neurotic Iraqi wife
October 20, 2006
Another day of Loneliness...
Do you remember the kids song Itsy bitsy spider??? It goes something like this:
The itsy bitsy spider Crawled up the water spout Down came the rain And washed the spider out Out came the sun And dried up all the rain And the itsy bitsy spider Crawled up the spout again....Well the darn itsy spider bit MEEEEEEEEE in the pinky... As I was getting into HUBBY's car to go on our daily rendez vous, I felt something bite me, it itched me for a while but I brushed it off and didnt think much of it. Next day I woke up and my pinky on my right hand looked abit swollen. Again I brushed it off and thought to myself it will probably get better by mid afternoon. I asked around for an antiseptic and rubbed it on the bite. By 2pm the pain became so excruciating, and my pinky tripled in size. I couldnt even bend it. I showed it to some colleagues and they jumped off their chairs, saying that thats one nasty bite and that I should go to the clinic asap...
I really didnt feel right going to the clinic. Me prancing there with my swollen pinky when there are badly injured military guys who need more attention than I do. But I took one look at my finger and decided that Id rather get something for it, than have it chopped off...I walked in, registered, and waited to be called. As the Dr saw me, she said that it was a pretty bad spider bite which resulted in an infection. She put me on a 10 day antibiotic and gave me some painkillers and an ointment. Are you yawning yet????Sorry but thats as far as exciting news I have here.
Woke up today, the pinky is still swollen but looks much better than it was yesterday. The antibiotics though are causing me to feel very queasy and nausious. I had to go to work today as its half day. But by 4 pm, I called HUBBY up and told him to come and get me. He said where do you wanna go??? I said just take me anywhere, Im not feeling too good. Im feeling constricted...Claustrophobic...Just get me outta here...The ritz he said laughingly...Please HUBBY I aint joking, just come now and take me, take me anywhere, I dont care even if its a ride around the streets.... Just GET ME OUT...In 10 minutes he picked me up and we sat in the PX area where they have a small cafe. I had a yucky latte. But atleast I was out of that environment...
Is it loneliness???Is it homesickness??? Or is it merely the effect of the medicine??? I dunno, all I know is I feel bad...I know, I probably sound like a spoilt brat but the happiness in being back here, I think has worn off. It took what??? almost 2 weeks. Wow. Its different this time around. Many of the warm and familiar faces have long gone. HUBBY aint around just like before. And Im feeling very lonely. WOB comes and fills me out on lies and gossip that I try to avoid. Everytime I go the courtyard for a peaceful smoke, either her or someone else comes and starts talking to me about someone at work. I hate backstabbers, and I abhore gossip filled with lies. The work environment has become so poisonous I just cant hack it anymore. The less people remaining, the more talk there is. I just wanna shout at them and say "Leave me the bloody alone!!!"
Why dont you go home I here you ask. Hmm, good question. But what about HUBBY? I cant leave him here. The one hour I have with him is for me a blessing. I dont think I can deal with the worries if Im away. I would be a nervous wreck.
Right now my head is about to explode, I think Im getting a migraine. Havent eaten much in the last few days, first the tummy bug, and now the spider's bite. Wander whats next. I guess Im in need of some TLC. Big time TLC. Is it the environment? the Twalls?? the gossip??the fact I dont have HUBBY around??? the darn droning nose thats drilled in my ears everyday??? the daily shaking of my room door because of those helicopters??? I learnt pretty fast, the minute I hear a helicopter, I just put my ipod on and blast the music.
Im so sorry that this post is a pretty dull one. Im going to hop into bed, and read my novel. One of the very few salvations I have in this place. A story line that would take me far far away. Away from the reality of my surroundings, away from my loneliness, away from the helicopter noise torture and just into some fictional characters...fictional characters that make my nights far more exciting than it is. Oh wow, a huge explosion, just now. Wander what it is. A mortar? A suicide car??? or a bomber???where it is??? How many people died just now??? and how many more will lose their lives tomorrow...
I better read my novel, and listen to my ipod. Tomorrow is yet another day. Another day of Loneliness...
The itsy bitsy spider Crawled up the water spout Down came the rain And washed the spider out Out came the sun And dried up all the rain And the itsy bitsy spider Crawled up the spout again....Well the darn itsy spider bit MEEEEEEEEE in the pinky... As I was getting into HUBBY's car to go on our daily rendez vous, I felt something bite me, it itched me for a while but I brushed it off and didnt think much of it. Next day I woke up and my pinky on my right hand looked abit swollen. Again I brushed it off and thought to myself it will probably get better by mid afternoon. I asked around for an antiseptic and rubbed it on the bite. By 2pm the pain became so excruciating, and my pinky tripled in size. I couldnt even bend it. I showed it to some colleagues and they jumped off their chairs, saying that thats one nasty bite and that I should go to the clinic asap...
I really didnt feel right going to the clinic. Me prancing there with my swollen pinky when there are badly injured military guys who need more attention than I do. But I took one look at my finger and decided that Id rather get something for it, than have it chopped off...I walked in, registered, and waited to be called. As the Dr saw me, she said that it was a pretty bad spider bite which resulted in an infection. She put me on a 10 day antibiotic and gave me some painkillers and an ointment. Are you yawning yet????Sorry but thats as far as exciting news I have here.
Woke up today, the pinky is still swollen but looks much better than it was yesterday. The antibiotics though are causing me to feel very queasy and nausious. I had to go to work today as its half day. But by 4 pm, I called HUBBY up and told him to come and get me. He said where do you wanna go??? I said just take me anywhere, Im not feeling too good. Im feeling constricted...Claustrophobic...Just get me outta here...The ritz he said laughingly...Please HUBBY I aint joking, just come now and take me, take me anywhere, I dont care even if its a ride around the streets.... Just GET ME OUT...In 10 minutes he picked me up and we sat in the PX area where they have a small cafe. I had a yucky latte. But atleast I was out of that environment...
Is it loneliness???Is it homesickness??? Or is it merely the effect of the medicine??? I dunno, all I know is I feel bad...I know, I probably sound like a spoilt brat but the happiness in being back here, I think has worn off. It took what??? almost 2 weeks. Wow. Its different this time around. Many of the warm and familiar faces have long gone. HUBBY aint around just like before. And Im feeling very lonely. WOB comes and fills me out on lies and gossip that I try to avoid. Everytime I go the courtyard for a peaceful smoke, either her or someone else comes and starts talking to me about someone at work. I hate backstabbers, and I abhore gossip filled with lies. The work environment has become so poisonous I just cant hack it anymore. The less people remaining, the more talk there is. I just wanna shout at them and say "Leave me the bloody alone!!!"
Why dont you go home I here you ask. Hmm, good question. But what about HUBBY? I cant leave him here. The one hour I have with him is for me a blessing. I dont think I can deal with the worries if Im away. I would be a nervous wreck.
Right now my head is about to explode, I think Im getting a migraine. Havent eaten much in the last few days, first the tummy bug, and now the spider's bite. Wander whats next. I guess Im in need of some TLC. Big time TLC. Is it the environment? the Twalls?? the gossip??the fact I dont have HUBBY around??? the darn droning nose thats drilled in my ears everyday??? the daily shaking of my room door because of those helicopters??? I learnt pretty fast, the minute I hear a helicopter, I just put my ipod on and blast the music.
Im so sorry that this post is a pretty dull one. Im going to hop into bed, and read my novel. One of the very few salvations I have in this place. A story line that would take me far far away. Away from the reality of my surroundings, away from my loneliness, away from the helicopter noise torture and just into some fictional characters...fictional characters that make my nights far more exciting than it is. Oh wow, a huge explosion, just now. Wander what it is. A mortar? A suicide car??? or a bomber???where it is??? How many people died just now??? and how many more will lose their lives tomorrow...
I better read my novel, and listen to my ipod. Tomorrow is yet another day. Another day of Loneliness...
8 Comments:
one of the most positive people i ever read about and got to know is you, NIW, keep this spirit.
It is true that we all humans and sometimes we feel down a bit, but that's natural.
Keep up the good spirit, you are not lonely because you have a lot of friends, very good friends: we, who read your blog :)
NIW
Who am I to say?
All I can think is that life is truly what you make of it. You made the choices to get you to where you are now. You also have the ability to choose where you will be tomorrow. You should not be living a life that goes against your quest.
What r u reading?
Sounds a little bit less boring than my life here! loll.
Walla you are brave at least we've living here almost or our lives but for someone whose got a life somewhere else, it's amazing.
Hi again NIW
What kinda spider? Need to avoid those again like the plague! Nice that your hubby came and rescued you all for those few precious minutes. Yes! Those short spells with your hubby are better than nothing and I'm beginning to undestand your being there more and more. Family is so important to our lives and yet family life is so under threat in this so called post modern age. Hope those antibiotics are kicking in now and your finger swelling starting to recede. And yes.....with KK would love to know what you are reading!
NIW,
What type of music you listen to?
Please, NIW, don't allow people to gossip to you! I commend you for not wanting to hear it. "Where the mind goes, the man will follow." Unless you turn your ipod on, you're going to hear their negative comments and lies. Your mind will give their words at least a little bit of attention and that puts a negative mood over you.
Life there is hard enough. Take a stand for what you know is right. Tell them you don't want to talk about people who aren't there to defend themselves, just like they wouldn't appreciate people talking about them behind their backs. Say anything you're comfortable with, but let them know you don't want to be included in their gossip sessions. If they don't talk to you anymore, they'll be doing you a favor.
I don't see how you could endure that environment, unless you surround yourself with people who do their best to hold on to a positive attitude, people who try to find some joy in the day, or at least look at the cup as half full instead of half empty all the time.
I pray ur finger gets fully healed cara mia. Have a lovely week ahead and a brighter one too with loads of positive things hapening to you and all around you. Cheers!!!
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