neurotic Iraqi wife
June 11, 2006
Chocolate Indulgence...
Ok, can someone please tell me that this is just a short phase im going through, that its normal to feel abnormal after Iraq??? I mean, first off, Im angry all the time...secondly, Im extremely finicky and panicky...thirdly, I just wanna be alone...Fourthly Im not into shoes, can you believe it???ME passing by a shoe store without even wanting to go inside??? Something is terribly wrong..I mean terribly wrong...I got into the car with my mom today, and uttered the words "be careful mom", "Watch out Mom", "Youre gonna hit that car Mom" maybe a million times, something she used to do to ME when I would be driving, a thing that used to get on my nerves and drive me mad...Am I turning into my mom??? OMG...
Then I get into a brush fight, yup a hairbrush fight...I had to go and colour my hair roots...The brown colour looked extremely odd with my caramel highlights...So went to the hairdressers, as I sat down, the assistant came to brush my hair...Now, Im the type of person that never brushes her hair except in the shower...I dunno, I just dont like to...I prefer the messy just out of bed look...So needless to say my hair was full of knots...The lady began to brush and realised that its gonna be a challenge, so she thought that by combing it vigorously it will solve the problem...I could see my head in the mirror moving forwards, backwards, forwards, backwards,(my cig kept goin left, righ, left, right always missing my lips) and the pain, the pain was just so unbearable...So i look at her in the mirror, and tell her nicely, please can I have the brush...she says "no maam, I will do it"...Umm I repeated, PLease give me the brush, she looked at me and said "NO MAAM"..I was like WTH...So I grabbed the brush from her hands, "But Ma.." she started to say, I shouted "IT IS MY HAIR AND I WILL BRUSH IT THE WAY I WANT TO, sheeeeesh" She ducked her head down and disappeared...I felt bad but I mean cmon, with every stroke she took, I could feel my hairs literally being removed from my head...it was OUCH....
Then Off I went to the mall, to check out a few beds...My younger sister was with me...She's a shopaholic...I warned her "Look D, Im only going in one store only to check out the beds, Im not here to shop and go around Ok???" Innocently she replied "I only need a few things wont be long" Little did I know....We spent 3 hours!!! 3 darn hours, with me following her from shop to shop....She felt bad and said to me "You know, You dont have to frown and complain, you can leave me here, I will take a cab back home" Umm yeah right as if I will let her do that....Then after nagging her she said "You know, you have become an old bore, you need to chill out!!!" Hmm, maybe she is right...I think I do need to chill out...but how and when...and where???
Ok, I have received emails from my former colleagues in Baghdad, and this is what they had to say about Zarqawi's death:
This is from W
We all good in here and there is nothing good happened in Iraq since zarqawi death but we hope it will be better
S said:
Mabrook alena kulna(Congrats to all of us) the death of this kalb ibn elkalb(this is an Iraqi expression which simply means dog, son of a dog, used in same way as Jackass)....I really hope things will get better, but I'm not very optimistic about that...but we shall see what's gonna happen.
So basically its the same sentiment...We are all extremely glad that he is gone, but from what we have seen already, people have lost faith abit but can only hope that things will improve after... what counts though is the fact that there is still that tiny glimmer of hope...
Back to my Trip from Hell...AFter having sweated my glands out in the C130, we arrived in Kuwait around 8pm their time...KBR bus came and took us from the plane to the designated area of passport/DOD cards control...I felt like Im part of a herd of sheep....Our turn comes, and HUBBY tells the lady at the counter that he lost the visa sticker he got when he first entered Kuwait 2 years ago...She looks at him, then says "Sorry sir, you have to wait to get a new visa, come back between 2am and 4am" I look at HUBBY and say no freakin way...Then I said isnt there any other way, we really are exhausted...No Maam, she says, this is the Kuwaiti government, he cant leave the gates without the visa...
Then my turn and I proudly presented her my CAC card with my visa sticker on and a huge smile covering my face (trying to show off, that hey Im not irresponsible, I actually kept the sticker)...She says "Maam, Im sorry but we have to confiscate your CAC card cuz its expired and you too have to wait for a visa to be issued" OMG...I said why????I have the visa!!! "Sorry Maam, we have to get you a new one..." Hmm, I look at HUBBY and say "Ok this is where all the fun begins, we have like 6 hours to kill in this desert, where do u fancy to have dinner tonight???" HUBBY gives me his usual shrug...Theres this young man called Issa or something who also helps out with the visas, he saw that we looked really lost and needed some help...He said, listen, theres a 24 hr Mcdonalds, and a coffee shop, why dont you just make yourself comfortable and relax...
So in six hours, I showed HUBBY that I can play table tennis, darts, and run faster than him...It was fun, I have to admit...At 2 am sharp we were in the office, the lady gave us our passports back, but told us that the next bus out to the hotel is at 5...There is no way I was gonna wait till 5...Im tired, Im dirty, and I just want to go to bed....So she says well you have to find a ride with someone...There was a Major, standing there, she asked him if he was going downtown..He said that he was...I looked at him with my innocent eyes, and said Can we join you, we need to get to our hotel...He then told me to ask the driver taking him..I asked, and made sure to show the driver our luggage so he wont get the shock of his life when we get into the car...
He was really nice and said no probs...That was around 215am...We get into the back seat, finally able to relax...There was another guy with us apart from the Major...30 mins into the drive...HUBBY and I realised that the guy driving has no clue where he's goin...Apparantely he turned out to be new to the country..Hmm, this is just great, just our luck...They were looking for a certain hotel...We kept going round, and round and round...Until HUBBY suggested that it might help if they stop somewhere and ask someone...So they asked him if he can do it in Arabic...HUBBY was more than happy...
We stopped at a compound and asked the security "do u know hotel so and so???" man replies yes "how do we get to it please???" You see this road, you go straight, you come to a traffic light, you turn right, you then continue straight and the hotel will be on your right" Then the man adds "once you get there, just ask someone"...We do exactly what he said but no hotel on the right, nor on the left...We stop yet again and ask someone who gives us same BS, then adds, when you get there, ask someone(why the hell cant they just say NO, we dont know the place, why do they have to give some utter bs directions, that made me dizzy and wanna throw up, then adds ask someone there, I really dont get it)...We just kept goin on and on in circles, passing the same darn building a zillion times...I looked at my watch and it was nearly 4am...One more hour and we coulda gotten the bus....grrrrrrr
It was three hours later, without any exxageration, from the moment we got in the car, to the moment we reached our hotel...By that time, I literally was a zombie...didnt care where I slept...I just needed a bed...It appeared that the Villas KBR rent out in the hotel in Kuwait aint mixed ofcourse, so HUBBY and I had to sleep in different in villas...At that time, I didnt have any energy to complain, I just need a darn bed and a shower please if you dont mind....But we couldnt sleep much cuz at 8am we had to do a medical...
Met HUBBY did the medical that was just a bunch of 8 sheets which we had to read and answer, simple, easy peasy, we came all the way to Kuwait to answer whether we were traumatised by any way, or feel strange in any way...I mean fine decent questions, but hey, I just wanted to go home...Thank God, we gave in our gear at the airport, but we had to get a receipt...The guy was so rude that I couldnt contain myself from saying "Hey, it helps alot if you chill out abit and smile" I think I shocked him with my words and he nervously said "Im sorry but I have an ear infection and I' m not in a good mood"...Oh well...I guess many of us need to chill out...Im certainly one of them...I know, maybe its time for Chocolate...Chocolate Indulgence...
Then I get into a brush fight, yup a hairbrush fight...I had to go and colour my hair roots...The brown colour looked extremely odd with my caramel highlights...So went to the hairdressers, as I sat down, the assistant came to brush my hair...Now, Im the type of person that never brushes her hair except in the shower...I dunno, I just dont like to...I prefer the messy just out of bed look...So needless to say my hair was full of knots...The lady began to brush and realised that its gonna be a challenge, so she thought that by combing it vigorously it will solve the problem...I could see my head in the mirror moving forwards, backwards, forwards, backwards,(my cig kept goin left, righ, left, right always missing my lips) and the pain, the pain was just so unbearable...So i look at her in the mirror, and tell her nicely, please can I have the brush...she says "no maam, I will do it"...Umm I repeated, PLease give me the brush, she looked at me and said "NO MAAM"..I was like WTH...So I grabbed the brush from her hands, "But Ma.." she started to say, I shouted "IT IS MY HAIR AND I WILL BRUSH IT THE WAY I WANT TO, sheeeeesh" She ducked her head down and disappeared...I felt bad but I mean cmon, with every stroke she took, I could feel my hairs literally being removed from my head...it was OUCH....
Then Off I went to the mall, to check out a few beds...My younger sister was with me...She's a shopaholic...I warned her "Look D, Im only going in one store only to check out the beds, Im not here to shop and go around Ok???" Innocently she replied "I only need a few things wont be long" Little did I know....We spent 3 hours!!! 3 darn hours, with me following her from shop to shop....She felt bad and said to me "You know, You dont have to frown and complain, you can leave me here, I will take a cab back home" Umm yeah right as if I will let her do that....Then after nagging her she said "You know, you have become an old bore, you need to chill out!!!" Hmm, maybe she is right...I think I do need to chill out...but how and when...and where???
Ok, I have received emails from my former colleagues in Baghdad, and this is what they had to say about Zarqawi's death:
This is from W
We all good in here and there is nothing good happened in Iraq since zarqawi death but we hope it will be better
S said:
Mabrook alena kulna(Congrats to all of us) the death of this kalb ibn elkalb(this is an Iraqi expression which simply means dog, son of a dog, used in same way as Jackass)....I really hope things will get better, but I'm not very optimistic about that...but we shall see what's gonna happen.
So basically its the same sentiment...We are all extremely glad that he is gone, but from what we have seen already, people have lost faith abit but can only hope that things will improve after... what counts though is the fact that there is still that tiny glimmer of hope...
Back to my Trip from Hell...AFter having sweated my glands out in the C130, we arrived in Kuwait around 8pm their time...KBR bus came and took us from the plane to the designated area of passport/DOD cards control...I felt like Im part of a herd of sheep....Our turn comes, and HUBBY tells the lady at the counter that he lost the visa sticker he got when he first entered Kuwait 2 years ago...She looks at him, then says "Sorry sir, you have to wait to get a new visa, come back between 2am and 4am" I look at HUBBY and say no freakin way...Then I said isnt there any other way, we really are exhausted...No Maam, she says, this is the Kuwaiti government, he cant leave the gates without the visa...
Then my turn and I proudly presented her my CAC card with my visa sticker on and a huge smile covering my face (trying to show off, that hey Im not irresponsible, I actually kept the sticker)...She says "Maam, Im sorry but we have to confiscate your CAC card cuz its expired and you too have to wait for a visa to be issued" OMG...I said why????I have the visa!!! "Sorry Maam, we have to get you a new one..." Hmm, I look at HUBBY and say "Ok this is where all the fun begins, we have like 6 hours to kill in this desert, where do u fancy to have dinner tonight???" HUBBY gives me his usual shrug...Theres this young man called Issa or something who also helps out with the visas, he saw that we looked really lost and needed some help...He said, listen, theres a 24 hr Mcdonalds, and a coffee shop, why dont you just make yourself comfortable and relax...
So in six hours, I showed HUBBY that I can play table tennis, darts, and run faster than him...It was fun, I have to admit...At 2 am sharp we were in the office, the lady gave us our passports back, but told us that the next bus out to the hotel is at 5...There is no way I was gonna wait till 5...Im tired, Im dirty, and I just want to go to bed....So she says well you have to find a ride with someone...There was a Major, standing there, she asked him if he was going downtown..He said that he was...I looked at him with my innocent eyes, and said Can we join you, we need to get to our hotel...He then told me to ask the driver taking him..I asked, and made sure to show the driver our luggage so he wont get the shock of his life when we get into the car...
He was really nice and said no probs...That was around 215am...We get into the back seat, finally able to relax...There was another guy with us apart from the Major...30 mins into the drive...HUBBY and I realised that the guy driving has no clue where he's goin...Apparantely he turned out to be new to the country..Hmm, this is just great, just our luck...They were looking for a certain hotel...We kept going round, and round and round...Until HUBBY suggested that it might help if they stop somewhere and ask someone...So they asked him if he can do it in Arabic...HUBBY was more than happy...
We stopped at a compound and asked the security "do u know hotel so and so???" man replies yes "how do we get to it please???" You see this road, you go straight, you come to a traffic light, you turn right, you then continue straight and the hotel will be on your right" Then the man adds "once you get there, just ask someone"...We do exactly what he said but no hotel on the right, nor on the left...We stop yet again and ask someone who gives us same BS, then adds, when you get there, ask someone(why the hell cant they just say NO, we dont know the place, why do they have to give some utter bs directions, that made me dizzy and wanna throw up, then adds ask someone there, I really dont get it)...We just kept goin on and on in circles, passing the same darn building a zillion times...I looked at my watch and it was nearly 4am...One more hour and we coulda gotten the bus....grrrrrrr
It was three hours later, without any exxageration, from the moment we got in the car, to the moment we reached our hotel...By that time, I literally was a zombie...didnt care where I slept...I just needed a bed...It appeared that the Villas KBR rent out in the hotel in Kuwait aint mixed ofcourse, so HUBBY and I had to sleep in different in villas...At that time, I didnt have any energy to complain, I just need a darn bed and a shower please if you dont mind....But we couldnt sleep much cuz at 8am we had to do a medical...
Met HUBBY did the medical that was just a bunch of 8 sheets which we had to read and answer, simple, easy peasy, we came all the way to Kuwait to answer whether we were traumatised by any way, or feel strange in any way...I mean fine decent questions, but hey, I just wanted to go home...Thank God, we gave in our gear at the airport, but we had to get a receipt...The guy was so rude that I couldnt contain myself from saying "Hey, it helps alot if you chill out abit and smile" I think I shocked him with my words and he nervously said "Im sorry but I have an ear infection and I' m not in a good mood"...Oh well...I guess many of us need to chill out...Im certainly one of them...I know, maybe its time for Chocolate...Chocolate Indulgence...
5 Comments:
You might have PTSD just like the soldiers get, it might not be full-blown but a lot of soldiers tell of symptoms just like your telling, maybe not the shoe thing, but the anxiety and stuff. You might want to find a peer group so you can sit and talk.
Hi,
My Husband works in Iraq (he lives in Karada District) He comes home every three months for four weeks. It takes him a good two weeks to become normal again. Spend some time spoiling yourself :)
Take Care
xx
Dunno madtom, its getting worse as each day passes...And as I wrote in my last post "Pandora's Box" I havent seen corpses or been through what soldiers have been through..In fact I believe I lived comfortably, although stressful, but didnt really suffer much...so why now, why this??? Its infact getting on my nerves, cuz its impeding many things I need to take care of....
Anon, I wish I can spoil myself, its like when I went to the hairdressers, I felt bad that i was fixing my hair...U know??? I felt guilty...Shit I dunno...Maybe i need to just let it all out...maybe then I will be back to my normal self...
There is more involved than just bloody death and destruction, there is also a lot of guilt for the people you left behind, a sense that your safe and they are not, and a lot more. I really would seek out a group of people that have experienced the same. And I would keep an eye out for Hubby. He was there the longest. Every time I think about you I think of Hubby, he was there for almost three years, I think, The Guy has balls of steel, in my opinion. They practically had to throw him out or he would still be there. He is bound to explode one day if he does not have some outlet. If he's like most of us, he wont shed a tear till it's too late.
I do not know if there is an army base there where your at, I doubt it, but if you could find one there my be a group you could join, if not seek one online. If all else fails seek out a professional, just don't let it fester, and don't just bury your feelings. Find some way to express yourself to people that will understand. I wish I could help, but I'm just like the rest, clueless.
madtom...I have no clue how HUBBY is feeling..He never talks abt such things..besides he is not with me at the moment...Time will only tell...when he comes to join me in a few days time, I will know..I dont think I can talk to him abt it, because he will tell me, we shouldnt have left...So Id rather keep it here, inside...And btw, thanx for your concern...thats extremely nice of you, im serious...
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