and I miss ever so much.....And its One Year On......
PS: I wanna thank everyone who sent me emails, and left comments, you dont understand how these things really help when you are in a war zone and feeling down. Even if some were negative, I still dont mind, it just puts a smile to my face when I really really need it....Thank you all......
Right now we are actually on R&R, and Im really glad that Im outta there. I think I reached a point where I needed to get out of the prison Im in. The GZ is a prison, believe it or not. Cant go anywhere beyong the T walls, cant do anything besides work and then back to your room. I stopped over in the Emirates to see my family, and God what a relief that was. It was so good to see them after 3 months. Just being with my family gives me a great pleasure and a sense of stability....
As for my last post, well I got alot of emails asking me to be more positive of the situation in Iraq. All I can say is Im sorry to have disappointed you, but Im not bringing anything from myself since you know extremely well I dont go out of the GZ. What I say here is merely what I see and hear from the Iraqis that work with me. You wanna hear good news, how can I write good news if the average Iraqi isnt happy??? You want me to say that everything is rosy and people are dying from happiness, how can I write that when a friend of mine cries almost everyday because of the situation???
I will tell you something though. Construction is taking place. Im right in the middle of it and I know for a fact that hospitals, clinics, schools, police stations, roads, ministries all over Iraq are being renovated or constructed. Yes I cannot deny it, cause I see the pictures at work everyday. But ask the average Iraqi, how do these things play in his everyday life, he will tell you its meaningless. The average Iraqi wants safety, wants electricity, wants water. The average Iraqi wants a government that cares, that does something for the people and not just sit and argue about federalism, name of country, etc....
Believe me, I see young guys at work, in their early twenties desperate to leave. They ask me or HUBBY, please get us out of here, please arent there opportunities where you live. At their age, guys in other countries go out, have fun, have dreams, have hopes, have ambitions. All you see in Iraq is sadness. They work their asses off inorder to support their families. They come into work everyday risking their lives just to provide for their parents or siblings. Do not tell me you want to hear good news, cuz from an Iraqi perspective there isnt any. Someone also accused me of saying Saddam days were better. No matter how bad things get, no matter how horrible the situation is, I will NEVER EVER say that Saddam days were better.
You see, some Iraqis actually did tell us that. They said we thought Saddam Days were bad, but this is worse. I immediately told them that its human nature how we tend to forget easily how things were then. People lived in fear, people disappeared, people got tortured, and as I write this down, I realised that its exactly the same now, but at that time, you knew exactly who was doing it. There was only one murderer, Saddam's regime. Now, you dont even know who to point the finger at, Bin laden people, Saddam loyalists, Iranians, Syrians, Sudanese, Wahabies, Zarqawi, the list is never ending. As omeone recently told me, the only thing thats actually so organised in Iraq, is Organised Crime....
I see TV and people are still aruing about the constitution, infact it became such a joke among Iraqis, they dont even care anymore. These are everyday realities that you have to know. Am I hopefull??? I dunno really, I cant really say anymore. Will things get better, well they are bound to but not now, not yet. When???I havent got a clue. But eventually things will get better, thats what we all say, Inshallah, God willingly......
As for now, Im not even sure how much I have left in Iraq. HUBBY wants to stay, but the Organisation we work with is winding down, trying to get rid of many people as they can. So I aint sure whats gonna happen in a few months time, I will just have to wait and see. Do I wanna stay there???Hmmm, if HUBBY stays then YES I wanna stick it out. Dunno if its feasible, so again Ill just have to wait and see. As for the WOB, well, she aint stopping from conspiring against people who she thinks are a threat to her. She tries to get HUBBY involved but he is much smarter than to listen to somone's immaturity. God she never gives up, and the only bloody reason they keep her there is because of her damn connections, which in reality is worthless.
Remember the person I talked about in my last post, the friend that got kidnapped. The minute HUBBY told her the news, she immediately said "My so and so can catch those people, he will get him out of there in no time" Two months on and we havent heard anything yet. Although I still cant talk about the circumstances that the man disappeared in, all I can say is that we still pray for his safety and his life.....
In the past few weeks, we said goodbye to quite a number of people who left Iraq to rejoin their families back in the US. It was extremely sad to see them go, cuz believe it or not many of them really did make a difference. They really did believe in the cause and they worked really hard to achieve a few things for the Iraqi people before going back. People do care, they may be getting paid really well, but at the end of the day, they cared and they did their best. I wish all of them the best of luck for they really were good people.
Well I better go now, I need to take a long hot bath, and enjoy the freedom that both HUBBY and I miss ever so much.....And its One Year On......
PS: I wanna thank everyone who sent me emails, and left comments, you dont understand how these things really help when you are in a war zone and feeling down. Even if some were negative, I still dont mind, it just puts a smile to my face when I really really need it....Thank you all......
29 Comments:
Thanks once again for blogging. You are always in my thoughts. And I hope you enjoy many hot baths...and perhaps the oportunity to get your hair dye...;-)
Take care.
I liked your blog alot. I will come back soon. I especially liked your misture of realism and optimistic outlook. Obviously these are hard times for you and the Iraqi people. I only wish we could do more (I mean that our populace had the will power to stomach what we would have to do to provide better security for the people of Iraq). Good luck in everything.
ma'asalama (I think that's how you say it, I might be wrong)
My son is in Iraq and he feels the same sadness as you. He is in his early 20s and he also wants to come home and have fun again. He will be able to do that after a few more months, but the people of Iraq must stay in this hell. Let's hope it is temporary hell, because this is their home. HOPE, never give up HOPE... May God Bless Iraq with peace and prosperity.
NIW,
I don't know what I can say to help. But please don't lose faith; I haven't.
It's always darkest and coldest before the dawn.
Keep blogging, everyone wants to know that you're okay.
Raven1
nIw, just know you are my female knight in shining armor and always in my thoughts.
we have a long way to go. and things will never be quite how we want them or how we thought they could be.
but we shall overcome in time.
have a great rest and let me know how you are doing outside of all bloggery. :)
lim.
Just recently found your site. Keep your spirits up. Living in Austrailia I can only imagine what u must go through every day. I only hope that the end is near, a constitutuin to be voted on and therefore light at the end of the tunnel. My best wishes to you and your husband and know I will be thinking of you.
Congrats on a year of blogging. Good to hear from you. I hope and pray Iraqis will have freedom and peace.
Hey Lady! come on Cheer up! You said once I always manage to cheer you up, lets see you prove it!
come on! look now, being sad is not going to make the situation better, relax! come on! you're on vay kay now, all that matters is YOU, and YOUR HUSBAND (Oh and Your happiness as well!) come on go out have fun get ur hair dyed! hehehe!
Lady NIW: Iraq brings out the worst in us, I've always said this and will say it forever.. Don't be sad..
Now, happy 1st blogger anniversary, and inshallah u'll grant us the happiness of knowing that the "Aroosa" is happy!
hehe!
Chill out! Stay Safe!
Wherever and whenever I read Arab blogs, one thing strikes me over and over again....the sadness, the sense of hopelessness and helplessness.
People have "core values" that influence every aspect of life, and inform the manner in which life can be approached and enjoyed, and used positively.
Religion is the ultimate "core".
One day, a Muslim is going to wake up and realise, "It's my religion that is at fault. There is no peace, no love, no compassion, no intelligence, nothing progressive, plenty that is regressive".
Hmmmm....a religion that breds misery..... but you'd never consider repudiating it.....would you!After all....it would cost you your head, wouldn't it!
Glad to hear from you, NIW! Even though things are far from what you were hoping for, I see such a strong spirit in your words. Even though it may be hard for you to see it now, I am glad you have been able to go through this experience, for good and bad. It is the difficult times that make us believe in the future.
Take care, ok? You often cross my thoughts and I hope you are well. And the hair dye - I would go MAD!!!! You are a tougher woman than I!
Congratulations on your 1st bloggiversary NIW.
keep the hope and keep the posts coming :)
the dude at 5:08
"whenever I visit Arab blogs..bla bla bla...Islam sucks so and so bla bla.."
Friend, if you visit Arab blogs, you are visiting only a portion of "Islam" blogs.. Islam is not specific to Arabs.. pls, try to visit MUSLIM bloggers from Pakistan, Africa, Europe, America and many many more countries before you semi-rant about religion..
oh and btw: do u know what Islam means? ok lets go for literal meaning cuz it seems whatever I say wont convince you..
Islam is from "Man Aslama Wajhahu Lillah" which means
One who gave himself to God in Peace. PEACE.
oh and before you accuse anyone of anything, do you know of something called The Inquisiton? Torquemada?
oh and Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Alexander VI??
"There is no peace, no love, no compassion, no intelligence, nothing progressive, plenty that is regressive".
Indeed.
I'm not attacking anyone or anything, just pointing things out. No one is perfect, and in every group there are a few stray sheep, be it a Muslim group, a Christian group, a Jewish group, or any other religious group in the world.
and please, this blog is about an Iraqi Wife and her Husband who just came back from Hell, so lets not fuss over anything else right now, please?
:) Cheers!
I'm so glad to see you posting still.
I'm so sorry my country screwed up the removal of Saddam as badly as we did.
Like you, I've lost any hope of a free, democratic Iraq not ruled by Muslim militants or gangster scumbag thugs—or both, more likely than not.
Perhaps events will prove us both wrong.
And tell your husband that he's damn lucky to have such a plucky, brave girl as his wife.
You stay brave and stay safe. I will not mention anything negative but only the good. I am hoping for the best for all Iraqi people!
Happy Anniversary!
Happy Anniversary NIW , wish you all the best
I think that this post, and your previous one, were quite convincing in depicting the suffering of the Iraqi people. I assume that both you and they are more likely than the average Iraqi to believe in the effort to reconstruct Iraq, including its public institutions. I infer that the average Iraqi feels that the situation is even worse than do you and the Iraqis that you work with in the Green Zone. I don't want to believe all this, but I feel that I must.
Since the Green Zone is in Baghdad, it seems very likely that its Iraqi work force is drawn from Baghdad. One might hope that the situation in some other parts of Baghdad is better. Many reports indicate that the situation in the Kurdish provinces IS better. The South also comes to mind. The reports are scanty. My impression is that the situation in the South resembles that in Baghdad, but is substantially better in degree.
Best wishes for you and Hubby.
Michael in Framingham
Stay strong NIW, the world cares about Iraq, and we care about you
Happy Anniversary, NIW.
Enjoy your time off. Hold your Hubby close. These are the days you will always remember.
I fall prey to trying to cheer others up as much as the next person, but so many of our bad feelings seem to come from judging ourselves for being negative or not being happy all the time. You sound like you are having feelings and attitudes totally appropriate to the situation you and your hubby are dealing with.
And however you feel, a nice hot bath with some candles and incense is always the appropriate response. :-)
Anarki3 said "Islam is great and it means peace".
Well as a Muslim Iranian let me tell everyone here that Islam really sucks. I have grown up in Islam and it is the religion of enslavement.
Just this simple criticism of Islam is punishable by death. Salman Rushdi, Irshad Manji, Kasravi, Dashti, Ibn Warraq, Ali Sina, and many others have either been assissinated, or have a death fatwa hanging around their necks.
I think this should be conclusive proof that unless you are brainwashed like Anarki13 who is so self-righteous as not to acknowledge the faults of Islam, and is so idiotic to apologize for the faults of Islam by putting down Christianity (hey idiot, can't Islam stand on its own, and the other poster did not even try to compare the two religions).
Yes dear friends, Islam stands for "submission to Allah". And of course in practice that means submission to Allah's self-appointed representatives on earth. Which in other words means the bloody dictatorship of the clergy. 100,000 Iranians were assassinated and executed by no one else than Imam Ayatollah Khomeini, the light of Allah.
Islam unlike Christianity is not reformed, and does not accept criticism, and is unreformable. Prophet Mohammad was a tyrant megalomaniac who assassinated whoever he did not like or whoever he did not agree with or dared to criticize him.
Keep on blogging NIW. I have been following the MSM news on Iraq, and let me say that they either have stopped reporting kidnappings and assassinations and car bombings by Islamists, or indeed there has been an improvement in the security situation.
WIth improvement in security comes the electricity and running water. Ultimately, the constitution does matter, and that is the future of Iraq and its children.
Hamidreza Fatehi
Good to hear from you again and that you are in a better state of mind. I'm new to your blog. My nephew is in the army stationed in Tikrit and I've been following many of the soldiers blogs and I ran into yours courtesy of Thunder6 (365 And A WakeUp Call).
I am deeply saddened by the turmoil you and the Iraqi people and our brave men and women in the service have to face day in and day out. No, I don't want you to lie and tell us everything is rosy. Of course, that's what I would like to hear, as does the rest of America as we want nothing more than PEACE and a STABLE and FREE IRAQ and our service men and women to all come home safely.
So, please keep us posted. It is good to hear that there is reconstruction and good things happening over there.
Enjoy your R&R. You deserve it. My prayers are with you all.
Thanks for blogging. It is so great to hear from a normal person.
(The good news is you are normal, the bad news is you are normal). Things will work out albeit maybe not as quick as we would like. (it is always darkest before the dawn)
Please keep writing, you have so many people who care and are interested and you are our link to what is happening.
Have the wonder of a child and take delight in everything you can, no matter how silly. and by all means feel free to vent to your friends, otherwise what are we good for??
Regards
Greg
Dearest Neurotica,
Have I told you how much I respect you?
Of course we love you. You're sweet, cute, smart, brave.
But we respect you because you are good.
Don't laugh! -- You are.
(well, except when you're bein' bad...)
Love from Tilli
I am always interested in reading blogs from those who live in Iraq. Our very dear friends are from there and her family is in Baghdad. The Abid family? Anyway, we hear from their family through the phone calls and we watch Arab TV but it's always good to hear other perspectives. The US has never undergone anything like this before and like you mentioned in one blog, things are being done and construction is taking place. So much more could be done without the resistance of the insurgents and others. I remember the day that they captured Saddam and the jubilation. I remember the day you all got to vote....there will be more days like that to come. I hope you continue to HOPE for the future and know that one day you will be able to have electricity and more convieniences. One day i pray you will have more freedoms and live a better life. For now you are in our prayers.
Hey Wife!
Well, I think it is easy to see that you sound much happier in this last post than the one before it. Can you see the difference? So, all is not lost, right? I think you are in the bunker within the Green Zone- you don't see the contstruction in Irbil, or the gains made in Mosul, or new National Guard forces taking over from American bases. Like you wrote, new hospitals are being built. You don't think that someone treated in a new hospital has a better life than 5 years ago?!! Of course, there are thousands who are suffering from grief when a family member has been killed- but there are millions who can vote and say whatever they want to say. It is not all bad..
good to see u enjoying urself last night.
To everyone who reads this, the writer is a kind hearted person who should be appreciated and looked up to. She deserves all the praise you heap on her and may god wish good health on you and your family. Take care of urself
Hello all, I am ‘an american’ and I got banned over at ITM by the monitor. He/she has some angst against my flawless conservative perspective. I think they might just be blowing smoke up our asses while our boys are getting killed. I’m afraid and sorry to say, Omar and Mohammed may think American conservatives are a bunch of dumb shit infidels who they can use as tools.
come on lady give us a new post no need for slacking just cuz ur in a vay kay come on!
Keep up the good blogging !
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