neurotic Iraqi wife
August 07, 2005
Spirit of Life......
Its been over a month since I have last written, today I had that urge, the urge to write, the urge to say everything I have burried inside. I hate to say what Im about to say but I gotto do it to let it out of my system, so please do bare with me, for I have no one to talk to, no one to give me a shoulder to cry on....
So many things have happened during the past month and to be honest Im not a happy Bunny anymore. I dont like being here, infact I cant stand it anymore. These words are very difficult to utter even to myself cuz its a sign of weakness, its a sign of hopelessness, but it is the truth and the only truth that I came to realize. Im disappointed in myself for feeling that way but there you go I ve said it.
Now all I can think about is going away, leaving, packing my bags and never coming back. But Im afraid, Im afraid if I do that I will lose my HUBBY, lose him for good. I had hopes and dreams when I came here, I had a different picture in my mind and Im really disappointed and disgusted at the same time. HUBBY and I lost someone we got to know. Someone extremely kind, extremely funny, extremely spiritual. I cant say more about how we lost him for he aint found yet, and theres that little tiny voice that says keep the faith, he might be still here, breathing the same air, looking at the same stars. But the news came as huge shock to all of us and somehow changed something deep inside.
I ve lost hope in the future of Iraq. I know many of you will find this distrubing but this is generally my own views and what I came to realize by being here. Im sorry, but the free democratic Iraq we all are hoping for wont take place, not now, not in 5 years not even in 10 years unless we get a real government who cares sincerely about the Iraqi people. Iraq needs someone who is honest yet firm, someone who is caring, yet strong. Someone who really is serious in building a country and reviving the people.
People here have no faith in anyone anymore. All the dreams they had during the elections have evaporated, all the hopes have gone and now they live their day just to survive the moment. Some people might think Im painting a very dark picture, Im sorry, but the picture I see from where Im at is dark, extremely dark. Yes you see schools being rehabilitated, yes you see hospitals getting renovated , yes you see construction taking place, bridges, roads, airports, but what does all this mean if people cant enjoy what they see. What do newly painted schools mean, when children get kidnapped???
What does this whole reconstruction mean when you cant even go out and enjoy it. I look at peoples eyes and theres no lustre, its filled with sadness and hopelessness, even me, when I used to see that before, I would try to make them feel better by saying things will change, just give it time, now I dont even dare say these words, for I dont believe in them myself. And whoever says things will change is a dreamer. People are still living in dire circumstances. Electricity is barely there, do you know how that feels when you are in this scorching heat??? Water is not continious. Corruption is everywhere. What kind of a life is this??? Yet Im amazed at how Iraqis are so resilient, they really are survivors, they really have the spirit of Life.
As for my personal life, well, what can I say.....There are good days and there are really bad ones. The Witch of Babylon (WOB) was bothering the hell out of me. For the past 2 months, HUBBY and I would have once a week bad arguement because of her. I cant stand looking at her let alone talking to her. I think I have mentioned in my previous post how she would stick to us like hell, well now she doesnt, thank god for that. She is a very mean person, and no one really likes her except HUBBY I guess. She has devious ways in making people gang up on each other. She aint here to rebuild her country, she is here for a chair. A chair in the organisation. She did the impossible to take away that position from another Iraqi, and that itself disgusted me.
I have worked in many organisations, Iraqi, British, US, I have never ever seen someone like her. Just because she is well connected, it doesnt mean that she can act the way she does. One of her ways is going to people and asking them to write or sign reports about certain individuals who are in her way of getting a high a position, I swear it makes me laugh. Here we thought we got rid of Saddam's ways, when someone who supposedly lived in the US for some time still uses his evil methods. She even uses the same baathists expressions like "I will make my brother cut his legs in half" or "Let him wait and see what will happen to him". She is mean and evil and I want her to get out of my HUBBY's Life.....
Many times I would tell HUBBY to stop being friendly to her but he says its not in his nature to be mean. Men will never understand. I AINT ASKING HIM TO BE MEAN, All Im asking is to keep some limit between their realtionship. I have come to realise, that yes maybe HUBBY does love me, but he doesnt love me enough to even try and make me happy. I know I shouldnt be saying this but yet again this is what I have found out. It saddens me that he doesnt understand my point, and it saddens me even more that when he sees something is bothering me, he doesnt stop doing it. I have to admit though, he stopped asking her to come eat with us, or to go anywhere with us, which infact means quite something. Myabe its just me, maybe its just that I had other expectations, other expectations of what a marriage is supposed to be like.
I mean living here cocooned by T walls, makes you go nuts. Frustration also plays a great role. HUBBY is still adamant in staying here, he gets to leave the GZ and visit sites. Says that people are gratefull, people are happy, but I think that those people are just a small percentage of the whole society. What else can I say, for I know that It will be a long time before I can post again. Umm lets see.
Its something silly but my HAIR!!!!Oh MY God, my hair is a disaster. It hasnt been highlighted nor coloured and the roots are out. There is no place to go to and shopping on the net wont ship hair colour since it has a substance that might cuz an explosion????Huh?? But Im over it now. HUBBY tells me to ask some of female friends to get me somethng from outside, but I wouldnt dare ask anyone. How can I when their life is so difficult and they get someone like me asking them for hair colour, it really is the least of my problems. As for clothes, well the small number of tshirts I got here all got ruined in those damn washers. I really really cant wait to do some tshirt shopping when I go on R&R.
What else can I add???Work has been work from hell. Its been so exhaustig and mind tiring. I can barely do anything after work except take a shower, lay in bed and watch star trek. YESSSSSS, star trek, can you believe it????I used to hate the damn thing but now I cant wait to snuggle next to HUBBY and see whats the next story line. We are watching voyager at the moment, capt Jayne way, chekote, 7 of nine, and what have you. I guess it takes ur mind off things for a while....
As for explosions, we hear them everyday. It became part of life, our life. Kidnappings happen on a daily basis, you dont get to hear it in the news unless its a diplomat or some VIP. But ordinary Iraqis get kidnapped everyday. Ordinary Iraqis get killed everyday. Those men that line up everysingle day to get a job, know deep down that their life will end any minute, yet they still go, they still line up, they still have that courage.
The constitution is gonna be out soon. Now thats something to look forward to. Someone involved in writing up the constitution came by the other day and explained to us what points were disputed on among the committee. It was very interesting to hear what he had to say. From what I can remember some of the points were, federalism, Islam being the main source of reference, dual nationality, the name of the country of Iraq, the 25% share of women being permanent or rotating every 8 years, the name of the country of Iraq and about 4 other points which I cant remember. But it was a fun lecture and very mind opening.
I hope, even though Im quite disappointed now, but I hope I really do, that my people, the people of Iraq will get what they want at the end of day. And right now all they want is security, electricity and a sense of normality to their life. Security by getting rid of all the coackroaches that crawled into the country. Security by catching all those gangs those thieves, those criminals, those barbarians and giving them what they deserve. Security by providing jobs and removing all the corrupt people in high places. Electricity by fixing the damn grids, and giving people some light, a light to look forward to going on....But I will keep on saying this, Iraqis are survivors and they are driven, driven by the Spirit of Life.....
So many things have happened during the past month and to be honest Im not a happy Bunny anymore. I dont like being here, infact I cant stand it anymore. These words are very difficult to utter even to myself cuz its a sign of weakness, its a sign of hopelessness, but it is the truth and the only truth that I came to realize. Im disappointed in myself for feeling that way but there you go I ve said it.
Now all I can think about is going away, leaving, packing my bags and never coming back. But Im afraid, Im afraid if I do that I will lose my HUBBY, lose him for good. I had hopes and dreams when I came here, I had a different picture in my mind and Im really disappointed and disgusted at the same time. HUBBY and I lost someone we got to know. Someone extremely kind, extremely funny, extremely spiritual. I cant say more about how we lost him for he aint found yet, and theres that little tiny voice that says keep the faith, he might be still here, breathing the same air, looking at the same stars. But the news came as huge shock to all of us and somehow changed something deep inside.
I ve lost hope in the future of Iraq. I know many of you will find this distrubing but this is generally my own views and what I came to realize by being here. Im sorry, but the free democratic Iraq we all are hoping for wont take place, not now, not in 5 years not even in 10 years unless we get a real government who cares sincerely about the Iraqi people. Iraq needs someone who is honest yet firm, someone who is caring, yet strong. Someone who really is serious in building a country and reviving the people.
People here have no faith in anyone anymore. All the dreams they had during the elections have evaporated, all the hopes have gone and now they live their day just to survive the moment. Some people might think Im painting a very dark picture, Im sorry, but the picture I see from where Im at is dark, extremely dark. Yes you see schools being rehabilitated, yes you see hospitals getting renovated , yes you see construction taking place, bridges, roads, airports, but what does all this mean if people cant enjoy what they see. What do newly painted schools mean, when children get kidnapped???
What does this whole reconstruction mean when you cant even go out and enjoy it. I look at peoples eyes and theres no lustre, its filled with sadness and hopelessness, even me, when I used to see that before, I would try to make them feel better by saying things will change, just give it time, now I dont even dare say these words, for I dont believe in them myself. And whoever says things will change is a dreamer. People are still living in dire circumstances. Electricity is barely there, do you know how that feels when you are in this scorching heat??? Water is not continious. Corruption is everywhere. What kind of a life is this??? Yet Im amazed at how Iraqis are so resilient, they really are survivors, they really have the spirit of Life.
As for my personal life, well, what can I say.....There are good days and there are really bad ones. The Witch of Babylon (WOB) was bothering the hell out of me. For the past 2 months, HUBBY and I would have once a week bad arguement because of her. I cant stand looking at her let alone talking to her. I think I have mentioned in my previous post how she would stick to us like hell, well now she doesnt, thank god for that. She is a very mean person, and no one really likes her except HUBBY I guess. She has devious ways in making people gang up on each other. She aint here to rebuild her country, she is here for a chair. A chair in the organisation. She did the impossible to take away that position from another Iraqi, and that itself disgusted me.
I have worked in many organisations, Iraqi, British, US, I have never ever seen someone like her. Just because she is well connected, it doesnt mean that she can act the way she does. One of her ways is going to people and asking them to write or sign reports about certain individuals who are in her way of getting a high a position, I swear it makes me laugh. Here we thought we got rid of Saddam's ways, when someone who supposedly lived in the US for some time still uses his evil methods. She even uses the same baathists expressions like "I will make my brother cut his legs in half" or "Let him wait and see what will happen to him". She is mean and evil and I want her to get out of my HUBBY's Life.....
Many times I would tell HUBBY to stop being friendly to her but he says its not in his nature to be mean. Men will never understand. I AINT ASKING HIM TO BE MEAN, All Im asking is to keep some limit between their realtionship. I have come to realise, that yes maybe HUBBY does love me, but he doesnt love me enough to even try and make me happy. I know I shouldnt be saying this but yet again this is what I have found out. It saddens me that he doesnt understand my point, and it saddens me even more that when he sees something is bothering me, he doesnt stop doing it. I have to admit though, he stopped asking her to come eat with us, or to go anywhere with us, which infact means quite something. Myabe its just me, maybe its just that I had other expectations, other expectations of what a marriage is supposed to be like.
I mean living here cocooned by T walls, makes you go nuts. Frustration also plays a great role. HUBBY is still adamant in staying here, he gets to leave the GZ and visit sites. Says that people are gratefull, people are happy, but I think that those people are just a small percentage of the whole society. What else can I say, for I know that It will be a long time before I can post again. Umm lets see.
Its something silly but my HAIR!!!!Oh MY God, my hair is a disaster. It hasnt been highlighted nor coloured and the roots are out. There is no place to go to and shopping on the net wont ship hair colour since it has a substance that might cuz an explosion????Huh?? But Im over it now. HUBBY tells me to ask some of female friends to get me somethng from outside, but I wouldnt dare ask anyone. How can I when their life is so difficult and they get someone like me asking them for hair colour, it really is the least of my problems. As for clothes, well the small number of tshirts I got here all got ruined in those damn washers. I really really cant wait to do some tshirt shopping when I go on R&R.
What else can I add???Work has been work from hell. Its been so exhaustig and mind tiring. I can barely do anything after work except take a shower, lay in bed and watch star trek. YESSSSSS, star trek, can you believe it????I used to hate the damn thing but now I cant wait to snuggle next to HUBBY and see whats the next story line. We are watching voyager at the moment, capt Jayne way, chekote, 7 of nine, and what have you. I guess it takes ur mind off things for a while....
As for explosions, we hear them everyday. It became part of life, our life. Kidnappings happen on a daily basis, you dont get to hear it in the news unless its a diplomat or some VIP. But ordinary Iraqis get kidnapped everyday. Ordinary Iraqis get killed everyday. Those men that line up everysingle day to get a job, know deep down that their life will end any minute, yet they still go, they still line up, they still have that courage.
The constitution is gonna be out soon. Now thats something to look forward to. Someone involved in writing up the constitution came by the other day and explained to us what points were disputed on among the committee. It was very interesting to hear what he had to say. From what I can remember some of the points were, federalism, Islam being the main source of reference, dual nationality, the name of the country of Iraq, the 25% share of women being permanent or rotating every 8 years, the name of the country of Iraq and about 4 other points which I cant remember. But it was a fun lecture and very mind opening.
I hope, even though Im quite disappointed now, but I hope I really do, that my people, the people of Iraq will get what they want at the end of day. And right now all they want is security, electricity and a sense of normality to their life. Security by getting rid of all the coackroaches that crawled into the country. Security by catching all those gangs those thieves, those criminals, those barbarians and giving them what they deserve. Security by providing jobs and removing all the corrupt people in high places. Electricity by fixing the damn grids, and giving people some light, a light to look forward to going on....But I will keep on saying this, Iraqis are survivors and they are driven, driven by the Spirit of Life.....
41 Comments:
driven by the Spirit of Life.....
Just like you are,Neurotica. Hold on as best you can. This is History right now and a reflection. WoB is a pimple on the ass of humanity.
Thank you for sharing. I enjoy reading what someone "on the inside" has to say about the current conditions of your country.
It's something we all need to know and be aware of.
I'm truly sorry that things aren't working out for the Iraqi population as a whole in the manner that was intended. We all knew there would be struggles during the reconstruction of Iraq, but I'm not sure if we understood the daunting political corruptness and insurgency we would face.
I also hope and pray that your friend who has disappeared is found, alive and well.
Not to make u feel worse, but all of us who are Iraqis now realise are optimism and high hopes are buried.
We can thank those that helped in importing the militants from the Arab countries to help brainwash other Iraqis into committing heinous crimes and then thank Iran for helping export their policies and militias thereby creating now what is essentially going to be greater IRAN thanks to our up and coming constituion.
I hope all those that voted for 169 realise the grave error u made, as history will show us that the removal of Saddam Hussein was a positive step, the people of Iraq were conned by the likes of Chalabi and Ja'afari whose only real motives were making money at the expense of the same people they promised to save.
Shame on u.
Good luck NIW, inshallah ur personal life problems get solved
I have a friend in Baghdad that feels the same as you. He says his life is over...his country is over. What can I do? All I tell him is things are going to get better. Maybe I'm just fooling myself...I'm on the other side of the world..I don't understand...there's nothing I can do. There's nothing I can do or say except things are going to get better. I'm sorry to hear so many people feel this way there, even tho I would probably feel that way too. I just wish I knew what I could do to help him. I hope things get better for you too. sis from the usa
wow, all i can say is i hope things get better and i think your husband is very brave for at least trying to make his country better instead of standing on the side and letting it go. it a hard thing to do.
What you are going through is historic.
If you read the journals writen during the times of America's struggles, you would recognize the same sense of hopelessness right before the breakthrough. The most amazing thing is that we Humans do carry on in spite of the present trials and later on look back and say "It was worth it all."
Please keep the faith in what will eventually rise to the surface, the People's strength and courage to build a better life for their children,with God's help.
You are there for a purpose. Get your husbands face between your hands and make him look you in the eye and remind why he is going through all of this. To make a better life in the homeland for you and both your future children. Let him know that you are the best friend he will ever have and together, you both will have a proud history together that your future grandchildren will celebrate.
Praying for both of you,
Billy
Hang in there NIW, is there any way we could send you t-shirts or anything else you need?
"lay in bed and watch star trek."
Some people have all the luck. Back here in the US there is no Star trek at all, only what we got on DVD.
Great to hear from you...stay safe....stay well.
i'm praying for you. if there's anything i can send you from the states...tshirts, anything...email me and let me know.
~b
Hello NIW,
Hate to make it worse but you know Scotty on Star Trek? He was living near me in Redmond Washington. Anyway he just died recently.
Well you know you need to be that strong woman and I bet this is just a funk you are going trough right now and you better listen to Dagneyt about the witch. She is a demon in disguise don’t let on kiddo. Besides she has no power over you anyhow. She is one of those back sand dune mole rats. She might have had something to do with your friend disappearing! Do not trust her with hair color! Don’t give in and keep a stiff upper lip. We are here for ya! Keep us all posted!
Don't Quit- Paint the Night!
Don't quit when the tide is lowest,
For it's just about to turn;
Don't quit over doubts and questions,
For there's something you may learn.
Don't quite when the night is darkest,
For it's now just a moment till the dawn of a new and better day;
Don't quit when you've run the farthest,
For the race is almost won.
Don't quit when the hill is steepest,
For your goal is almost nigh;
Don't quit, for you're not a failure
Until you fail to try.
NIW - Do not accept the constitution. VOTE NO! Send them back to the drawing board.
ALSO-
http://www.trekweb.com/
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.
The US Constitution
If the Islamists make Islam the law, and the people vote no,the Islamists are gone. Vote NO! this time if necessary.
The people must send a message to the new Iraqi politicions and the rest of the ME that Iraq will not be Iran!
NIW, I have the same thoughts about the future of Iraq. It does seem dismal at times, and much of what we do here on a daily basis seems meaningless. Life, though, is merely placing one foot in front of the other and continuing on. Some days are better than others. I don't know why we Americans are here, nor do I have any sense of whether the average Iraqi wants us here. I hope, in the end, that the Iraqi people can come together enough to take their country and make it a great one. Remember, a country is made of the people who call it home. That is you, NIW. And your courage and dreams are all that guides it.
Hey Lady NIW easy easy girl come on..
let it out, whatever it is.. ease up now..
Its ok if you feel bad.. u lived all this time outside and its only natural to be shocked by whats REALLY inside. Hell, I've spent 23 of my 24 years inside and I still get shocked.
the trick is:
learn how to ignore and forget.
Ignore and Forget the killing.
Ignore and Forget the destruction.
Ignore and Forget the explosions.
the water the electricity the HEAT. on and on and on.
ur a tuff cookie, now cheer up, i know you might not read this but please, if you do, know that you have friends who care for you.
Your husband loves you. do not EVER think that he doesnt care or love you enough.. Girl he's doing all he can to provide for you.
Sorry about your friend, I've had a similar experience with two dear friends. more than a year has gone and still i cant bring myself to mentally register their brutal death for fear of breaking down. I still have one year in Iraq. one more year.
Ignore and Forget, remember?
Dear Lady, Iraq brings the worst in people out in the open.
this WoB is just another speck in the sea of Iraqi cruelty and madness..
Ignore and Forget.
dont rally your husband against her please.. dont take advice from someone who hasnt lived with an Iraqi or doesnt know our mentality.. We Iraqis hold grudges if we dont have what we want..
easy now, girl.. cry all you want, but afterwards, Ignore and Forget.
the future of Iraq is murky at best, and I dont need anyone living thousands of miles away to tell me how Iraq will be the new Dubai. I lived here all my life for F*ck's sake. I know how things work.
Nothing changes in this dump.
before we had one Saddam, now we have 20.
dont tell me syrian-terrorist this and iranian-terrorist that, I've seen IRAQI National Guard, IRAQI police, IRAQI security forces shoot people on the road for standing in their way.
there are arab terrorists, but they're not the ONLY terrorists in Iraq.
some are arab idiots
some are iraqi security
some are sponsored by the coalition.
Sectarism is the new Ba'athism.
if you are Sunni, you dont get a job.
if you are Sunni, you get arrested.
if you are Sunni, you get threatened that "Someday when we have power, we'll know what to do with you Sunni Dogs"
I said Sectarism, I didnt say Shi'sm.
because some of the best people in Iraq today are Shi'a.
they dont all think this way.
My BEST friends are Shi'a.
however: when you are insulted because you are an IRAQI Arab doctor working in an IRAQI kurdish hospital, when you are threatened DAILY for nothing other than your living in A'adhamiya, when you fear to wear sunglasses and a baseball cap to shield your eyes from the scorching sun for fear of abduction and murder because you resemble the "foreigners", when you take a different route to college EACH day and return on different times EACH day to lessen the chance of kidnap, when all this and much more happens unnoticed or IGNORED by world media, the pink dreams of Dubai2: Iraq suddenly go up in a puff of black smoke.
I do not write politics. this time I just lost it.
I'm sorry, dear Lady..
but Don't YOU be sorry.
Ignore and Forget.
God bless you, dear, you're going to be fine. Life is hard right now, but you have something to win. Your future is worth fighting for, and you have more friends and allies than you know. Losing a friend is bound to shake you, but you honor your friend by pressing forward to your shared goal.
We have a saying "when you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." I've moved a lot, and I have found that it takes a solid year to settle in, even if it's a wonderful place. Your location is tough, so it will be hard to get comfortable, but you should be persistent in your efforts to deal with your problems, big and small. Any step you take to deal with a problem will start to make it more manageable in your eyes.
Now, about that WOB. I'll bet she's not as pretty as you are. ; )
I'd be willing to bet the main, and possibly the only, reason she was sticking to your HUBBY was to bother you. The envy of a woman, especially one who thinks of herself as plain, is hot and corrosive, and often a complete surprise to the target. The first impulse of a decent woman is to try to make up for whatever unintended insult she may have given, and then to get defensive out of sheer bewilderment. A decent man will be reluctant to notice the problem, because he does not want to think ill of another, and he is not present for a lot of the unbelievably bad behavior. You and your HUBBY sound like decent people.
Chances are, there is nothing you can do to change her attitude toward you because she is not really reacting to you, but to somebody in her past. So, have some fun with it. Make sure you look your best when you are around her. Make sure you are especially sweet to your HUBBY when the two of you are around her. When she says something intending to hurt you, smile. You don't have to answer. Hear all, see all, but do not tell all. You are going to find that she is not as well-connected as she seems. You are going to find that other people notice her behavior toward you, too. If you want some cheap entertainment, get her to talk about herself around other people, and watch their expressions.
I did not think of these things on my own. It's what my mother told me to do when I had a similar problem! This is not nice advice, and I would not be offended if you delete this comment, but it was effective for me.
About the hair coloring: I am looking at a box of L'Oreal Excellence, and I don't see an "explosives" warning anywhere. The product is not supposed to be stored at the temperatures you have outside today, and that might be the bigger problem -- the heat may ruin the product. I wouldn't give up on it just yet. There are a number of things to try. There are some new coloring products that come in shampoos and conditioners. They are temporary, but fairly long-lived. They probably are free of the shipping restrictions. They could be used to soften the "root" problem. If nothing else, you can use something like that plus hydrogen peroxide on the roots to make the transition less visible.
The active ingredient for all highlighting products is hydrogen peroxide, which may well be available in the local pharmacy. You don't need much, an ounce is more than enough. To get highlights, you can put a little on a cotton swab, and put it on only a few strands, and then let it dry in the sun or use a hairdryer. This is a gradual process that has to be repeated a couple of times to get much effect, and it's harsh on the hair, so use conditioner between applications, and don't use too much. Getting the right stuff is much better, but the peroxide will work in desperate situations.
You might try asking for a smaller amount of your favorite product. Some "dangerous" products can be shipped, provided they are in smaller amounts. You might try having somebody who is an approved receiver order it for you. There are plenty of things more dangerous and temperature sensitive than haircoloring that are being shipped into your enclave every day.
Talk to the other women around you -- the nice ones -- about the Great Haircolor Quest. Use it as a way to tell a joke on yourself, and start conversations. Probably every woman you meet has some one thing she really misses. Maybe you can help one another. If nothing else, you can have a good laugh about it.
Best of luck to you,
Valerie
Don't lose hope. It'll get better.
As much as this post is sad and depressing, it is very true.
This is just like my first post. We have stoppped believeing simply because things are just so messy and wrong and they go downhill at an expnential rate.
I am sorry, but it is not possible people.
and u know, i get so mad sometimes that i only want to...shoot stuff...so i keep myself shut.
Cheers (if any)
Hi neurotic,
Im sorry for the bad time you're going through. I think you and hubby should take some days off. You know people in Northern Iraq: go there and have your hair done. Buy all the clothes you need. And have a look at how the whole of Iraq can become. Sulaimaniyah is nice, Duhok too.
In the first year after I got married I had the same feelings you have now. It takes time to get to know and trust eachother, especially in unusual circumstances. Your husband is having a hard time too. Maybe it's the barracuda's strong personality that he wants to hold on to in these hard times. So please be strong for him.
Debka Files (is this a legit site?) reports Osama to be in Iraq mid September to rally Al Qaeda against US Forces.
Al Qaeda wants Osama in Iraq
Interresting today that it was anounced today that US Military will beef up at that time for the new constitution ratification vote.
Is September going to be "high noon" in Iraq?
Very good to hear from you even if not positive. I won't presume to give you advice, just don't give up.
I'm sorry to hear that things are so rotten. Have you ever heard of the Maslow Hierarchy of Needs Theory?
The basis of Maslow's theory is that human beings are motivated by unsatisfied needs, and that certain lower needs need to be satisfied before higher needs can be satisfied. According to Maslow, there are general types of needs (physiological, safety, love, and esteem) that must be satisfied before a person can act unselfishly. He called these needs "deficiency needs." As long as we are motivated to satisfy these cravings, we are moving towards growth, toward self-actualization. Satisfying needs is healthy, while preventing gratification makes us sick or act evilly.
Think of a layered pyramid with the following needs going from bottom to top:
1. Physiological Needs (food, water)
2. Safety Needs (safe area, job security)
3. Social Needs (friendship, sense of belonging, giving/receiving love)
4. Esteem Needs (self-respect, recognition, achievement, attention)
5. Self-Actualization (truth, wisdom, justice, meaning)
I think it's safe to say that portions of Iraq (namely the Baghdad and Mosul areas) are focused on safety needs, which doesn't allow people to consider the next level which is really important for forming a government.
However, other parts of Iraq are better equipped to focus on Social Needs.
The question is, can a decent governmental framework be constructed while a large portion of the population is focused on satisfying their Safety Needs.
DON'T GIVE UP HOPE!
Sorry to hear that things are going so badly for both you and the Iraqi people ... I have nothing in my life to compare to your experances, so I will just tell you all that our hopes and prayers are with you always ... I could remind you all that freedom is never free ... but like others I am thousand's of miles and a world away from your situation, and could never understand what you are living through daily ... Be strong, and may you all be blessed with peace soon... Always ... Angel
Hi NIW,
I'm really sorry to hear about the hard time you've been having.
To me, it sounds like you are suffering from a classic case of what we'd call "cabin fever" in Canada. You are stuck in a confined place, away from your family and friends, without many of the things you used to have, and you are feeling bored and confined. A lot of people go through that sort of thing when they move to a new place - yours is just more of an extreme situation.
If I were you, I would stick through the hardship: I know from your previous posts that your marriage is very important to you, and it will be kept strong if you and your husband are together, even if the surroundings are less than ideal.
I'd also try to find some things to amuse yourself and make your time more enjoyable. Reading some good books, taking up a hobby, getting yourself a good computer game, or just surfing the Internet are good ways to spend time when you're confined in one place. If you find something to keep your mind off the walls around where you live, you may find you cheer up a bit and get to enjoy your life there.
I wish you all the best.
Your words are amazing and so touching. So honest, they cut me right to the core. You write from the heart. Please keep blogging when you can. I am so sorry at the state of things. My heart and my prayers go out to you all. I am also praying for your friend.
Please stay safe and take care of yourself.
NIW-
I don't know how long you had lived in Iraq before- but are you having us believe there was more hope under 30 years of Saddam and his sons than today?!!
As a matter of fact, there is as much electricity being produced in Baghdad now as before the war!! It is only because everyone now owns a satellite television and more consumer goods that the DEMAND has gone up. So, things have been rebuilt, just an entire country has not been lifted to First World status after 50 years of being a Third World country.
It sounds like you are even more depressed in Iraq then you were before. If your hubby doesn't take your feelings into account- you should just go back to England and get a divorce. I agree with you, one would think that being together in a war zone would have brought you closer. If that didn't happen, you might just have married the wrong person.
Hubby is busy rebuilding the country?
What a riot!
Oh Sami, Sami what the hell did you think? You really thought they would leave Iraqis to prosper?
Iraqis have not yet learned their lesson. More is coming. Oh, so much more.
I would suggest you leave. For a while.
Well you have a lot of advice here. I'll try to help with one thing I know about people (Re the WOB). I had someone like that in my life, I'd even say much worse then her. She caused so much damage to my family & myself, that I went to a therapist to try and deal with the negative affects she had on all of us and the damaged it did to us.
The therapist said, this woman was "Mirroring" Of course he had to explain that term to me. I'll try to explain what it means, and maybe you will then understand her better, and be better prepared for her bitter shenanigans.
First most all people "Mirror" they behave in a way, or respond to people/things as they believe they themselves would. For instance if you met a woman who thinks you are after her man/hubby (and you know darn well you're not that type of person) She thinks that because, it is "Something She Herself Would Do." Or if they are doing bad things to get a higher chair, she again is doing that believing others are doing it... The crappy behavior you see in her, is her own crap! i.e If she accuses someone of something, you can bet your bottom dollar, it's something she did or would think of doing herself. That is where the idea of coming up with crap comes from, their own ways! Other people just freak when they do such absurd things, making such accusations... they do it believing the other would/will do it.
It's hard to explain, but if you understands my flimsy explanation, you will have the power, she reveals who true self.
Here's a small example... I got a beautiful new necklace as a gift, I went next door to my friend's house to show her. I put the palm of my hand flat down on my upper chest, bringing the stone on the necklace up and out for viewing, perfectly innocent. Her husband was there, I showed him too, she started calling me names, saying I was coming on to her husband!
In that moment I knew she would steal or try to bed another's woman's husband, because of that reaction, she was "Mirroring" (thinking I was doing something cause that's what she would do).
Hey if theirs anyway for me to help, just let me know. Your husband needs to have better boundaries with people, especially the WOB. Theirs a book called "Boundaries and another "Boundaries in Marriage" by Cloud/Townsend, it would be a great investment of only 20.00 bucks. Shed some light n the situation and maybe just save your marriage.
Love Pebble
http://spaces.msn.com/members/PebblePie/
NIW,
You started watching Star Trek? OMG, the world must be coming to an end :-)
Where to start? HUBBY? Listen girl, marriage is a long process. Pre-marriage romance is the screensaver. The first four years of any marriage are the most difficult ones. In your case, there was the distance because of HUBBY's job in Iraq. So, the counting started with you moving to the GZ.
What you're going through with HUBBY is very normal. Being jealous and thinking HUBBY is paying attention to another colleague or female friend more than you is more than normal. In few years, you'll laugh at yourself for what you wrote here.
As for Iraq, you said it so well, we need a caring and strong government. Until we got that sort of government, things will stay the same.
Take care and keep your spirit high.
I am sorry to hear of your troubles. I would love to be able to send supplies to you as I am sure many others who read your story would. Hold tight to your faith and know God never gives us more than we can handle.
Dear Sweet Neurotica,
Much, much love to you.
it's all that we can do --
to love.
-- Tilli.
(well, not always love -- heh! "WoB is a pimple on the ass of humanity" ...)
Dear Neurotic, Always remember where there is breath there is life. As long as you see the Iraqi spirit of life, there is hope.
May God Bless Iraq with peace and prosperity.
To me, from the outside, it seems that Iraq is destined to break-up into Shia, Sunni and Kurd autonomous regions, and that a central government would be too weak and inneffective to survive. Would this be so terrible if each part was more stable?
Keep the flame and love the one you are with. The jerk WoB sounds awful, and the fact that your job is your life now and there is nothing beyond sounds awful. I hope you can escape soon. A sad wish, but a sincere one.
NIW,
Don't give up hope. That's what they want. We'll stand by you till the end.
It won't be easy but we'll win.
Hello,
If you want to smile just visit my blog:
baghdadgirl.blogspot.com
More Baghdad stuff:
http://theyearofthemoznwaterbottle.blogspot.com/
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