neurotic Iraqi wife
January 07, 2007
Neurotic in Every Sense...
Keep aside the politics and Iraq's internal affairs for today, Im gonna write or to put it bluntly RANT about neurotica's internal affairs instead. So please spare me the nasty comments or better still, stop reading from this point on.
HUBBY and I are supposed to travel in a few weeks for our R&R, so far so good. I do my research on India, and the more I read the more I decided that I would love to go. I asked about visas, and umm turns out that visas to India from Baghdad takes about two weeks. Visas to India from the Emirates takes one day for residents and a week for non residents. Hmm, we dont really have much time. Our vacation is about 2 weeks, so a whole week in Abu Dhabi waiting for HUBBY's visa is no good. Mr HUBBY then decides that India is off the list and I should think of somewhere else to spend our vacation in. Somewhere warm in January. Hmmmm...
I was pretty disappointed, and btw, this is not what Im ranting about, just to let you know. Although India's nature and scenic views did take my breath away on the net, I realised that HUBBY is right. So Im abit in a static state right now, not knowing where to go (any suggestions???). The best solution would be spend the whole time in AD, but HUBBY just cant stand it, I never understood why.
Anyhow, the thing that really really got to me was this, he comes picks me up as usual to have our one hour rendezvous (which btw is becoming more like 10 minutes of meaningful conversation and the remaining 50 mins HUBBY is on his mobile phone talking to clients!!!) He is in the car all happy go lucky
HUBBY: Hey sweetie, how are you? (giving me his usual kiss on the cheek)
ME: Im fine, abit tired, how are you, how was work?
HUBBY: Work is great, Im having such a good time and I finally feel that the big boss thinks Im doing such a good job.(smiling profusely)
ME: thats good (me sulking cuz HUBBY is never this chirpy with me)
HUBBY (continues without even noticing the change of my mood): Sweetie, you know I love you right?
ME (thinking to myself UHOH, something smells fishy here): OK out with it, what is it?
HUBBY: Well promise me you wont get mad
ME: Just say it will you
HUBBY: I have umm, I have to travel, travel outside Iraq
ME : WHERRRRRRRRRRE???WHYYYYY???WHENNNNNNNN???(LITERALLY SCREAMING MY HEAD OFF)
HUBBY (Clears his throat): Umm for a high profile business meeting. Its only 2 days
ME: TWO DAYS!!! YOURE GONNA LEAVE ME HERE ALL ALONE FOR TWO DAYS!!!
HUBBY: Its not like..
ME (Cutting him off): You know what? I wish that one of these 2 days a rocket will target me and kill me so you will feel guilty for the rest of your life, so there
HUBBY: Oh dont be like that, dont make me feel guilty, you should support me
ME: Support you??? Why should I support you??? Ive come here to be with you, all you ever wanted was help your countrymen who by the way see us as traitors, and you tell me to support you??? What more can I do???
HUBBY: Be more understanding, ok come with me, tell them its emergency leave and you need to travel for a few days
ME: You know thats not feasible because in a few weeks its our R&R!!!
And so the rest of the evening was spent with me sulking and HUBBY trying to comfort me by asking me what I would like him to get me. I literally spat out, I....... DONT .......WANT.....ANYTHING, You go and have fun, while Im here all alone, praying that I might get hit with a rocket, ha!!!
I swear if my parents would find out he is gonna leave me here, he wont hear the end of it (especially from my mom), hence my first call in the morning will be to them, hehe...Serves him right. I will just say it as a btw mom, HUBBY is gonna travel for a meeting and Im gonna be here, so dont worry about me, lol.
I told him today that ever since we got married Im constantly struggling. Its actually comical, you can tell from the very first post I wrote almost 2 and a half years ago till this day. Its like Im fighting all the time. Couldnt he atleast tell his boss that he CANT GO because he has a responsibility, HIS WIFE??? I know I know Im blowing it outta proportion but I know, if it was ME travelling for an important "Business" meeting, he wouldnt have it. I even asked him how would he feel, he simply said, you wont go. So why is it OK for HIM and NOT OK for ME???
Thats what bugs me. This thing about youre a woman and Im a man BS. In my own special dictionary, whats good for you is good for me, end of story. So there, Ive let it all out. I aint gonna forgive him. I even told him, one day its gonna be pay back time, lol...He tried his best to comfort me by counting all the things he is gonna get for me on his trip, naturally his trick didnt work. Mrs here continued her pouting ritual.
I mean cmon, dont you think its unfair? Had I been with my family, somewhere normal, it would have been a different matter, but HERE!!! Im already in a prison, and the one hour I have outside the damn gate of the compound is semi heaven. Yeah call me selfish call me mean, but the notion of him being outside having fun, and me being imprisoned will have some drastic consequences, like..... maybe..... switching my mobile off so he will be worried sick about me and wont be able to concentrate in his meeting. He will feel so guilty for leaving me here cut his trip short and beg for forgiveness...YESSSSSSSSSSSS, thats exactly what Im gonna do...hehe
I told you before, women are nothing but coniving creatures, especially MEEEEEE...whew, I feel much better now. And people wander why I call myself neurotic. Believe me, I AM NEUROTIC. Neurotic in every Sense...
HUBBY and I are supposed to travel in a few weeks for our R&R, so far so good. I do my research on India, and the more I read the more I decided that I would love to go. I asked about visas, and umm turns out that visas to India from Baghdad takes about two weeks. Visas to India from the Emirates takes one day for residents and a week for non residents. Hmm, we dont really have much time. Our vacation is about 2 weeks, so a whole week in Abu Dhabi waiting for HUBBY's visa is no good. Mr HUBBY then decides that India is off the list and I should think of somewhere else to spend our vacation in. Somewhere warm in January. Hmmmm...
I was pretty disappointed, and btw, this is not what Im ranting about, just to let you know. Although India's nature and scenic views did take my breath away on the net, I realised that HUBBY is right. So Im abit in a static state right now, not knowing where to go (any suggestions???). The best solution would be spend the whole time in AD, but HUBBY just cant stand it, I never understood why.
Anyhow, the thing that really really got to me was this, he comes picks me up as usual to have our one hour rendezvous (which btw is becoming more like 10 minutes of meaningful conversation and the remaining 50 mins HUBBY is on his mobile phone talking to clients!!!) He is in the car all happy go lucky
HUBBY: Hey sweetie, how are you? (giving me his usual kiss on the cheek)
ME: Im fine, abit tired, how are you, how was work?
HUBBY: Work is great, Im having such a good time and I finally feel that the big boss thinks Im doing such a good job.(smiling profusely)
ME: thats good (me sulking cuz HUBBY is never this chirpy with me)
HUBBY (continues without even noticing the change of my mood): Sweetie, you know I love you right?
ME (thinking to myself UHOH, something smells fishy here): OK out with it, what is it?
HUBBY: Well promise me you wont get mad
ME: Just say it will you
HUBBY: I have umm, I have to travel, travel outside Iraq
ME : WHERRRRRRRRRRE???WHYYYYY???WHENNNNNNNN???(LITERALLY SCREAMING MY HEAD OFF)
HUBBY (Clears his throat): Umm for a high profile business meeting. Its only 2 days
ME: TWO DAYS!!! YOURE GONNA LEAVE ME HERE ALL ALONE FOR TWO DAYS!!!
HUBBY: Its not like..
ME (Cutting him off): You know what? I wish that one of these 2 days a rocket will target me and kill me so you will feel guilty for the rest of your life, so there
HUBBY: Oh dont be like that, dont make me feel guilty, you should support me
ME: Support you??? Why should I support you??? Ive come here to be with you, all you ever wanted was help your countrymen who by the way see us as traitors, and you tell me to support you??? What more can I do???
HUBBY: Be more understanding, ok come with me, tell them its emergency leave and you need to travel for a few days
ME: You know thats not feasible because in a few weeks its our R&R!!!
And so the rest of the evening was spent with me sulking and HUBBY trying to comfort me by asking me what I would like him to get me. I literally spat out, I....... DONT .......WANT.....ANYTHING, You go and have fun, while Im here all alone, praying that I might get hit with a rocket, ha!!!
I swear if my parents would find out he is gonna leave me here, he wont hear the end of it (especially from my mom), hence my first call in the morning will be to them, hehe...Serves him right. I will just say it as a btw mom, HUBBY is gonna travel for a meeting and Im gonna be here, so dont worry about me, lol.
I told him today that ever since we got married Im constantly struggling. Its actually comical, you can tell from the very first post I wrote almost 2 and a half years ago till this day. Its like Im fighting all the time. Couldnt he atleast tell his boss that he CANT GO because he has a responsibility, HIS WIFE??? I know I know Im blowing it outta proportion but I know, if it was ME travelling for an important "Business" meeting, he wouldnt have it. I even asked him how would he feel, he simply said, you wont go. So why is it OK for HIM and NOT OK for ME???
Thats what bugs me. This thing about youre a woman and Im a man BS. In my own special dictionary, whats good for you is good for me, end of story. So there, Ive let it all out. I aint gonna forgive him. I even told him, one day its gonna be pay back time, lol...He tried his best to comfort me by counting all the things he is gonna get for me on his trip, naturally his trick didnt work. Mrs here continued her pouting ritual.
I mean cmon, dont you think its unfair? Had I been with my family, somewhere normal, it would have been a different matter, but HERE!!! Im already in a prison, and the one hour I have outside the damn gate of the compound is semi heaven. Yeah call me selfish call me mean, but the notion of him being outside having fun, and me being imprisoned will have some drastic consequences, like..... maybe..... switching my mobile off so he will be worried sick about me and wont be able to concentrate in his meeting. He will feel so guilty for leaving me here cut his trip short and beg for forgiveness...YESSSSSSSSSSSS, thats exactly what Im gonna do...hehe
I told you before, women are nothing but coniving creatures, especially MEEEEEE...whew, I feel much better now. And people wander why I call myself neurotic. Believe me, I AM NEUROTIC. Neurotic in every Sense...
43 Comments:
First about the visa to other countries. Is it just India or is that standard waiting time for people traveling from Iraq?
If it is then Hubby might have to settle for AD.
If not, how about Indonesia? After the Tsunami hit they came out with some good travel deals to drum up business.
I know it's hard to have him gone for 2 days. But it is only 2 days. And whether you turn the cell off or not you know he's going to worry about you.
He said "you won't go"? Not you can't go? Sounds like he's saying he doesn't think you would go, not that he wouldn't let you. Of course if he meant you can't go then that would be a double standard and definately unfair.
Maybe you'll have to test that someday. :)
You go girl, Give him some grief. The trick is to keep tht pout for before he goes and after he comes back. Dont let it slip for love or money. LOL.
I'd be mean and nasty and pouty myself. But, on the outside looking in...You of all people, considering where you have been and what you have been seeing and hearing lately,should know that life is short, either of you could be gone any second and you don't want things left on a bad note. Just in case.
But I would also push to get the hell out of that country (both of you). Permanently! It is taking it's toll on your marriage.
You should be more supportive of your husband! :P
I know it's gotta hurt but try not to take it out on him. Unless he really deserves it. Then give it to him with both barrels and so forth...
Honestly, its only two days. I am not sure why you put "Business" in quotes but if it is infact business/work related, I can't imagine how much choice he has. I know its frustrating for you but its his work and a lot of people have to travel for their work.
Lol! You know that's why we love ya'll(women)N.I.W. Never a dull moment.
It seems like you're in a very tough spot, simply wanting TIME and REAL ATTENTION for more than ten minutes and he has to go away, and there you are stuck in Iraq...it's got to be terribly difficult. And that support your husband bullshit aside, of course you're supporting him, but you have a right to be upset too. From the outside looking in, it seems like a few basic needs aren't being met and that's what's making you upset.
Since he is going away for 48 hours, try to do your best, and be sure to talk about the real issues here. Don't stuff it. It sounds like you don't, but hopefully, he's open to communication too.
Choice #1: Take Hubby up on his invite and tell the people at work you will be gone a couple of days on a business trip with Hubby. (family comes first doesn't it?)
Choice #2: You can stay and pout those two days away and make both of you miserable.
Choice #3: Accept that he will be going and if he wants to buy something for you, ask for something expensive or unique. That way it will cost him something and he will be thinking of you while away.
About the cell phone during your hour together. I would nip that in the bud. Ask him to put it on vibrate and have his calls forwarded. It's not like you have a lot of time together to begin with. Communication is vital to any relationship, don't let him take that time with you for granted.
Since India is out tell him you want to spend your R&R together with your family. :) I'm not sure if that would be a punishment for Hubby but then your mother could tell him in person what she thinks of him leaving you alone in Iraq for a couple of days. Hehehe. Indonesia sounds nice, or any southeast Asian coastal country. Nice tropical beaches:)
I stumbled across your site a while back, and it is nice to here from someone who actually lives in Iraq for a change. Keep us informed and stay safe.
http://unclemeat.wordpress.com/
Ok suggestions for other countries: Mexico (been there three times, it's nice, especially Cancun), Ecuador (been there twice, yet another fine country), US (our visas are harder than hell to come by unfortunately, trying to help my gf with one), British Virgin Isles (never been, hear it's nice), and Kuwait (I'm serious with regards to Kuwait, is it nice? does anyone know). With regards to the separation, it's difficult. It'll be five months before I see her again. I can't begin to imagine (I'm always one of those people that has to experience something to understand) what it's like to be couped up all day there. Just try to stay strong, if possible. Best wishes, I'll say a prayer for the two of you. Stay safe!
You're such a whiney wife. As if being Iraq isn't enough, you were raised in the U.S. God, that must be a deadly combination for a woman. I pity your poor husband.
As a born-and-bred Iraqi dude myself I would say you are totally unjustified as a person, come on girl, it's only 2 days! but as a woman (and an iraqi woman, to boot)..you are exhibiting normal behavior, you do whine about him an awful lot but i think that's part of your charm and personality so don't ever feel bad about it - and it shows how much you really love him.
I was in such a situation once, except i was on the receiving end so I know what can u do to make Hubby feel bad...complete cold-shoulder on his ass will just have him nice and cuddly on the inside of your palm, just don't fall for any sweet words until he repents.
Kick ass, neuro!
Hi NIW,
Ohhhh my!! If you would leave the phone switched off for few hours I bet you HUBBY will ride a Jet to come and see you...hehe..but if he reads this post then your trick ain't gonna work :|
About the countries...since I am stuck in here and had never been to any place but Syria, and since I'm living with people from different ethnicities, Turkman and Kurds...well all of them advise Turkey as a place to go and spend your vacation in...they say it is charm and great...think about it.
You could always come to Australia....its beautiful summer weather here right now.
Suzy xx
Sorry to say this but i think you need to ask your self AM I HAPPY? and before that define HAPPINESS cause no one gets whatever he/she wants... and your husband needs to do the same... so you both will appreciate what the other partner is doing and vice versa... he must did something for you before.. didnt he? remeber all the good things and it is not the end of the world and remember every thing good he does its outcome evantually is YOURS... and can i suggest Mexico, South Africa or China.
It's like my wife got cloned in you. I can say this because I am confident my wife will never read this or I will not hear the end of it either. I wish I could be as patient and calm as your husband sounds to be. Sometimes I succeed, but other times I just can't take it anymore and I end up sleeping in the car overnight.
Hello :D
My sister and her husband recently got married and went away to Malaysia (Langkawi) for their honeymoon. While in Langkawi, they were taken to a secluded beach (just the 2 of them) for a couple of hours. THey were completely by themselves. I think that would be really nice for u and ur HUBBY.
Egypt might be fun ...
and your office is probably
going to get a Billion more
US Dollars to spend ...
So you and "Hubby" need to get
well rested on your vacation ...
as we Americans want to see this
next Billion get spent well and well accounted for ... as more
Hospitals and clinics and infastructure get built your
Countrymen will change their views
about you being a traitor ... good people in the right positions are necessary for Iraq to not only survive but to turn the page and prosper ... you and "Hubby" are playing a much bigger role then you may think right Now ...
enjoy vacation and the next Billion in US aid
"if it was ME travelling for an important "Business" meeting, he wouldnt have it. I even asked him how would he feel, he simply said, you wont go. So why is it OK for HIM and NOT OK for ME???"
Hey, it sounds like HUBBY is choosing the times when your are sovereign and when you are not. :-)
Have fun on your vacation...
Either go with Hubby on his business trip, or decide to have a good time while he's gone, by planning anything you can think of to do that's fun with your friends. If you're busy the whole time, you won't be as ticked off about him being gone.
I agree with Kathy about Hubby's cell phone during your limited time together. The ringer needs to be switched off for that hour. They can always leave a message.
How about Pamukkale in Turkey? Never been there, but it looks interesting. Would it be too cold this time of year?
Thailand. You can fly right into Phuket and visa is issude on arrival.
I don't understand. You said R&R is in "a few weeks" and it takes a week to get a visa. That's enough time, isn't it?
As far as a place to go, I'd say the carribean of course, but I assume you want someplace closer. What about Greece?
And stop complaining so much and be proactive. Get out with your friends once in a while. He seems to leave you mostly alone, so that shouldn't be a problem. Interesting that you put "business trip" in quotations. Do you think he's messing around on you?
If you want my advice, I'd say leave Iraq. It doesn't seem to be doing much good with you being there - he's mostly working or networking, and seems distracted even when he comes home. You're obviously miserable. It's simple to just leave and go back home. Next time he has leave he can visit you.
hey sis, it really is me! i think u should just get home and back to civilisation, forget india or going anywhere else, u miss home so come home and if he doesnt like it WHO CARES! see u soon! mama itsalim 3alaich hwayeh! mwwwaaah
take care now
Hey Lynette, Im not sure if getting a visa from here from any embassy takes that long. This was the first time we try applying from Baghdad.
As for the 2 days, umm now its become more like 5 days!!! Im so pissed off right now. As for Indonesia, I would love to go there, but arent there the islamists etc problems??? I need a place to relax...
Lol Justme, I dunno if its working, and if it is, he decided to stay there longer!!!
Umhaleema, I agree,I think being here is itaking its toll and teaching him bad habbits, like being too independent and not in need for me...Not Good
Lol Craig, Umm, probably the reason he is happy he is away is so that he can have time without nagging!!! poor him...
Anon, I know ppl have to travel for business, my father does that all the time, but he takes my mom with him. I guess I have high expectations. And no, I couldnt simply ask my company to let me go since Im going on RR soon..
Solo, I totally agree. Women make their partners lives more umm colourful, right???
a, Thanx, finally someone who knows where Im coming from!!!
Kathy, if it was upto me, I would have gone with him, but I couldnt, I had deadlines and briefings galore this week. There was no way they would have approved me leaving. As for the mobile phone, Im gonna take your advice and next time, I WILL SWITCH IT OFF FOR HIM!!! I swear its like he is married to his job and not me...I wander will things get better with time???
Hey Unclemeat, welcome to my blog. Im glad you enjoyed reading it...
Matt, wow, nice suggestions, but hubby always tells me that we can always do South America when we still down in the states, if we ever do that is...Kuwait??? OMG, no way in hell I will spend my R&R there. Id rather stay in this prison than go there...5 MONTHS!!! Wowwww, thats a long way, how do u deal with it???
Lol some Iraqi dude, for your info, I never lived in the US and so was never raised there...Bes eee i7na il 3ira8iayat ma3roofeen bil nakad malatna... such is life...
AK, heyyyyyyyyyyy, long timmmmmee, how have u been??? Lol, umm I think Im gonna take u up on that and see what happens. Ive left my mobile on, but from tomorrow Im gonna switch it off!!! especially now that his 2 days became 5
I heard syria is beautiful, but I have never been there. Dont think I wanna go there now. Ive been to Turkey and I fell in love with Istanbul. Im telling hubby to go there since he has never been, but he says its gonna be too cold...
Hey Suzy, you know what, Im actually looking into australia and South Africa. I dont think we need visas to get there and if we do, then we get them from the airport, I hope. But getting there is the hassle, australia from dubai is like 24 hours!!! and we are smokers I dont think I can handle that...
Looooooooooooooool Sang J....that made me laugh seriously. Well see I guess my husband is lucky, whenever he doesnt like what Im saying, he just goes to his compound and leave me furious!!!
Hey Ala, we went to Malaysia. And I loved it. But not lankawi, we just had time for Kualalampur. And umm altho I love the beach, dear HUBBY hates the sand!!!I tell you, its hard to please both me and him at the same time...
Anon, Hmm A billion???I heard that theyre gonna stop funding new projects. Not sure abt the Billion. As for egypt, Umm been there. It was beautiful, went to cairo and sharm. But Hubby didnt really enjoy it cuz we had the biggest fight ever...
OJ, EXACTLY!!!! OMG that is soooooo true...UNFAIR
Anon, yes Im gonna take Kathys advice. Hmm never heard of Pamukkale. But I think Turkey is gonna be cold this time of yr.
Anon, been to Bangkok and phuket. Dont mind going there again. But he wants to go somewhere different. Damn I sound so fussy right??? Seriously I aint, I just like to relax and enjoy myself...
Sam, when I say few weeks, it can mean any day from today until a few weeks. I try to keep it vague for security reasons. As for friends, Umm what friends??? I dont have any here. Besides, everyone I work with, as in expats, once theyre done with work, they all go their rooms. There is nothing here. And no I dont think he is messing around, but I think his trip is both business and pleasure. When I say Pleasure I mean his "ME" time, which he has here anyways!!!
Fasanjooooooon!!! Wowwww, I swear when I saw that name I knew it was you...Shahaiteenee...Yummm....Say hi to mom for me, and u know what, start looking for deals on travel. Get some brochures pls!!!See you soon!!!
I am a person who likes to suggest solutions when I hear problems. I am gradually learning that my wife just wants to vent when she cries to me about her problems, but I slip up once in a while. When she asks me to do something unreasonable, I have also learned to just agree even if I have no intention of doing what she asks. This works about 2/3 of the time. Have you ever had an argument with your wife where she tells you to leave the house and then asks when you will be home an hour later? Have you had an argument where your wife ends up throwing your dry-clean only clothes in an unflushed toilet and blames you for being unreasonable? My wife hates my mother and God help me if I ever disagree with my wife when she rants about what she thinks about my mother. These incidents are infrequent and I love the mother of my two sons, but it gets challenging when I get told that I'm too stupid one minute and then asked for help the next.
NIW,
Bali is all about total relaxation. What tiny Chance of terror problems are way less if you avoid the Aussie beach scenes in Kuta and Sanur and head to Ubud. Get a massage every day, hang by the pool, see Balinese dances every night, great people, great food, great prices. I could even email you some great hotel choices if you want. Advance reservations not needed since tourism is still way down.
Hey NIW,
Believe it or not, my hubby left me maybe 4 times for 10 day trips while I was in Iraq, and I hated it each time, hated being alone, hated that I was there for him and he was leaving. And I was in the 'red zone', with a baby the last time. :) :) So I know how you feel, but its only two days! :) You'll be okay.
Grow up will you? the man is trying to build for a better future for both of you and you are so self-consumed to apprcaite that.
Hi, I am going to be filling in for the monkey editor of cyberray, until he gets back,he told me about you.
http://cyberray-rays.blogspot.com/2007/01/help-find-our-editor-cyber-bobo.html#links
So you need something closer geographically. You've probably been there already, but how about one of those little islands off the coast of Spain. Or Sicily? Or how about an Egyptian resort?
If you have never been to Greece, I would suggest it. It has been a little over 40 years since I spent 15 months there. I loved all the people I came in contact with. They were all wonderful. If I went into a resturant where no one could speak a language I could understand, they would go next door and get some one who could speak other languages. I visited many cities there and enjoyed hem all.
If I was in Hubbys place, I will divorce you immediately .You may realise you’re not only nurotic women but also a very selfish person. I fell sorry for Hubby, I wish he will undo his biggest mistake and divorce you for good.
God, I cant even vent out anymore without ppl telling me to "grow up" or hubby should divorce me or whatever. Well hey, dont tell me to stop whining, cuz youre not the one who was abandoned, 3 days after getting married. Youre not the one who had to live through nerve wrecking 12 months, not knowing whether your spouse is dead or alive. Youre not the one who is having a hard time to having a normal life because your spouse is married to work and his country rather than his wife. No, Youre not the one who is trying their best to have a so called normal and stable married life in a stressful environment. So no I cant agree with u on this one. You have no right to be rude and nasty, because YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT FEELS to keep struggling in keeping the marriage alive!!! So in plain english SOD OFF!!!If you dont like what you read, then dont read it. What part of the sentence "spare me nasty comments" you dont understand. Maybe next time I should switch the comments section off...
"in plain english SOD OFF!!!" Is that what you learned in the U.K.!!! ..... I really think that Hubbys should rethink his marriage, if thats your attitute.
neurotic_wife,
Don't listen to everybody else. I get my share of advice of what I should do when I describe the difficulties I go through in my marriage which is rare because of the type of advice you see here, but they aren't in your shoes and don't see the whole picture and simply aren't the same people you and your husband are. Your husband chose you for who you are, and he understood the commitment he made. Your relationship is unique and one that you both create that nobody else on this board can really comprehend no matter how many words they read. Keep the comments on. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. (Yeah, it's a cliche, but I like it).
I want to congratulate you into your insight of your personality. You call yourself "neurotic_wife", it means that you know that you are a neurotic person (neurotic) and you are married (wife). What is a neurotic person? how do you define a person who is neurotic?
Neurotic: The term neurosis was coined by the Scottish doctor, William Cullen in 1769 to refer to disorders of sense and motion caused by a general affection of the nervous system. The term (also psychoneurosis or neurotic disorder) in modern psychology refers to any mental disorder that, although may cause distress, does not interfere with rational thought or the persons' ability to function. This is in contrast to psychosis which refers to more severe disorders.
Neurosis: also known as psychoneurosis or neurotic disorder, is a "catch all" term that refers to any mental imbalance that causes distress, but, unlike a psychosis or some personality disorders, does not prevent rational thought or an individual's ability to function in daily life. It is particularly associated with the discipline/school of psychoanalysis, which is not to be confused with psychology or psychiatry.
Neurotic Symptoms: are unstable compromise attempts at drive gratification where this has been inhibited as incompatible with other personality characteristics, eg a knife phobia may conceal deep seated destructive wishes. In this way self esteem is kept intact but the individual is able, in his phobia, to remain absorbed in primitive desires disguised as fear or disgust.
Treatment: Although neuroses are targeted by psychoanalysis, psychotherapy, counseling, or other psychiatric techniques, there is still controversy over whether these professionals can perform accurate and reliable diagnoses, and whether many of the resulting treatments are also appropriate, effective, and reliable. Some studies show no extra benefit gained from talk therapies when compared with other kinds of untrained personal companionship and discussion.
sad really to see this happen between couples, especially newly-weds.. hope it improves.
All I know is if I had a wife as beautiful as you I would NEVER leave her alone in Baghdad. Like you said he wouldn't let you go....
He shouldn't go without you, as he wouldn't NEVER let you go without him.
Hey Neurotic,
I am Suzy's Husband (from Australia). I am not sure if she has told you or not, I flew out on our Wedding Night (she spent it alone) for nine years she has spent on average five months a year with me home (a week here and there). She has bought up three Children who are all very successful in school and outside activities. For the past three years I have been working three months in Iraq then three weeks at home in Australia. I love her for not ever complaining at me, doubting me, whining at me, I have just counted how many xmas's we have missed in a row...it is even a shock to me...seven out of ten, it is a disgrace. Even more so given that we have no family where we have bought our home. Why am I making good for another Country (Iraq)? They dont even want/appreciate it!!Reading your blog (yes I accidently came upon it on her computer) makes me appreciate what I have so much more. A few weeks without your loved one should be nothing if you have trust and believe in the cause, if not you need to ask your partner some serious questions. How can I justify my absence to my Wife when neither of us are from Iraq???? Please give me an answer. NDI is close to the Blue Star!!
NO NO ITS
Alla Uno, Alla Due, Alla Tres....
do I hear 200 .........
Shukran, anni love your writing, but please go easy on Hubby - he seems like a very wonderful man. Don't risk losing him through your nagging, please.
"if it was ME travelling for an important "Business" meeting, he wouldnt have it. I even asked him how would he feel, he simply said, you wont go. So why is it OK for HIM and NOT OK for ME???"
Oh my goodness, I so understand where you are coming from. The whole "I am man and when I put my foot down what I say goes" attitude drives me up the wall when it surfaces in my husband.
Usually we are arguing about something and he just looks at me and says "This conversation is over." That's it. It truly is over. All hope of trying to get whatever I was arguing in favor of is gone.
Mentally I'm throwing a tantrum fit for a child while railing at the injustice of him just being able to telling me "This is the way it's going to be."
Don't get me wrong. I love my husband. In fact I adore him. But that doesn't mean that the uber male decision maker side of him doesn't annoy the piss out of me at times.
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