neurotic Iraqi wife
December 28, 2004
Waves of Peace.......
My sincere apologies to everyone who had sent me emails and left comments. Im so sorry for not replying or writing earlier. I had told myself that I wont write anything until my bestfriend's father gets released from those horrible kidnappers. And yes thank God he was released end of last week after being held hostage for about 12 days. I dont have any details since my friend couldnt really say much over the phone but all I know is that he was released after very long negotiations.
Many other things have happened during the past 2 weeks but I dont really see how can I have the heart to talk about events that seem miniscule and unimportant compared to the atrocious disaster that took place in Asia. 50,000 of innocent lives are lost,just like that. I have been stuck to the TV ever since and I cannot describe the anger, the misery, the sadness that Im going through together with probably many of you out there. I was there in Phuket just a month ago, and now all thats left are corpses and debris along its beautiful shore...
You tell me, is this fair??? 50,000 lives gone, finished, ended, lost. Is it fair??? I asked my mom who is a devout muslim, why mom, why is God allowing this to happen??? And then just like that I said "Im sorry mom but I think Im beginning to lose faith" My mom's face turned ashen and she immediatley said "istaghfur allah"(asking for forgivenss)"dont ever say that again its haram". I couldnt shut up and continued, why are you asking for forgiveness when you are witnessing the disasters that are happening all around us. Iraqis dying, soldiers dying, innocent people dying,Why mom is it happening, whats the reason, whats the point of it all??? Mom just continued asking for forgiveness. I even called HUBBY to Iraq and asked him why??? He said "well maybe God wanted them to go to a better place, infact he probably saved them"
I know I shouldnt be saying it, but its the truth, as the days pass my faith is diminishing slowly. I know God is gonna shower me with his wrath soon for my words, but Im reaching a stage where I need answers and I need them fast.I dunno if Im making any sense at all. Am I??? Is this normal or am I being plagued by the devil??? Has he won the battle??? I sound awful, darn.
I better change the subject, incase anyone is wondering about HUBBY, he is safe and sound. Says he is extremely busy at work and is looking forward to our next vacation. Yup he wants to go to Europe on his next R&R. I wander how many more R&R's are left. Infact and this is the honest truth, I stopped complaining. I stopped complaining about settling down or starting a family, I guess whenever it happens it happens. Do I sound callous??? I sure do hope not, but I realised that by worrying and thinking about my marriage 24/7 will only hinder my own life and so as I entered into my third decade I decided that its time for me to let go of all negativity. I cant say am 100% positive, but hey its a start.
I wanna write so much more but I doubt now is the right time. I have so many things to say, so many events that took place, so many stories to be told but I just dont see its appropriateness.
For all of you who celebrated Christmas I wanna say Merry Christmas (sorry its abit too late). I hope you had a great time. And for anyone out there who has lost loved ones all I can say is may they Rest in Peace.
And I repeat my apologies for everyone who sent me emails and wrote comments and I wanna thank you for caring and sending your best wishes. Some of these emails/comments sent a smile to my heart at a time when it really really needed it. THANK YOU.....
Last but not least I wanna say to everyone all over the world may this coming new year be better than this past one....And may the Sea of Sadness give its turn to the Waves of Peace.....
Many other things have happened during the past 2 weeks but I dont really see how can I have the heart to talk about events that seem miniscule and unimportant compared to the atrocious disaster that took place in Asia. 50,000 of innocent lives are lost,just like that. I have been stuck to the TV ever since and I cannot describe the anger, the misery, the sadness that Im going through together with probably many of you out there. I was there in Phuket just a month ago, and now all thats left are corpses and debris along its beautiful shore...
You tell me, is this fair??? 50,000 lives gone, finished, ended, lost. Is it fair??? I asked my mom who is a devout muslim, why mom, why is God allowing this to happen??? And then just like that I said "Im sorry mom but I think Im beginning to lose faith" My mom's face turned ashen and she immediatley said "istaghfur allah"(asking for forgivenss)"dont ever say that again its haram". I couldnt shut up and continued, why are you asking for forgiveness when you are witnessing the disasters that are happening all around us. Iraqis dying, soldiers dying, innocent people dying,Why mom is it happening, whats the reason, whats the point of it all??? Mom just continued asking for forgiveness. I even called HUBBY to Iraq and asked him why??? He said "well maybe God wanted them to go to a better place, infact he probably saved them"
I know I shouldnt be saying it, but its the truth, as the days pass my faith is diminishing slowly. I know God is gonna shower me with his wrath soon for my words, but Im reaching a stage where I need answers and I need them fast.I dunno if Im making any sense at all. Am I??? Is this normal or am I being plagued by the devil??? Has he won the battle??? I sound awful, darn.
I better change the subject, incase anyone is wondering about HUBBY, he is safe and sound. Says he is extremely busy at work and is looking forward to our next vacation. Yup he wants to go to Europe on his next R&R. I wander how many more R&R's are left. Infact and this is the honest truth, I stopped complaining. I stopped complaining about settling down or starting a family, I guess whenever it happens it happens. Do I sound callous??? I sure do hope not, but I realised that by worrying and thinking about my marriage 24/7 will only hinder my own life and so as I entered into my third decade I decided that its time for me to let go of all negativity. I cant say am 100% positive, but hey its a start.
I wanna write so much more but I doubt now is the right time. I have so many things to say, so many events that took place, so many stories to be told but I just dont see its appropriateness.
For all of you who celebrated Christmas I wanna say Merry Christmas (sorry its abit too late). I hope you had a great time. And for anyone out there who has lost loved ones all I can say is may they Rest in Peace.
And I repeat my apologies for everyone who sent me emails and wrote comments and I wanna thank you for caring and sending your best wishes. Some of these emails/comments sent a smile to my heart at a time when it really really needed it. THANK YOU.....
Last but not least I wanna say to everyone all over the world may this coming new year be better than this past one....And may the Sea of Sadness give its turn to the Waves of Peace.....
8 Comments:
Welcome back...I just wanted to let you know it's normal to question God. I guess we all do at times. Yes, God is still in control, but we don't have all the answers and He may never let us see the answers this side of heaven. We have to trust Him even if we don't understand what's going on and nothing makes sense. He's still in control. "sis" from the usa
Welcome back! We were beginning to wonder what had happened to you...thankfully you're still with us in one piece.
As for the tsunami and all the people lost...you're right, it isn't fair. In fact, it has nothing remotely to do with fairness, or faith for that matter. What happens...well, it just happens, that's all, and there's precious little that we can do about it. The people in Bam, Iran who were devstated by the massive earthquake last year were no doubt asking the same thing you were, and my guess is that God was just a little reluctant to give them much of an answer as well. I was in Phuket as well a few years ago, and I was watching the TV in amazement and sadness as I saw the beaches and streets that I had walked on be destroyed by the water. Makes you think of Noah's Ark for a moment, doesn't it? Don't make yourself sick worrying about being plagued by the devil, because I very much doubt that God is going to be spewing wrath down on you any time soon. And NO, you're definitely NOT callous.
If you need some cheering up, here's a web site I recommend. It's a British humor site that contains very silly Flash animations and songs, some of which are so utterly stupid that they become funny. The address is:
www.rathergood.com
In particular, I recommend a six-part series on the site called "Tales Of The Blode", as well as a little movie featuring a very cute Hardcore Biker Kitten. Just be aware, however, that some of the other stuff there is more than a little bit rude (not to mention naughty), so if that's not your kind of stuff, then I'd suggest you leave it alone. Hope this helps you feel a little better.
--M in Hollywood
People question why these things happen and many blame God or say it's God's will. It's not. God knows when a bird dies, he certainly feels campassion for people. But man rebelled against God and now there is a "court case" that needs to be settled. Since He is a god of justice, he is allowing events to unfold to prove once and for all that man is not better off without him. He has a time frame to establish his case in the eyes of all the angels and all of mankind. Once the "case" is settled, and the verdict is in, He will be able to stop all future rebellion as soon as it happens and mankind will never have to suffer again. But in any event, He remembers every person who dies and He will set all things right when the "case" is closed.
It's much deeper than there is room to write. But don't blame God. That is just what Satan is hoping for - like he did with Job. If you read about Job, you'll see part of what this relates to.
I'm so glad you are okay and I can't believe how much I've thought of you being in Thailand recently after hearing about the horrific disaster that has hit that area of the world. I was taught that to question my faith was a sin (raised Catholic) but I couldn't help it or lie about it so I had to face it and be honest about it. It took many years - but me and the Big Guy worked it out on our own without the help of my Father (priest). After seeing pictures of those beautiful babies and children who are dead and being lined up in rows I just have to cry and I don't understand it either. I think I went with your husband's explanation and now I imagine them floating happily and joyfully with the Creator now and not a care in the world. Then I think of that horrible death of drowning which for me has got to be one of the worst ways to go. Then I just pray that God in his infinite love and mercy provided as painless a death as possible to those innocents. We can't do anything else because we really and truly do not have the answers. Sorry for going on and on about this - but I am really quite so depressed about it myself and I can't believe how high the death toll has risen - and I can't understand the horrors that are being dealt with by the survivors now.
I am glad that your friend's father is free now and so sorry that it happened in the first place. Sometimes I don't know what is happening to this world. Several people I know have insisted that this MUST be the end times because of all the shit happening everywhere. I just keep thinking that people have been saying that for a couple of thousand years. We really, truly don't know.
It sounds like you are going through a lot and now with the feelings about your marriage - you will get through this, too. It isn't easy - but you will get through it.
Thank you for the Christmas wishes. Take care of yourself. Sorry this was so long.
Sis yes I do that most of the time, just accept things but then when I see disasters that happen to the most needy people I stop in my tracks and start questioning in hope that the more angrier I get the faster Ill get my answers.
M in Hollywood, thanx for the website, it actually made me smile and just for a few minutes took my mind off things....
Anon,can you please tell me more about Job, I didnt really get it. I hope I didnt ask a stupid question.
Josie thanx sweetie, your words are always encouraging.and as for my new outlook,hmmm,dunno if it will last but am trying here.
Stephie I got your email, and am so sorry I didnt reply but its one of these things. I dunno what to say except Im so glad to have friends like you who I know will always be there to reassure me that everything is gonna be ok...
Monicar, yeah, its like D day, very frighteneing. I watch the videos taken by people on TV and I just sit there asking myself is this for real??? I swear its exactly like watching a horror movie but it aint a movie its a reality that shocked the world.children getting swept away, why??? horrific just horrific. I really hope that HUBBY is right and that everyone who lost their lives are now in a better place. And I also pray for those that lost their loved ones.
Hello,
You asked me to explain more about Job but that would be a long post. I tried to find a way to send an email but couldn't. It's probably right there easy to find but it's been a tough day. If you direct me to your email, I'll reply to you that way if you would like.
Hiya anon, my email is neurotic_wife@yahoo.com
Blind faith scare tactics 101
Exhibit A:Forget geology and physics, and pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!
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