neurotic Iraqi wife
May 25, 2007
One Day...
I cant take the silence anymore. I just cant. Dont ask me what happened. Dont ask me why I havent written. Dont ask me what was wrong, just let it be. Just let it be for now. I guess it was an act of weakness on my part, or maybe I just couldnt write anymore. Everytime I log on, I stare at the screen. The words are there but have no meaning. I guess it just reflects how I felt then. Emptiness.
An empty shell walking in the desert with no where to go. I look around and all I see are the rays of the sun thats hitting directly at me. I squint my eyes, and I start to stumble. Im thirsty, my throat is dry, my lips are cracked. I feel something trickling down my chin. With the back of my hand I try to rub it away. But its sticky, I look, and its blood. Blood trickling down. Down my chin, making its way through to my shirt. The heat is getting to me, and for one second, one second only I lose my balance. I lose my balance and fall. I fall face down into the scorching sand. I start to cry, but theres no one around to soothe my pain away. I cry with all the frustration I have inside of me. I let out a scream, that of a mother losing its child. My shoulders shudder profusely and I cant stop. Maybe I dont wanna stop. I wanna let it all out. I begin to choke on my tears. I begin to choke on my blood. I begin to choke on the sand. Then out of nowhere I hear a beautiful sound. A sound of a chirping bird. I couldnt believe it. So I continue to sob. The chirping became closer, more beautiful. I shake my head, this is just a fragment of my imagination. There are no living things here. There cant be. But my instinct told me to look up. And I did.
There it was the most beautiful creature hovering over me. For a moment I thought it was an angel. Or a mirage of an angel. Then the clouds appeared, and I just stayed there kneeling, staring at the clouds. Although I dont really enjoy the rain that much, at that moment, when it started pouring on me, I smiled. I smiled and laughed, laughed hysterically. For I knew, I knew that theres someone out there watching over me. It gave me that power. It gave me that power of belief once again. The power of belief that I thought I lost, lost forever.
So yes, Im back, maybe not to my full potential, but I will try to be normal, if normal does really exist in my so called complicated life. Things are pretty bad here. No wait, bad is an understatement. Things are pretty darn bloody. The so called security crack down has not worked its magic. Its way past that. I doubt there is any solution to whats happening at the moment here. I think its beyond repairable. And please dont tell me that thats impossible. I can tell you, the only good news you hear here, the only good news that will make you jump with joy, real joy, is when someone you know, gets the chance of getting out of this hell. Yes, getting out of this hell. A few people I work with succeeded in getting visas to Europe. Others got the Special Immigrant Visa to the States. While others got intouch with family members and were able to go to some neighbouring countries. Thats the only piece of good news around here. Apart from that, I stopped asking. For even if I dont ask, they tell me exactly whats happening with them.
Electricity, a source of energy that we all take for granted has been scarce for millions of Baghdadi residents for over a month now. Scarce in this intolerable heat. Not even generators can suffice anymore. Water, a vital source of keeping us alive has now become a major target for infections. Security, oh whats that again? A word that almost everyone here forgot how it felt or what it really means. The dead bodies you read about being found on a daily basis scattered around the Baghdad neighbourhoods, have now become a normalcy. If people dont see them, they think there must be something wrong. Every Iraqi, every single one, that is living under these stark conditions have struggled to keep their sanity. If it was me living these dire conditions, there is no doubt I would be roaming the streets aimlessly pulling my hair out, literally going nuts. But no, these people, the Iraqi people should enter the Guiness book of records. Oh yes, most definitely. They are truly my heroes. No matter how much I say this statement, I can never do justice to them. Never.
E told me that all Iraqis are going to heaven. She said "Look what we have to endure everyday. There is no nation, no nation what so ever that I believe is suffering like us. No, I dont think there is anyone, anyone apart from the Iraqis that deserve to go to heaven." She shakes her head, and lights up a cigarette, lost in her own thoughts. W, took over the conversation. He said "You know Neurotica, I dont even know where our strength comes from, I know God exists, but if God really does exist, how can he allow this to happen. How can he allow all this suffering. How Neurotica?" I just sighed a big sigh, and answered "I dunno W, I wish I knew". Then I said, well look at it this way W, E is right, you all are going to heaven, so dont worry. He smiled sarcastically and said, what good will that do, I wanna enjoy life too. I want my unborn child to come to a safe world, to enjoy life, to have fun, to be free. I dont wanna wait for heaven.
And with these words, I became scared. For faith is getting scarce. Almost everyone stopped believing. Almost everyone have become athiests in their own way. For the right and the wrong reasons. But do you blame them? No one can blame them. They are after all breathing, walking, working, sleeping in a living hell. I dont care what youre gonna say, I dont even care what harsh words youre gonna throw at me, but Im just telling you the truth. The sad, harsh truth. And it has nothing to do with Islam, it has nothing to do with my religeon of peace, for it is a religeon of peace, no matter what you presume, or what you believe in. But people here are fed up. They really are. All they are asking for is to live in peace.
The Americans I work with keep asking me "Why are Iraqis killing each other. Why is it they dont wanna live in peace?" I sigh cuz I dont know where to start then K interjected and said, I have the perfect solution. K has only been here for 2 or 3 months. She has interacted with enough Iraqi people to know what it is they want, and need. She has been to a few ministries, she has mingled with ministers and DG's. She even enjoyed the hospitality of the Iraqis a few times sipping that yummy sweet Iraqi tea which we take pride in. We all looked at her waiting impatiently for that solution of hers. She cleared her throat and said well, I think we should crush a few sedatives into all the water around here in Iraq. This will calm people down. Then we may grow some marijuana plants, and start burning them in the air, that will definitely send the bad guys into a nice daze. Everyone will be just calm, chilled out and relaxed. All that hatred will dissipate. All the violence will be gone. All the destruction will come to a halt, and everyone, everyone living here will love each other. We stared at her, and for a moment, I kinda liked that idea, but then I let out a sarcastic laugh and said K, if only it was that easy.
I dunno anymore. Remember how I said everyone who is working with me is here just to save so they can get out of here? Well that priority has changed now. Money doesnt mean anything to them anymore because the truth of the matter is, inflation has hit them hard. All the prices soared to a degree where the $1800-$3000 they make here per month disappears. They save nothing. Not a single cent. So imagine those who dont work in the GZ, or those who dont even work. How are they surviving??? The priorities of my coworkers have turned towards the special immigrant visa. Thats why they risk their lives everyday to get here. They get here in hope of receiving the most awaited package. The package that turns their lives around. The package that turned S's life around and a few others. Their gateway to freedom. The package that tells them, on such and such date you have an interview, an interview in the American embassy. Thats the only reason they come here. The only valid reason.
Every single person I work with, every single one of them is awaiting that package. There are a few that actually did get it and are now enjoying their freedom. M, a guy who used to limp because of a stray bullet, got it. He got it a few months back and is now in Miami. Only reason he chose Miami because one of his previous American coworkers is living there and told him that he will assist him in every way. He sends pictures to one of his colleagues, who inturn emails it to all the Iraqis working here. One picture M is wearing a black tshirt and tight jeans, showing off his muscles (something that will definitely be a cause of death here in Iraq), with two blonde ladies in mini skirts in the background. Another picture is M posing in south beach with the biggest smile I have ever seen. Dr A, who shows me these pictures on his pc screen, asks me, Neurotica, do you think I too one day will send pictures like these? I smile and pat him on the shoulder and say, No Dr A, yours will be even nicer. You will send us a picture of you, your wife and your new born baby swimming in that beautiful ocean, enjoying the clean air, and your smile will be even bigger, because there you are holding your baby up, without any fear, without any care in the world. One day, you will Dr A. You will know what freedom and safety tastes like, feels like. You will Dr A eventually hear that beautiful chirping bird that gave ME my strength back. One Day, Dr A, One day....
An empty shell walking in the desert with no where to go. I look around and all I see are the rays of the sun thats hitting directly at me. I squint my eyes, and I start to stumble. Im thirsty, my throat is dry, my lips are cracked. I feel something trickling down my chin. With the back of my hand I try to rub it away. But its sticky, I look, and its blood. Blood trickling down. Down my chin, making its way through to my shirt. The heat is getting to me, and for one second, one second only I lose my balance. I lose my balance and fall. I fall face down into the scorching sand. I start to cry, but theres no one around to soothe my pain away. I cry with all the frustration I have inside of me. I let out a scream, that of a mother losing its child. My shoulders shudder profusely and I cant stop. Maybe I dont wanna stop. I wanna let it all out. I begin to choke on my tears. I begin to choke on my blood. I begin to choke on the sand. Then out of nowhere I hear a beautiful sound. A sound of a chirping bird. I couldnt believe it. So I continue to sob. The chirping became closer, more beautiful. I shake my head, this is just a fragment of my imagination. There are no living things here. There cant be. But my instinct told me to look up. And I did.
There it was the most beautiful creature hovering over me. For a moment I thought it was an angel. Or a mirage of an angel. Then the clouds appeared, and I just stayed there kneeling, staring at the clouds. Although I dont really enjoy the rain that much, at that moment, when it started pouring on me, I smiled. I smiled and laughed, laughed hysterically. For I knew, I knew that theres someone out there watching over me. It gave me that power. It gave me that power of belief once again. The power of belief that I thought I lost, lost forever.
So yes, Im back, maybe not to my full potential, but I will try to be normal, if normal does really exist in my so called complicated life. Things are pretty bad here. No wait, bad is an understatement. Things are pretty darn bloody. The so called security crack down has not worked its magic. Its way past that. I doubt there is any solution to whats happening at the moment here. I think its beyond repairable. And please dont tell me that thats impossible. I can tell you, the only good news you hear here, the only good news that will make you jump with joy, real joy, is when someone you know, gets the chance of getting out of this hell. Yes, getting out of this hell. A few people I work with succeeded in getting visas to Europe. Others got the Special Immigrant Visa to the States. While others got intouch with family members and were able to go to some neighbouring countries. Thats the only piece of good news around here. Apart from that, I stopped asking. For even if I dont ask, they tell me exactly whats happening with them.
Electricity, a source of energy that we all take for granted has been scarce for millions of Baghdadi residents for over a month now. Scarce in this intolerable heat. Not even generators can suffice anymore. Water, a vital source of keeping us alive has now become a major target for infections. Security, oh whats that again? A word that almost everyone here forgot how it felt or what it really means. The dead bodies you read about being found on a daily basis scattered around the Baghdad neighbourhoods, have now become a normalcy. If people dont see them, they think there must be something wrong. Every Iraqi, every single one, that is living under these stark conditions have struggled to keep their sanity. If it was me living these dire conditions, there is no doubt I would be roaming the streets aimlessly pulling my hair out, literally going nuts. But no, these people, the Iraqi people should enter the Guiness book of records. Oh yes, most definitely. They are truly my heroes. No matter how much I say this statement, I can never do justice to them. Never.
E told me that all Iraqis are going to heaven. She said "Look what we have to endure everyday. There is no nation, no nation what so ever that I believe is suffering like us. No, I dont think there is anyone, anyone apart from the Iraqis that deserve to go to heaven." She shakes her head, and lights up a cigarette, lost in her own thoughts. W, took over the conversation. He said "You know Neurotica, I dont even know where our strength comes from, I know God exists, but if God really does exist, how can he allow this to happen. How can he allow all this suffering. How Neurotica?" I just sighed a big sigh, and answered "I dunno W, I wish I knew". Then I said, well look at it this way W, E is right, you all are going to heaven, so dont worry. He smiled sarcastically and said, what good will that do, I wanna enjoy life too. I want my unborn child to come to a safe world, to enjoy life, to have fun, to be free. I dont wanna wait for heaven.
And with these words, I became scared. For faith is getting scarce. Almost everyone stopped believing. Almost everyone have become athiests in their own way. For the right and the wrong reasons. But do you blame them? No one can blame them. They are after all breathing, walking, working, sleeping in a living hell. I dont care what youre gonna say, I dont even care what harsh words youre gonna throw at me, but Im just telling you the truth. The sad, harsh truth. And it has nothing to do with Islam, it has nothing to do with my religeon of peace, for it is a religeon of peace, no matter what you presume, or what you believe in. But people here are fed up. They really are. All they are asking for is to live in peace.
The Americans I work with keep asking me "Why are Iraqis killing each other. Why is it they dont wanna live in peace?" I sigh cuz I dont know where to start then K interjected and said, I have the perfect solution. K has only been here for 2 or 3 months. She has interacted with enough Iraqi people to know what it is they want, and need. She has been to a few ministries, she has mingled with ministers and DG's. She even enjoyed the hospitality of the Iraqis a few times sipping that yummy sweet Iraqi tea which we take pride in. We all looked at her waiting impatiently for that solution of hers. She cleared her throat and said well, I think we should crush a few sedatives into all the water around here in Iraq. This will calm people down. Then we may grow some marijuana plants, and start burning them in the air, that will definitely send the bad guys into a nice daze. Everyone will be just calm, chilled out and relaxed. All that hatred will dissipate. All the violence will be gone. All the destruction will come to a halt, and everyone, everyone living here will love each other. We stared at her, and for a moment, I kinda liked that idea, but then I let out a sarcastic laugh and said K, if only it was that easy.
I dunno anymore. Remember how I said everyone who is working with me is here just to save so they can get out of here? Well that priority has changed now. Money doesnt mean anything to them anymore because the truth of the matter is, inflation has hit them hard. All the prices soared to a degree where the $1800-$3000 they make here per month disappears. They save nothing. Not a single cent. So imagine those who dont work in the GZ, or those who dont even work. How are they surviving??? The priorities of my coworkers have turned towards the special immigrant visa. Thats why they risk their lives everyday to get here. They get here in hope of receiving the most awaited package. The package that turns their lives around. The package that turned S's life around and a few others. Their gateway to freedom. The package that tells them, on such and such date you have an interview, an interview in the American embassy. Thats the only reason they come here. The only valid reason.
Every single person I work with, every single one of them is awaiting that package. There are a few that actually did get it and are now enjoying their freedom. M, a guy who used to limp because of a stray bullet, got it. He got it a few months back and is now in Miami. Only reason he chose Miami because one of his previous American coworkers is living there and told him that he will assist him in every way. He sends pictures to one of his colleagues, who inturn emails it to all the Iraqis working here. One picture M is wearing a black tshirt and tight jeans, showing off his muscles (something that will definitely be a cause of death here in Iraq), with two blonde ladies in mini skirts in the background. Another picture is M posing in south beach with the biggest smile I have ever seen. Dr A, who shows me these pictures on his pc screen, asks me, Neurotica, do you think I too one day will send pictures like these? I smile and pat him on the shoulder and say, No Dr A, yours will be even nicer. You will send us a picture of you, your wife and your new born baby swimming in that beautiful ocean, enjoying the clean air, and your smile will be even bigger, because there you are holding your baby up, without any fear, without any care in the world. One day, you will Dr A. You will know what freedom and safety tastes like, feels like. You will Dr A eventually hear that beautiful chirping bird that gave ME my strength back. One Day, Dr A, One day....
51 Comments:
Neurotica,
I am so happy that you are back. It sounds like you have had an extremely draining time, but for my sanity, I am so pleased that you and your family are okay. The fact that you were abel to "hear the birds" through all the other sounds of violence and pain is a testament to just how strong you are. Don't underestimate your ability to survive or the impact that you have on this world. God Bless You and your family.
I haven't been reading your blog for a long time but I am happy that you are fine. I wanted to wish you luck, to tell you that you will stay fine, to tell you that everything will get better, but I don't have the courage to say that. Sometimes, one knows that the words one is about to utter might mean almost anything. But then, what can one do than to say these words?
elhamdilla 3al salama.. good to read ur blog again. to be honest i was expecting a very dark post but u surprised me.
all the best to you, all the GZ, baghdad, and iraq the nation and the people. peace to all.
Nice to hear from you
And it has nothing to do with Islam, it has nothing to do with my religeon of peace, for it is a religeon of peace
Hi Neurotica. Do any Iraqis ever say that this may be punishment from God? Because if (as you say) Islam is a religion of peace, God must be VERY angry with Muslims these days.
I am so happy to see you post again. I have been so worried about you. We do not agree on everything but I sure do respect your courage to do the things you are doing and for the very brave posts you make. Welcome Back
By the way, glad to see you back to blogging :)
I didn't mean to offend with my previous comment. It's something I've been thinking about a lot, myself, lately.
I have prayed for you every single day that you have not written. So many other Iraqui bloggers no longer post. I am hoping that they have simply given up writing or have found safe have elsewhere and that nothing more dire has happened.
But you, I have cried for. You I have prayed for. I have checked every day and today, praise God, Allah, Jehovah, WHOEVER that you wrote and just blessings to you and yours.
How do we get you to the US? How do we help?
Craig, your comment prior to your last was mean-spirited and vulgar in ever sense of the word. How could you be so nasty?
Craig, your comment prior to your last was mean-spirited and vulgar in ever sense of the word. How could you be so nasty?
Maybe it's all the people who say they think God wants them to commit murders to defend his religion of peace. Or maybe it's all the people who try to pretend that isn't what is really happening. *shrug*
I have friends who weer murdered in Lebanon by people who thought they were doing the work of God. They even call themselves "The Party of God". That was in 1983. 1983 was a long time ago. The same thing that was happening in Lebanon then, is happening in Iraq, now. And worse - it's happening again, in Lebanon, right now.
You can call it mean-spirited, vulgar, nasty... whatever you want. I don't care. The truth is the truth. If Muslims worship God at all (which I am no longer convinced of) then God has to be VERY ANGRY at Muslims for what they have been doing in His name, for decades.
My Protestant ancestors were murdered by Catholics who thought they were doing God's work too. But that problem was fixed. When will Islam's problems be fixed? Probably not anytime soon, considering 25% of Muslims in the US support suicide bombings in the name of Islam. And that percentage is higher, everywhere else on the planet. Would it be less nasty if I pretend that is not the case?
Doesn't anybody ever ask why all this is happening in Iraq, but it's never (EVER) happened in a non-Muslim country? Not once, in the entire history of man, has an "insurgency" tried to throw off an occupation by waging war against their own people, and not the occupier. What is the game plan? For Iraqis to continue slaughtering Iraqis until the US gives up in disgust? Well, I reached my "disgust" level about a year and a half ago. Several things happened at once. The Steven Vincent murder was a major factor in that, but NIW's own blogging shortly after she went to Baghdad were not insignificant. I've thought that this is a problem the US can not fix since then, and I've been calling for US troops to be withdrawn from Iraq, since then. I don't want the US to be a party in this. Whatever is happening has to be resolved by Iraqis, and Iraqis alone.
oh man here we go again.. just go watch a war movie if u want some fun.
"Peace is not the absence of war; it is a virtue; a state of mind; a disposition for benevolence; confidence; and justice."
good to see you are back and safe!! :)
I'm glad You have returned to the blog. Now I know You are alive.
I hope someday soon You and hubby are safe and happy.
pfew and pfew. glad to read you again! although i have some 2nd and 3rd thoughts over the heavies on your mind that you don't write about.
(and, just in case, from Amsterdam we could send stockpiles of marijuana seeds. maybe diplomatic post would be the best way for that? :))
take care sweet neurotica.
am wishing you strength
Hello NIW,
Great, how are you? I am so glad to see my inspiration source is back...
How is Hubby?
If I go to the States, I will look for handsome guys to take pictures with and send you some, :D
A very nice post
Be safe
What a surprise for me to check your blog today to find you were back! We missed and worried about you during your absence. We look forward to your commentary from the Green Zone. Don't know how Iraqis can endure this with no end in sight. Sally
Glad you are okay. Hopefully someday things will get better, but it looks like it may be a long time.
Stay safe. Be practical. Leave if you have to.
Glad to see you back on the screen.
The situation in Iraq will never improve unless occupiers leave the country and let Iraqis settle among themselves.
Why Iraqis are fighting Iraqis is due to the facts that these occupiers want that way so that they have an excuse to stay.
Good to see you writing again, and we can understand what you are going through.
I suspect Iraq is finished as a country. Future historians will see it failed to unite its people against an aggressive, powerful occupying force.
History shows that people from other vanquished nations have also had to move on and make a life for themselves somewhere.
It is an emotional time of turmoil and you are caught up in it. It is time to adjust to thinking of not being an Iraqi anymore, but a citizen of the world, waiting on the doorstep of another country, waiting to become a citizen of that country. Memories of Iraq as it used to be, your language, your history, culture, food, music...some might remain because you choose to keep them alive, but these will fade with time. Your descendents, born in your new country, may not be interested.
It is a tragedy, but human history is full of tragedies like this.
I am happy to hear your thoughts and know you're safe. I know of no God of any faith who condones what has happened to Iraq. This applies equally to Bush and al-Qaeda. God is love. I send you all the best NIW. How can I care so much when I've never met you? Maybe humanity has a stake in Iraq....God bless. Alhamduliila
Nice to see you again, NIW. :)
Dr Solangi,
Why Iraqis are fighting Iraqis is due to the facts that these occupiers want that way so that they have an excuse to stay.
Solution sought in Lebanon camp siege
"We wish to die for the sake of God," Shaker Youssef al-Absi said in a video shown on Al-Jazeera television on Saturday. "Sunni people are the spearhead against the Zionist Americans."
There aren't any American troops in Lebanon. The US has not turned so many Muslims into murderers. The US is not even a Muslim country. How can you possibly believe we can convince Muslims that god wants them to murder people?
I do agree with you that the US should withdraw from Iraq, but I completely DISAGREE with you that the violence in Iraq (and so many other places) has anything to do with the US at all. It's a fight between Muslims for who will control post-Saddam Iraq. As the violence in Lebanon is over who will control that country. And the violence between Fatah and HAMAS in Gaza is a fight for power.
This is how Muslims fight. Americans are, for the most part, not Muslims. We don't fight that way. And we don't even understand the mentality of people who do.
As an aside, the Palestinians in that camp are saying that most of the "Fatah Islam" fighters came from Iraq (where they were "foreign fighters") about 4 months ago. Now they try to cause the same mayhem in Lebanon they did in Iraq. Why? There are no Israelis in Lebanon. There are no Americans in Lebanon.
Do you really think it's such an easy answer? Blame the US, for everything... and then pretend the other factions have clean hands?
Anonymous 11:13,
This applies equally to Bush and al-Qaeda.
There is no moral equivalent, here. I agree with you that God is love (and I assume you are a Christian when you say that, too) but do you really think dishonesty is helping anybody? Hasn't there been enough dishonesty in the middle-east, the last 60 years?
Things have to be brought to conclusion. The past "recipes" have just prolonged the suffering for too many people. Somebody has to win, and somebody has to lose. I'm sure as a Christian you understand very well the concept of good versus evil. The terrorists are clearly evil. Where is the good? And when will you decide to get behind it?
NIW,
Great to have you back! I was really worried. You know, what you have said in your blog is absolutely right. People should be fed up with religion and religious people for one very simple reason, Islam is being used to justify horrible deeds by so called Imams and Sayeds. What is happening in Iraq is a power struggle between thugs and gangsters dressed in religious uniforms. I wish Iraqis realize that Dhari, Hakeem or Sadr are all as vicious as Saddam was and if any one of them has the absolute power like Saddam did, things would be much worse than Saddam's days. I am not defending Saddam, he is one of the hitory'so most brutal dictators and war criminals but I also believe that he was replaced by another bunch of Saddams. I hope Iraqis learn the lesson and get their facts right. Things are so bad that only a major change in the people's minds would make it possible for any positive outcome, otherwise, we should all kiss our Iraq goodbye.
Sam from Canada
I might "increasingly" disagree with a lot of your opinions but I am very glad that you are ok, you are doing fine, and wish you all health
To be honest, I thought you left Iraq, or left hubby... lol
Just kidding... take care my dear
Good to see you again. I thought the worse about you.
I understand that all the iraki people live a nightmare. But NIW, Can you describe the life of the middle class in your country, tell us more about the simple things, the "normal" life.
Take care
NIW,
I was pleasantly surprised to see your new post. I'm curious about the exact nature of your beautiful bird (I have a guess). I'm glad that you had the wisdom to hear that bird and the strength to follow it.
Take care.
5 Britons Kidnapped; 10 GIs Die in Iraq
Nurotica tell me it's not you.
I'm so glad you're ok!!!
I've been worried abot you as well & am very glad you're bloggng once more.
There is a light at the end of every tunnel.
So good to hear from you. Glad you're writing. I can't even imagine what you and other Baghdadi's are going through with all the turmoil.
أكيد مزعلج رجلج. ترة كل الرياجيل هيجي لا تزعلين. ترة والله يخبلج أذا تخلين عقلج وياه...الرياجيل مصيبة أه ه منهم
هاي شبيج ..شو صايرة كئابة..عيني ما تسوا الدنيا كل هل الجديات .. طنش تعش..لا تزعلين ودة أنت
بابا يا عراق يا بطيخ..أنت هم خلي يخلص العقد وكولبي برا..بلا وطنيات بلا بطيخ..شعارنا الوطني ..الخارج مولود والداخل مفقود
شوفي أذا رجلج مزعلج ..كوليلة .. روح أضرب راسك بالحايط الكونكريتي الداير مداير المنطقة الخظراء.. ترة الرياجل ما يفيد بيهم حجي الحبيات وكل هل الكلاوات..لازم نشوفهم العين الحمرا
Beautifull Very
Will you ever stop being party to the war crime that is the occupation of Iraq? How maney people must be tortured for you to realize that you are fighting for the criminals? Are you seriously proud of what you have made of your life? Ona day, you will wish you had chosen a different path.
Like Iraqis,I grew up in a controlled environment,living with constant fear and violence. Anger and anxiety were bottled up,as compliance and passivity were essential for survival. When the cap was removed after 17 long years,all those repressed feelings had to be dealt with. Thankfully,I hurt myself instead of others. I was hospitalised for 5 years after literally losing my mind. I eventually put my life together,but only because there was help available. Help I'm afraid Iraqis don't have. Iraqis trust noone. They're surrounded on all sides by countries with their own agendas. With the cap finally removed,anger and anxieties have bubbled to the surface. Iraqis went from being under constant surveillance,to having no security to speak of. Neighbors have turned on each other. Differences have become divisions. People feel compelled to choose sides. To seek saftety from whoever seems able to provide it. Iraqis have to put their lives back together. But,they have to do it on their own. There's just no outside help available. Yes,Americans want to help. But,we're different cultures and have different expectations. We're not trusted,or even liked, by most Iraqis. It could take many years for Iraqis to put their lives together. To return to some sense of normalcy. It's not something we can just throw money at. There is no quick fix. No magic bullet. No amount of politics will heal the nations psyche. And that healing can't even begin until the fighting stops.
S3ooooda um el taqs!!!!! Great to have you back.. fdeeet 3umreee dammek khafeef inti wel concrete!!!!
i guess the inspiration is back....or is it?
mixmax...you know, now that you mention it, she hasnt left Iraq...could it be the other thing or maybe the other way round?..lol
anon..you are such a waste of space. If you have been reading the blog in the past, you will know that they are crazy about each other, but living in that place all that time must be hell on a relationship. Good to see you back NIW and remember to treasure each other no matter what.
I've read your words. Each word touch me deeply. I'd like to tell you that the situation will get better, but in fact I don't have any idea about what you was living. Otherwise, we are all responsible for what we made on earth ans it depends on you to change it when we could do it. I'd like to bring you hopeness. In fact, I have a question : what can we do for us ?. If here, in france, we create some support commitee in order to allow your family and you to join us, could it help you or your "desire" is to stay. If we can do something for you, we do. My email adress is : anna.monod@hotmail.fr Please, i can't belong to spend my life only for me and in my world as if i was alone. You have the right to know that world which was yours not so long ago. We'll try to help you if we can and of course if it is what you want.your world is our world and we could maybe change it together. That seems to be unrealistic, or just a strange idea. That's just my hope, it applies to everybody. Take care of you.
(ps : apologize for my english)
Oh Neurotica-
I feel such relief to see that you posted again. While you were away I found myself periodically checking in less and less often because I thought you would never post again and I would have to always wonder why.
Strange how the plight of someone I've never met can keep me up at night. And how it can hurt to feel so powerless. Not just about you, but all the Iraqi's you speak of.
All I can say is thank you for posting something...anything.
Much love
Kim
I'm an American who just happened to stumble upon your blog. Your writing is fabulous! I want you to know, that not ALL Americans are fascist "god-idiots" like Bush. I hate how he has justified this war using the terrorist attacks in NY. People in the US with 1/2 a brain know that Iraq had NOTHING to do with that. Every day I hear about how many US soldiers have died. But nobody says how many Iraqi's have died. It makes me angry that they only report one side of this conflict. I want the US out of Iraq and I want my country to mind it's OWN business.
I wish you peace and safety. I won't pray for you because I don't believe in a god. I believe in good people.
Finally someone who cares about the other side too.
Thank you anon. God Bless you.
Welcome back, NIW!`
Some posts are really ridiculous, lets have US with no security or police for few days only, without even mentioning occupying forces doing whatever they do... Or... maybe just electricity cut for few hours in some state? or hurricane with functional system - let alone disbanded system?
Thanks to all of you for your comments. I never knew, seriously, I never knew that people do take heed and read my blog. I have been going through some rough times, which is kinda affecting my writing.
But Im very happy to see that some of you do care. As for the others who keep mocking....Well I have no words for you, except, I pity you...
Thanks again...I hope I will be back to normal soon...
So glad to see you're back on the blog, and more importantly, alive and spittin' :) I love the marijuana idea-- we need a Johnny Appleseed to plant some of those Dutch seeds across the US too! Take good care NIW... :)
oh, the last thing they need is marijuana. They'd be spaced out for a while, then come the come down, and all hell would break loose (not to mention the long term psychosis problems).
I'm new to blog, so excuse me for not know alot about you, but this blog is great. This world needs great mujahidas like yourself. Keep up the good work habibty.
The issue of why this is happening has kept me up at night as well. I'm trying to understand it, get to the root of it- for it is indeed a deep-rooted problem, with multi-layered causes. We need to know were to start. I think if we go back to the beginning- the primary problems are greed, pride and miscontrued religion. Most of these people fighting in the name of religion, don't actually know the first thing about it, its just an excuse for them. I was interested to find out recently that sufi islam started in Iraq, as a response to all the civil war and madness there some thousand years ago (nothing changes does it?). As well as putting sense to the madness, it also served to alleviate it too, as more people turned to spirituality.
Maybe we need a bit of sufi in the air and water.
（法新社倫敦四日電） 英國情色大亨芮孟的公司a片昨天a片下載說，芮孟日前去世，享壽八十二歲；這位身價上億的房地產開發商，曾經在倫敦av女優推出第一情色視訊場成人影片脫衣舞表演。色情
av情色電影
情色
芮孟的av女優財產av估計達六億五千萬英鎊（台幣將近四百億），由日本av於他名下事業大多分布在倫敦夜生活區蘇活區，因色情影片此成人擁有「蘇活之王」的稱號。成人網站
他的公司「保羅芮情色孟集團」旗下發行部落格多種情色雜誌，包成人網站括「Razzle」、「男性世界」以及「Ma部落格yfair」。
芮孟成人電影本名傑福瑞a片．安東尼．奎恩，父親為搬成人光碟運承包商。成人影片芮孟十五成人網站歲離開學av女優校，矢言要在表成人演事業留名，起先表演讀成人影片心術，後來成為巡迴av歌舞雜耍表sex演的製a片作人。
許多評論家認為，他把情色表演帶進主流社會a片，一九五九年主持破天荒的脫衣舞表演情色電影，後來更AV片靠著在蘇avdvd活區與倫部落格敦西區開發房成人電影地產賺得色情a片大筆財富。
色情
有人形容芮孟av是英a片下載國的海夫色情納，地位等同美國的「花花公子」創辦人海夫納。
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