neurotic Iraqi wife
November 10, 2006
Im an Alien, Im an Alien in my OWN Country!!!
I havent been in a good mood the past week. Not sure if its a-because of the stiff neck I aquired last Friday which seems to be adamant in not going away, b- the yucky brown tar/coffee stains I discovered a few days ago on my front teeth, my front teeth people, the ones that are mostly exposed to the public (hence no more smiling until that whitening formula arrives), c- the fact that I havent seen HUBBY since last friday, d- my favourate cigarette pouch stolen, e- my British passport. Heck I think its all the above....
I hear you wander what does my passport have anything to do with it. Well, easy, although I am an Iraqi by birth, born in Baghdad, of 100% Iraqi parents, speak the language as fluently as anyone who lived here all their life, I am still seen as an outsider...I started realising that the more the situation worsens in the red zone, the more hmm, whats the word, the more my colleagues eye me differently.
One situation which sparked these weird feelings was when recently, some of my Iraqi colleagues were going to the dfac to have their breakfast and they got turned away. The guard told them "Sorry, No Iraqis are allowed to eat here anymore". They came back to the office fuming, and I dont blame them. I wasnt aware of the situation until I heard the loud commotion that was taking place at the back. I went to check what was happening and I was told the news. I became so angry and disgusted, and me being me, the expert in demonstrations back in London, I immediately told them, Ok cmon bring the cardboards, we will write our slogans and stand infront of the dfac demonstrating. They all stared at me and one person said "But these new rules do not apply to you, you are an expat, you can eat there anytime, its only for us, us the Iraqis...." I cannot, and I really mean CANNOT describe to you how I felt that minute. The pain felt just like a knife stabbing my heart a million times.
Someone from the back said, she is Iraqi, but I just walked off... I did have a few muffins that I collect everymorning from the dfac incase I get hungry during the day, which I handed out to those who wanted something to eat. The dfac saga was resolved 20 minutes later, thank God and the management apologised for the discomfort it caused. But I still remember the tone of voice, the anger, that strange look of the eyes. I dont think I can ever forget that moment. Ever. From that point on, I realised that no matter how much I try to be one of "them" I will always be seen as an outsider. Always...
I was pretty upset that day, and spoke to HUBBY about it, who asked me "Do you blame them???You ARE an expat, whether you like it or not. You ARE British, whether you like it or not. You ARE living in the comforts of the Green Zone whether you like it or not. And most of all, YOU HAVE A CHOICE OF LEAVING, whether you like it or not. So dont blame them, and dont take it personally, its human nature. Its their situation. Its the terrible situation they are forced to endure on a daily basis. Dont get upset, dont get mad. Put yourself in their shoes, and think about how YOU would feel, if someone came prancing in, an Iraqi, just like you, but an Iraqi with privelages. You would feel just like them. And probably more.
What HUBBY said did make sense, but the fact still, pained me. Im considered a non Iraqi by my Iraqi colleagues, and am considered a third country national by my US colleagues....Hallelujah. Arent I just lucky...Call me an Alien while youre at it why dont you.
And the last stroke, was the brown stains I discovered on my teeth while brushing them one morning. The fright it gave ME, so imagine the fright it gives to strangers I smile at. OMG, I never knew that turning thirty would bring about all these things. In December Im gonna turn 32 and HUBBY keeps telling me, wait till you get to 40 and see what happens to the nuts and bolts that either turn loose or fall apart...Hmmm....Not a good sign.
Anyhow, Im trying to make light of my alien situation here. Oh and before I end this post, I wanna congratulate everyone on the resignation of Rumsfield. I never liked that man. Although it came too little too late, but better still. Hope the dems wont screw the situation as it is already screwed enough here.
So as for now, am an alien, Im a legal alien, am an Iraqi-Brit walking in the Green Zone....Im an Alien...Im an Alien in my OWN Country....
I hear you wander what does my passport have anything to do with it. Well, easy, although I am an Iraqi by birth, born in Baghdad, of 100% Iraqi parents, speak the language as fluently as anyone who lived here all their life, I am still seen as an outsider...I started realising that the more the situation worsens in the red zone, the more hmm, whats the word, the more my colleagues eye me differently.
One situation which sparked these weird feelings was when recently, some of my Iraqi colleagues were going to the dfac to have their breakfast and they got turned away. The guard told them "Sorry, No Iraqis are allowed to eat here anymore". They came back to the office fuming, and I dont blame them. I wasnt aware of the situation until I heard the loud commotion that was taking place at the back. I went to check what was happening and I was told the news. I became so angry and disgusted, and me being me, the expert in demonstrations back in London, I immediately told them, Ok cmon bring the cardboards, we will write our slogans and stand infront of the dfac demonstrating. They all stared at me and one person said "But these new rules do not apply to you, you are an expat, you can eat there anytime, its only for us, us the Iraqis...." I cannot, and I really mean CANNOT describe to you how I felt that minute. The pain felt just like a knife stabbing my heart a million times.
Someone from the back said, she is Iraqi, but I just walked off... I did have a few muffins that I collect everymorning from the dfac incase I get hungry during the day, which I handed out to those who wanted something to eat. The dfac saga was resolved 20 minutes later, thank God and the management apologised for the discomfort it caused. But I still remember the tone of voice, the anger, that strange look of the eyes. I dont think I can ever forget that moment. Ever. From that point on, I realised that no matter how much I try to be one of "them" I will always be seen as an outsider. Always...
I was pretty upset that day, and spoke to HUBBY about it, who asked me "Do you blame them???You ARE an expat, whether you like it or not. You ARE British, whether you like it or not. You ARE living in the comforts of the Green Zone whether you like it or not. And most of all, YOU HAVE A CHOICE OF LEAVING, whether you like it or not. So dont blame them, and dont take it personally, its human nature. Its their situation. Its the terrible situation they are forced to endure on a daily basis. Dont get upset, dont get mad. Put yourself in their shoes, and think about how YOU would feel, if someone came prancing in, an Iraqi, just like you, but an Iraqi with privelages. You would feel just like them. And probably more.
What HUBBY said did make sense, but the fact still, pained me. Im considered a non Iraqi by my Iraqi colleagues, and am considered a third country national by my US colleagues....Hallelujah. Arent I just lucky...Call me an Alien while youre at it why dont you.
And the last stroke, was the brown stains I discovered on my teeth while brushing them one morning. The fright it gave ME, so imagine the fright it gives to strangers I smile at. OMG, I never knew that turning thirty would bring about all these things. In December Im gonna turn 32 and HUBBY keeps telling me, wait till you get to 40 and see what happens to the nuts and bolts that either turn loose or fall apart...Hmmm....Not a good sign.
Anyhow, Im trying to make light of my alien situation here. Oh and before I end this post, I wanna congratulate everyone on the resignation of Rumsfield. I never liked that man. Although it came too little too late, but better still. Hope the dems wont screw the situation as it is already screwed enough here.
So as for now, am an alien, Im a legal alien, am an Iraqi-Brit walking in the Green Zone....Im an Alien...Im an Alien in my OWN Country....
10 Comments:
I don't want to make you feel bad but, technically, unless you have dual citizenship,it is not your country anymore. You are British until you give up your British citizenship. Did they allow you to vote when they had the election?
xyz
Welcome to the human race. Rat race. Rat Rummie may go to the Haig? The Chair? Do you possess the chair or does the chair possess you? These are the problems of work. Tea Time?I can just see it now " The green zone Internet Tea Shop!" For peace awareness. Please exercise caution and safety and calm. Seems as neuro needs a pat on the back. And remember, do not worry about everything because nothing is going to turn out right. Ha Ha Ha
Sounds like you need to see a dentist or dental hygienist for a good cleaning to get rid of those stains. Hopefully they haven't all left the country.
Kathy
NIW,
I think that Brown stain is because of smoking, don't ya think?
I am sorry for what is happening to you, you need to go over this conflict that you have inside...HUBBY is right, you can't change the rules, when you will establish your own impire, do what ever you want...
يمعودة عليش مدوخة نفسج, احنا العراقيين مينخاف علينا نطلع من حقها و نطلع عين اللي ما يريد...و لا يهمج
Um haleema, if this is your opinion then I am afraid that I have to disagree with you. Dual citizenship means that you have the right and obligations related to both countries! Did anyone from the current Iraqi government give up their British (among other) nationalities? Or is it just approving something for some people and disapprove for others??
mixmax,
That's why I said "unless you have dual citizenship". I don't know whether she does or not and I would assume that the current Iraqi government still has their Iraqi citizenship. Not everyone that leaves their country of birth takes the citizenship of the host country. My mother lived here in the US for 55 years and never applied for citizenship. Some countries require that you give up your previous citizenship in order to adopt the new one. IF that is the case with NIW then she is not an Iraqi. I was just asking though because I don't know. Maybe British citizenship does not require that you give up your citizenship of birth.
Hi um Haleema, glad that you replied to my comment. The issue here is not about legality related to giving up nationality and obtain another. In my opinion, correct me if I am wrong NIW, the issue is moral. There are many Iraqis used to live outside Iraq during Saddam's time (and many before). Many of those returned to Iraq after the fall of goverment over there and decided to do something and some of them wanted to spend of their remaining of their lives (especially old people with their younger children) in Iraq.
NIW is not the only one, I personally know a couple of people who have been faced with the same situation. In fact there were many whom their family memebers were kidnapped because the kidnappers knew about the relative who has another nationality such as British, German or US, and they demanded ransom for it.
To make the long story short, what our friend in the GZ is facing is not a new thing, it is already a dillema which has been created in a situation where Iraqis with double nationalities can just leave anywhere they like and LIVE, but the ordinary Iraqis CANNOT and they are under fire.
Please don't feel alienated! You're an asset. Don't feel guilty because you have more choices. Let your Iraqi friends know that's what you're there for - to help the country progress, so they will have all the choices you do one day. You can represent hope, rather than feeling like an outsider.
Regarding the stained teeth - have the stains removed by professional cleaning and polishing. Then, use the bleach kit to whiten your teeth. You'll get much better results that way than trying to bleach away the stains. If you can, get a dental instrument for scaling your front teeth and carefully remove the obvious stain, if you see it coming back before your next routine dental cleaning appointment. BTW, I'm a dental hygienist.
Hi, Sorry that you are having a hard time in the zone! I'm having a hard time in the US. Hey I guess you heard the Dems took control and headlines like Abandoning Irak--Done Deal-are making the blogs-
I hate to be alarmist but its happen before! Do you have a back up plan. Please do and don't rely on these foreigners that will leave faster than you can say Baghdad.
Hi, We are real nervous with the Dems., there is a lot of talk of the troops coming home, we are afraid they will do something stupid and leave all americans with a bad rap. Lets hope saner minds prevail.
Have you had any increase in traffic since i added you to my blogroll ? just wondering. Hope you don't mind if you do, just say so. But I love your blogging and having a window into was going on in your country, please keep up the good blogging! We are all rooting for you and for all Iraqis , I get pssed off when I hear politicians here discussing Irak like its any of their business, what happens to Irak stays in Irak! Take Control guys., lets hope this change benefits Irak.
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