neurotic Iraqi wife
March 09, 2007
The Iraqi Earth...
I do apologize for not writing and thanx to everyone who sent me emails and left comments asking about my well being. Im fine, dont worry about me. I guess my lack of words was caused by my aunt's death and everything else thats going around me. Ive been mourning her and mourning my old self as well by being silent. Complete and utter silence. I tried many times to write, I would start up blogger, write a few sentences then stop. I would stare at the screen for a long long time, then just switch my laptop off. My words, my words felt empty. I felt empty. Its like Im living a double life. One is struggling to deal with reality but silently, the other is pretending to deal with the cocoon enclave of the GZ. Im not even sure if Im making any sense right now.
When my brother broke the news of my aunt passing away a few weeks back, I went silent for a few seconds. I had to control all the emotions that were going through me at that moment. I didnt wanna break down and cry in the middle of the office. I didnt wanna show my tears to anyone. I kept it hidden deep down inside but the minute I reached my room, a few hours later, I let it all out. I let all my sadness, my anger my frustrations out. I locked the door and hid in the corner and cried. Cried like I havent cried before. I cried so hard that I choked on my tears. I couldnt stop. I guess I didnt wanna stop. I wanted it all out.
I came to realise that this place is unhealthy. Very unhealthy for one's mental health. No matter how much you try to hide it, no matter how much you pretend that you're dealing with the situation as well as anyone, there's a point in time where you just crack. My aunt's death was that small trigger my mind was waiting for, waiting for to break. My words, the words that Id type were empty. I realised that there's nothing I can do to bring back my aunt. There's nothing that I can do to bring back all the good people that lost their lives. Lost their lives because of Iraq. Yes my aunt lost her life because of this place. Had there been good enough doctors to detect the cancer, she wouldnt have ended the way she did. Had my other aunt gotten TB vaccination, she wouldnt have died because of an illness whose cure is widely available in the whole world except Iraq!!! Had my aunt's husband survived his depression of what was going on around him during the first gulf war, he wouldnt have chosen to give up. Yes everyone I ever loved, everyone I ever cherished, everyone who made my childhood memories of this place beautiful, disappeared. Disappeared because of this country. Gone because of Iraq.
One guy, H, said to me the other day, I wish I can belong. I wish I can belong to some other place. I wish I can belong. I looked at him confused, but You do belong. You belong here. He shook his head and said you know what I do every night? I ask god to make me belong. I got alot of critisicm because I say the truth in my blog. People cant stand this place anymore. Yet I get comments that what I write is Bullshit. I get comments that I shouldn't complain and instead find solutions. What solutions do I have to make this place a better place? I have already cited these. I cited them and then what?
I hold my head up high because Im Iraqi, but the question is, am I really one??? I wear my Iraqi map close to my heart, I wear a bracelet that has the word Iraq on it, I even wore a tshirt that has "Im Iraqi" in arabic on it. But why??? Why do I do that. Is it because Im trying to prove a point to all those who have given up??? How can I be giving hope when I myself have lost it. Or maybe because I myself am trying to belong. Im trying to belong to a place that got so fragmented, fragmented not only physically but mentally. Im trying to belong to a place that took many lives, dear lives because someone woke up one day and decided to break it.
Yes thats the truth. And you know whats even worse, whats worse is when you read idiotic comments on other sites coming from idiotic people, questioning the fact that Iraqis have a right to live, to live in other countries. How dare you talk about them as if theyre murderers!!! How dare you!!! Its easy for you to write petitions to your senators asking them not to bring Iraqis to the States, because as one put it, "they have seen hell back in their country, and so they will cause hell here, I don’t want a criminal as a neighbour!!!". Yeah this is the kind of attention Iraqis are seeking. This is the kind of kindness they are looking for. This is what Iraqis deserve. Doors getting slapped in their faces. Maybe H is right afterall. Maybe its better if he belongs somewhere else. But how can he, how can he when the word Iraq is written all over him. B, a colleague of mine said, the only baby thats doomed from the second it comes out of his mom's womb, is the Iraqi Baby. So true. Words that keep resonating in my ears. That small bundle of a miracle, is doomed before he even takes his first breath.
A few weeks back some guy committed suicide. All I can say he wasn’t Iraqi. I cant say if he was in the army or a contractor. But in a second of helplessness he took his life away. The life that people here, the Iraqi people, are trying to relinquish in any way or form. Ofcourse the incident was kept hush hush, why would they wanna tell anyone that this war is taking its toll on their own. Why would they want the world to know the truth? Because of that incident we had to take a mandatory class called "suicide prevention". Im glad I went to it. It was very informative and eye opening. Sometimes, people just let go. Let go and allow their weaknesses take over. Its not easy ending ones life. It really aint.
So yes this place takes its toll, but you wander, you wander how the Iraqi people endure all the destruction and mayhem yet their only desire in life is to go on living. You wander how these courageous people do it. Although their only goal is to live, you can see that the point of meltdown is nearing. I know they wont take their own lives, cuz I know they are resilient, but I do know, I do know from all those around me, depression is making its way to them. The consequences of their living circumstances is far more volatile than you think. I asked Dr A whats wrong and he plainly said Im depressed. I asked Z, whats wrong? and he immediately answered Im depressed. In a country were men are supposed to be strong and unbreakable, they are indeed losing their grip.
I think Ive rambled enough, I didnt get a chance to wave good bye to my beloved aunt, but I did get a chance to say adios to my old self. The smile that used to come so easily from the heart, now struggles. For even when Im smiling, deep down Im being torn apart. Torn apart while Im trying to belong. This place teaches you how to become an actor. A professional actor whose emotions are suppressed by silent desires. I just learnt that my father got ill. Got ill and nobody informed me. No one informed me because they know I will worry myself to death. Thats how I am. I still have that uneasy feeling, even when everyone assured me he is getting better, much better. But you see, it is my father who taught me to always be strong. He never showed us his sadness, he never showed us his stress. Behind that beautiful smile he always exhibited, lay tons of worries. Worries that he only knows of. When I spoke to him to give him my condolences for my aunt, the first thing I said, Dad, dad please, please let it all out. Let it all out and dont keep it inside. For I know what keeping it inside can do.
As for here, the Iraqi government decided to take Saddam's Swords down, the ones in the GZ. Although the action was suddenly stopped, yet it baffled me that they believe by taking monuments down, they will erase history. Oh how little do they know. History can never be erased. History is, was and always will be engraved. If not engraved in the minds, then engraved in the earth. The Iraqi earth...
37 Comments:
NIW,
I am so relieved that you are okay... still here on Earth at least. Whenever I watched the news and they talk about the different attacks and casualties and injuries, I would think of you and make myself think that it was not you. Now I can see a LITTLE portion of what the worrisome, terrifying day to day life must be like over there. Constantly worrying that the next bomb will take a loved one away and shatter your world even more. I cannot even attempt to offer suggestions on HOW to keep you head up and your spirit alive among all the tragedy that you hear and see everyday. The fact that so many Iraqi's fight everyday to maintain their sanity, much less their spirit is inspirational. i pray for resilience and peace and hope onto you and all other people that must face these conditions daily.
I can breathe again.
Bob
Much relief that you're alive and many condolences on the loss of your loved one.
الحمد لله على سلامتك يا نيوروتك
إن لله و إنا إليه راجعون
الله يرحم عمتك و يدخلها جنات الفردوس
هل هذه نفس العمه اللتي زرتيها في الإمارات؟
الحمد لله إنك كتبتي اليوم... إن شاء الله لفوق دائما
NIW,
Condolences on the loss of your Aunt. I recently lost my sister-in-law to cancer and we also think she might have lived had it been caught earlier. We were very close. Its a terrible desease and its very hard to watch it take someone you love.
Of course your loss is compounded tenfold by the stress of your environment. The PTSD caused by this war will haunt Iraqis and others there for years too. You are right - it isn't a healthy way to live.
I am also in shock by the comments you make that people would object to Iraqi immigration in the US. I haven't heard comments like that hear and I don't know what blog you read it at, but take some comfort to know that even if it is true, it is a VERY small number of Americans that would feel that way. I can not imagine anyone I know thinking such a thing. In fact, as someone who sponsored a Vietnamese immigrant in the 80's and I know many others who also did, I can only expect that the US public will step up and welcome displaced Iraqis with open arms. As then, it will probably just not happen as fast as it needs to. They will get here via a refugee path through many other countries first. Based on history, there is reason for hope. Unfortunately the journey is a painful one.
Hang in there. Be safe. Do what is best for your own sanity.
I came across your site. I thought I had it bad living in Gaza, but what you guys are going through in Iraq is 100x worse. Stay safe and try to stay sane. That's been my motto since I moved to Gaza three years ago.
I am sorry for the loss, Ive been reading your blogs for sometime now, I understand your deep sadness and frustration about the situation in Iraq and life in general. My experience in life taught me that time is always a good heeler, I am sure there will be a day where you will look back and remember this hardship and say… wow that was a great mountain to climb. Then (and not now) you will see how strong you will be to face even grater challenges in life, by being positive you help your health, your mood and other people’s love for you to be better and stronger, I will keep on reading your blogs, and hope for a better future for you and for the whole of Iraq, keep the faith and please don’t stop writing.
Cheers
Anastasya
I, too, have a heavy heart for Iraq. The very fabric of Iraqi society has been smashed to dust; it no longer has civil society and governance as we in the West enjoy.
Removing Saddam was like popping a cork from a bottle of explosives.
He was the strong arm who kept a volatile country in an iron fist.
Rest assured that there are some of us trying to get our Governments to do more for the Iraqi refugees. This is the holocaust of our time.
Dear NiW,
Thank God you are alive!! I only wish I could also say thank God you're alright. You don't sound like you're alright. You sound like your spirit has been crushed. I'm sure you've thought about this, but I'll say it anyway. You have to take care of yourself first - your well being - because without that, you're not going to be up to taking care of anyone or anything else. You're young and this should be the best time of your life! Please don't spend it surrounded by depression and death. You're not required or expected to martyr the best years of your life.
My sincere sympathy on the loss of your aunt. I also recently lost an aunt to cancer. I despise the cruelty of cancer and the suffering it inflicts on the victim and everyone who dearly loves them. Today was the memorial service for a neighbor of ours, a truly beautiful (inside and out) girl of 18. The car she was driving was hit broadside on the highway right in front of our little community. Her car landed upside down in the center median. People, including her brother, were there instantly and pulled her out of the car. But, she was already gone. You could hear her brother wailing in grief for a long time. I feel just as bad for the young man who hit her. He has two broken legs, internal injuries, and he's here in California visiting from the Netherlands. It wasn't his fault. It was a freak accident. But, the vision of that beautiful young girl laying dead in the middle of the highway will replay in his mind for the rest of his life. I mention this, because it's very hard to deal with these things, while living in a nice place without the sounds, dangers, and insecurity of war surrounding me. I can't imagine living where you are now and dealing with the constant parade of losses running through your life. It would nut me up.
Unless something happens soon to lift the heavy cloud pressing down on you, I hope you and Hubby will change course and move on. You deserve to have peace and joy in your life just as much as anyone else does, and no one can fault you for pursuing happiness. I know there's a feeling of guilt that comes with leaving friends behind. But, they should be genuinely happy for you that you're able to leave, even if they don't have a way out.
Bamboo
"I am only one, but still I am one; I cannot do everything; but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do." - Edward Everett Hale.
NIW, whether that 'something' you and hubby choose to do is stay or go, that is up to you. Just know that you have a rather large support group out here in cyber space. We would not blame or chastise you for leaving and taking care of yourselves, nor would we say the same if you stay. I guess what I'm trying to convey to you is you have no jury here with most of your readers from what I can see.
While I cannot begin to imagine what your life is like, just know that I am praying for you, for your hubby, and for Iraq.
Always,
Melanie
NIW,
So good to see you post.
So sorry to hear of your loss.
It seems you need the warm embrace of your mother's arms, and the comfort of your father's voice. Anyway you can go to be with your family during this time of grief and loss? I know all of Iraq is grieving for the loss of many things, but please don't isolate your self from those you love the most.
If you are truly depressed, then get out of that place and get help. When you are stronger you can continue to do what you believe in, and provide support to others.
You had us worried NIW. You don't have to always say something profound. Just a simple sentence is all you have to write to let us know you are still there.
Dearest NIW,
my deep condolences....
I consider you as our Iraqi mediator who her voice will one day reach the UN and open other people's eyes on what is goining on in Iraq and Iraqis life...
You always speak our minds...
God bless you and your fingers..
Well then stop being greedy and pretending to care about Iraqis by living in the Green Zone. Get the hell out of our country and go back to America.
Salamz NIW :)
I wanna start off by sayin, even tho u prolly already know (and im very sure u do), that there are ppl that are goin to try to put u down and make u feel like shit. Xcuse my language. I myself left Iraq when I was very young. I was four. Im turnin 18 next month. Never in my life have I ever felt such passion for anything as much as I have for Iraq. Words cannot explain. So when ppl consider me as a non-iraqi just cuz I left Iraq and dont live thr anymore, It drives me physco. But it strengthens my love and patriotism. U, NIW, are a fighter. Becuz U, NIW, decided to overcome all and live in one of the most dangerous countries in the world. For YOUR country. U are one person, yes...but YOU are the one that decided to let go of ur peaceful world to do what u can for YOUR people, the people u love and gave up everything for. YOU can make it happen, otherwise, u would have left Iraq behind when u 1st left it many many yrs ago. So dont u ever dare to give up on hope. IRAQ ALWAYS WAS AND ALWAYS WILL BE. Be strong. Allah is always with you. Never underestimate his power.
About you aunt, 'Truly to Allah we belong, and truly to Allah we shall return.' I dont think I, or any1 can say anything to bring back ur aunt or to try and make u feel better but nothing stays forever. Inshallah she is in a safe place. God will protect.
Never give up.
العراق العظيم و العظمة لله
-Alacoacoa
Welcome back, Please do not despair
the one that's all knowing has given you a purpose in life, do not despair for it is always darkest before dawn.
We missed you
by the way, nice writing, I re-published an edited version of your post- come by Cyberray.Com see if you approve-thanks
so glad to know that you are ok. Very sorry to hear about your loss. Hang in there. We're all here for you!
jnhiTake all the time to heal you need to get over your personal loss.
Just living in Iraq must be incredibly stressful.
How casually and selfishly the Amercain War Criminals unleashed the destruction of your country.
When the American's leave, and they will, Iraqi's will be hanging from the skids of hellicopters just as the Vietmanese did. Hopefully, they have a plan to give refuge to Iraqi's who are at risk of retribution.
I hope my country Canada will step up and offer refuge. We have already taken in some Palestinians trapped in Iraq.
Many of us have not forgotten Iraq is the cradle of civilization and the Garden of Eden. We must believe the days of the barbarians are numbered.
tossing pebbles
do not worry too much it has already started, the USA has granted asylum to it's aides=translators, small price to pay.
Subhanalla,
Even from the grave they are still haunted by Saddam!
I will tell you why they want to remove any trace of his memory...It is for the same reason that the brave US boys murdered the family of Abeer Al-Janabi and then set her body on fire after raping and beating her...It is to wipe away any trace that reminds them of the crimes they have done and continue to do.
Saddam will continue to live in the hearts of all true Iraqis. As for the occupation, they will be defeated, whether it takes one year or ten or one hundred.
A pissed off Iraqi,
To go BACK to America, a person would need to have lived there before. To my knowledge, NIW has only visited America. I don't think she ever established residency there. If you're going to take the time to comment, at least say something meaningful, and back it up with facts or a thoughtful opinion. I'm interested to know why you're so angry and your words are so hateful. But, it won't be worth reading, unless you can calm down, and write something cohesive, without using foul language, or rudely attacking your host.
Glad to hear you are safe NIW!
K
Welcome back, you were missed.
Life is what you make of it. So you wanna be a humanitarian? Take your pick, thousands of opprtunities await the concious person. Perhaps you get a rush and a sense of estime by dedicating yourself to a place in the process of being torn apart? Perhaps you're following in another's footsteps? Perhaps more rewarding challenges are available to you?
What are you living for?
NIW, glad to hear you're safe, such as it is. I'm very sorry to hear about your aunt. It is a devastating thing to go through. I know from experience, and I understand the need to just turn inward for awhile. There are two feet between us and eveything else, and those are the two feet we stand on. Even with the support of friends and family, each individual has to deal with his or her own feelings. Ignore the negative replies. There will always be those that are weak, and want to take others down to their level. Stay strong. We are all far more than the labels we attach to ourselves. We are human beings first.
تبرىء الكلمات في القلوب
ثم همس الرب في قلوبنا...
الكلمات تصل حيث لا يقدر السلاح
سألنا حكيم قريتنا، كيف ينزل الدفء
على النفوس والشيطان
قد ألقى بسمومه المفضلة
خوفاً ويأساً وكراهية
على القلوب البريئة
كما الرماد من محرقة السعادة
كيف تنام عيون الايمان
وسرير الأمل
تفترشه ملاءة القنوط الشاحب
وعيون الحنث الفاسدة
تنتهك حرمة الكلمات المقدسة
وتسعد باغتيال هدايا السماء
وسألنا :كيف يبتسم الخير
ويصفع الكره الفضيلة من وجه الخجل
و أتباعه يشوهون ويحرفون فى نفوس ضحاياهم
حتى يصل الاعتقاد
بأن الإثم فضيلة والقتل عدالة والكره هو الحب
تحدث الحكيم
بصوته الخفيض وقال
أن للشيطان أتباع
يغتسلون في أنهار النبيذ في حادي*
وبعشق السخرية الفارغ
يحصدون نفوساً مغشوشة جنيت بمنجل الانتحار
مستحيل أن يكون الطريق إلى الفردوس مرصوفاً
بجثث الأبرياء - عبر نهرٍ من الدم
اعتنقوا مد الحق وجزره الرائع في قلوبكم
تقبّلوا الشك والعار أينما كانوا
لكي تدركوا أن النفس تسعد بالعطف وليس بالانتقام
سطع صوته كالضوء وقال:
ابحثوا بشجاعة في أعماق قلوبكم
بلا نفاق ولا خداع ولا إجحاف
وحين تلمسوا الايمان هناك
ستنزل الكلمات الالهيه دواءً للقلوب
مثل مطر أبدي يجذبه البحر دائماً
حتى يرتفع ليملأ حرم النفوس
بودٍ عميق هادىء ويغدو سلاماً
على شواطىء العزم الالهي.
[أرض الموتى في الأساطير الاغريقية*
It is good to know that you are ok. I even emailed a reporter once who did an interview with you to see if he could find you. He emailed me back that you had posted.
I am so very sorry about your aunt and your sadness and troubles.
I just wish that there was something I could do to help. What can we in the states do to help?
So good to know that you are OK NIW...we did miss you. Hugs on the loss of your aunt, and on the loss of so much else. You didn't mention hubby in this post, how is he feeling about this whole situation? How long are you going to last this out and survive the immense mental pressures too. Hope by this time your father is fully recovered. Blessings to you and yours.
So goddamn true, bless you Neuro. I have passed through the same blackness you have been thru but now I am somewhat more optimistic, not for Iraq, but for life in general. You see, it has always been like this, it's nothing new - Iraq has always been a bloodbath and there is the same greed, treachery, backwardness and deception today as it was 1400 years ago. So we are not unique in our miseries. I am not fatalistic, I hope one day we will change but it is a long difficult path so right now the best way to live is to live for and with the good and honest people who have always been around.
Well thank all things wonderful, you are okay (at least in form)!
I'm sorry to hear about your Aunt (on top of everything else). Rest assured, though, that death is but a door to a new life, the spirit continues on, and on, and on.
Is there a yoga group in the green zone? I think you should get involved, or start, something like that. Never underestimate a small group of enlightened women! The world is a physically and spiritually malleable place, use that gift to your benifit.
Have you ever read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People? Or the 8th Habit? By Stephen Covey? If not, order those books today!!! You could possibly put a large order of those books on company bankroll, and hand them out to everyone you know! The power of ideas expressed through mere words on writen page! Never underestimate!
NIW, you're back! I had almost given up on you.
I'm so glad to see you, but very sorry to hear about your Aunt. Please accept my condolences. *sigh* It seems I say that so much when I'm talking to people on these blogs.
I know it looks hopeless for Iraqi's getting into the US. But there have been some bright little moments. I hope that in the future there will be more. Don't give up, yet.
And don't give up on Iraq either.
Hi. I like your voice. I try every day to help people and they are too scared to tell me where the bad guys are because they are afraid of being killed by their neighbors. There is no such thing as a sectarian government here. They could never accept a government that doesn't represent them. Peoplehave to take sides here, there is no such thing as working together. They all work against each other, and also for themselves and their personal greed. The government is corrupt on every level in every agency. I do find people who have good hearts like you. They make reason with humanity and dream of changing the way Iraqi's think. The majority of Iraqi's in my area of Baghdad will never change the way they think. There has been too much blood spilled on every side, and too much brainwashing by shieks, imams, militia, and culture. I witness atrocities, and what I cnsider ethnic cleansing. So much hatred and so little humanity. It is true that military force cannot change this place. Only changing the way Iraqi's think, and they don't want to change their minds. They will always hate each other and kill each other. As long as westerners are here, violent muslim coutries will want to fight there like Iran and Syria. I will never quit because I know that if I do any good it's better than doing nothing, but no good I do will ever change the way they hate. I am sorry about your family, I will pray for them. I hope they get better, Inshallah.
NIW where are you? Come on you have to continue writting, we are all waiting for your posts. I'm sure it helps you as well, its like talking to someone when you feel sad and lonely. And I guess now you have some spare time in the evenings, when dear hubby is not there. We miss you all, I mean your family and friends.
Hey SIL, how are youuuuuuuuuu??? I miss you guys, and btw, your hubby turned out to be one hecka of a smart cookie!!! Thank him for me and kiss him as well!!!
Jaylin, thanx for your concern, but Im doing ok. Its the Iraqies living in the red zone that are the real victims here...Im trying to keep my head up, from time to time, I switch off...or atleast try to...
Lol Bob...Me too ;-)
Thanx Buzzcar, I guess I havent had the chance to mourn my aunt yet...in my thoughts, I think of her all the time...But then I try to think of other things just to keep me sane...
Hey Buj, yes she is the same aunt who came to Al Ain inorder to cure her cancer, but it was too late, because dr's in Iraq never detected it!!! And the worst part is, I refused to go visit her, cuz I was selfish enough not to see her in the bad state she was in. I wanted to keep her strong image instead in my mind...
Kris, I think I read it on CNN some time ago. Not really sure where..I know I shouldnt generalize as I know, especially from the people I work with, almost all of them try their best and help Iraqis whenever and however they can.
Palfather, I think its all relative really. The world is becoming a nasty place!!!
Anastasya, thanx for your kind words...
Anon, yes please, try your best. Write to your senators, I dunno write to anyone who can do something. When I say something, I dont mean retrieving the troops, I mean finding a solution for the Iraqis that were forced to leave their homes inorder to save their lives, and especially to the Iraqis who are stuck here because they cannot afford leaving!!!
Bamboo, my spirits have been crushed. Yes, constantly, together with everyone else around me!!!
Melanie, thanx, thanx for your prayers. Yes Iraq is going through a very very tough time, and Iraqis here, are going thru an even tougher time. The light they dreamt of seeing is no longer in the horizon. No longer there, how can we help, I have no clue...
Kathy, maybe isolating myself, and keeping my feelings inside, is my only way of staying insane. I dunno...Im keeping a barrier from myself. Im fed up of whining and complaining, but it seems everytime I write these are the only words that come out!!!
MM!!!!Long time!!! how are you sweetie??? Ive been away from the Blogodrome, I hope all is ok with you???
A pissed off Iraqi, umm its my country too, and I leave it whenever I decide to leave...Besides, Ive never lived in the States, maybe I will take your advice and go there, since Im sure I wont find people that are full of hate like yourself. Maybe thats why Iraq will never get better and safer cuz it has people like you in it....UGHHHHH!!!
Wowww Alacoacoa,thanx Im speechless for your kind words...I really am...I dunno what to say, except thank you!!!
Hey Ray, thanx again for your constant support!!!
Thanx Big Zed, thanx alot.
Tossing pebbles in the stream, wow, I wish I can toss pebbles in the tigris, as simple a wish as it is, I know it will never happen. One of my colleagues is a canadian, and he shares the same views as you, but I dunno, I dunno what will happen if Americans will leave. The militias will take over, and bloodshed will be everywhere. I dunno what the solution is anymore...
Anon, not enough measures are taken place. They should help all Iraqis, ALL....
ANon, I have no comment for you...
ANon, Lol, let them say what they want. They are just jealous, that Im trying my best to help, and they cant do jack shit except weep for their long gone baathist/bin laden regime to take over...But thanx for making things clear for him, not that it matters to him...
Thanx K!!
Anon, Good question, what am I living for??? I have to think about that...
Thanx solo
Wow through Grace, amazing words, so true..
dEBORAH, wowwww, lol...Maybe if I disappear this time ask him to write a plea for my freedom...Seriously I still have this image of me being handcuffed!!!
Beams, HUBBY deals with me, the way any father deals with his daughter, he gives me hugs, and tells me things will be ok...but will they ever??? I dont think he understands the immense pressure I have on myself. He had to go on a business trip and there he saw my father, who thank God was getting much better. But still I get worried abt my family all the time!!! I cant wait for the day to leave this place, I really cant...
KK!!!! Yes!!! Bes how??? How when everyone I see around me is depressed and lost hope???How can I be happy when everyone is dreamless???How KK???
Dahling, you know something, I was actually thinking of doing Yoga. INfavt there are a few lessons in the GZ, but Im too lzay to go there. Maybe I should get some DVD's and do it in my room instead. Ive read alot of books before, ones that really made me think abt life. But you see, being here, you cant switch off completely, you cant, even if you try...I may read the book, and it may have an effect on me for a few days then I go back to my old self again....theres no point...
OH Lynette dont give up on me, not yet...
Unchason, yes you are absolutaley right, no matter how much we try, there will always be hatred. SO true!!!
No it's not your country and you are no true Iraqi. You are an Iraqi collaborator maybe, a quisling. You want to help Iraqis by collaborating with their occupiers? The ones who are responsible for the whole mess? Who are you kidding? And what kind of reconstruction has your "hubbie" done so far? How much money has he made so far from these non-existent reconstruction projects? We'll see what you think of Iraqis when you go back to London or the U.S. or whatever hellhole you came from to enjoy the money you made out of Iraqis blood.
Why do some people find it so easy to label some Iraqis as collaborators if they simply disagree with them? Almost as easily as some Americans in suits confuse the words "Muslim" with "terrorist"...
Dear Iraqi Citizen,
I would like to know how Iraq is really going, and I am concerned that the media in the USA (I live in Los Angeles) are only giving bad news all the time. I suspect there are many positive developments that do not get reported.
I would like to hear opinions of real Iraqis living everywhere, since that would be more informative to me.
I am Jewish, and while I hate terrorists and radical Islam, I deeply respect and admire moderate Islam.
I would consider it an honor and a privilege if you would add my blog “The Tygrrrr Express” www.blacktygrrrr.wordpress.com to your list of linked sites if you feel the quality is high.
Happy June and God Bless.
eric
（法新社倫敦四日電） 英國情色大亨芮孟a片的公司昨天說，芮孟av日前成人影片去av女優世，享壽八十二歲；這位身價上億的房地產日本av開發商，部落格曾a片經在倫成人敦av推出第一場脫衣舞表演。
成人網站
芮孟的財產估計av女優達六億五千萬英鎊成人影片（台a片幣av女優將情色近四成人百億），由於他名下事業大多分布在倫敦夜生色情a片活色情區蘇活區sex，因此擁有「蘇成人網站活情色之王」的稱號。
部落格
他的公司「保羅芮成人影片孟集團」旗下發a片行多種情色雜誌，包括「Raavdvdzzle」、情色電影「男性世界」以及「Mayfair」。色情影片
芮孟本名傑福瑞．安東尼．奎恩，父親色情為搬運承包商。芮孟av十成人光碟五歲離開學校，矢言要在表演事業留名，起先表演讀av心術，後來成為巡迴歌舞雜耍表演的製作人。
許多評a片下載論家認為，他把情色情色電影表演帶進主流社會成人電影，一九五九年主成人網站持破情色視訊天荒的脫衣舞表演，後來更靠著在蘇活部落格區與倫敦色情西區開發房地產賺得大筆財富。
a片下載
有人形成人電影容芮孟是英國的海夫納，地位AV片等同美國的「花花公子」創辦人海夫納。
Post a Comment
<< Home