neurotic Iraqi wife
December 22, 2006
Empty Voices in the Wilderness...
A comment I got "You were linked to the BBC website.Now the World is reading your posts. It is your job to report what is REALLY going on. All we get is half truths and lies.TELL US!". What do you want me to tell you??? Me and a hundred other Iraqi bloggers have been writing for the past 2 years. What do you want to know that I havent written about before??? You want to know about the daily deaths? You want to know about the daily bombings? You want to know about the daily kidnappings? You want to know about the mass corruption? You want to know about the exodus of Iraqis leaving their country? You want to know about the Arabs and Afghans that are fighting their damn "Jihad" War here? You want to know about the sectarian violence? You want to know about the failed democracy and freedom? You want to know about the lost mission of Hearts and Minds?
What do you want to know? You want to know about the dead and tortured bodies found thrown on the streets daily? You want to know about the militias controlling the country? You want to know about the Visa blackmarket? You want to know about students being threatened to keep away from schools and universities? You want to know about the thousands of families being driven out of their homes because of their sects? You want to know about the thousands of children being orphaned? You want to know about the lost hopes and dreams? Tell me what it is you want to know that me nor the others havent talked about??? Tell me???Im begging YOU to tell me what is it YOU want to know???
After a certain time, it becomes like a broken record. A broken record that is best left on the shelf. I can tell that people have become sick and tired of Iraq. Sick and tired of whats going on here. I can tell that people have become so used to listening to the bad news that another breaking news story is no big deal anymore. Another death is no big deal. Another bombing is no big deal. Another suicide bomber is no big deal. This is what I can tell. So what is it that you want to know? I myself am not sure if I want to continue to write. Whats the point? Someone asked me very recently whether I will ever stop blogging. I immediately answered NO WAY, blogging is my life. But is it really? Whats the point? You read my words and then what? What difference will I or you make? Are we making any difference? NO. Will Iraq become normal again? NO. Will the violence stop? NO. Will there be no more bloodshed anymore? NO. Will Bush and Blair admit their mistakes and change their tactics? NO. Will the militias get executed for their crimes? NO. Will the Jihadists stop waging their war against the Innocent Iraqis? NO. Will the corrupt government leave their passion for the chair? NO. Will the corruption stop? NO. Will All those who died innocently come back? NO NO NO.
So what difference am I making or the others are making? Nothing. I have also been featured on Radioopensource with other Iraqi Bloggers. Dont get me wrong, but answer me this, WHAT IS THE POINT? Is it so the world can feel sorry for us? I sure DONT WANT YOUR PITY. Is it so the democrats can have a laugh and tell the republicans "I told you so". I DONT GIVE A DAMN. Is it so people can feel guilty? I DONT NEED YOUR GUILT. Is it so organisations can dispute statistics about Iraqi Deaths? I DONT CARE FOR YOUR NUMBERS. So WHAT IS THE POINT? Because right now, right now I am nothing but a voice. We are nothing but voices. Empty Voices. Empty Voices in the Wilderness...
What do you want to know? You want to know about the dead and tortured bodies found thrown on the streets daily? You want to know about the militias controlling the country? You want to know about the Visa blackmarket? You want to know about students being threatened to keep away from schools and universities? You want to know about the thousands of families being driven out of their homes because of their sects? You want to know about the thousands of children being orphaned? You want to know about the lost hopes and dreams? Tell me what it is you want to know that me nor the others havent talked about??? Tell me???Im begging YOU to tell me what is it YOU want to know???
After a certain time, it becomes like a broken record. A broken record that is best left on the shelf. I can tell that people have become sick and tired of Iraq. Sick and tired of whats going on here. I can tell that people have become so used to listening to the bad news that another breaking news story is no big deal anymore. Another death is no big deal. Another bombing is no big deal. Another suicide bomber is no big deal. This is what I can tell. So what is it that you want to know? I myself am not sure if I want to continue to write. Whats the point? Someone asked me very recently whether I will ever stop blogging. I immediately answered NO WAY, blogging is my life. But is it really? Whats the point? You read my words and then what? What difference will I or you make? Are we making any difference? NO. Will Iraq become normal again? NO. Will the violence stop? NO. Will there be no more bloodshed anymore? NO. Will Bush and Blair admit their mistakes and change their tactics? NO. Will the militias get executed for their crimes? NO. Will the Jihadists stop waging their war against the Innocent Iraqis? NO. Will the corrupt government leave their passion for the chair? NO. Will the corruption stop? NO. Will All those who died innocently come back? NO NO NO.
So what difference am I making or the others are making? Nothing. I have also been featured on Radioopensource with other Iraqi Bloggers. Dont get me wrong, but answer me this, WHAT IS THE POINT? Is it so the world can feel sorry for us? I sure DONT WANT YOUR PITY. Is it so the democrats can have a laugh and tell the republicans "I told you so". I DONT GIVE A DAMN. Is it so people can feel guilty? I DONT NEED YOUR GUILT. Is it so organisations can dispute statistics about Iraqi Deaths? I DONT CARE FOR YOUR NUMBERS. So WHAT IS THE POINT? Because right now, right now I am nothing but a voice. We are nothing but voices. Empty Voices. Empty Voices in the Wilderness...
17 Comments:
Yes you a just a voice, but, a voice which must be heard. A voice which must speak wht it sees.
A voice which must tell it like it is, An honest voice. Yes you are just a voice you speak to me. You tell me how the everyday iraqi feels. Dont give up voicing. You are being heard. Keep voicing, keep blogging. I have no answers to your questions as you seem to have answered them with one owrd..No. Dont give up NIW, There are some who feels you frustration and pain. Those who are hearing your voice.
Hi, the link to BBC does't work might want to check it.
Good post, my quess is , it does makes a difference, you make a difference in everyone that reads your post, small differences all add up.
I know you can only write about death so much, but every thing will come to pass it always does.
Congrats on your links, keep it up!
Great post NIW. Walla ta3bna min al7achi hammeen. It's like we are blowing in erba ma26oo3a!!!
I enjoy your blog, Iraqi Wife, and I thank you for it!
The violence must come to an end some time, Iraqi Wife. I have never heard of a war that never ended.
As long as there are voices that speak out, there is hope.
i am glad i came across your blog.
i think your voice is important.I hope it means something somewhere,it does to me.I wish the best for you and your country.
I can tell that people have become sick and tired of Iraq. Sick and tired of whats going on here. I can tell that people have become so used to listening to the bad news that another breaking news story is no big deal anymore. Another death is no big deal. Another bombing is no big deal. Another suicide bomber is no big deal.
It is a big deal. Who cares if some people "are sick of Iraq" and want to forget about it, keep shoving it in their faces until they choke on their own vomit.
I know it seems like it's useless, massive inertia is the enemy. It only becomes hopeless when there are no more voices.
You asked the poster "what do you want to know, what can I tell you" in response to his request for the straight story.
Maybe tell us more specifics of what's going on, or what you're going through, or what you hear down the grapevine.
To be honest with you, your articles contain mostly generalizations. The comments to your blog seem more specific than your blog itself. And I don't understand why you seemed very surprised at the rabbit-eating exercise. You claim to be Iraqi, you claim to have seen it all, tired of it all. This rabbit thing should shock US but certainly not YOU. I read on the internet that Saddam's people used to do that. Why don't you know that? Either by first hand knowledge or by the internet? It seems as if you are in a bubble.
This is strange...but it almost seems like you're not blogging from Iraq at all. If I didn't read your articles about your friends and getting visas to America, I'd wonder.
Your post on domestic violence was so generic, so textbook, I didn't really take away anything from it. Any of us could have written that. The story about your husband coming home and the dialogue between you seemed contrived as well. If hubby couldn't sleep because the helecopters are so loud, why haven't you mentioned having trouble with the helecopters in your own sleep? You put on lotion and perfume exclusively on the one day hubby is coming? That's unlikely. Women use these things for their own enjoyment, not just for their partners.
I'm sorry...I appologize in advance if I am off base, but it just seems to me that there is a false ring to this blog.
I do enjoy parts of it and will continue to read. But I wanted to explain to you why the other poster was asking you for information. You're right there, we're not. We should have a more intimate feel of this place.
I read today about bridges being built in Baghdad over Sunni areas, to connect Shiite areas. There is a land give-away planned...like what was done in an african country I can't remember. They will redistribute land to Shiites in Baghdad. This will permanantly change the make-up of the city. Don't you live in Baghdad? Why do we hear none of this from you?
Justme, i read your words, and I was like wow, someone does actually care...But I think you are a minority...although I dont live in the red zone, yet these times, right now, there is a huge conflict within myself. And I keep asking why do I write? I started out to vent abt hubby, but then when I came here, it became more of what I see through my Iraqi colleagues eyes. I want to bring THEIR voices to the world, but it seems, I dont have that talent I guess. Im not a journalist, nor am I writer, Im just an ordinary person who is trying to make a difference. Is it working???Dunno...
Hey Cyberray, thanks for your continious support.
Miraj eee anee biza3it, wallah la3bana nafsee, 3abalak da a7chee wiya il 7ayi6. I dont think they believe anything we say just because its not music to their ears...Thats why I say, whats the point???
Jeff, everything has an end, but on whose expense???
Solo, do u really think so???
Thanks anon...Im glad it means something to someone out there...
notyourmama, what more can I do??? I myself am having a hard time just talking with my iraqi friends. I cant deal with their misery anymore, I really cant. Its like im living a double life. I ask them questions, as much as I can so I can tell the whole world about it here, but again, each day that passes, things become worse...So what's my voice worth???
Sam, well, Im sorry you feel that way. Its your choice to believe me or not to. I cant force anyone. Im not a journalist, had I been one, I wouldnt be stuck in this BS twalled place!!!I dont need to prove to you or anyone else for that matter that Im real, cuz I KNOW THAT I AM...As for my stories, they are what I CHOOSE to write abt, the domestic violence is how I see Iraq being subjected to...They are my words, not any books words. The perfume, lol, I use perfume everyday not just for my hubby, its the lotion that i dont use daily. The helicopters, well, read my archives and you would know that I have complained abt them. Had you been an avid reader of my blog, you would have known that I left here since I was 5. So no, I never knew that feda2iyeen Saddam did that until I asked abt it. Yes I was an ignorant Iraqi living a free life somewhere outside here, hence the surreal feelings Im going through after being outside Iraq for 25 yrs!!! Again I say to you, if you dont believe me, then thats your choice. As for recon efforts, I work in the recon efforts and I cant really talk about specific things. Then again, you have to understand I DO NOT LIVE IN THE RED ZONE. What you read here, is what my colleagues tell me and are not my personal experiences, except for the HUBBY part and my interactions with my colleagues. Hope that explains it. If you aint satisified, then check out the other Iraqi bloggers, you may find what youre looking for there...there are blogs better than mine a hundred times
"As for recon efforts, I work in the recon efforts and I cant really talk about specific things. Then again, you have to understand I DO NOT LIVE IN THE RED ZONE."
Ok, then tell us what's going on in the green zone.
Tell us something. But, I do understand you are prohibited from discussing certain things. It just makes it difficult for us to get an idea of what you are encountering, and what is going on (other than overall chaos and corruption).
I would recommend using less generalizations. You said the generic DV story was an allegory of sorts. I didn't know that, but I think the jist of what you are feeling would best be communicated if you had just said what you were feeling. And where do your feelings come from? Tell us what triggers a certain thought or feeling from you. If the country seems like a DV experience, tell me what you saw on the news, or who you talked to or watched walk by your window, that made you think of that.
You have every right to write about what you want on your blog. It's an outlet for you. I understand that. I don't want to tell you what to write.
Let me explain where I'm coming from and use an example. There's a great book of poetry by Wendy Larsen about her trip to Vietnam called Shallow Graves. She worked there, as a foreigner. Yet, the things she wrote about in simple poetic terms were enlightening. Similarly, she co-authored it with a real Vietnamese resident, and her take on things was equally interesting.
For example, here's a simple description of some residents there:
"...they were young americans who came to Vietnam and stayed. John came in the army, worked for an alternative news service. Skye read me my first ca dao. She knew the language, had her baby in a local hospital. More Vietnamese than the Vietnamese, they hunkered down on the backs of their calves to chat, slept on the floor, ate with chopsticks, made cha gio and pho. There was a difference though. Rolling papers lay amoung their dictionaries. Out go-betweens knew the way to opium as well as Buddha's path."
From that book I learned what a ca dao was, as well as many other things.
I feel badly that I appear to be critical. I just think your blog could be really great. But whatever it is, it's fine, it's what it needs to be for you, and I wish you the best.
NIF, Thank you for giving us a window into your world. Ignore people such as those who ask for more than your capable of giving (sam) and just continue to let us into your life so that we, sitting safe thousands of km, away can better understand how other lives are lived. You are making a difference, you and the many other voices around the world. Thank you
If Sam doesn't like your blog he doesn't need to be here reading it. As you told him he can go to other blogs. Just hope he doesn't find Sunshine's.
The vast majority of us, who read your posts, learn from what you write, even though we cannot do a thing to help.
Thank you for what you are and have been doing for us. Please keep up the good work.
Wishing you a very Mery Christmas.
I.W. Yes I do believe that. Your writing is just fine. We've heard plenty from journalists. Best to hear things from a personal point of view. I listen to voices from the green zone, from the red zone, from Iraqis, and from our troops. There is no single answer, no simple solutions, but with the many voices, come ideas, and that is what is needed. Solution is often born of frustration.
We may be sick and tired of the politics and the killing, but we are NOT sick and tired of the Iraqi people. You are the reason we keep checking in. Your accounts of your own attempts at normalcy keep us writing, voting, doing what we can at home. Please stay on line. You are a voice for change.
D
NIW-- I know what it's like to have your husband gone more than home, I know what it's like to close your eyes and almost be able to feel his arms around you, and how very lonely it gets month after month...hang in there and keep talking, keep blogging...
Voices yes. Wilderness too. But Empty? No!
;)
bests
We appreciate your voice because it gives us a better understading of what is going on. We only see what the media wants us to see.
I for one appreciate your voice and I hope that you realize how truly powerful it is!
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