neurotic Iraqi wife
August 26, 2007
This Neurotic Blog...
Yesterday was three years to the day that I started this blog. I still remember that hot muggy day back in Aug 04 when I was pacing the flat in London, stressed out wandering if HUBBY arrived to Baghdad or not. I really WAS going neurotic. I remember the nights Id spend crying and the days Id spend locked up in my bedroom. It sure was a total nightmare. My only venting place was this blog, and you know something, it actually did help me in many ways. Three years on and Ive become older, but definitely not wiser. Three years on and my wrinkles are having a ball of a marathon. I would also like to think that Ive become smarter, but then again, thats not for me to say. I still think Im neurotic though in my own little way, but not to the extent I was then. No definitely not.
The nagging and whining may have declined, but it definitely didnt stop. The "when will I see you", "When are we gonna leave?", "When are we gonna have kids?", "When will I have a normal life?" questions I ask HUBBY time and time again. Infact, it became the opening statements of every single conversation I have with him. I wander when will the time come when Id hear the "click" of the phone, and id be left talking to myself without even knowing.
Three years on, the one thing that definitely changed are my political views. United was the key. Divided is the solution. Yes divided thats exactly what I said. At first any talk of federalism or division boiled my blood. But today, I believe that thats the only solution apart from ofcourse the ousting of Al Maliki's govt. The problem is, even if Al Maliki gets ousted, a voting process will have take place, because of the law under the new constitution. And guess what, the same factions will win YET AGAIN. So, we will end up with a different face but the exact same ideology. An ideology that is governed by the invisible masks of the Mullas. Hmmm.... But dividing this place is the only solution that I and many others have come to conclude. Let the militias in the south fight each other and have their fun, let the guys in the north flourish more and have their fun, let the guys in the west and center have their fun. Easier said than done right?
No matter what Petraeus's report will unfold in a few weeks, it wont really say anything new. I have learnt from experience, that all reports are the same. Only difference, the person's name signed below the line. The report will say, troop surge was successful, resulting in less violence (Yeah right). US forces will leave when the Iraqi security forces can fully protect their own country(as long as their loyalty lies with the militias, that will never happen), bla bla bla. Words, that mean jack to me and to the people who know exactly whats going on here. We dont need any general to lie to us anymore. Or any president for that matter. Im sick and tired of the deception and lies that all those top notch people try to brainwash the American people and the world.
The other day, I was sitting on in a brief, one of the generals was so happy because the report infront of him said, Baghdad had 9 hours of electricity. Everyone cheered and smiled. I was the only Iraqi there, staring in disbelief. WHERE THE HELL did this report come from??? I swear I had the urge of going out of the room, grabbing one of my Iraqi coworkers and tell him "Cmon, tell them, tell them that you have been without electricity for the past 2 weeks. Tell them that you spend your nights on the roof in hope of catching some lost breeze" “Cmon, tell them the truth. Tell them people are fleeing this country because they can no longer live in it. Tell them that your kids have become prisoners in their own homes” Cmon tell them!!!
My outlook on life changed. As stubborn and adamant as Im known to be, my views and perceptions changed in a surprising way. I guess alot of it has to do with just being here. Being here and interacting with the real Iraqis. Although I get slammed by many commentators on this blog for working with the USG, Im glad that I do. I dont regret anything. I think it was a wise decision for me to come here, simply because I see and hear what goes on around here. I know exactly how the reconstruction projects are being managed, I know how the money got spent and where. I witness everyday, the mistakes that the US and Iraqi governments committ. Maybe mistakes is a harsh word, because everything is relative really. You ask the Expat Program managers, they will tell you its the Iraqi ministry thats not keeping their end of the bargain. You ask the Iraqi Ministry, and they will say its the US government's fault.
Im here to say the truth, the truth and what I think, and believe is taking place. Beating the Iraqi Minsitries, is like beating a dead horse, especially with all the corruption thats taking place. I will give you a simple example without having to go into great details. Medical equipment. Yes Medical equipment. The US government spent millions of dollars (millions that were overpriced by the huge money grabbing US Corporations) to purchase medical equipment for the rundown hospitals and clinics here. Its the Ministry of Health's responsibility to distribute these. Instead, and because the Ministry is affiliated with Al Sadr, these million dollar equipment is being distributed to the hospitals in the Shia areas only or sold to some other party with outrageous prices. So, lets say Im an average Iraqi, and I got injured, I know I can get a better treatment in the Shia Hospitals because of their upto date equipment, whereas HUBBY, a sunni, has no chance (Although we dont really make these differences in our private lives, thats how Iraq has become). To go even deeper into the problem, even with these sophisticated equipment, there isnt the qualified callibre of Iraqis to get trained on these machinery, because all the educated and intelligent ones, have fled the country to save their lives from the non ending violence.
Yes money is being spent, projects are taking place. Believe it or not, it is. You just dont hear it in the news. And why should we, since in my opinion, the hundreds of thousands of human lives that are lost day in day out are far more important than those darn concrete empty shells of a building. Do you know how many Iraqi contractors lost their lives because of the reconstruction efforts? Thousands. And when I say contractors, I also mean the simple man. That simple man who wanted to have any job just to be able to feed his hungry kids. The bricklayer, the painter, the cleaner. Just a simple man who wanted to keep his family alive. These concrete projects should have waited. They should have waited until the human issues were resolved. For without humans, theres no point. No point at all.
Yes Three years on, and as pessimistic as I have become, I still find time to laugh. To laugh with my Iraqi coworkers, atleast the ones who still are here. I laugh over the phone with the ones who left, joking with them and teasing them. Three years on and my obssession with shoes still remains. I doubt THAT will ever change. Yup Three years on. Three years on, and who woulda thought on that hot muggy day back in Aug o4, I would be here NOW, here in Baghdad still writing in this Blog. This Neurotic Blog...
The nagging and whining may have declined, but it definitely didnt stop. The "when will I see you", "When are we gonna leave?", "When are we gonna have kids?", "When will I have a normal life?" questions I ask HUBBY time and time again. Infact, it became the opening statements of every single conversation I have with him. I wander when will the time come when Id hear the "click" of the phone, and id be left talking to myself without even knowing.
Three years on, the one thing that definitely changed are my political views. United was the key. Divided is the solution. Yes divided thats exactly what I said. At first any talk of federalism or division boiled my blood. But today, I believe that thats the only solution apart from ofcourse the ousting of Al Maliki's govt. The problem is, even if Al Maliki gets ousted, a voting process will have take place, because of the law under the new constitution. And guess what, the same factions will win YET AGAIN. So, we will end up with a different face but the exact same ideology. An ideology that is governed by the invisible masks of the Mullas. Hmmm.... But dividing this place is the only solution that I and many others have come to conclude. Let the militias in the south fight each other and have their fun, let the guys in the north flourish more and have their fun, let the guys in the west and center have their fun. Easier said than done right?
No matter what Petraeus's report will unfold in a few weeks, it wont really say anything new. I have learnt from experience, that all reports are the same. Only difference, the person's name signed below the line. The report will say, troop surge was successful, resulting in less violence (Yeah right). US forces will leave when the Iraqi security forces can fully protect their own country(as long as their loyalty lies with the militias, that will never happen), bla bla bla. Words, that mean jack to me and to the people who know exactly whats going on here. We dont need any general to lie to us anymore. Or any president for that matter. Im sick and tired of the deception and lies that all those top notch people try to brainwash the American people and the world.
The other day, I was sitting on in a brief, one of the generals was so happy because the report infront of him said, Baghdad had 9 hours of electricity. Everyone cheered and smiled. I was the only Iraqi there, staring in disbelief. WHERE THE HELL did this report come from??? I swear I had the urge of going out of the room, grabbing one of my Iraqi coworkers and tell him "Cmon, tell them, tell them that you have been without electricity for the past 2 weeks. Tell them that you spend your nights on the roof in hope of catching some lost breeze" “Cmon, tell them the truth. Tell them people are fleeing this country because they can no longer live in it. Tell them that your kids have become prisoners in their own homes” Cmon tell them!!!
My outlook on life changed. As stubborn and adamant as Im known to be, my views and perceptions changed in a surprising way. I guess alot of it has to do with just being here. Being here and interacting with the real Iraqis. Although I get slammed by many commentators on this blog for working with the USG, Im glad that I do. I dont regret anything. I think it was a wise decision for me to come here, simply because I see and hear what goes on around here. I know exactly how the reconstruction projects are being managed, I know how the money got spent and where. I witness everyday, the mistakes that the US and Iraqi governments committ. Maybe mistakes is a harsh word, because everything is relative really. You ask the Expat Program managers, they will tell you its the Iraqi ministry thats not keeping their end of the bargain. You ask the Iraqi Ministry, and they will say its the US government's fault.
Im here to say the truth, the truth and what I think, and believe is taking place. Beating the Iraqi Minsitries, is like beating a dead horse, especially with all the corruption thats taking place. I will give you a simple example without having to go into great details. Medical equipment. Yes Medical equipment. The US government spent millions of dollars (millions that were overpriced by the huge money grabbing US Corporations) to purchase medical equipment for the rundown hospitals and clinics here. Its the Ministry of Health's responsibility to distribute these. Instead, and because the Ministry is affiliated with Al Sadr, these million dollar equipment is being distributed to the hospitals in the Shia areas only or sold to some other party with outrageous prices. So, lets say Im an average Iraqi, and I got injured, I know I can get a better treatment in the Shia Hospitals because of their upto date equipment, whereas HUBBY, a sunni, has no chance (Although we dont really make these differences in our private lives, thats how Iraq has become). To go even deeper into the problem, even with these sophisticated equipment, there isnt the qualified callibre of Iraqis to get trained on these machinery, because all the educated and intelligent ones, have fled the country to save their lives from the non ending violence.
Yes money is being spent, projects are taking place. Believe it or not, it is. You just dont hear it in the news. And why should we, since in my opinion, the hundreds of thousands of human lives that are lost day in day out are far more important than those darn concrete empty shells of a building. Do you know how many Iraqi contractors lost their lives because of the reconstruction efforts? Thousands. And when I say contractors, I also mean the simple man. That simple man who wanted to have any job just to be able to feed his hungry kids. The bricklayer, the painter, the cleaner. Just a simple man who wanted to keep his family alive. These concrete projects should have waited. They should have waited until the human issues were resolved. For without humans, theres no point. No point at all.
Yes Three years on, and as pessimistic as I have become, I still find time to laugh. To laugh with my Iraqi coworkers, atleast the ones who still are here. I laugh over the phone with the ones who left, joking with them and teasing them. Three years on and my obssession with shoes still remains. I doubt THAT will ever change. Yup Three years on. Three years on, and who woulda thought on that hot muggy day back in Aug o4, I would be here NOW, here in Baghdad still writing in this Blog. This Neurotic Blog...
15 Comments:
hey, as u predicted some of us think that u r wasting ur life on meaningless ventures, but in the end its ur choice.
still a pleasure to read ur blog,
ahmed.
Hold on girl!
Happy 3rd.year blogging day...
Hope to hear from you soon!
Government is always representative of the people. If Iraqis want a decent government they will get it. It's up to them.
You've learned a hard lesson. War and it's projects and "reconstruction efforts" are always designed to be self destructive. This happens in every war.
Like people who piss away they're hard earned money on alcohol or gamble it away in casinos -- nations two--like America and Iraq--spend away they're hard earned prosperity in stupid meaningless Wars.
Thanx Ahmed, I thought ud given up reading my posts, since they frustrated you ;-)Im glad youre still reading them though...
Hey Michael, thanx...
Jason, I swear, had I known that this govt is gonna be like that, I would never have voted. I think right now Allawi is probably the best solution. There are a few others who I think can be good, like Mithal al ALousi, I like his logic alot. And theres one man, Abu Reesha, he is one of those Sunni tribesmen that fought Al Qaeda. I think he is very charismatic, and very strong.
Hello Neurotica, Pacing your room in the flat back home in LOndon & here we are 3 years hence or might even reach 4,5,or6, yes you insight into the whole method to the madness might infact lead you to the very sugegtion I made to & put to you earler on tht you may well see your waytoputting things to right in Iraq & the region in a capacity as elected official as I said mybe 6 years down the line alongside A.A. ? who knows Alright darling loads of love we stand by you www.bfbs.com walter@swedenmail.com (p.s. what about the shoes??!!!)enlighten me love yours as always Olaff
Neurotica: I believe you.
Hello again Neurotica , Your asessment of an Allawi coalition alongside the other couple of gentlemen you mention has the right tone to it & if it comes about mayjustrescue Iraq & the region from a puppet axis of evil sympathisers hiding behind official office & uniforms to pepetrate thier henious daily crimes as you say those who don´t fit the fanatic miltia axis of evil iranien criteria are hounded at best & trodden on & killed at the lowest of the bottom of the pit acts immaginable the attrocities of faith cleansing or plain & simple discrimnation, yes you are right the solution may be that all must come to an undrstanding of sharing te resources equally & that equally formula shall take the sting out of the discontent that prevails & feeds into the turmoil & viscious ccircle of violence yes Neurotica your insight 3,4,5,or6,7 years on shall more than place & all fair minded people like you in a position to contribute putting Iraq & it´s relations to to the region on the right footing to progress & free liberal social tolerant structure as opposed to the axis of evil that continues to try holding sway through it´s sinnister ignorant rabble militia that should be eliminated from the region as whole & Iraq in particular Yes our Lovely Lassie Neurotica standing the test of time & may just be in the right place at the right time to effct change for the good our own Sir t. E. Lawrence may have indeed taken you under his wings had he been here today we stand by you www.bfbs.com Loads of love & The very Best to you darling walter@swedenmail.com as always yours Olaff
Hello again NEURTICA in the heat of the moment there seems to be a bit of spelling & grammatical sentence structural ERRORS sorry Brian these things do happen at times in the heat of the moment ??!! ALL the best M´e O´l MATEY`S TARRAAAAA for now loads of the very best of regards OLAFF
Salaam Neurotica,
I have never heard of Abu Reesha. I DO have great respect for the tribes who are fighting AQ, though. Well, keep up the good work. I write this because I identified with your comments of changing political views. I wish I were more rock solid but as time passes and you undergo new experiences, your attitudes sometimes tend to evolve. I hope all is well. Your loyal Reader
Hey Neuro, Your on the BBC Arabic Website (:P) Happy birthday and keep blogging.
Hi Zappy, cmon write something new on your blog...No I didnt see my website on the BBC arabic.
Hi Christopher, Abureesha is one of the tribal leaders thats fighting alqaeda. I think thats his name. I was against tribes leading, but u never know, maybe thats one of the options...
Olaff, you have high hopes on me...Lol..I dont think I will be a good leader at all...
Yep, that's what happens when you look like great Ping-Pong. At fault...corporations made an innuendo that continued and eventually owned you? Then the people that offer you pride and perseverance over artificial human circuitry should counteract the immediacy of impulse and re-center retribution. Great Ping-Pong is one thing lady. A great bullet can't pervert my face please re-center. A blast yester's Eve, then reverse writing. Games play. not yesterday. When I find her, I'll make her a killer and die myself. Retribution should never be a pool of blood. Wine to Water? Make Plastic Cry. Someone make sure they make plastic cry. Before dinner, ewwwww. The vengeance made for a burnt out shell with beads of water on all the soot covered electronics. Forget plastic, forget plastic, re-do. Don't change Ping-Pong. Does your country want to be a giant Panda Bear? If you were Great Panda Bear your husband would still love you? Alright If America's can evolve from Ping-Pong the vented Ball into the Giant Panda, Ping-Pong... Would you be bloody? Both girls and boys like Pandas. I don't think anyone, bloody or not should have to Marry trash...Call me old fashioned, I still want to marry the bullet. The vented ball definitely sux. Sorry 'bout the exploitation. Panda's are still stoned like you crazy Middle Eastern's. I'll give the Thought Police go ahead on removal, the word - 'Salvation'...Synonym Histories. Only the Best. Just gotta make sure the Boys and Girls like you, that's all. Red and black Pandas sound like communist animals. I don't know what to do? Are you Modest enough to turn into a Giant Red and Black Panda and promise not to preach communist teachings? If we cause retribution your hot honesty might not affect them gyration. No promises. Well that Panda still loves herself Mr. President. Who'll save our plastic children? Oh yeah and the adults, hhee, hee, heee. Quick get into bed with your S.O. and play with the memory Lego set. I'll keep trying to contract diabetes. over and out.
"Lol..I dont think I will be a good leader at all..." - U
"Leaders are objects just like Women." - Shhh
They made a movie named "Osama(2003)".
12-year-old Afghan girl and her mother lose their jobs when the Taliban closes the hospital where they work. The Taliban have also forbidden women to leave their houses without a male "legal companion." With her husband and brother dead, killed in battle, there is no one left to support the family. Without being able to leave the house, the mother is left with nowhere to turn. Feeling that she has no other choice, she disguises her daughter as a boy. Now called 'Osama,' the girl embarks on a terrifying and confusing journey as she tries to keep the Taliban from finding out her true identity. Inspired by a true story, Osama is the first entirely Afghan film shot since the fall of the Taliban. Written by Anonymous
This movie is life support. Man biological engineering...A community of physically fit Commie Panda Bear is the cultural perspective linking Organized Marriage Criminals to the act of that little girl jumping rope. I could strangle a Marriage Mafia member. I'll go hang in the town square Peter Pan style and tell your countries inhabitants what good Panda's they all are. Then whatever jump ropes your countries inhabitants try to strangle me with I'll sell to American children and send them back to Iraq to take over Big Oil.
"NOW GO TO ROOM WITHOUT DINNER AND DON'T COME BACK DOWN UNTIL YOUR MARRIED."
Followed with"AWWW Mom WHY CAN'T I JUST LIVE IN REALITY LIKE RESPECTABLE SHOW GIRLS.
Followed with, "Honey your Mother has an Opium addiction you have to help her get over."
I HATE YOU! Nope they'll lock me in prison if I drink refined oil. I can eat all the electronics I want though. Nerds are fucking naive.
I'm doing my best. How the Hell are we gonna convince these people they aren't Communist Panda Bears? The cold war happened right? Sea Monkey protocol? I don't remember the language of the sea monkeys? I can convince them necessity is lawful that's about all. WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS JUNK DOING HERE. If I eat this PC I'm leaving it plugged in.
Do we all still live in castles? They don't have to suffer they just need to recognize the reality of life and mortality? Smart Kids! When I ask where my actual brain matter is being stored I want a real answer! AN entire planet of JUNKIES??? I was taught using human memory was the same as coddling yourself or sucking ones thumb, dirty little habit? Distributing malformed selectable comforts in the form of outside stimulus. Malformed? Open ended protocols? Circling piles of dirt. Holy Tetris Batman. I guess they're hooked on large-type print like the elderly. Is it me or is the math involved in news really simple and over done. Then I was introduced to a terrarium complex of some sort? Who wants a lecture? I lecture the blue recliner in the living room. and i'm invisible. Oh no watch out for entropy!!! It's true computer parts from the eighties are more chewy then the computer parts of now. Lousy Egypt. I ain't feeling no damn Zeitgeist off this old junk. Primate puzzles and where in time I can determine no one really gave a fuck. Preying on ghetto in the form of the 80's. Red Black Panda Hello. That's right politics are a journey...An Incredible Journey. I'm not a pet, I'm not a pet. I'm not a pet. Cheers Lady.
you go, neurotica!
（法新社倫敦四日電） 英國情色大亨芮孟的成人公司昨天說色情，芮孟a片下載日前部落格去世，享壽八十二歲；成人網站這位身價上億的房地產開情色電影發商，曾經a片在倫敦推出av女優第色情一場脫色情衣舞情色表演。
芮孟的財產估計達六億五千萬英色情影片鎊（台幣將近四百億），由日本av於他名a片下事業大多分布部落格在倫敦夜av生活區蘇活區成人電影，因此擁有「蘇活之王」的稱號。sex
他的公司「保羅芮a片孟集團」旗下發行多種情色雜誌情色視訊，包括「Razzle成人影片」、「男性世界」以及「Mayfair」。av女優
成人光碟芮孟a片下載本名av女優傑a片福瑞成人影片．av安東尼．奎恩，父成人影片親為搬運承包商。芮孟十五歲離開學校，矢言要在表演事業留成人網站名AV片，起先表成人網站演讀心成人術，後來成為巡迴歌舞avdvd雜耍表演的製作人。
情色電影
許多評論家認為，他把情色表演帶進主流社會，一九五九年主部落格持破天荒的av脫衣舞表演，後來更靠情色著在蘇活區與倫敦西區開發房地成人電影產賺得大筆財富。av
有人形容芮孟是英國的海夫納色情a片，地位等同美國的「花花公子」創辦人海夫納。
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