neurotic Iraqi wife

As I sit here and begin to write, memories flash by just like a movie strip flicking, flicking through my yesterdays...all the yesterdays that passed...I remember the agony, the anguish I used to suffer being away from HUBBY..I remember the sleepless nights I kept tossing and turning worrying..thinking...I remember the phonecalls, the emails...the arguements...the laughter...I remember the tears I shed when I dont hear from him...I remember those days...My Yesterdays...

As I sit here and begin to write, I remember how a year ago I got the news of coming here...I remember how my tears of joy flowed down my face in utter exhiliration..I remember the days of arguing with my mother who was so against the idea...I remember how I would scream and shout and say "its my life and I need to live it"...I remember those days...My Yesterdays....

As I sit here and begin to write I remember the flight into Kuwait...I remember how I arrived into the airport not expecting HUBBY to be there cuz he said "This is your trip, your experience, you have to do it alone" I remember how i saw a camera flash in my face...I remember seeing the smile, the smile of HUBBY as he picked me up and hugged me so hard...I remember those days...My Yesterdays...

As I sit here and begin to write, I remember the heat I endured in Ali Al Salem waiting for the C130...I remember the excitement, the excitement of getting into one of those...I remember how heavy the armoured vest I had to wear and the silly helmet that almost covered my eyes...I remember the net and the complicated seatbelt I had to lock...I remember the minute we approached Baghdad...I remember how I tried to see through that tiny window...to see a glimpse of my country...the country I left long long time ago...I remember my heartbeats...I remember those days...My Yesterdays...

As I sit here and begin to write, I remember the ground I stepped onto....I remember the tears of disbelief...I remember saying...Am I really here, here in Baghdad??? I remember HUBBY's hands squeezing mine...I remember pulling my bags and walking next to Burger King in camp stryker...I remember the shock I was in when I say army personnel...never seen so many all in one place...I remember seeing the tanks and asking HUBBY..Is this normal??? I remember how I stood next to the trailer bathrooms and took pictures...I remember sitting on the benches waiting for the bus...I remember those days...My Yesterdays...

As I sit here and begin to write, I remember the rino ride from the camp to the green zone...I remember the ride to the palace...I remember how poor HUBBY had to drag 2 suitcases wearing his silly helmet and his vest...I remember prancing infront of him, smoking and dragging his carry on...I remember taking pictures and laughing my ass off at him...I remember how sweat poured all over his face, yet he didnt utter one word of complaint...I remember the sand bags and the sight of the trailers...I remember walking into the trailer for the first time...and just slept right there and then...I remember those days...My Yesterdays....

As I sit here and begin to write, I remember the first day at work...I remember the faces..the eyes that looked me up and down...I remember the stunned looks when HUBBY introduced me...I remember how I felt...felt so out of place...I remember how everyone spoke to me in english thinking Im american...I remember the wow's and aahs when I said Im Iraqi...I remember the WOB and her eyes scouring all over me...I remember HR lady giving me lessons in punctuality and work hours...I remember how I sat there clueless...staring at a monitor...thinking to myself is this it??? I remember those days...My Yesterdays...

As I sit here and begin to write, I remember the first mortar I heard...I remember how I ran out trying to see where it happened and what it was...I remember how it became a habbit to sleep with these sounds and wake up with these sounds...I remember entering the palace...Saddams palace...I remember thinking, wow...here I am touching the chairs...walking the marble floors...while you Saddam are in a cell...who woulda thought...I remember those days...My Yesterdays...

As I sit here and begin to write, I remember the nights, the masgoof (Iraqi Fish) nights...I remember the green zone cafe...I remember its green and red colour....I remember the boys and how friendly they were...I remember the yummy kababs and the fresh lamb tikkas...I remember those days...My Yesterdays...

As I sit here and begin to write, I remember the day our colleague was kidnapped...I remember the tears...I remember the sorrow...I remember the look of guilt in HUBBY's eyes...I remember how HUBBY said it was his fault for he assigned him to work here...I remember the sleepless nights...the sorrowful days that followed...I remember the anger I felt...The hopelessness...I remember those days...My Yesterdays...

As I sit here and begin to write, I remember the stories..the untold stories...I remember the summer heat and the conversations...I remember star trek nights and the arguements...I remember the small gatherings we used to have and chat...I remember HUBBY complaining how his program is failing...I remember WOB trying to scheme and plan inorder to get people out...I remember the disbelief at how such a woman exsited...I remember the fights I had with HUBBY becuase of her....I remember the tears I shed for I felt neglected..I remember those days...My Yesterdays...

As I sit here and begin to write, I remember the days I worked with Col M and LTC Perfect...I remember the nights we stayed up to solve issues...I remember the jokes, the laughter...I remember how nice it felt to be appreciated...I remember how great it felt to be responsible...I remember how wonderful it felt to coach the Iraqis...I remember the anxiousness they felt when giving their first presentation...I remember the stuttering and the thumbs up when they were done...I remember those days....My Yesterdays...

As I sit here and begin to write, I remember the long hours I put into my work...I remember the days where I had no time to even wash my hair...I remember the days when I would only sleep for a few hours because I couldnt wait to go back to work...I remember the days I was suffering from IWS (Ignored Wife Syndrome) and took that opportunity to melt deep into my job...I remember those days...My Yesterdays...

As I sit here and begin to write, I remember the day I tried to run away...I remember the crazy Idea of venturing out...I remember how I walked and walked trying to get to the bridge...the bridge that leads to the real Baghdad....I remember how I got lost and started crying...I remember how cars used to stop and beep their horns..I remember sitting next to a mosque listening to the prayers...I remember how silly I was to get lost in the darn green zone...I remember those days...My Yesterdays...

As I sit here and begin to write, I remember the laughter, I remember the tears...I remember the Farewells, and the goodbyes...I remember the Great people that made a difference in my life...I remember the resilience of my iraqi colleagues that come into work everyday...I remember their sufferings in their daily stories...I remember those days...My Yesterdays....

As I sit here and begin to write, I remember Col K's famous words..."This job is hard enough without people making it harder" I remember Col K's emotions overtaking his farewell speach..I remember his words to my Iraqi colleagues "You to me are my heroes...You will face challenges but you are the most resilient people I have ever met in my life and Iraq will one day flourish with your help and perseverence"... I remember those days...My Yesterdays...

Yes these are MY Yesterdays...The Yesterdays that passed me by...The Yesterdays that will ever be engraved in my heart...These are the Yesterdays...The Memories that are filled with love...The memories of the nights, the Baghdad nights with its beautiful dark skies and the ever shining moon...These are My Yesterdays...