neurotic Iraqi wife

I tried not to spend time on blogging as I still havent done with packing...I know I know..I take ages...If you only you could see the size of our rooms here, you wouldnt blame me...I can barely move in it, let along pack the stuff I have gathered for the past year....

I went to work late today, and as I was saying hello to Dr A, HUBBY told me that Dr A was about to get blown up because of us...I was shocked and said how???Apparantely Dr A wanted to get an Iraqi sweet called Min Il Sima (literally translates into from the sky)...Its a very well known sweet here and very yummy...The best known place that sells it is a shop called Al Khasaki...which unfortunately got blown up....Why did it get blown up, nobody knows...The so called insurgents target everything that is successful, everything that brings joy to the Iraqis....They know no mercy...They want Iraq to fail....They blow up water pipes, they blow up generators...For Gods Sake they started putting bombs in dead bodies and detonate them...They are criminals and I pray that they will burn in hell....

As today is my last day here, Im trying to capture every moment, every word before leaving this place...Im really leaving with a heavy heart...I know HUBBY feels the same, yet I wanna be held close, I wanna be hugged and be told that things will be ok...But HUBBY is dealing with it on his own, leaving me all alone with my thoughts and my feelings....

I got many hugs today from my colleagues and believe me I had trained to keep my tears inside...I told myself I must be strong, I must not give in to my emotions...As I walked for one last time, from the office towards my room, my tears started flowing uncontrollably....I couldnt wait to get into the confinement of my room so I can let it all out....Im heartbroken...Literally heartbroken...Im gonna miss this place...I really will...

I wanna share a few emails with you that really uplifted my spirits and showed me that what we have done here will not be forgotten....

This is my email that I sent out to my colleagues....

Well, The time has come for us to leave…But this aint Goodbye..This is a “See You Soon”, For Goodbyes are painful, and goodbyes mean that we will never meet….

I wanna thank everyone I worked with, for all their hard work, and their patience with me and my moods…I wanna thank especially my fellow Iraqis, who risk their lives everyday by coming into work…I want to tell you that you are the future of this country, do not give up…I know life is hard outside in the Red Zone…I know that you have suffered and will suffer, but please do not give up…Iraq needs you…

In the past year I have seen you grow and become leaders…Do not let anyone tell you otherwise…Do not let anyone put you down because you are “Passionate and emotional” about your work…Stand up for your right, Don’t be shy, don’t fear anyone…Learn as much as you can, while you can…This is an opportunity for all of you…I know I sound like an old preacher, but believe me, I AM PROUD to be an IRAQI and to have been given the opportunity to come here and work with all of you…

To my fellow Expats, I wish you all the success after here, and may our paths cross again, sometime…someplace…Thank you to all of you…

The time here was spent like a rollercoaster…One day up, the next down…I have cried, I have smiled, I met great and kind people…I saw people come and I saw people go…It was hard for me at times to say Goodbye …But I know that one day we will meet again…

And this is some of their emails to me:
This is from R
I’m happy that I met you 1 day , but Unfortunately it was for short time After I recognized how nice & stable personality you have !
Really when I read your sentences about us my eyes were full of tears cause I knew that you really feel that not just words .
XXXX you are great & lovely person , I really wish you all the best from all my heart .
This is from S
Being the passionate and emotional person that you know….I couldn’t read your beautiful words without having my eyes full of tears…you touched my soul with your kind words…we are all proud to be Iraqis…and we are all proud of you…you are a very lovable persons….I can’t tell you how much we are going to miss you!
This from another S
My tears are already coming on my checks while I am reading your message, even though I always try not to cry when somebody is leaving but not this time.
I am sure you will have much better quality family time together and a brighter future insha’allah.
My best time is when my beautiful and clever girl was sitting next to me at the back under the clock! Now this clock is ticking. Thank you for the good time
This is from O
Neither my words nor my emotions can help me tell how much it was wonderful knowing you, when I think of an honest, brave and faithful friends, my mind will always think of those nice husband and wife that changed all the people around into one group of friends and all the hard time into a smile. I never hesitated ones asking for help or favor from my old brother and his wonderful wife as their hands and hearts were welcoming all the people around. Now and since I definately don't need to let this all go away, I would like to ask you indeed to stay in touch and to visit my house, be our guests once you decide to be with your family and fellow Iraqis one day. My heart, home and family will be honoured to have you with us in one of the beautiful real Iraqi nights.
Wish you a nice and safe trip. Iraq will miss you
Thank you so much for all of your noble feelings and pleasentful time

It is words like these that make my heart full of joy...It is words like these that make me love every moment that I had spent here...It is words like these, that makes all the hardship worthwhile....As I write this, my tears are already flowing...I cant help it...Im sorry, for words cant describe what Im feeling right now...This is the end of the Chapter...The end of Chapter Baghdad...The end of Chapter Green Zone...The end of an Amazing Chapter...

Ive waved goodbye to the beautiful date trees...Ive waved goodbye to my friend the Moon...The Moon that was forever my friend, my shadow when I used to walk the road alone...This is my last post...My last post from Baghdad...And Im feeling like a Stranger...A Stranger in the Night....