neurotic Iraqi wife
February 13, 2006
The Hidden Moon....
Wow, its been long....I have many things to talk about...im at work at the moment but I need to vent out.....This place is wearing me out....or actually has worn me out...drained me of all the energy I used to have....of all the dreams I used to dream....This place is barren....void of all emotions that I thought I craved for.....I have been in Baghdad or actually in the GZ for almost 9 months now....Havent seen the real Baghdad at all only few short glimpses...dunno whats going on around me....I like most people get my news from the internet and from the TV....even those i stopped doing....I stopped asking my work colleagues how life really is outside....simply because I know what their answer is gonna be....
For the first time Im gonna break the rule I have put upon myself and talk about work....about the reconstruction effort that has gone into shambles...Yes it has....For all of you who think things are rosy then come here and see....This construction effort is the biggest failure in all history and I aint exxagerating....Im not saying that things arent being built...oh hell yeah Schools have been renovated....Hospitals as well....Border forts, police stations, fire stations...you name it, its getting either renovated or built....so where is the problem i hear you ask???? Where is the failure, you are wandering????
Well, I will tell you where.....The contractors, the huge American organisations, together with Iraqi subcontractor expats who have formed companies here, are building shambles!!!! they got the contracts yet now when the program is about to be over with, we are ending up with the most horrific scenes of reconstruction.....Shells of clinics scattered all over Iraq....Not even done yet these companies are asking for more money to have them finished...claiming that many security issues are costing them time....This is the Government's tax payers money supposedly....And yet people are adamant to keep these companies continue with the program....
Its all politics....And I stopped caring if I get kicked out from my company but I wanna be heard....The quality of work is so bad that the ministries here who are supposed to take them over are refusing to sign the turnover letters....Ive seen pictures, loads of them....Im telling you this whole thing is a joke.....The organisation is squirming for money.....trying to find more inorder to finish the program....Im sick and tired of people thinking that the rebuilding of Iraq has been a success....Come and see it for yourselves....
The only gainers in this big game are those contractors who took the work and the big shot Subs....The last tier in the sub level get peanuts for the work they are doing....if the contractor was paid $700, the actual sub doing the work gets $250 or even less.....You see the way things work here is whoever gets the bid, will reaward the contract...
Ive just had it.....9 Months ago I was filled with so many dreams for my country.....God I had a completely different idea....but all this is gone....I think I need to get outta here, and get out soon...HUBBY has been insulted, degraded, and put down by the Bosses here cuz he used to shout as loud as he can that its a bad idea to give the work to those companies...you should give it to direct Iraqi contractors...But noooo, no one listened until this happened...and who takes the credit???his immediate boss...who is now a favourate among the Generals....
The way I see it, if you are an Iraqi, you are nothing...If you are an Iraqi Expat you are nothing....Company has just a few Iraqi expats, and among the best engineers and prog managers...but who do they choose to put as Prog managers??? But inexperienced people....Oh and I forgot to mention People who are purely Foreigners....Dont care what their background is...dont care what their experience is, as long as you are not Iraqi, you will become a Manager....
Spoke to the Big Boss about whats happening, asked him why the sudden change in tactics???Thought there will be a transition period where all the Iraqis and I dont mean Iraqi expats but the Iraqis who have lived here all their lives will be trained and taught to run these programs after all of us are gone....The answer is as usual :WE ARE HERE TO SERVE THE IRAQI PEOPLE...I hate it when ppl say that cuz I dont see how???
The taboo words at work have become "emotional" and "Passionate". So now HUBBY is being called too emotional about his project and so are many other Iraqis hence they aint good enough to do their work...Being passionate about what you do now counts against you....Dont you think thats funny???? Actually the right word is ridiculus.......
Im sorry, Im not in a good mood....havent been for a while...I lost the zest...been slapped by reality quite a few times....How are things between HUBBY and I??? Well, they are better....I stopped concentrating on WOB's faults and attitude....The LTC that I used to work with has left....I dont care what others used to say about him, but I really liked the way he thought, the way he articulated things....Its a pity not many people got to see his good side...HUBBY still gets pissed off when I say that...but its the truth..I aint gonna lie....His replacement isnt bad, but very different....
Alot of backstabbing taking place in the workplace....Told HUBBY to have a plan cuz I have had it here....I wanna live a normal life..I aint getting younger....For once, and I dont know how, he listened to me....Said that we should start looking somewhere else...somewhere normal...but ofcourse he agreed with a condition and that if he doesnt find anything within 3 months outside Iraq he will come back...Personally, I dont mind...Cause I know that he will find something....and if he doesnt, oh well I guess thats just my luck...But Im not gonna stay here stressing myself out for something thats just a mirage....
Security situation from what I hear is getting better....Poeple are still not happy about the election results but I guess they stopped complaining....They just want to get on with their lives...Thats what matters...Life Matters....Not money, Not jobs....But Life....
Sorry if I blabbed along....sorry if you read things you didnt wanna read....I do apologize....But I really needed to say things aloud....My dreams have been shattered....I look at the moon everyday...search for it....at times its hidden beneath the clouds, and at others he smiles at me.....These are my nights here...searching for the Moon....The Hidden Moon....
For the first time Im gonna break the rule I have put upon myself and talk about work....about the reconstruction effort that has gone into shambles...Yes it has....For all of you who think things are rosy then come here and see....This construction effort is the biggest failure in all history and I aint exxagerating....Im not saying that things arent being built...oh hell yeah Schools have been renovated....Hospitals as well....Border forts, police stations, fire stations...you name it, its getting either renovated or built....so where is the problem i hear you ask???? Where is the failure, you are wandering????
Well, I will tell you where.....The contractors, the huge American organisations, together with Iraqi subcontractor expats who have formed companies here, are building shambles!!!! they got the contracts yet now when the program is about to be over with, we are ending up with the most horrific scenes of reconstruction.....Shells of clinics scattered all over Iraq....Not even done yet these companies are asking for more money to have them finished...claiming that many security issues are costing them time....This is the Government's tax payers money supposedly....And yet people are adamant to keep these companies continue with the program....
Its all politics....And I stopped caring if I get kicked out from my company but I wanna be heard....The quality of work is so bad that the ministries here who are supposed to take them over are refusing to sign the turnover letters....Ive seen pictures, loads of them....Im telling you this whole thing is a joke.....The organisation is squirming for money.....trying to find more inorder to finish the program....Im sick and tired of people thinking that the rebuilding of Iraq has been a success....Come and see it for yourselves....
The only gainers in this big game are those contractors who took the work and the big shot Subs....The last tier in the sub level get peanuts for the work they are doing....if the contractor was paid $700, the actual sub doing the work gets $250 or even less.....You see the way things work here is whoever gets the bid, will reaward the contract...
Ive just had it.....9 Months ago I was filled with so many dreams for my country.....God I had a completely different idea....but all this is gone....I think I need to get outta here, and get out soon...HUBBY has been insulted, degraded, and put down by the Bosses here cuz he used to shout as loud as he can that its a bad idea to give the work to those companies...you should give it to direct Iraqi contractors...But noooo, no one listened until this happened...and who takes the credit???his immediate boss...who is now a favourate among the Generals....
The way I see it, if you are an Iraqi, you are nothing...If you are an Iraqi Expat you are nothing....Company has just a few Iraqi expats, and among the best engineers and prog managers...but who do they choose to put as Prog managers??? But inexperienced people....Oh and I forgot to mention People who are purely Foreigners....Dont care what their background is...dont care what their experience is, as long as you are not Iraqi, you will become a Manager....
Spoke to the Big Boss about whats happening, asked him why the sudden change in tactics???Thought there will be a transition period where all the Iraqis and I dont mean Iraqi expats but the Iraqis who have lived here all their lives will be trained and taught to run these programs after all of us are gone....The answer is as usual :WE ARE HERE TO SERVE THE IRAQI PEOPLE...I hate it when ppl say that cuz I dont see how???
The taboo words at work have become "emotional" and "Passionate". So now HUBBY is being called too emotional about his project and so are many other Iraqis hence they aint good enough to do their work...Being passionate about what you do now counts against you....Dont you think thats funny???? Actually the right word is ridiculus.......
Im sorry, Im not in a good mood....havent been for a while...I lost the zest...been slapped by reality quite a few times....How are things between HUBBY and I??? Well, they are better....I stopped concentrating on WOB's faults and attitude....The LTC that I used to work with has left....I dont care what others used to say about him, but I really liked the way he thought, the way he articulated things....Its a pity not many people got to see his good side...HUBBY still gets pissed off when I say that...but its the truth..I aint gonna lie....His replacement isnt bad, but very different....
Alot of backstabbing taking place in the workplace....Told HUBBY to have a plan cuz I have had it here....I wanna live a normal life..I aint getting younger....For once, and I dont know how, he listened to me....Said that we should start looking somewhere else...somewhere normal...but ofcourse he agreed with a condition and that if he doesnt find anything within 3 months outside Iraq he will come back...Personally, I dont mind...Cause I know that he will find something....and if he doesnt, oh well I guess thats just my luck...But Im not gonna stay here stressing myself out for something thats just a mirage....
Security situation from what I hear is getting better....Poeple are still not happy about the election results but I guess they stopped complaining....They just want to get on with their lives...Thats what matters...Life Matters....Not money, Not jobs....But Life....
Sorry if I blabbed along....sorry if you read things you didnt wanna read....I do apologize....But I really needed to say things aloud....My dreams have been shattered....I look at the moon everyday...search for it....at times its hidden beneath the clouds, and at others he smiles at me.....These are my nights here...searching for the Moon....The Hidden Moon....
12 Comments:
Thank you Neurotica,
We need people like you with first hand knowledge to give us the facts. You would not believe all the Bush worshipers we have running around here claiming success and reconstruction. The way they put it Iraq has been rebuilt anew, Rome hardly compares. Nice to see a reality check every once in a while.
Stay safe Neurotia, we need you.
Hang in there. Being an alpha male I have always had to be pounded down cause of course the world does not see things my way always. Then i read alittle statement: Ask yourself this if the problem causeing you concern has no major implacations 200 years from now don't worry about it. If you think it will be a big deal in 200 years or still cause major problems well worry away cause its a big problem.
I follow this rule and live much more peacefully.
First God then Family blow off the jerks and smile at the moon
Be Blessed
Leave NW... take your husband and go. Take your dreams and pass them on to another. Leave your enthusiasm in the Green Zone for someone else to find. You have done enough. You've been an inspiration that will be sadly missed. You've made a change already. Your efforts were never in vain.
Elie
I am a slave in America.The US attacked Iraq for oil and slaves.ManyKidnappings are US sex slavery groups taking slaves to America.
Why don't you link to the pictures so we can see for ourselves what you are talking about? You say I should not believe what the US government says but have not shown why I should believe you.
NIW,
"The only gainers in this big game are those contractors who took the work and the big shot Subs....The last tier in the sub level get peanuts for the work they are doing....if the contractor was paid $700, the actual sub doing the work gets $250 or even less.....You see the way things work here is whoever gets the bid, will reaward the contract..."
This is acceptable (to me) as long as the prime contractor is performing his project management and risk management roles. In other words, if the sub-contractor walks off the job or does low-quality work, then the prime contractor better figure out a way to finish the job according to contract! Let's face it, there is no place on earth as risky as Iraq, so I would certainly expect a HUGE risk premium to be associated with every contract in Iraq. Risk costs money. Big risk = big money.
... Maybe the reason the U.S. required U.S. prime contractors is so that we could hold them legally responsible according to US law, impound their assets, imprison their employees, etc. We've got several people charged with crimes related to Iraqi reconstruction already, and I am sure there will be more.
So, don't beat yourself up. The US reconstruction project was a very challenging assignment. Probably nobody on earth would have been fully successful under these conditions.
I believe the Administration is going to ask for more money for Iraq reconstruction. My guess is that congress will provide some more money. It may not provide all that is requested. This probably will also be the last big chunk of money of this type, ever. The congress folks are getting unhappy.
"It sucks to be me.
It sucks to be me."
Blurting your self afflictions
Only attracts the loonies of narcissism....
Yeah, your husband is a genius......ok, fine...
But I hope you get over it,
Your mind's war is worse than the one in Bagdad...
At least you know you are neurotic
One sign of honesty and health.
Keep speaking the truth. It seems some people don't want to hear it. If I was you I would be thinking of getting out of Iraq.
NW,
Gee it seems longer then 9 months that you have been there. Time is dragging even by reading your post. I thought the whole thing to be bleak from the get, go.
Yup your life your decisions, frankly my dear I am glad I’m not you!
I still have a positive feeling for Iraq and the world and no one can take that from me! Time is the factor of all things whether you want to waste them struggling or enjoy the things you want. But then one has to be selfish to start a new life and enjoy. It’s all about choice isn’t it!
just tell it like it is. reconstructing is gonna take time and perseverance
Wonderful entry, and I thank you for it and for your whole blog.
Congratulation, to you man, Such a nice post, really interesting, really admire your work, to have some more of it,Thanks.
Post a Comment
<< Home