neurotic Iraqi wife
November 14, 2006
A Black Dot on the World Globe...
In the middle of broad day light, 150 Iraqis were kidnapped!!! One hundred and fifty!!! And you tell me, let there be hope??? What hope are you talking about??? Eighty dressed as police men, entered the institution and kidnapped them...And you tell me a society??? What society are you talking about???
Whoever did this has a plan, a plan for obliterating the Iraqi minds, the Iraqi brains, the educated level of Iraq. This is no small thing, this is not a bytheway, hey guess what happened today in Iraq...No this is something big, something huge. This is a catastrophe. The shocking news sent ripples of shivers among my Iraqi colleagues. Why they kept asking. Why? A question that no one knows the answer to. Its one of those impossible formulae that you can never find a solution to. WHY?
I ask you, where was the government at this time? The government, was giving out chairs. Reshuffling their goddamn cabinet. What a bloody joke. You're a Shia, take this, youre a Sunni take that. They dont even look at the person's background/qualifications anymore, infact I dont think they ever did. They just look at your sect and hand you a position. Just like kids, here you're 5 so you probably like playdo, and youre 11 so you will definitely like xbox.
And now that the Democrats won the elections, everyone is asking of their fate. What is gonna happen to Iraq, people ask. People have become even more worried. I think the elections were more popular than Saddam's sentencing. The US elections was like the defining moment of Iraq's future. I asked my colleagues what they thought about it. Many were worried. If the Americans pull out now and leave us amid this chaos, we are all dead. We wont even be able to get jobs elsewhere, we will be seen as the "traitors" the "collaborators". If the Americans leave, Iraqis will eat each other, literally eat each other. If the Americans leave us now, there wont be an Iraq left on the face of the earth.
Its a mayhem out here. A mayhem. Its one of those horror movies that keep you on your toes 24/7. Forget horror movies, its a nightmare that no one, and I mean no one sees an end to...They want to eradicate all those who have minds that think. They want a country that has no laws except one, that of killing, that of revenge. They want a dark dark country. A cold dark country with no windows to the world but only one window, a window of broken dreams, of broken hopes. A window of no ambition. They want to turn all the lights off and make it pitch black. They want lifeless bodies hovering the streets, lifeless bodies all in black. Lifeless bodies choking up the smoke from the burnt greens and date trees. Lifeless bodies falling one by one onto the ground, for they lost everything. Most importantly they lost their dreams. Their dreams that was a door to their hope. But even those 2 words, dreams and hope has become forbidden in the country of darkness.
The country of Iraq. Or what was once known as Iraq. A black spot on one of those rotating globes. Your son will come and ask you, mommy, whats this black dot here? And he points to was once upon a time, the cradle of civilization. What was once the land between the 2 rivers. Am I exxagerating??? Im smiling sarcastically at you and tell you, I wish I was. Im seeing my own country die everyday. Its dying slowly. Even those who used to laugh and joke, had stopped. Its not in me said A. I dont wanna live, he said. I dont wanna live like this for the rest of my life. Besides, what Life am I talking about, I dont even have that!!!
Im gonna leave it at that. I dont have it in me to continue. Not today. For, yesterday I was gonna lose HUBBY for good. Yesterday I was a frantic wife, stuck in this shitty place not knowing whether HUBBY was dead or alive. Was like someone who went crazy kept dialling his number, kept trying to catch him on SKYPE, but nothing. Tears of hopelessness and fear of the unknown trickled down my cheeks. I swore at him within myself for putting me in this situation. I swore until I managed to get through to him. And then Relief. It was yet again a close call. Closer than you think. One person did die. An Arab expat. Killed. I tell you, I wouldnt ever want even my worst enemy to go through what I went through last night. Never.
I dont like this place anymore, and Im trying, Im trying as much as I can to tell HUBBY to leave. The yearning I had a few years ago for my country has gone forever. This is not the country that my parents talked to me about. This is definitely not the place they felt nostalgic for. No. This isnt the place. Right now all I see is darkness...And a black dot...A black dot on the World Globe...
Whoever did this has a plan, a plan for obliterating the Iraqi minds, the Iraqi brains, the educated level of Iraq. This is no small thing, this is not a bytheway, hey guess what happened today in Iraq...No this is something big, something huge. This is a catastrophe. The shocking news sent ripples of shivers among my Iraqi colleagues. Why they kept asking. Why? A question that no one knows the answer to. Its one of those impossible formulae that you can never find a solution to. WHY?
I ask you, where was the government at this time? The government, was giving out chairs. Reshuffling their goddamn cabinet. What a bloody joke. You're a Shia, take this, youre a Sunni take that. They dont even look at the person's background/qualifications anymore, infact I dont think they ever did. They just look at your sect and hand you a position. Just like kids, here you're 5 so you probably like playdo, and youre 11 so you will definitely like xbox.
And now that the Democrats won the elections, everyone is asking of their fate. What is gonna happen to Iraq, people ask. People have become even more worried. I think the elections were more popular than Saddam's sentencing. The US elections was like the defining moment of Iraq's future. I asked my colleagues what they thought about it. Many were worried. If the Americans pull out now and leave us amid this chaos, we are all dead. We wont even be able to get jobs elsewhere, we will be seen as the "traitors" the "collaborators". If the Americans leave, Iraqis will eat each other, literally eat each other. If the Americans leave us now, there wont be an Iraq left on the face of the earth.
Its a mayhem out here. A mayhem. Its one of those horror movies that keep you on your toes 24/7. Forget horror movies, its a nightmare that no one, and I mean no one sees an end to...They want to eradicate all those who have minds that think. They want a country that has no laws except one, that of killing, that of revenge. They want a dark dark country. A cold dark country with no windows to the world but only one window, a window of broken dreams, of broken hopes. A window of no ambition. They want to turn all the lights off and make it pitch black. They want lifeless bodies hovering the streets, lifeless bodies all in black. Lifeless bodies choking up the smoke from the burnt greens and date trees. Lifeless bodies falling one by one onto the ground, for they lost everything. Most importantly they lost their dreams. Their dreams that was a door to their hope. But even those 2 words, dreams and hope has become forbidden in the country of darkness.
The country of Iraq. Or what was once known as Iraq. A black spot on one of those rotating globes. Your son will come and ask you, mommy, whats this black dot here? And he points to was once upon a time, the cradle of civilization. What was once the land between the 2 rivers. Am I exxagerating??? Im smiling sarcastically at you and tell you, I wish I was. Im seeing my own country die everyday. Its dying slowly. Even those who used to laugh and joke, had stopped. Its not in me said A. I dont wanna live, he said. I dont wanna live like this for the rest of my life. Besides, what Life am I talking about, I dont even have that!!!
Im gonna leave it at that. I dont have it in me to continue. Not today. For, yesterday I was gonna lose HUBBY for good. Yesterday I was a frantic wife, stuck in this shitty place not knowing whether HUBBY was dead or alive. Was like someone who went crazy kept dialling his number, kept trying to catch him on SKYPE, but nothing. Tears of hopelessness and fear of the unknown trickled down my cheeks. I swore at him within myself for putting me in this situation. I swore until I managed to get through to him. And then Relief. It was yet again a close call. Closer than you think. One person did die. An Arab expat. Killed. I tell you, I wouldnt ever want even my worst enemy to go through what I went through last night. Never.
I dont like this place anymore, and Im trying, Im trying as much as I can to tell HUBBY to leave. The yearning I had a few years ago for my country has gone forever. This is not the country that my parents talked to me about. This is definitely not the place they felt nostalgic for. No. This isnt the place. Right now all I see is darkness...And a black dot...A black dot on the World Globe...
28 Comments:
Your note has chilled me to the bone.
Please leave that place.
NIW,
I can't say for sure what will happen with the troops in Iraq. But apparently there is not as much support in the States for a quick withdrawal as you may think. At least not among the American people.
Here's a quote from a Newsweek poll done for their 11/13/06 issue.
For instance, 51 percent of Americans are very concerned that Congress will push too hastily for the withdrawal of U.S. troops in Iraq.
And one of those people is the President. He still has quite a lot to say about it.
The kidnapping today was so horrible! I hate that kind of news. I just don't understand how you can kidnap that many people. There should have been checkpoints set up immediately after. Similar to when they were looking for the US soldier.
It's just so frustrating. It's like sticking your finger in a dam and having it spring 10,000 other leaks.
I don't wonder you're scared. I would be too.
Be careful.
it sounds like you'r back at the tower of Babel where everyone spoke different languages yet no one could talk to one another, so the tower was destoyed,because no one could agree on what to do next.
I read the whole article on 'cu woun't want to bu' and found it quiet intrereting analysis, for a window into the american psyche read the whole article by Warrren.
It's always darkest before dawn, let Iraqis unite,house by house,street by street and take control of your destiny becuase if you don't someone else will, Guaranteed!
My God, when/how will it all stop? My thoughts and prayers are with you. This was a beautiful/heartbreaking post to read, and I'm sure even more so to write.
When you signed on for a 2nd tour, I felt you were returning to a more dangerous Iraq in which the U.S. will begin its withdrawal. I fear for your safety. I wonder if the attraction to return is a little like the soldiers who feel they can not abandon their buddies who risk their lives as well as the "exhileration" that you are most "alive" when you are closest to death. It is hard to come down from the "high" of iraq's danger, to life outside the country. Chris Hedges of the New York Times, whose father was a minister, wrote about war zones having these effects on individuals after having covered many wars.
Praise God that those kidnapped have been freed....but yes! however did such a thing happen in broad daylight. How many professionals have said enough today and plan to leave while they can? YOu write so well encapuslating the despair felt by your countrymen....it informs so much better than the media can. So pleased too that your Hubby is safe, and that you survived that chilling time. My prayers continue with you and your people.
Hey NIW,
What happened yesterday is a badge of shame that the Iraqi govt will carry until they fix this problem. They cannot consider themself a gov't and continue to let such mayhem happen.
On another note, Iraq has become a different country, and we're looking at leaving too. Hope it works out for you.
And on a final note, maybe you can change the red on green script? Not very clear to read.
I doubt this will give you any comfort, but it took eight years for Japan to stabilize after WWII. The Iraqi government hasn't even had a year. Freedom is very powerful, it just needs time. Never lose hope.
When i heard about the kidnappings, i logged on to your site. I was so afraid for you and your husband. These *events* are coming too close and there doesn't seem to be much incentive for them to cease. Unfortunately there are no easy answers at this point for a peaceful solution. You and hubby deserve so much more. Please be very careful.
ryan;
The war was over for Japan in 1945. 6 years later the country was stable enough for me to join my father on an army post in northern Japan. I lived there for two years, never once heard a gun shot or bomb go off. Played with the Japanese kids my age in the little village nearby.
Thank you all for your concern. But I really truely have lost hope. I dont care how many years it took Japan to recover, I seriously dont care. All I care about is my country and what is happening to it. I speak to people who served in the Vietnam war, and they say, they have never seen anything or any place worse than here. They dont even know why its happening the way it is.
I feel broken. Inside theres a conflict within me. It became so bad that I cant even do my job, because I see it pointless, useless. What am I trying to achieve???Who am I trying to kid??? And the last stroke was the near death experience that my husband endured 2 days ago. He didnt tell me then, but I found out later. No this isnt the place I wanna spend my time in, nor my marriage. This really isnt my country anymore. Im sorry, I do sound hopeless, but it is a hopeless situation....
Thanx again for all your emails and comments...And Im sorry for being so down...
Your post gave me chills! I so much want there to be an answer, a solution, that will stop the mindless violence and killing in Iraq. This is not about OIL, as another commentor implies, and I'm sick and tired of hearing that conspiracy theory. You're there now and you've been there before, and I've never heard you say the situation in Iraq is all about oil. I don't personally know any Americans who care about Iraq's oil, other than as a commodity to benefit and prosper the Iraqi people.
The results of the recent elections in the US tell me that there is a huge number of Americans who are clueless about how dangerous and determined the enemy actually is. The enemy are terrorists, extremists, fanatics. No religious affiliation should be assigned to them. No religion condones their indiscriminate mass killing. How do you stop people who don't cherish life - people who want to kill themselves and kill as many other people as they can at the same time? No one is totally safe from people who are that mentally disturbed.
Out of the 26+ million people in Iraq, how many do you think support the kidnapping, killing, and torturing of Iraqis? How many are against peace and unity in Iraq? I would hope it's less than a million. I don't understand why the other 25 million are not uniting in solidarity against those who use violence and killing to try to achieve their goals. Communities need to look within themselves for honest and ethical leaders - leaders who only care about peace, unity, and prosperity for the nation, and Do Not promote any hidden agendas or any religious sect over the others. Doesn't Iraq have any people like that? Has the society been so tribal and divided along religious lines for so long, that no one can stand up for the equal treatment and welfare of all the citizens of Iraq? Iraqis need to promote and support honest people, who will weed out the bribery and corruption in the police, army, and government. Without that, I don't see how the lawless groups will ever be defeated.
Also, the education of hate in madrassas and other schools has to be stopped. Who's going to do that? Who's going to change the curriculum to promote tolerance and love for other people in the world, even if they're not like them? God made all of us, and He expects us to get along and learn from each other, not kill each other.
Dear Iraqui Wife;
Thank you for visiting my site
There is a saying in spanish that says "La esperanza es lo ultimo que se pierde" meaning Hope is the last thing you lose" Please don't ever lose that. Your last post was heart wrenching it makes me write my congressman, it makes me want to scream for you, your humanity is our humanity, I have posted excerps of your post, it is brilliant, I don't know how much of a difference I can make, but I can promise you I will try.
May higher beings have mercy on our souls.
love
cyberray
Dear Iraqi
Thank you for visiting my site
There is a saying in spanish that says "La esperanza es lo ultimo que se pierde" meaning Hope is the last thing you lose" Please don't ever lose that. Your last post was heart wrenching it makes me write my congressman, it makes me want to scream for you, your humanity is our humanity, I have posted excerps of your post, it is brilliant, I don't know how much of a difference I can make, but I can promise you I will try.
May higher beings have mercy on our souls.
love
cyberray
Sorry it's late here and I'm all shaken after reading your post,anyways here is the link to your post,on my post:http://cyberray-rays.blogspot.com/2006/11/dont-let-iraqis-down-this-time-their.html#links
thks
Dear NIW,
The kidnap operation was a clear message to everybody that the Maliki government is not only weak, not only can do nothing (as many iraqis noticed), but it also a message to us Iraqis that we should not expect much from a possible situation redressment resulting from a hypothetical governmental reshuffle.
They have very well read the popular expectations of the coming reshuffle. So they just wanted to re-adjust that. Remember months ago when at every very tiny positive development a wave of killings followed? Need not ask yourself why? This is why. & this is one of the episodes of remodulating the Iraqi public opinion so that it would suite their designs.
These people who r doing these things NIW, r CRIMINALS.
Now the next question is, what's Maliki's next move? Well maybe the best way to reply is that first (if he has enough guts), he should start a big clean up in the Govt & Parliament. Who is going to be cleaned up? The Tawafuq & Hiwar, & the Sadrist & Badrist (Sciri, Daawa, & Fadhalaat) goons. All of them! OUT & direction the prison. Also all the remaining clowns of both sectarian sides & former Baathis, & newly elected thieves. No one will remain? Of course not. Then he will have to establish a military Govt to take the security situation over & reduce these pockets of dissent eveywhere in Iraq. Not only Baghdad.
This in my opinion is the best way he can use to respond to the challenge that was posed to him this week. That of course if he is willing to crack the nut.
Saad
--
I feel sorry for the Iraqis -- but that's about it. Despite feelings of goodwill for the Iraqis, I think their society is an abysmal quagmire that we never should have gotten involved in. It's not an easy thing for me to say, b/c I think it's important for everyone, everywhere to live a stable life, and a prosperous one, if they so choose. But what life DO the Iraqi people, on balance, choose? I used to be a reporter for a daily newspaper, and I covered student protest against US sanctions against Iraq. One of the organizers said to me: 'Oh, we'd love to have Saddam gone, out of office.'
'How? How would Iraqis propose that be done?'
He had no answer, and THAT is the problem with Iraq. There doesn't seem to be any cohesion or unifying goal to hold the country together and move them forward. I'm NOT suggesting that the Iraqis deserve ANY misfortunes that befall them -- from Saddam on down. But I am saying that at some point, they need to get a grip, modernize and take responsibility for the direction of their own society.
Bring the Americans home. When the Iraqis decide what the fcuk they want for themselves, then maybe we should talk.
NIW;
You are right.
At this time it is a matter of survival. Save your life.
Iraq may one dat settle down. Today it is too dangerous for you. In time things will change and your work will make a difference.
Not today.
Grab hubby's hand and leave that place.
Another day, another time, you may be able to come back.
I'm going to add my voice to those who say it's time for you to start preparing to leave. Your good will and desire to help has unfortunately lead you into the mouth of the beast, so to speak. It would be such a waste at this point if you or HUBBY were kidnapped/killed. Such a waste. Life is full of signs - I would take your latest crisis with HUBBY seriously. Next time you - well, at least stay safe!
"I dont like this place anymore, and Im trying, Im trying as much as I can to tell HUBBY to leave"
You guys have the needed papers--you can leave any time you want. Maybe you should take a vacation to the UAE and say "Come join me. I ain't going back to Iraq until the T-walls of the green zone come down."
I really feel sorry for Zeyad's brother Nabil who desperately wants to get out. It is so sad to see an intelligent young man literallly begging for someplace to go.
I doubt U.S. troop levels will change in the next few months. Things may begin to change after that. The Iraqi Study Group may have something to say in the next few weeks.
President Bush is clearly stating that he is open to changing policy in Iraq.
NIW, hey, I stumbled across your blog through Drima's & I couldn't leave without posting a comment.
My heart goes out to you & to the thousands who are going through the same.
Here I am mad at the US for acting as the Messiah & meddling into other ppl's affairs when the Iraqis themselves have committed/are committing crimes worse than that of the US & raping their own country.
May Babylon see the light one day.
I pray.
The Iraqis have to get the terrorists under control! We the USA can’t do it all by ourselves!
Right now I think we have a bigger problem with Iran, North Korea, and Lebanon! Do you mind!?
Sheesh and then the lame stream media playing patty cake with the enemy! Let’s play nice with the other kids!
LIKE HELL WE WILL!!!
WOE IS YOU! GET THE HELL OUT! BE AN AMERICAN ONCE AGAIN!
NIW, justwatch these videos. You may learn something:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=6pn4ltRSTF8
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Sm73wOuPL60
http://youtube.com/watch?v=LYfl8BjjMCI
http://youtube.com/watch?v=A_j1i-i_ZKs
Why are you trying to rebuild a country that is MEANT to be destroyed?
dcat, that's like saying the American people should have gotten the people of New Orleans "under control"! You idiot. IDIOT.
Life happens. Remember 911? Remember the fear? You idiot, why don't you extend your campassion outside your affecting veiw?
NIW, dcat represents a *rolling eyes* minority in this country.
email Sistani ...
The US tried to wipe out
al-Sadr years ago and Sistani
saved him
Bremmer wanted the Constitution to be written by a Parliament
elected by local caucuses
... individuals from all over Iraq
elected to come together and
form the Parliament ...
Sistani pushed for this nationwide
party list approach ... as if
Bremmer was an idiot ... and you know what all the anti-American
blowhards around the world agreed ...
The simple fact is Bremmer should have been in control for at least two years and Sistani should have supported the Americans and
marginalized al-Sadr ... big geniuses these clerics ... as if
Americans do not know how to build
democratic institutions and Muslim
clerics do ... that said its not too late ... I call on all Iraq
to flood Sistani with emails
and demand he step forward and call
for all Iraqi to unite and support
the American forces ... all that do not (renegade militias/police) can be killed ... these extremists on both sides must be killed ...
They get one last chance unite
with the American forces eliminate
extremists
You should really leave Iraq...I mean, not only is the situation getting worse and worse, but face it honey, you are working at the end of the day for an occupation which has brought in tens of thousands of troops and weapons so thay can have your country and do with it as they wish.
You want a better Iraq, then push for the occupation to leave, reinstate the legitimate army and government, and have the invaders compensate for all the death and damage they have caused...That is the right thing to do.
Layth
If the US had never invaded Iraq, millions wouldn't have suffered like they do now. I am so ashamed of my government, no words can explain my tears filling out my tax form, knowing my payment will fund death.
Bush is not stupid; he fakes it. Easier to get away with crimes if everyone thinks you are dumb. Don't be dumb yourselves. Don't buy into their ploy.
I love my people. We are good people! But my government scares me.
I can only imagine what the Iraqi people feel.
NIW: LEAVE! Get HUBBY and get OUT of there. There is NO POINT loosing your life to patch up a broken spinal cord.
LEAVE while you still have the chance.
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