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neurotic Iraqi wife

November 11, 2019

Fighting to survive....

Thirteen years later, and nothing has changed in Iraq. Absolutely nothing. Except, except one thing maybe, and that is the new generation. The millennials. They are rising up. They are speaking up. They are not afraid. Oh no they’re not. Read my post from thirteen years sad. How sad that we still are fighting just to survive.

25 November 2006

They said Thursday was the deadliest day in Iraq. Let me correct this statement. Thursday was one OF the deadliest days in Iraq and if we think this is bad, and there cant be anything worse, believe me things WILL get even worse. Maliki's government proved to the world they are puppets to the militias. In my opinion, I think all the cabinet and ministers should step down, step down and leave that darn chair.

Martial law should be put in place, and a strong military guy comes in. No militias, no Sadrists, no Badrists, no Islamists. A pure Military persona that leads with an iron fist. Gets rid of the cancer that has been created. Its beyond any persons imagination how an Iraqi, can kill another Iraqi by pouring Kerosene and burn him alive because he is Sunni. Its beyond any persons imagination how an Iraqi, can kill hundreds of Iraqis in one day because they are Shias.

We have become savages. The lid has opened and so many cockroaches and spiders crawled out of the can. I wish it was that easy. Even the coackroaches and Spiders can get killed by using an insecticide. Question is, how can you get rid of these militias and Terrorists that overtook my country??? And people say we are under occupation. Yes we are under occupation but not by the coalition forces, we are under Militia occupation. Do you hear me??? Wake up and smell the roses, oh sorry there are no roses in Iraq anymore, I should say Wake up and smell the dead carnage. Dont you dare say to me that we are occupied by these forces. State your facts clearly. WE ARE UNDER MILITIA/TERRORIST OCCUPATION...OK???

I never liked Bush, infact I loathe him for what he did to my country, but at the same time, I loathe Sadr and Hakeem, Dhari and Bin Laden. Oh and let me not leave out the greatest criminal of all, Saddam!!! The man who created all this mayhem. The man who was behind all this. And yet he is the only safe Iraqi in this country. I loathe everyone that did this to Iraq, every single one. I loathe the whole government for not standing up for the Iraqis. They just care of themselves and their own personal agendas. The tortured bodies that are found everyday dumped on the streets of Baghdad is similar and probably worse than the days of Saddam. Im ashamed, Im ashamed of that darn purple finger. Im ashamed of the day millions of Iraqis went out of their way and voted, risked their lives and voted, Voted in hope to get their saviour, instead they voted for their OWN KILLERS.

The State of Mullas and Militias, thats what Iraq has become. And you tell me occupied. Im gonna say this once and for all to all those who keep saying we are under occupation. YES we are under occupation by the peasants and the IGNORANT people that think just like you. If the forces leave just like what you want, then watch all the gardens and backyards turn into morgues. MORGUES FILLED WITH YOUR OWN PEOPLE!!!Oh I forgot, You dont give a damn shit, cuz you call yourselves Patriots!!! Patriots my A**.

If the forces leave, watch how Hakeem will give the South to Iran on a silver plate, watch how the Kurds will take the North, they deserve it, I mean after all, they atleast are united towards building their own state. Oh and let me not forget Baghdad, Baghdad will be the rogue state, that of Militias, Dharists and Bin Ladens. Yeah hell why not let the forces leave, we dont need them, we have everything under control. Oh let them leave, we are sooooo ready to takeover now. So ready!!! Whats another million Iraqi getting killed??? Its just another statistic on a piece of paper....Damn you, damn everyone who calls themself a Patriot and a nationalist. You are no where near the true meaning of these words. No where near!!! What BULLSHIT!!!

The only people that have lost here are the innocent Iraqis. They are the only victims in this game. And they will continue to be victims, until all those criminals get eradicated from the face of the earth... I repeat and say Im ashamed, Im ashamed of that day. Im ashamed of that day I voted and made my voice heard. Im ashamed of that Purple finger I proudly exhibited...Im Ashamed of that darn Purple Finger, that Pitiful Purple Finger...

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posted by neurotic_wife at 4:15 PM 3 comments

March 03, 2015

This Resilient Chainless Power...

Where am I getting this strength? Wow. It's very scary but im blown away. I'm blown away by my resilient power. I can almost, almost feel free. Free of those horrible chains. The chains used to be very very loose. They were always there hanging loosely around my neck. I didn't mind them then. I just shrugged them off. I saw them as a nice piece of ornaments that decorated my bare neck. Infact, I loved them. Everyday I would wake up, clean them until they sparkled endlessly and gently put them on. I would stare at them with so much awe with every chance I encounter a mirror. A mirror or a window. Any opportunity that I have to look at their beauty I would do it. 

But....but with time, with time and wear the links in these chains started falling. Falling, breaking. And with every missing link the chains became tighter. And tighter. And tighter. It became so tight that I felt strangled. My neck, my neck  was no longer able to withstand the pressure. That strangling pressure. And every time I looked at my reflection, my neck looked odd. It felt odd. I couldn't breathe. My eyes started to bulge and my face, my face was turning an ashy blue. I had to, really had to click that chain lock and set my neck free. Set myself free. And you know what? even though I felt sad, very very sad, To let go, I felt free. And my what a beautiful feeling is freedom. 

I will always love the chains, but now, now it's a new era for me. And I can't wait. Can't wait to embrace what life is all about without these chains. And I am still strong. I will always, always have this POWER. This Resilient Chainless Power...

Image courtesy of
posted by neurotic_wife at 8:40 PM 9 comments

January 25, 2015

Chasing the Unchaseable...

Sometimes when the tough gets going the going gets tough. After many many years of trying, trying to chase something only to discover that it's merely a mirage, you tend to stop, stop to take a deep breath and change direction. Change direction forever. That's exactly what I have learnt from the past ten years. And now, now it's time. It's time to change direction. There's no better time than the "now". Yes, yes this NOW.

The step I took a few months back may not be agreeable to many, but to me, to me it's the best decision I have ever made. As tough as it was and as emotional, I had to, for my own sanity, to let go. Let go of all things negative. Of all things draining. We only live once, and for that, I will not waste any more time. No. I won't waste any more time chasing. Chasing the unchaseable...

posted by neurotic_wife at 11:08 PM 6 comments

July 08, 2014

The Vanishing Empathy

I don't know what to think anymore. What is going on in this world? Have people really lost it? Or has it always been like this but I was away from it all for too long. Crazy criminals in Iraq. Vicious killings by Israelis and by Palestinians. Parents locking up children in hot cars. Parents leaving kids on the subway. People being punched and kicked in broad day light. I mean what the hell is going on? This week has been awful. 

Maybe I should go back to concentrating on my own life. The only reason I'm so appalled by all the news is the fact that it seems to me we are losing all emotions of empathy. The one thing that I am trying so hard to teach my own kids. And yet, yet this world is becoming void of that trait. The human life is no longer seen as important. No. Not anymore. 

In Iraq for instance. Everyone thinks it's about the Shia Sunni divide. But it's not. It's far more deeper. Far more dangerous.  The Shia Sunni divide is just an excuse. An excuse to kill. An excuse to use religeon to kill. An excuse to use one's own interpretation of the religeon to kill. 

Bringing back the Caliphate? Are they serious? Are they even for real? How much brainwashed are they to "believe" that the god THEY praise allows rape, torture, killing innocent people, is the same god that I believe in that encourages us to love, respect and sympathise? Where did they read that it's ok to carry out all those heinous crimes? Not my Quran. That's for sure. 

But to me what's even worse than all this are the people. The people who stand and watch all that and film it. Film it so callously. How can someone watch a woman being bludgeoned by an officer and not do anything? Not do anything but film it on camera?!?! HOW?What is happening to us? Where is our god damned Empathy? The Vanishing Empathy... 

posted by neurotic_wife at 9:30 PM 8 comments

July 02, 2014

Royal Poinciana

Certain circumstances in my personal life which I won't divulge into at this moment, changed my outlook on life. It made me realize that not everything is so black and white. It made me realize that life is truly precious. Not just life but the moments we share with our loved ones, those small moments. It can be anything. Anything like sitting in the backyard with my boys and looking up at the clouds and falling in love with the vast imagination that one of them has. Simple moments, but precious.

And just as I was listening to my boy's imaginary characters popping up in the sky, I couldn't help but wonder, how many Iraqi mothers at that same moment, had that same precious feeling? How many? And that's when my smile started to fade and my son's words became a muffled noise in the background. I doubt if there was one Iraqi mother. And that to me says it all. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that instead of enjoying life, those mothers are trying to "survive" life. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that the government made promises only to find out that these promises have ended up just like the imaginary characters up in the clouds. But those clouds are different. Those clouds are black. Black and gloomy. Yes, yes I'm sorry. 

ISIS is now governing these black clouds. ISIS and all those who support them. I'm not sure if I have hope anymore. Some people say there's still hope left, maybe I should discard my old plain glasses and look through a kaleidoscope instead because to me, to me there are no white fluffy clouds on the horizon there. Or Rainbows. Or even a Royal poinciana like the one I have. Like the one my kids love to play under. And it's under that tree that I hold most of my precious memories. Under that Royal, Royal Poinciana...

posted by neurotic_wife at 6:19 PM 1 comments

June 26, 2014

The Land of the Savages

Its been so long since I've written on this blog. Ever since my dad passed away I stopped watching the news. And ever since my mom passed, I lost my passion for words. I didn't see any point. Everything so dear to me was just gone. Plus I had my boys to focus on. My beautiful beautiful boys. Today though, today I decided to come back. This blog is still going to be about me, my hubby who by the way is still "trying" to rebuild his country and my boys.

Unfortunately Iraq seems to have fallen apart. It's been almost six years since I have left and nothing seemed to have changed except the situation has gone from bad to worse. When will this bloodshed end? And when will Maliki decide that the chair, the chair is no longer his. When? It seems that the chair has become more valuable than the people's lives. More valuable than the Iraqi land. The land that was once known as the land between the two rivers. That same land, has now become the land, the Land of the Savages.
posted by neurotic_wife at 1:07 AM 8 comments

July 11, 2011

Shrouded in Black....

A few days ago I was searching on Google about souls and I somehow ended up on my blog. I started reading the words that I have written long ago and for some odd reason I couldnt seem to remember any of it. But reading it made me crave writing again. Something I havent done for almost a year. I do write, but its all in my mind. I can see words floating around whenever I close my eyes. But I guess I was too scared to put them on paper, too scared that my words wont make any sense. Wont make any sense to me.

But today, today I am writing. I am writing for selfish reasons. Today Im writing because I feel alone. I feel alone and I need someone, something to soothe me. Today Im writing because just 3 weeks ago, I lost my mother. I lost my mom 22 months after losing my dad. Today Im writing because Im in pain. A pain that doesnt seem to want to go away. A pain that is so so deep, even time wont be able to heal it. My parents werent that old. No. Not at all. My parents were so energetic and fun. So loving and caring. My parents were so beautiful. Beautiful and young at heart. But now, now they are both gone. Gone, leaving behind them four children that are in utter and utmost shock.

My mom fought like no one I knew or will ever know. My mom fought because in her own words when she was asked whether she was scared to die, she said no. No Im not scared to die, but Im scared for my children. My children who are still suffering from their dad's passing. I dont want my children to suffer she said. I dont want my children to suffer for me. Yet she suffered. Suffered for us. She tried so hard. So hard to stay alive. She was poked, poked and prodded until her body became like a canvas of blackness. I never wanted to be there when she was leaving but good thing I was. Good thing we all were.

As the angel of death was taking her soul away, she looked at each and everyone of us. She looked at us for one last time. The very last time...Aaaaakh ya mama. Aaaaakh Ishgad mishtaqatlich. I miss you. I miss you so much. People dont know what to say to us anymore. They tell us that their words wont make a difference. They tell us that we have to go on with our lives. Surely we will, but it wont be the same. Wont be the same without you both.

Yes Im writing. Im writing today because there are no more tears left in me. No more tears to soothe my pain. Im writing today because there is nothing left. Nothing left but words. Words that are shrouded. Shrouded in Black....
posted by neurotic_wife at 11:55 AM 49 comments