neurotic Iraqi wife

Well, Christmas is here. Christmas is here accompanied by mortars and bombings yet again. I came into the office and theres no one around. Maybe 2 or 3 expats and one Iraqi. Last night we got an email, telling us about an Iraqi party at a newly opened restaurant in the GZ. I wasnt too excited, but HUBBY wanted to check the place out. He wanted a place other than the Blue Star. So I went to my room, didnt feel like changing my office clothes, but thought maybe change my boots into something more ladylike and finally for the first time in almost 3 months, I managed to get into my high heeled shoes. Umm, wasnt really easy walking in them, since I live in my trainers and timberland boots, but managed to strot along with the clucking (chik, chok) noise accompanying me.

The crowd at the restaurant were mostly Iraqi expats who work at the US Embassy. Notoriously known for their stuck upness and low class attitudes. After a few minutes, 2 girls, maybe 16 or 17 years old, came in with 2 men, a lebanese who most probably was their pimp, and a British guy, who I presume was sleeping with one of them. It was a disgusting scene. The girls barely old enough, yet they were drinking large bottles of beer and smoking with a ridiculous cheap attitude. It was something that I havent really seen before here. Definitely not in the Green Zone. Ive heard about it, but never seen it in my own eyes. I literally cringed. As for the Iraqi expats from the embassy, well, they are probably the ones that tarnish our reputation with their bad behaviour of drinking and wearing skimpy clothes in a country torn apart by war. I tugged at HUBBY and told him, please lets leave, Im not comfortable. And so we did.

My Christian Iraqi colleagues on the other hand, didnt have the blue star or the other restaurants to go to and celebrate their xmas. K, an Iraqi Christian. K usually displays his Christmas tree proudly next to his window that overlooks his street. That was before 2003. K who is in his late 30's says he has his xmas tree hidden beneath the stairways making sure the flickering lights wont grab the attention of passers by. I asked him whether he will be attending church. He laughed, and said, are you crazy? No I will not risk my life nor my family's life. I would rather spend a quiet time with my family behind closed doors. Then he said with a solemn look, Christmas used to be fun times, now, its just like any other day. I asked whether he will have friends and family over. K answered, only those in the neighbourhood, but the ones who live far wont be able to come over because of security.

Umm Athraa', another Christian, said, I dont care. Im gonna go to church on Christmas. Isnt it unsafe I ask? Unlike K, Umm Athraa's is a determined old lady, seen so much in her life and will not let anything deter her. She is determined to worship her god, even if it means fighting all odds. Umm Athraa' said, when is it safe? If Im gonna think this way, I will not be able to live the remainder of my life. Yes it is unsafe, but if I die, I will atleast die worshipping my God.

As for S, the assyrian Goddess, she will be celebrating her christmas among her family behind closed doors. I spoke to her the other day. She is back from Amman, with her Immigration Visa to the States. A happy bunny thats what she is, yet has mixed feelings about leaving. Although getting out of her was her number one thing, but leaving her family behind is weighing up on her.

My American expat colleagues on the other hand, had that gloomy air about them. You can tell that they miss their family and friends back in the States very very much. Its not so easy being here, in a war zone, especially during this time of year. It gets kinda lonely, actually not kinda but very lonely. Some said they wont bother coming in to work and will try to catch on sleep. Others will spend their time doing laundry, watching movies and just hang around.

As for me, although Im a muslim, my dad always made sure that we celebrate christmas by taking the whole family out for a christmas lunch. And so, I too am feeling kinda lonely and extremely homesick. Which is ironic, here I am in Baghdad, supposedly my home, yet I dont feel at home at all. I miss my family, I miss my friends. I miss that happy air around me. Surprisingly enough, I also miss London. London and its beautiful Christmas lights. So, just to bring abit of liveliness into my life, I found a small xmas tree hidden behind some files on the shelf. I took it down, shook the dust from it, and decided to decorate it. Since I have no artistic gift, Umm, needless to say the poor tree ended up being strangled by the lights. But Im proud of my little cute Xmas tree, and that teeny weeny Iraqi Flag...


Anyhow, I wish everyone a Merry Christmas, and I ask from you, I ask from you to remember those, those who are less fortunate. Remember them and pray, pray that maybe, just maybe next Christmas will be a better one. Merry Christmas All...