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neurotic Iraqi wife

March 07, 2010

The Blissful Eternal Journey...

To the Star that lit my skies


To the breeze that cooled me down

To my dearest beautiful Baba

As I walked on that desert sand passing by the numbers, the numbers that identify those who left this world, I saw you. I saw your name on that plaque, and the tears streamed down my cheeks. I couldnt help it baba. I really couldnt. How can it be, "Il marhoom ......"The words sent chills down my spine. I sat down on the bench, staring at your resting place. Read the Fat ha on your soul, and out of the blue a sudden serenity overcame me. I began to smile. Smile for I remembered a joke we shared together. Maybe it was you talking to me, telling me not to despair. Yes I finally managed to get away from my boys to get to see you. Im sorry I havent visited you in so so long, I hope you can forgive me.

Baba, the day you have been looking forward to finally came. The elections were today. And yes I know you are going to be upset with me, for I refused to go. Im sorry, but there is no one that I believe can bring a better life to the Iraqis. All the promises that these people claim to bring to Iraq are false. They entered the election race to satisfy their own egos. Their own egos and their own needs. I gave my voice a few years ago, but it was never heard. I lifted my purpe finger with pride, but it got broken. I had hopes, and big dreams, but now, now I no longer dream of a better Iraq. I may hope for a better Iraq, not for my sake, but for the Iraqi people's sake, but to dream it?No. I cant.

Yes Baba, I know you dont agree with me. I know that you always had hope. BIG hope. And thats what makes you a great man. You never give up. Even on your hospital bed, a few days before you were gone, you were so upset and angry by the bombings that took place in Baghdad. I was shocked. There we were, worried about you, and yet, you werent worried about yourself, but worried about your countrymen instead. Baba, there is no honest man out there, believe me. Their words stopped meaning anything to me. For I know, I know that the Iraq you have known will never come back. Not now, not in my children's lifetime, not ever. And no, Im not being a pessimist as you used to call me, but a realist.

Many people are calling this a historical moment. What history? Are we gonna call every election a historical moment?Thats something I dont understand. What kind of history are they making. What will my little ones read when they grow up?Iraq, the Shattered Dream? Hundreds of thousands of people are risking their lives because of Hope. And maybe Hope is the only thing they have right now. But for me this is nothing but a repeat of a definite failure. Sorry Baba, I dont want to upset you, but you always told us to speak our minds, and this is exactly whats on my mind.

I spent my day instead sniffing my boys' sweet feet, an addiction that I cant get enough of, for they have such yummy feet Baba. Speaking of the boys, they are growing so fast. I can tell already that they will be cheeky little munchkins. And Baba they are total opposites of each other in every way possible. From looks to behaviour to habbits, it just amazes me how can these two come from the same two people. There is one thing and one thing only they have in common though.

One day as I was playing with one of them, I could tell he was mesmerised by something. I look, and out of all the photos on that table, he was staring at yours. Staring and smiling. The exact same thing happened with his brother.Yes, can you believe it?It took me by a total surprise. So now, whenever they look at you, I say yes, yes this is your Jiddo, your amazing Jiddo. I dont want their first words to be mama or baba or even dada. No, I want their first word to be Jiddo. What do you say?

Offffffff ya baba, how much I miss you. Yella come back, come back, your grandsons are waiting for you. Your grandsons are waiting to hear that deep laughter of yours, are waiting for their Jiddo to play with them. Yella come on, this trip of yours is taking too long. Way too long. Nevertheless I hope youre enjoying the Journey. The Blissful Eternal Journey...
posted by neurotic_wife at 8:46 PM 75 comments