neurotic Iraqi wife
October 05, 2007
Moody Days and Trainers...
Its a very hazy day today, kinda matches my mood. A very hazy mood. I dont wanna think politics, I dont wanna think work, I dont wanna think death and I definitely dont wanna think Blackwater. I just dont wanna think full stop. I wanna be able to sit outside and think of nothing. Just stare into space and zone out. So if youre after a good post, then look elsewhere, cuz today, Im just gonna ramble.Two more months to go and it will be time for that much awaited vacation. I just wanna be able to close my eyes and open them and find myself in Sydney. Yes, we are going to Australia first visit my family then Australia. HUBBY wasnt very keen at first, but I managed to convince him that its worth checking out.
PP (Pensioner's Paradise) differs alot from my previous employer. Instead of the 3 month work then R&R, its 4 months in and 2 weeks out. I dont know how people manage. By the time of my R&R it would actually be 5 months incountry, without counting the 3 emergency days leave I took to visit my family last month. My roots are growing at such a fast pace its unbelievable. I look like one of those hippies from the 60's, yup flower power era sans the drugs. Hair reaching almost to my waist and my eyebrows, OMG, I dont wanna even go there. And Im definitely not gonna talk about my unmaintained legs. No, I know, I will spare you the details.
Feeling like a woman here is very difficult. My hair is probably the only feminine thing about me (thats what I like to hope). Apart from that, theres nothing else that I can think of which makes me different from any other guy here. Oh apart from ofcourse the nuts and bolts (if you know what I mean) and the facial hair ofcourse. But everything else is just the same, I might as well have been born a man. Jeans and sneakers every single day. Its not only the clothes, but the demeanour as well. You gotta be tough in this environment. Tough and forceful, devoid of any femininity. Yes its a rough environment. As rough as the uneven gravel we walk on everyday.
So having put my obssession of shoes in the backburner for a long time, I decided it was high time to bring it back. Shoes will definitely give me that quick fix. I discovered an amazing website, http://www.shoemall.com/ . AND OMG, my face, my face just lit up. Pages upon pages of every single kind of shoe you can think of. I just kept browsing through them, it probably took me 3 hours to complete looking at the whole website. It was just like Eid for me. Everytime I like someting, Id say, naaaaaah, not for here, definitely not for here. But then, after awhile, I decided what the heck, Im gonna got those high heels. Yes, and I sure did. I got 2 pairs of high heels and one pair of trainers.
One of my cute high heeled shoes :-)
When I received the box, which btw took only 5 days to arrive, I couldnt wait to try my new shoes on. I went to my room, locked the door, and put on those heels and man, did I feel like a woman or what. I truely felt like a little girl doing something naughty and is afraid of being caught. I also realized, that theres no way in hell, I will be wearing them at work. I would look weird, especially when everyone is used to my hippy shabby looks by now. I did venture out of my room wearing them, just for a few seconds though then retracted back in. So unfortunately those heels are going to be for my own eyes only. I wrapped them back in that beautifuly decorated paper they came in and placed them very carefully in my shoe space. Everytime I feel blue and unwomanly, I will sneak into my room, put those heels on and daydream, even if its going to be just for a few minutes. It will atleast take me out of this atmosphere. this robotic, lifeless atmosphere.
Yeah, I warned you, my mood is hazy today. It exactly matches the cloudy sky. I miss my HUBBY and Im missing my family loads. No shoe will ever fill the void Im feeling right now. Especially these days, the beautiful last days of Ramadhan. I miss the family gatherings at Iftar (breaking the fast) and miss watching my sister play backgammon trying to beat my dad, my bro and my bro in law. I miss my nephews and my little cheeky niece, who btw, looks exactly like me when I was her age. I dont even think that my own daughter (if I ever have one) will be that similar. Yeah Im in that phase. Two more months to go and Ill get to see them. See them, and then ofcourse after a few hours, start complaining about their naughtiness and high voices, lol.
My younger sister sends me photos every now and then, and if Im lucky, Ill get a video recording of my niece which makes my day. Its those simple pleasures that we tend to take for granted. Its those simple pleasures, the innocent sound of a child's laughter that I miss most and cant wait to hear again. Something you dont get to see nor hear in this twalled prison of a compound. Yup, two more months to go, and Ill be outta here, outta here prancing in my new acquired heels, be with my HUBBY and my family again. And ofcourse venturing to Australia. Two more months of moody days. Moody days and trainers :-(
PP (Pensioner's Paradise) differs alot from my previous employer. Instead of the 3 month work then R&R, its 4 months in and 2 weeks out. I dont know how people manage. By the time of my R&R it would actually be 5 months incountry, without counting the 3 emergency days leave I took to visit my family last month. My roots are growing at such a fast pace its unbelievable. I look like one of those hippies from the 60's, yup flower power era sans the drugs. Hair reaching almost to my waist and my eyebrows, OMG, I dont wanna even go there. And Im definitely not gonna talk about my unmaintained legs. No, I know, I will spare you the details.
Feeling like a woman here is very difficult. My hair is probably the only feminine thing about me (thats what I like to hope). Apart from that, theres nothing else that I can think of which makes me different from any other guy here. Oh apart from ofcourse the nuts and bolts (if you know what I mean) and the facial hair ofcourse. But everything else is just the same, I might as well have been born a man. Jeans and sneakers every single day. Its not only the clothes, but the demeanour as well. You gotta be tough in this environment. Tough and forceful, devoid of any femininity. Yes its a rough environment. As rough as the uneven gravel we walk on everyday.
So having put my obssession of shoes in the backburner for a long time, I decided it was high time to bring it back. Shoes will definitely give me that quick fix. I discovered an amazing website, http://www.shoemall.com/ . AND OMG, my face, my face just lit up. Pages upon pages of every single kind of shoe you can think of. I just kept browsing through them, it probably took me 3 hours to complete looking at the whole website. It was just like Eid for me. Everytime I like someting, Id say, naaaaaah, not for here, definitely not for here. But then, after awhile, I decided what the heck, Im gonna got those high heels. Yes, and I sure did. I got 2 pairs of high heels and one pair of trainers.
One of my cute high heeled shoes :-)
When I received the box, which btw took only 5 days to arrive, I couldnt wait to try my new shoes on. I went to my room, locked the door, and put on those heels and man, did I feel like a woman or what. I truely felt like a little girl doing something naughty and is afraid of being caught. I also realized, that theres no way in hell, I will be wearing them at work. I would look weird, especially when everyone is used to my hippy shabby looks by now. I did venture out of my room wearing them, just for a few seconds though then retracted back in. So unfortunately those heels are going to be for my own eyes only. I wrapped them back in that beautifuly decorated paper they came in and placed them very carefully in my shoe space. Everytime I feel blue and unwomanly, I will sneak into my room, put those heels on and daydream, even if its going to be just for a few minutes. It will atleast take me out of this atmosphere. this robotic, lifeless atmosphere.
Yeah, I warned you, my mood is hazy today. It exactly matches the cloudy sky. I miss my HUBBY and Im missing my family loads. No shoe will ever fill the void Im feeling right now. Especially these days, the beautiful last days of Ramadhan. I miss the family gatherings at Iftar (breaking the fast) and miss watching my sister play backgammon trying to beat my dad, my bro and my bro in law. I miss my nephews and my little cheeky niece, who btw, looks exactly like me when I was her age. I dont even think that my own daughter (if I ever have one) will be that similar. Yeah Im in that phase. Two more months to go and Ill get to see them. See them, and then ofcourse after a few hours, start complaining about their naughtiness and high voices, lol.
My younger sister sends me photos every now and then, and if Im lucky, Ill get a video recording of my niece which makes my day. Its those simple pleasures that we tend to take for granted. Its those simple pleasures, the innocent sound of a child's laughter that I miss most and cant wait to hear again. Something you dont get to see nor hear in this twalled prison of a compound. Yup, two more months to go, and Ill be outta here, outta here prancing in my new acquired heels, be with my HUBBY and my family again. And ofcourse venturing to Australia. Two more months of moody days. Moody days and trainers :-(
15 Comments:
Hi,
I figured I'd repost my comment from last time incase you had missed it:
I am using your blog for a paper I am writing in one of my university courses. I am also using http://last-of-iraqis.blogspot.com/ which I found on your blog.
My teacher has asked us to interact with the people we have been studying. I have learned so much about the situation in Iraq by reading these two blogs and would like to thank you for keeping up with them so that people around the world can remain informed and do anything we can to help.
I have hazy days too sometimes. I hope the next two months pass quickly for you and you have an amazing vacation.
For my paper, can you tell me a little bit more about your husband and what he is doing, I understand that you want to remain anonymous so it's ok if don't feel comfortable telling me more than what you have put on here. If you could tell me more about your personal situation it would be very helpful too (where you work and so on).
Also, (and more importantly really) if you could list some reasons that you blog or some common ground you have found between Iraqi bloggers it would really help me.
I know I'm asking a lot of you and if you don't have time to participate that's ok. My report is due in a few days though so if you could at least contact me to tell me you can't do it I would really appreciate it.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and also for posting blogs for me to read.
-Hannah Kane
an email address where you can contact me is: doodles_the_waddling_penguin@yahoo.com if you'd rather converse over email instead of blogspot.
HELLO NEUROTICA LUV HONESTLY IF ANYONE DESRVES NEW SHOES OR A CHEERFUL BRIGHTNING UP SPELL IN THIER LIVES IT IS YOU DARLING HAVE FUN IN AUSIE LAND ENJOY MEETING YOUR FAMILY & STROOL AROUND ALONG THE STREETS IN AUSIE LANDPROUD & FLIRTASIOUS AS YOU PLEASE , HAS ANYONE MENTIONED TO YOU THAT SOME PEOPLE "men" THINK GIRLS WOMEN UNSHAVED LEGS ARE QUITE EROTIC SO DO NOT BOTHER TOOMUCH ABOUT THAT MY 2nd Cousin & HER HUSBAND BOTH DOCTORS HAVE LIVED FOR YEARS IN MELBOURN WITH THIER CHILDREN & THEY LOVE IT SO ENJOY IT WOULD YOU CONSIDER ALSO SETTLING & HAVING A FAMILY THERE ? LOADS OFTHE VERY BEST OF MERRY JOLLY GREETINGS DARLING www.bfbs.com your OLAFF
NIW,
Never underestimate the power of new shoes! lol
Always,
Melanie
:O OMG
NIW, I LIVE IN SYDNEY. If you need anything or wanna know something, please let me know. I would love to meet you in person, but I dont wanna intrude on your vacation with hubby, esp since your time togethor is valuable. Its beautiful here, but very hot, but im sure u can tolerate it. Anyone livin in Iraq can tolerate anything. :)
take care
alacoacoa
Hi Hannah, I got your email and will respond to you after work ;-)
Hey Olaff, umm I dont think unshaven legs are sexy at all,eeewww...Ive heard rumours abt some men preferring them stubly, but umm, no thanx...Lol. Yeah I cant wait to go to Australia, it will be fun. We're going to Sydney and the East Coast. I cant wait to Scuba dive, I heard so much about their coral reef...ANother 2 months.
Melanie, tell me abt it,lol...I just love them love them love them. Im an addict of shoes, so I definitely know the power they hold,lol
Alacoacoa, oh really? YOulive in Sydney???Hey, then I may need your help on a few stuff. We're gonna stay in Sydney 4 days then off to the Gold Coast. I still havent made definite plans yet. But what do u think? 4 days in Syd and 4 days in Gold coast? Is that enough?And btw, I chose Australia because ITS HOT,lol
hi
wish u good luck in advance for ur trip. U might b visiting AUSI land near the EID ul Adha.
And hope that ur lonliness will be less after that trip with ur hubby.
take care
you got a very nice blog and your writings are vivid...
Nice shoes NIW ;)
Neurotica-
I love those shoes! Help me though, I looked through all 608 results for women's/dress/black and I can't find em. Who makes the shoe?
kimmykins
Hey Kimmmy
This is it:
Madden Girl Women's G-Mint Pump
Style No. : 140823
MM, I know, I loved them. I love that style. But unfortunately cant wear them here ;-(
NEUROTICA LUV ,HOW ABOUT PUTTING THEM ON UPON MEETING AT SOME POINT IN THE FUTURE ALONG KENSINGTON HIGH ST? ALRIGHT DARLING ALL THE VERY OF BEST & KINDEST REGARDS www.bfbs.com YOUR OLAFF
hey gurl, just found a link to your blog from BBC, love it! you rock!!! esp your problem-solving way, ie. buying a new pair of shoes to feel womanly again!! =)
hope everything works out well for you and your family, have fun in australia (the heat!!!!) and have a good eid this weeknd!!
DEAREST NEUROTICA EVEN THOUGH IT MAY BE HARD UNDER THESE TERRIBLE CNDITIONS ALL THE BEST FOR A VERY FESTIVE EED & BREAKING THE FAST FESTIVITY & CELEBRATION OCCASION MERRY JOLLY GREETINGS DARLING www,bfbs.com your OLAFF
When I feel down I put on a pair of my favorite shoes and clean house in them. Nothing feels more womanly than a nice pair of heels. 37+ pairs of shoes and lost count - but I love every single pair in there own neurotic way.
My love for shoes has withstanded break ups, feelings of loss, shame, despair and hurt. Thus the reason that shoes make me happy.
Glad even if just for "wear around" they do the same for you.
Best of luck - American Wife
HHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYY iiiiiiiiittttttiiiiiiisssssssss AGAAIINNNN DE AAAMMAAAAARRRIIIKAAANOO WWWIIFEE YYOOOOOUUU AAAARRREE NNNNOT FFFEESCIIOUS BY DE WAAAAYYYYY ??? BOLLOCKS
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