neurotic Iraqi wife
March 24, 2006
Martyr of Good and Bad.......
We are back in Baghdad or actually the Green Zone for a few days now. R&R wasnt bad, gave us some time to relax and reflect on what we wanna do. We both decided its time to leave. HUBBY feels betrayed, angry and deflated. He really has put his heart into his program, yet he was betrayed by all those around him and now he is convinced that there is nothing more for him to do here.
While on R&R, we got to watch what has been happening in Iraq...Something we dont really hear or see while being physically present. Thats why we dont consider ourselves being in the real Baghdad. The Green Zone is a far far place....far from reality....
We were actually missed around here...Colleagues were glad to see us back...some of them even hinted that they thought we were gone for good...hmm a thought that didnt escape our mind...I asked my Iraqi colleagues who live in the red zone about the situation. They said ever since the 22nd of Feb when the 2 shrines were hit things have become really bad...the explosions have become worst and the killings is now a mayhem....I ask if its civil war...some of them say yes others say no...the latter say now, be it a sunni or a shia you get killed...there is no difference. The former on the other hand, says dont believe that there isnt a civil war, there is and this current government failed. Failed with all the meaning of the word. Majority of people want Allawi, which to me is not a surprise. When I say but he is an ex baathist, their response "we would rather have someone who knows how to rule with an iron fist rather than someone who has no care in the world about the people"....
I dunno what to think anymore...before, my colleagues would work inorder to survive...now they tell me they work to save some money and get out of here. This is their goal, their goal is to leave this place to leave this "hell hole" as they put it. This is no place to bring up a family one says, the other mutters this is no place to live full stop. They look at me and say this is the Iraq you so desperately wanted to see...Well here you are...this is the reality of our lives....I dunno what to tell them...For I too see no light unless this current government either does something good for their people and forget about the darn chairs or leave it for someone who can deal with the situation...So far I have no idea who or what that might be....
As for our plans, so far its probably in a months time that we will be leaving. Its gonna be real difficult to get out of here, I mean emotionally....I'm gonna miss so many people, im gonna miss the long work hours, im gonna miss the beautiful Baghdad Sky...Im gonna miss the stars at night and my friend the moon. Although I hated the trash burning smell, I believe Im gonna miss that too...
We still havent told anyone that we are leaving, we havent even given our resignations yet....But I know that its time to leave. Its time to go to a normal life, its time to start a family and settle down....But I have beautiful memories here, and I have made friends, real friends.....Its tough to say goodbye, its tough to leave the dream that I once had of this place...ANd infact its gonna stay a dream, a nice one for I havent been to the outside, and so my vision hasnt been distorted yet.....
With a heavy heart we will leave this place and with a heavy heart we will wave goodbye to all the good people....with a heavy heart we will wave goodbye to the beautiful palm trees that line our street....And I hope that one day, when we do come back there wont be any Twalls, there wont be checkpoints, there wont be explosions and deaths...there wont be bloodshed....there will be one Iraq, one nation unified for their own country...One Nation that says Iraq first and nothing else....Iraq, my country....Iraq, the Martyr.....The Martyr of Good and Bad....
While on R&R, we got to watch what has been happening in Iraq...Something we dont really hear or see while being physically present. Thats why we dont consider ourselves being in the real Baghdad. The Green Zone is a far far place....far from reality....
We were actually missed around here...Colleagues were glad to see us back...some of them even hinted that they thought we were gone for good...hmm a thought that didnt escape our mind...I asked my Iraqi colleagues who live in the red zone about the situation. They said ever since the 22nd of Feb when the 2 shrines were hit things have become really bad...the explosions have become worst and the killings is now a mayhem....I ask if its civil war...some of them say yes others say no...the latter say now, be it a sunni or a shia you get killed...there is no difference. The former on the other hand, says dont believe that there isnt a civil war, there is and this current government failed. Failed with all the meaning of the word. Majority of people want Allawi, which to me is not a surprise. When I say but he is an ex baathist, their response "we would rather have someone who knows how to rule with an iron fist rather than someone who has no care in the world about the people"....
I dunno what to think anymore...before, my colleagues would work inorder to survive...now they tell me they work to save some money and get out of here. This is their goal, their goal is to leave this place to leave this "hell hole" as they put it. This is no place to bring up a family one says, the other mutters this is no place to live full stop. They look at me and say this is the Iraq you so desperately wanted to see...Well here you are...this is the reality of our lives....I dunno what to tell them...For I too see no light unless this current government either does something good for their people and forget about the darn chairs or leave it for someone who can deal with the situation...So far I have no idea who or what that might be....
As for our plans, so far its probably in a months time that we will be leaving. Its gonna be real difficult to get out of here, I mean emotionally....I'm gonna miss so many people, im gonna miss the long work hours, im gonna miss the beautiful Baghdad Sky...Im gonna miss the stars at night and my friend the moon. Although I hated the trash burning smell, I believe Im gonna miss that too...
We still havent told anyone that we are leaving, we havent even given our resignations yet....But I know that its time to leave. Its time to go to a normal life, its time to start a family and settle down....But I have beautiful memories here, and I have made friends, real friends.....Its tough to say goodbye, its tough to leave the dream that I once had of this place...ANd infact its gonna stay a dream, a nice one for I havent been to the outside, and so my vision hasnt been distorted yet.....
With a heavy heart we will leave this place and with a heavy heart we will wave goodbye to all the good people....with a heavy heart we will wave goodbye to the beautiful palm trees that line our street....And I hope that one day, when we do come back there wont be any Twalls, there wont be checkpoints, there wont be explosions and deaths...there wont be bloodshed....there will be one Iraq, one nation unified for their own country...One Nation that says Iraq first and nothing else....Iraq, my country....Iraq, the Martyr.....The Martyr of Good and Bad....
