Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape neurotic Iraqi wife: The Silently Grieving Black Veils...

neurotic Iraqi wife

February 09, 2008

The Silently Grieving Black Veils...

After already gulping down four mugs of coffee by 9 in the morning, my bladder was ready to explode. I entered the bathroom, only to find both cubicles occupied and a girl at almost every mirror applying some make up. I couldnt be bothered to walk to the outside bathrooms, so I asked if they were all waiting in line, thankfully, no was the common answer. So I just stood there waiting.

Two or three minutes later, this girl barges in, wearing black from top to toe. The head scarf was black, sun glasses black, the coat was black, everything was black. I was curious to see who this new person is. As she took a place infront of the only unoccupied mirror, she started removing her huge black sunglasses and her black scarf, to reveal beautiful long naturally blonde hair flowing beyond her shoulders in soft golden waves. It was non other than Sandy Belle (Not her real name, but she does look like Sandy belle, the cartoon character). I smiled and said, “My god Sandy, I didn’t even recognize you”. She looked at me through the reflection of the mirror with her striking blue eyes, and smiled back gently. Yeah I know, she said while smoothing out her hair. I look scary don’t I. I shook my head, not scary per se, but different. Then she said with a sad tone, "I have no other choice “Neurotica”. Its either I cover up or I get killed". Then she took out her eyeliner and started applying the dark blue Kohl around her eyes.

Its very rare that I find myself speechless, but today, and in that particular moment, I just stood there utterly speechless. Speechless and filled with shame. What am I supposed to say? “Oh Im sorry that you cant walk freely in your own country?” or “Oh Im sorry that you have to go through all this shit and I don’t???” or just a plain “Oh Im sorry!”. What the hell was I supposed to say to a stunningly beautiful young Iraqi woman who is supposed to be enjoying her life to the full instead she is being forced to hide behind the darkness of the veil??? After a few seconds though, I said “Sandy, I just read this morning on the CNN website that this situation is mostly in Basrah, is it also happening at that extreme level here too???”

She stopped applying her makeup, turned towards me and said in the saddest voice ever “Oh Neurotica, this is happening everywhere in Iraq, not just in Basrah or here but everywhere. We have become easy targets for those animal extremists”. The sadness in her voice slowly turned into anger. “Yes we suffered under Saddam’s regime, but atleast then, we knew who to blame. Now Neurotica, now, we don’t even know who to point the finger at? The Sadr Militias? The Badr Brigades? The Al Qaeda Wahabi extremists? Who do we blame Neurotica? Even the US forces are guilty.”

“I don’t even know if my neighbour will tell on me, or my friend. Or that old man I buy the vegetables from. Or that small boy sitting in the corner begging. I don’t know who will shoot me first. The militia? The police? The Americans? Or maybe a drug addict, or a drunk man? Who is it gonna be? If it wasn’t for my elderly parents I would have left long long time ago."

My bladder seemed to have forgotten about its dilemma. Both of the cubicles became free, yet I felt awkward just leaving Sandy like that. The only words that I managed to muster were “Allah Kareem, Inshallah things will change, and you will be able to live your life like all the normal people in this world”. “When Neurotica? When? I pray to God everyday, but whats the point, Ive been praying non stop, yet nothing has changed. Nothing at all. In Saddam’s time, we lived in fear, and now, we STILL live in fear. Do you think its possible for things to become normal again? Ever?”. “Inshallah they will”, I muttered, Inshallah…And with that said, I rushed to the cubicle before it became occupied again.

It angers me to see how these women suffer just because they ARE women. Who do they go to? Who do they go to, to complain? On whose shoulder do they cry on? If they get raped, they suffer in silence from fear of getting killed by their own families in the name of the so called “Honour Killings”. The never ending wars took their husbands, fathers, brothers, sons away just like that. They swept floors, cleaned houses, cooked food, sewed clothes, sold their belongings just to feed their flesh and blood. In some cases they were even forced to sell their own sacred bodies for a few measly dinars, they sold their own bodies out of despair.

In my eyes, those women, those constantly supressed Iraqi women, are my true heroes. All they witnessed is constant sorrow and pain, yet their constant hunger for survival puts everyone to shame. Everyone, including me. I send my love and utmost respect to these women. These tough, resilient Iraqi Women. The women behind the Abbayas and Veils. The Silently Grieving Black Veils...
posted by neurotic_wife at 6:04 PM

23 Comments:

As I read this, it brought back the Pain i felt for a Friend of Mine,
i am A American Contractor in Iraq,
i Use to Work at the Basra Palace and I worked with Few Iraqis, But i was Close to one(Dawood), and Dawood use to tell me of all the problems he had for just getting to and from work because of the Insurgents, but yet in the three years he worked there he never Missed a Day of Work with out saying if he wasnt Coming in,

but April of Last year he didnt come to work, which was not like him, rumors began to fly about what happen to him, another Iraqi that we worked With was a good friend of Dawood came in Late, and he was Crying, he told me when Dawood Decieded to go to the Market to see about buying a computer, he was Killed

From What the Ivestagation said
Dawwod was on the a Bus Going into Market in Basra to Buy a Computer, when a Taxi cut off the Bus and got it to stop, two men from the Taxi walked on the Bus saw Dawood and shot him Twice and they just Left, so it was a Hit, they were looking for him, he was not in his usual routine and they still found him

Dawood wasnt even safe in his Own country, he was Very Smart, and you could talk with him about anything, he was a positive future for Iraq,

so i do understand what your talking about, your Friend cant Walk the streets Freely but your pretty much a bit safer,

that how it was for me and Dawood, i was Secure On a Military Base, and never left with out armed Escorts. but when Dawood left he had nothing, even though he was allowed to have a weapon he didnt like them , he was against Violence, but he Had one in His house to protect his New Born Daughter

alot of People dont know Iraq is a wonderful country with Great People,who really want to Build a better Future... they just watch the News and see the Negative side.

February 9, 2008 at 6:40 PM  

I am from a very different culture than yours. I read about people saying the news always shows the bad things happening in Iraq. Let be real, it's not good, not even fair.
In my culture women are respected, excuse the exsample, but much like an Elephant herd, where the head female watches over it. There is a saying "The hand that rocks the cradle guides the nation".
Some of the greatest minds, reside in women, it is to bad some cultures are robbed of this advantage.

February 9, 2008 at 7:18 PM  

neruotica:
I can understand a culture where women wear a garment voluntarily for religious or cultural reasons - but out of fear of death? I can see the source of your despair. Even if your country quells this civil war, you will have to deal with religious intolerance and strife that that has been going on for over 1400 years.

kenn:
Where is the outrage? Despair, fear and apathy breed injustice. Please accept my condolences.

February 9, 2008 at 7:56 PM  

Putting on the Ritz.

February 9, 2008 at 8:01 PM  

How sad.

February 9, 2008 at 8:30 PM  

Desert Eagles for everybody, c'mon, buck up little campers. =*$

February 9, 2008 at 8:45 PM  

ذبي العباية...ذبي العباية..سوي عليه حساب...نزعي البوشية

نيرو كافي سموكنك لان مو زين سويتنس, بس الصدك غير فيكة اذا يصير صوتج مثل علي باشتينو....عموما حطي هاي اللزكات مال نيكوتين و اندعيلي

شوفي هاي الدعاية الوغف سويتها من زمان اهديلج اياها علمود تبطلين تدخين
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=RIN3qVcStF0

February 9, 2008 at 8:48 PM  

HELLO NEUROTICA & MATEYS THIS A TOPIC THAT HAS BEEN TOUCHED ON EARLIER"I.E."NOT RELISHING STAYING FOR ANY LENGTH OF TIME IN A SOCIAL ENVIRONMENT THAT IS UNBALANCED LOP SIDED " MEN 90% FEELING THEY HAVE TO OOOOOOOGLE STARE & GLARE & OR VIOLENTLY ORDER FEMALES AROUND BE IT THIER OWN FAMILIES ;OR OTHERWISE ??!!THE FAULT LIES A GREAT DEAL IN THE RESTRICTIVE SOCIAL ORDER EXISTING IN THE REGION SUCH AS THE IRANIEN AXIS OF EVIL& THIER BLOODY SINNISTER MAHDI/BADR MILITIAS ; THE RET OF THE RABBLE & THIER APPLICATIONS OF SOCIAL REGULATIONS E:G: AFGHANISTAN & THIER PRODUCT SOCIO-HIERARCHAL CREATURE ORDER ??!! SO ALL OF THAT INHERENT BASE RUDELY PRACTICED IN EVIL IRAN WHERE THEY GO AROUND SLAPPING GIRLS OR IMPRISONING BY ROUNDING THEM UP FROM THE STREETS ??!! ALL THE ATTROCITIES THAT THE FEMALE POPULATION HAS TO ENDURE RIGHT ACCROSS THE REGION DUE TO CULTURAL SO CALLED BEHAVIOUR PATTERNS;??!! ADD TO THAT THE CONFLICT THAT´S GOING ON IN THE REGION ROAMING AROUND MILTIAS & THUGS RECIEVING THIER DIRECTIVES FROM ??! AS YOUR FRIEND WHOM???WE DON´T DIRECTLY KNOW ??! AT THIS JUNCTURE IT IS OPPURTUNE MENTIONING!! ANY ONE WHO COMMENTS & THINKS THAT IT IS THE BAD PEOPLE OF THE REGION? IN PARTICULAR THE MEN BEING MOST AT FAULT BY DENYING WOMEN THIER RESPECTED PART IN SOCIETY ANY ONE WHO COMMENTS & SIMPLY POINTS A FINGER FROM AFAR SUPERFICIALLY ;& SAYS IT IS THE POPLE & TE MEN THERE ARE A BAD LOT ETC; ANY ONE OF THAT NATURE FAILS TO UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS A GREAT DEAL TO BE IMPLIMENTED BY INTRODUCING MIXED EDUCATION TO THE REGION FROM A SOUND BASE! SUCH AS EXISTS IN MANY BRITISH COMMONWEALTH COUNTRIES I:E: MALASYA ETC:PEOPLE WHO IN THE MAIN !ARE PROPERLY EDUCATED IN THE RIGHT VALUES SEE THE RIGHTS & WRONGS OF BEHAVIOUR & IT GOES A LONG WAY TO ELIMINATING KILLINGS & MENACINGLY THREATNING PEOPLE JUT BECAUSE THEY HAVE A DIFF; LIFESTYLE "THE SORRY VERY SAD LOSS OF THE NICE BLOKE DAWOOD MENTIONED BY A COMMENTATER EARLIER & THEN THE OTHER RATHER SUPERFICIAL COMMENT " OOOHH WE ARE ALRIGHT JACK; BECAUSE HE WHO ROCKS THE CRADLE LEADS THE NATION?????!!" I PUT IT TO YOU THAT NATIONS ARE LED BY THOSE WHO HAVE THE APPTITUDE & NOT JUST CRADLE ROCKING ??!!BESIDES TRY UNDERSTANDING THE REGION A BIT MORE IN DEPTH ; BEFORE PASSING A HOLLIER THAN THOUGH OPINIONATED FLIPPANT COMMENT "OOOOOOOOHHHHH THE BAD PLACE ON EARTH THAT MISTREATS IT´S FEMALES"?????BELEVE IT OR NOT ??!THERE ARE MORE OFTEN THAN NOT;;!!! WHYS & WHEREFORS & REASONS FOR SITUATIONS & THE WAY THINGS ARE SO JUST DELVE INTO A BIT OF ANALYSES BEFORE DEAMONISING ;BEDEVILLING A WHOLE AREA ;?& COMMENTING HOW MUCH BETTER YOU ARE!!??? IN TREATING YOUR FEMALES" . THERE IS NO PERFECT SOCIAL STRUCTURE BUT THERE IS ALOT TO BE SAID??!! FOR HAVING A GENERAL WELL BALANCED MALE-FEMALE SOCIAL COHESIVE STRUCTURE & BASE FUNDEMENTAL KINDERGARTEN ;PRIMARY ;SECONDARY SCHOOL MIXED EDUCATION ACHIEVES A GREAT DEAL IN DOING AWAY WITH THESE GRIEVING POOR WOMEN BEHIND THESE BLACK A3BBAYAS & BURGA & GIVING THEM THIER RIGHTFULL PLACE UNDER THE SUN . GOD KNOWS LIFE IS HARD ENOUGH WITHOUT ADDING ALL THESE MAN MADE "TTTAAAAABBOOOOOSSS"THIS FRIEND OF YOURS NEUROTICA IS & SHOULD BE HELPED BY US WWW.bfbs.com" & SO SHOULD MILLIONS OF OTHER IRAQIS & THE PENINNSULA IN GENERAL TO COME INTO FULLPLAY & ENJOY AT LEAST A BIT OF NORAMALITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTYYY IN LIFE TO TRY & BRING OUT THIER TALENTS TO THE FULL & SHINE !!YES COME OUT & SHINE IF ONLY FOR THE MEMORY OF THE UNSUNG HERO DAWOOD & HIS FELLOW CITIZENS & COUNTRY FOLK BEHIND THE LONG GRIEVING BLACK VIELS & 3ABBAYAS;ALL THE BEST LUV KINDEST OF REGARDS "BY THE WAY ??CAN´T THEY ADD MORE LOOOOOOOOS???AT LEAST TEN!SAY!!!!HHHHMMMM CHEERS DARLING I ALSO LOVE LOADS OF BLACK COFFEE "INSTANT NESCAFE & OR ARABIC COFFEE " ONCE OFFERED ME BY THE VERY HOSPITABLE AL-RABEE3YA TRIBE"WWW.bfbs.com" :)OLAFF

February 10, 2008 at 3:41 AM  

Kenn, thanks for sharing your story. It is so unfortunate to lose all the good people. Unfortunate seems like a very empty word, but there are loads of ppl out there who dont want Iraqis to have a good life...

tufftug, yup..Thtas so true

ernie, will it ever end?

Iraqi Mojo, it is sad. Ibnaya mthil il gumar, she lives in fear 24/7. It aint fair, none of it fair...

abbas, tried patches once when I had to go for a 6hr exam.DID NOT WORK!

Olaff, Iraqi women were amongst the most educated in the Midlle East. The number of professionals surpassed any of that in any Arab country. Yet look at them now?

February 10, 2008 at 7:13 AM  

neurotica_wife Said:
ernie, will it ever end?

We have to do what we have to do, and hope that at the end of the day we leave this world a better place than when we started. In Iraq, you have all the ingredients for greatness and disaster, and I suspect we will have a bit of both, depending on what you look at. It seems to be a microcosm of humanity, this Eden. To put it simply, things will improve when people decide to stop hurting each other.

February 10, 2008 at 8:44 AM  

NIW,
I truly hate knowing about "Sandy Belle's" situation, plus all the others like her, and not being able to do a thing about it. I don't mean I don't want you to tell us the truth. It's just so extremely frustrating to know women have to live like that to try to survive. It seems Sandy is greatly increasing the risk to her life by working in the green zone. Why is she doing that? Has she gotten to the point that she doesn't really care about her own life that much anymore? If she could get a visa, is there any chance she could also get visas for her parents, so they could leave with her?

kenn,
The story about your friend, Dawood, is heartbreaking! I imagine there are hundreds more stories similar to his. It seems the best and brightest Iraqi lights are the main targets for the extremist killers.

Bamboo

February 10, 2008 at 2:47 PM  

Osama(2003)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0368913/

A 12-year-old Afghan girl and her mother lose their jobs when the Taliban closes the hospital where they work. The Taliban have also forbidden women to leave their houses without a male "legal companion." With her husband and brother dead, killed in battle, there is no one left to support the family. Without being able to leave the house, the mother is left with nowhere to turn. Feeling that she has no other choice, she disguises her daughter as a boy. Now called 'Osama,' the girl embarks on a terrifying and confusing journey as she tries to keep the Taliban from finding out her true identity. Inspired by a true story, Osama is the first entirely Afghan film shot since the fall of the Taliban. Written by Anonymous

In Afghanistan, during the Taliban regime, women are forbidden to work and to walk on the streets without the company of a male. The teenager girl Osama (Marina Golbahari) cuts her hair and dresses like a boy to get a job and support her widow mother and grandmother. There is no men in her family, since her father and her brother were killed in previous Afghan wars, and the family has no means of survival. When Osama, disguised as a boy, is called by the Taliban to join the school and military training, the boy Espandi (Arif Herati) tries to help her. Written by Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Before the Indian remake scheduled Osama(2oo8)

February 10, 2008 at 10:20 PM  

HELLO NEUROTICA; LUV YES YOU´RE RIGHT IN THE PAST EDUCATIONAL STANDARDS IN IRAQ HAD BEEN VERY GOOD GOING RIGHT BACK TO THE THIRTIES & ESTABLISHING AN EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM SINCE THEN! BUT STILL THOUGH IF THE CURRENT ENVIRONMENT COULD ONLY PERMIT A DECENT BIT OF STABILITY TO RESTART SOME PRIMARY & INTERMEDIATE-SECONDARY EDUCATIONAL SYLABUS I:E:MAYBE THE G:C:E:S "A" & "O"OLEVELS PERHAPS IN COLLABERATION WITH THE BRITISH COUNCIL THROUGH THE BRITISH CONSULATE IN BAGHDAD & OR ON LINE WWW.britishcouncil.co.uk" WWW.bbc/EDUCTION.com or www.bbc/learningenglish.com" FOR STUDENTS & TEACHERS OF ENGLISH MANY IRAQIS MAY FIND IT INTERESTING CLICKING ON TO THESE WEB PAGES & MAYBE ALSO GO ON WWW. .com or www.facebook.com YES DARLING THE EDUCATIONAL STANDARDS HAD BEEN RENOWNED ALL OVER THE ARABIAN AREA PENINNSULA & BEYOND & THE HIGH STANDARD PROFESSIONAL MALE & FEMALE GRADUATES FROM IRAQ ;PLUS WE HAD MANY IRAQIS GRADUATE FROM SANDHURST ALL THE VERY BEST OF MERRY JOLLY GREETINGS LUV-:)KINDEST OF REGARDS www.bfbs.com"CHEERS-:)-:)OLAFF

February 11, 2008 at 2:32 AM  

Hi NIW,
As days went by, I started thinking more and more abobut the big question that I'm sure every Iraqi (except for the the ones in power now and their cartels), were Saddam days better than nowadays? I was so happy to see him gone and I was really optimitic about the future of Iraq but to see how bad things are now, one must wonder if what's happening in Iraq and ordinary Iraqis now is all worth it? I don't live in Iraq now so I'm not the best person to reply but it looks to me that we have exchanged one Saddam with bunch of equally brutal ruthless ruthless Saddam's. I know that this won't be welcomed by many (which I really don't care about folks so save yourselves the hastle) but hearing all this and comparing this to how life was under Saddam, I would say it is not better. It's much worse cause during Saddam's era, Iraqis knew very well the rules of how to stay away from trouble but I don't think anybody can say the same now? It's really depressing for me to see how bad things are now in Iraq (not that it was good prior to that!) and the problem is that no one knows when this situation will get any better. I have to say that everytime I hear the word "Inshallah" said by an Iraqi hoping for a better tomorrow, I remember when Danny Archer (Leonardo DiCaprio in Blood Diamond) said “Sometimes I wonder... will God ever forgive us for what we've done to each other? Then I look around and I realize... God left this place a long time ago. ”

Usama-Vancouver

February 11, 2008 at 2:53 AM  

I have to say that everytime I hear the word "Inshallah" said by an Iraqi

Usama-Vancouver


redundiculous.

February 11, 2008 at 11:32 PM  

NICE COMMENT MATEY ??!USAMA HATS OFF TO SOMEONE STATING AT LEAST HIS REAL INSTINCTS ABOUT" FOR THE MOST PART" SO CALLED OFFICIALS APPOINTED BY THE AXIS IRANIEN EVIL SINNISTER LOT A SCOURGE OF SELECTED STOOGES RUNNING A FARCE OF AN ADMINSTRATION BENT ON ROBBING THE PLACE & ONLY BENEFETTING THE IRANIEN VINDICTIVE REGIONAL STRATEGY????!! SO USAMA MATE YOU HAVE TO GO BACK A LONG WAY TO TOUCH BASE WITH ANYTHING THAT MAY RESEMBLE A DECENT FUNDEMENT TO BUILD IRAQ & THE REGION ON INFACT YOU HAVE TO RETURN BACK TO PRE 1958-6 to the 30s WHERE THERE MAY HAVE EXISTED ;A ;SEMBLANCE GLIMMER OF FULL THROTTLE AHEAD;TO ESTABLISHING A DECENT LIBERAL NATION ;!!?? SO HATS OFF TO YOU USAMA DO READ "THE7PILLARS OF WISDOM"-THE ANGLO-ARABIAN-PENINNSULA PART OF THE BRITISH COMMON WEALTH WWW.bfbs.com" :)CHEERS OLAFF8al-shereeff HUSSAIN)MAYBE A GOOD CONNECTION TO WHERE WE CAME IN TO REBUILD:

February 11, 2008 at 11:42 PM  

The point of origin a little hazy? Maybe the symbolism denoting social consciousness in collected drive to tune migratory response effectively is about shattered? Craft in relevance to intrinsic religious cultivation of spirit now rests in pieces under the salvation of frenzied installments of supreme gluttony? Associated senses under requirements for comparable decay factorization ordered to maintain drive above death and reap the vitality of proven choice in all of martyrdom. Example proving solace in advancing relevance in comparison. Comparison relinquishing decay as not the only enabled fact in response, core life. Responsible foster remains of the heart pointed catatonic in absence of belief in recognition of the forces that stole the world away. Recognition.. emotive clarity... excellence wrought insane... intrinsic with complex now incarcerated uniformity... captive and resolute the depiction of where the blood once stopped so another may start again? Like a toilet or a giant shithouse or something? We'll level off around deep fried Mars bar according to this light and meter doo hickey. Mmm space. Hail Satan!

February 12, 2008 at 12:58 AM  

Why do they attack women NIW? Fear,pure fear. Fear of loss of power and control. Things are changing, but it won't happen overnight. The women in Iraq are going to have to develope a strong voice, and a good strategy. Olaff's right education is a major key. Refuse to give up hope. Solo

February 12, 2008 at 2:56 AM  

HELLO AGAIN ME O´L MATES JUST A QUESTION TOUCHING ON A PREVIOUS TOPIC BUILDING A BRIDGE??!!HAS ANYONE A CLUE AS TO WHAT´S HAPPENED TO THE"SARAFFIYA OR AL-RISSAFFA-BRIDGE (JISSIR-ALH7ADEEDY--H7ADDEEDEY)???!!IS RESTRUCTURED IN IT´S OROGINAL METAL STRUCTURE AS HAD BEEN CONSTRUCTED BY OUR ENGINEERING REGIMENT CORP. IN THE LATE30s-early40s????????!!!THERE HAD ALSO BEEN AL-KHATHMIYA BRIDGE ON FLOATED DRUMS ??!!ANYONE ??!!ANY IDEAS AS TO WHAT´S BECOME OF THE STRUCTURES??

February 12, 2008 at 4:03 AM  

Salaams Neurotica,
And hello all other, first of all it is good to see ur blog is back as i came to the blog after a month or so.
Well, having a veil is not a problem , but if it is not forced on anyone.
My sympathies and prays are with Iraqi women and all the Iraqi people living in Iraq or outside Iraq who have left thier land for no good reason.
May Allah Bring peace there and everywhere in World .

Tak

February 12, 2008 at 6:55 AM  

Let's hope we learned our lesson and will not ever again occupy a nation thinking we help them 'develop'. Also a bit late now to realise saddam was not much of a sexist don't you think? perhaps usians should have more respect for saddams policys in irak from now on, and they will find it a bit easier. Re-institute baath for example, bit late for that, now, after blaming them to hell because of socialism first.

February 13, 2008 at 4:14 AM  

I am so sad to see this.

Yet, I am so glad that you expose it to the world.

February 27, 2008 at 5:03 AM  

The market of the Dubai real estate will recover in 2011 after a fall of the prices this year. It's may be the condition of Low Prices Dubai Property untill 2011.

Even Dubai and Abu Dhabi The Top City for the right now, but in 2009 will be the year of the reduction for Dubai Property, 2010 will be probably a year of stabilization, and in the 2011 we believe that the re-establishment will occur.

May 15, 2009 at 7:42 AM  

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